Posts by Steven Martin9

Beyond the Visible

feralharbor13 said:I want to get this off my chest, and I’ll try to keep it brief, but why does every single one of my relationships—every attempt at one—just crash and burn? It always comes down to the same thing: my introversion and my damn analytical brain.
Take this guy, for example. Let's call him Mark. We go out on two or three dates, and I actually like him. He’s good-looking, charismatic, he wants a serious relationship, he shows interest...
And that’s exactly when my brain starts spiraling. I’ve never dated a guy named Mark before... so I start thinking about Mark Twain... then I get obsessed with reading his stuff. Or maybe Saint Mark... so I ask him if he’s ever been to Venice. I love visiting Venice. Then I start planning this massive trip because I’ve been there a bunch of times but never with a boyfriend. For the next two weeks, I’m deep in a rabbit hole researching Venetian architecture, the history of the Republic of Venice... You see how it goes. Suddenly, I realize I’ve never actually followed the Venice Film Festival, so now I’m binge-watching award-winning movies from the festival. Why did this movie win over that one? Let me check out the rest of the winners... I end up heading in a hundred different directions, and I give the actual guy almost zero attention. He eventually pulls away, or I catch him cheating... which leads me to start buying books on the psychology of infidelity... "Wow, this psychologist is brilliant, let me see what else he’s written," so I buy his entire bibliography. Meanwhile, the guy feels like I’m not even physically there. He ends up looking for an exit from a relationship where he's miserable because while he was trying to build something with me, I was busy analyzing Venetian cinema, history, psychology, and the life of Mark Twain.
The next guy is named Peter... nice name. Like Peter the Great. I suddenly decide I really want to visit St. Petersburg... and then I remember I haven't read Anna Karenina in ages, and since I loved that book, I start reading it. It blows my mind, so I decide I need to tackle War and Peace, so I start watching YouTube reviews of the book. "Man, this reviewer is great, she recommended some works I might like," so I head to the bookstore to pick them up... The setting is in Norway... Now I’m interested in Norway and Scandinavian mythology. I buy an encyclopedia on Norse myths. Then I remember my uncle moved to Norway to live, so maybe I should visit him since I’ve never been... And of course, Peter leaves me too. It’s the same story with every guy I've ever had. They all reach the same conclusion: "I wanted you, I wanted a girlfriend, I wanted love and attention, I gave you chances, I stayed, but you were lost in your books and your own thoughts... you're frigid, we barely have sex." That's just how my brain functions when I'm alone. I'll watch a play at the theater and immediately start dissecting the performance, the acting, the actors' biographies, the costumes... Why on earth was this actress cast? She's terrible! Where are the better actors? Then I get interested in the theater itself, drama, tragedy, comedy... I start reading about ancient Greek theater, researching the history of ancient Greece, reading Antigone and The Odyssey, pondering the meaning of life, time, immortality, symbolism... It holds me back from socializing, too. When people are talking about everyday stuff or normal problems, my brain just drifts off. I start thinking about stars, galaxies, geography, history... wondering if I should just stay single or find someone just as weird as I am.

You mean—someone professional? Like, a specialist who could help manage that constant mental noise and make socializing a bit easier? Honestly, yeah, definitely.

By the way, I didn't quite catch how things went south in your specific situation. If you're dealing with such a chaotic stream of thought and trouble focusing, I'm not sure how you even managed to build a connection in the first place.

Moth to a Flame

I'm not here to make friends

Honestly—not really my thing.

Trying to figure out just how much of a cult classic Narcosi really is—

Who are we really? Just clones of the Creator—or maybe just monkeys going through a late puberty phase?

I honestly don't think anyone is ever truly ready for a kid—the big questions really just boil down to whether you even want children at all, and if you want them with this specific person.

Personally, I just don't see motherhood in my future. I'm not one of those women who would feel lost if motherhood never happened. To be honest, whenever I dwell on it, it mostly just brings up anxiety—I actually have these recurring nightmares about pregnancy. I've had a little taste of what being an aunt is like with my nieces, whom I absolutely adore, and I’d do anything for them—though I know that's not quite the same as doing it firsthand—but even then, I still don't see myself stepping into that role. It's not in my plans. There are plenty of reasons, some logical and some just... well, irrational. But I have left one tiny door open: if I happen to find "the one." Someone I could actually see as a soulmate and the father of my kids. With someone like that, I might actually consider starting a family and taking on that unpredictable journey.

So, you just have to figure out if you want kids, and if you want them with him. If the answer to either is "no," then honestly, the fairest thing for both of you is to see if you're actually heading in the same direction before deciding on your future together. If the answer is "yes," though, you can't ignore the biological clock—it's ticking for both of you, not just him.

I remember sitting there at the end of the film just thinking—wow, this one really stings—and then I went online to check out some reviews, only to see the first line was this movie hurts. It’s pretty clear the melancholy in this thing is palpable and I wasn't just overthinking it. I'm still reeling a bit, honestly—feeling a little bit broken. But look, movies like this don't work without incredible casting, and the chemistry between Paul Mescal as the father and the sweet Frankie Corio as his daughter is just so believable. At one point, I actually thought this would have worked perfectly as a follow-up to the series Normal People.
It isn't for everyone, but it definitely hit home for me.