Amanda Martinez28 said:My dad left us on October 5th and was laid to rest on October 6th, right on my birthday. I don't even know what to say besides that it was horrific, just absolutely terrifying, and I had to witness every single second because he kept calling for me, staying conscious almost until the very end. Watching your closest person struggle to breathe right in front of you while you’re sick yourself, and him basically begging you for help... God, it was devastating. I'll never be able to scrub the image from my mind of the EMT crew bypassing him at first, and then seeing her, all swollen and exhausted, kneeling by his bed trying to find a vein, after the guy from the day before started breaking down in tears looking for a vein too and had to call a partner over just to get through it. But the worst part of all of this is that my father passed away in my mother's arms at 3:15 PM on October 4th, then again in my brother's hands around 6:00 PM, and then around 9:00 PM, somehow coming back to himself because of our screaming and mourning before the doctor arrived. It’s impossible to put into words, but after that second time, I went to the church, lit a candle, and just prayed to Jesus to take him home soon... I just have to hope my father isn't angry, that he knows everything I did, I did for his own good.
To everyone else fighting this evil out there, I truly hope you win your battles, and every victory you claim will be a joy to me, because I'll always be standing right here with you.
Best,
Honey, I just saw this. I am so sorry. Please accept my deepest condolences. I know exactly what you've been through, and it's honestly incredible how much strength God provides in moments like these. Your father knew how much you loved him and how hard you fought for him. Believe me, right after my father passed, I would wake up thinking about him, expecting him to call me to come pick him up from the hospital. I could actually feel him sitting there in the living room with me, just listening to him breathe. I was haunted by this crushing guilt and anger, wondering what else I could have done for him when I didn't. It's only been about three months now, and I'm finally feeling grateful that I was given the grace to care for him while he couldn't move—to feed him, to comfort him, to talk to him when he couldn't speak, to hold his hand and tell him I loved him... I'm also thankful I got the chance to say goodbye. Don't worry, sweetie, unfortunately, it just had to be this way and there's nothing we can change. Our fathers are somewhere up there watching over us, acting like guardian angels. That's what I firmly believe. Love, 😘
Susan Diaz91 said:she passed away... in her sleep.... 🙂 i can't even find the words to describe this grief... honestly, guys, it feels like my heart is actually going to break 🙂 .... this pain is just too much
I'm so sorry, honey. Man, what is there even to say... the weight of this is still just way too heavy. There aren't any words out there that are ever gonna make this better. You just have to let it out and cry it all out. Thinking of you...🙂
Lisa White54 said:I know how much this hurts. I've been there more times than I can count, just feeling completely drained, wanting to break down and cry, wondering why life decided to hit us this hard... Crises come and go. It’s just the way things roll, good days and bad ones following one after the other. Things will get better, trust me, so don't let them break you. People die from everything under the sun. Who’s really sure they’ll even wake up tomorrow? You can't spend your time dwelling on death. You have to fight for every single day you get. Just pull yourself out of that hole and keep swinging.
Preach!
I haven't had the energy to post lately because everything has just been hitting me all at once, making me wonder why life has to be such a brutal bitch sometimes. My dad's been in the hospital for a week now. The cancer spread to his brain, liver, kidneys... it's bad, really bad. He's lost movement on the left side of his body, he struggles to talk, and he gets disoriented... The whole situation is heavy enough as it is, but before we finally got him settled into the hospital, I can't even begin to tell you what we went through with the doctors back at the local clinic—or rather, those people who shouldn't even be allowed near a white coat. It’s too painful to talk about right now... maybe someday... (once I've had my fill of getting even with certain doctors). Thank God we eventually ran into an oncologist who actually gave a damn and fought to get him admitted for treatment. You only get one life, no matter how messy it gets. Mine is still the best one because I had a father unlike most. He shaped me into the person I am today. He poured everything he had into teaching me how to tell right from wrong. Dad, I love you.
Man, I’m really sorry you're going through this hell, and I know you're probably tearing yourself apart trying to figure out why this is happening in the first place... Look, there aren't any real rules to life... healthy habits, junk food, smoking, drinking... every story is different and I guess that's just how the cards fall. The best thing you can actually do for your old man right now is just be there, stay by his side because that's what he needs most, and then start leaning on those doctors... push them for real answers, like, "I need to know exactly what my father's condition is, what the plan is, and what the prognosis looks like"... though you'll probably find they dodge that last part... Just stay on their case and don't let them brush you off, your dad deserves at least that much effort. I don't know which hospital you guys are at, but the state of oncology wards in this country is a total disaster thanks to the lack of beds, way too many patients, not enough staff, zero funding, outdated equipment, messy organization, terrible communication between the doctors and the families, and all those "difficult" patients getting in the way... All I can tell you is that an exhausting fight is ahead of you, so you better dig deep and find every ounce of strength you've got... and just remember, if this feels heavy for you, it's a thousand times worse for him.
P.s. Pain management is doable. It's rarely just one pill; usually, it's a mix of patches and tablets, or even injections in the tougher cases... Best bet is to talk directly to whoever is running his care.
I think I'm actually going to snap. My dad is crying like a little kid... I bolted from work just to see what was going on with him, and there he is, just sitting at home sobbing. I've pushed through everything else, but this... I don't know if I can handle this... It’s not even physical pain, he just feels this total weakness all over his body and he's struggling to get his words out. He says he's feeling incredibly anxious, so I gave him some Paxil. It's so hard to watch him like this, and I honestly have no clue how to help. It's just heavy...
slyseal28 said:thanks to all the pressure from patient advocacy groups (like the Jedro Association and the For a New Day Association), there’s actually no cap on how many patients can get access to Tarceva...
Tarceva indication: Third-line treatment for non-small cell lung cancer (NSCLC), specifically for locally advanced or metastatic stages after two lines of chemo have already been used up.
Thanks for the heads up. Honestly, I had no clue about that part...
Hey Susan Diaz91... Tarceva is indicated for treating patients with locally advanced or metastatic non-small cell lung cancer after they've failed to respond to at least one chemotherapy protocol. I'm quoting "The Wall Street Journal" from March 5, 2009: "The financial burden of treatment will be split between the government and Medicare, such that Roche would pay for—or donate—50 percent of the medication to every patient during the first two months. After those two months, an initial clinical check is performed to see if the patient responds to the drug. Patients for whom Tarceva shows a positive effect will continue to be eligible for free treatment with Tarceva, while the cost remains shared between the state and the manufacturer."
As for my dad, he’s getting the meds through Medicare. He got his first month's supply right there in the hospital (that's 30/150mg per box), then had a follow-up at the hospital before getting another month's worth of therapy. After the second month, we hit another check-up, but this time we had to sit around waiting for Medicare to sign off on everything because those "official" two months were up—the period where they confirm whether Tarceva actually works for him. We usually wait about seven days for a response from Medicare, and during that gap, Dad wasn't taking the Tarceva, which is when we noticed his condition starting to slide... Now he's back on it and doing okay for the moment. How much longer he gets it, or what determines that... I honestly don't know.
From what I gather, Medicare covers Tarceva for about 60 patients a year, though maybe 400 people qualify for the treatment, and in the US, around 3,500 people are diagnosed with lung cancer every year.
urbandriver45 said:I need urgent help. I have bronchus cancer and I've been fighting this for 6 months with nothing to show for it—chemo just didn't cut it for me, so they switched me over to Tarceva. I've been on it for 12 days now and it’s just constant vomiting, rashes, you name it... but the thing that's actually killing me is the pain. It's this relentless, non-stop ache, or sometimes it hits in waves for a few hours, and even Voltaren suppositories aren't touching it, especially since the 75mg Durogesic patches I'm using don't seem to do a damn thing. I've tried Ketonal, Voltaren injections, Tramal in every form imaginable, and absolutely nothing works. Has anyone dealt with something similar or can recommend anything to take the edge off? My doctors are basically just shrugging their shoulders at me... please, I need some advice. Since the cancer is on the left side, radiation and surgery aren't even an option right now.
My dad’s been on Tarceva for two months now, and don't even get me started on the side effects. Honestly, the rash is actually a good sign, a positive reaction... but when it comes to the pain, he uses Zaldiar tablets combined with fentanyl patches. So far, that’s the only thing that actually provides any relief, though you have to stay on top of changing those patches every three days like clockwork. Everything requires a prescription and a specialist's sign-off, obviously. Whatever you do, stay away from Lumidol; it messes with your breathing, which is already a struggle enough... Just hang in there, sending nothing but good vibes your way 👍
It feels like the dark clouds are rolling back in again. Lately, it seems like it's nothing but bad news on the feed... just yesterday I found out a colleague's husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and then a few days ago, a kid from my neighborhood passed away... Honestly, can we just get a break already?!!! 😠
Casey Palmer5 please accept my deepest condolences, this is just devastating. Man, life really doesn't pull any punches...
casualrider21 I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Honestly, I don't even know what advice to give you when we both know the whole thing boils down to two things—immunity and decent blood work. You're in my thoughts 👍
nimbletrucker72 There can be no waiting, not even a single day. Trust me, move heaven and earth to get him into a hospital immediately. I know exactly what I'm talking about because my djed Flo passed away from lung cancer within ten days just because there wasn't "room" at the hospital. Right now, my own father is fighting that same "devil," but we didn't wait a second. And brace yourself for what Susan Diaz91 already told you: connections, money, and finding a doctor who actually gives a damn.
Sending love to all of you and keeping you in my prayers. Don't ever give up! 🙂
casualrider21 said:And yeah, I’m a little lost on this part, "first he lost his appetite, couldn't walk..." When did things actually start looking up? Like, when did he start eating again, walking, talking...???
The "miracle" happened right after he got a transfusion. Honestly, if you ask me, they should've done that the second they brought him into the hospital a month ago, but... whatever. Every single time he dropped half his body weight—whether it was the chemo, the disease itself, or who knows what else—he'd get an RBC transfusion and suddenly things would look visibly better. Maybe this is just a temporary window, maybe we're all just grasping at straws and trying to convince ourselves everything's gonna be fine this time around, but I don't know, and I really don't want to think about what happens if it isn't... I'm gonna try to nudge him toward some fennel tea, since he's getting pretty skeptical about everything lately. Thanks, casualrider21, sending love to everyone 🙂
I’m looking for anyone who actually knows what they’re talking about to weigh in here... My dad just got discharged from the hospital, but he’s dealing with Stage IV large cell lung carcinoma, which is basically the end of the line. He finished his last round of chemo back in early March—Taxol and Carboplatin—but it didn't do a damn thing. The doctors basically told us straight up that there's nothing left for them to try. He’s lost all his appetite, can barely get out of bed, and he's been on morphine every single day... His liver and kidneys have been killing him, and all we get from the medical team are more bad news and grim outlooks. I've got his test results right here, though I'll only list the parts that make zero sense to me, so if anyone can translate this jargon, please help. Abdominal Ultrasound: Shows an enlarged liver with a hyperechoic lesion in the right lobe. There's also a massive expansive mass in the right adrenal fossa, over 90 mm, which points to a secondary lesion. Metastatic reg. right adrenal gland susp. C 79.7 (to me, this sounds like it spread to the kidney) He’s had red blood cell transfusions, Tarceva, Fentanyl patches, Megostat...
As for how he’s doing overall, he’s using a cane to get around, eating okay, and can still talk quite a bit. But he’s being hit with these brutal hiccups and bouts of belching—it’s so violent it feels like he’s actually choking. A few times now, it’s been so intense I genuinely thought he was going under... We’ve been giving him Largoxtil tablets, which worked once, but they aren't doing a thing this time around. I’m at a loss... I’m terrified he’s going to choke to death.
Just to leave you guys with something a little more hopeful, because even when it feels like the lights are going out—they aren't... You can't let this hell win, not even for a second. I promised my old man I’d fight right until his very last breath, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen. I'm thinking of all of you and keeping you in my prayers, so please, tell me what to do.
Man, it’s been rough lately just scrolling through this Forum and seeing nothing but pure negativity... Honestly, guys, we should be looking out for one another instead. If life is already throwing garbage at us and everything feels heavy, there’s no reason for us to keep passing that bad energy along to each other... We could try filtering all this crap into something actually useful, like some actual comfort, a shoulder to lean on, or just some shared strength and grit—that thing we're all fighting for right here... Sending you all some peace, whatever bullshit life decides to throw our way next.
Just wanted to drop in, say hi, and wish a Happy Easter to everyone celebrating... You all cross my mind in my prayers pretty often lately, mostly because I can't stop thinking about how many people are out there suffering through illness right now, and all the families just trying to hold it together while their loved ones struggle. I kept coming back to those words, "Do not fear, for I am with you"... and even if there isn't much else I can actually do for you, dear friends, I can at least keep you in my thoughts and stay close to you in spirit... And Dad, don't worry, I'm gonna be right by your side until the very end.
Hey everyone, just wanted to drop in, say hi, and wish you all some serious strength for whatever fights you're still fighting out there... I'm actually digging this sunshine for once because it brings a decent amount of good vibes, even to my old man, who’s finally looking a little more alive and keeping our spirits up with his attitude lately... I'm really hoping he makes it home in time for Easter, because honestly, we all know how much that would mean to him. Keep being brave for me.🙂
Thanks for all the support, and seriously, thanks for the advice because I'm gonna need it, especially since most of you have already walked the path I'm just starting to stumble down... I ended up wandering through the hospital today, and now that things are finally starting to make some twisted kind of sense, I’m realizing how completely absurd this whole thing called cancer actually is. My dad isn't coming home yet because he threw up some blood earlier today, and the situation is pretty grim: his pancreas is basically shot (his blood sugar hit 15 and he won't touch food), his liver can't even process meds anymore and it's hurting him, and his kidneys are slowly giving out—all thanks to diabetes being the main culprit here. It didn't even spread everywhere, it just "only" decided to wreck his lungs. Do I really have the right to keep the truth from my old man? I've been running through a million different versions of what to say, weighing every single option... and then today, he looks at me and says, "Kid, once I get my strength back, they'll start chemo and we can finally head home." Oh, wow. Just brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
They started hitting Dad with morphine straight into the vein yesterday because he just couldn't take the pain anymore... His physical state is pretty much trashed since he hasn't eaten a real meal in over a month, and for the last two weeks, it’s been barely anything at all. Naturally, his blood work is a mess, and between that and his Type 2 diabetes, his liver and pancreas are basically a disaster zone... He was still lucid until the day before yesterday, but then the morphine kicked in and he spent almost the entire day yesterday just sleeping through everything. I asked the attending physician to give me a straight answer on what we're looking at, and he basically told me things are only going to get worse and that morphine is the only thing left to manage it... This morning Mom was begging me to see if the hospital would let him come home so she could look after him, but honestly, I don't think that's the smartest move. I don't want to crush her hopes, especially since he’s my father too and she’d do absolutely anything for him, plus the care here at the hospital is actually decent, and neither of us is equipped to handle this level of medical care at home... I'm just not smart enough to figure this out. God, help me!