Posts by Christian Kelly51

Michael Ramirez11 said:hm... I have to admit, I spent most of my time avoiding my mother while she was still around. And looking back, I suppose I should mention she never once tried to guilt-trip me. If anything, she was the type who would do absolutely anything to avoid being a burden on anyone else. I was just trying to save my own life, so I moved to a different state, even though a part of me still aches for my hometown. But things have changed there now, and my life is firmly rooted here.

Congrats on making such a smart move to save your own life! It’s really kind of you to be thinking about how to handle this to make things easier for her, but please don't feel like this is on you—you can't blame yourself for what you did.
Maybe you could just tell her a story about moving in with a boyfriend and how there simply isn't enough room for all three of you?🤔 Though, honestly, spinning tales and giving false hope might just backfire in the end.

In any case, putting her on the waiting list for an assisted living facility seems like a solid plan. Better safe than sorry, right?

So, she actually started acting totally normal, without all the crying. :O
And I told her my boyfriend would be joining us. 😁 Now she won't stop pestering me with questions about when I'm getting married. .☕
She's planning to redecorate the apartment and everything. It's a complete 180. 😁
Looks like the assisted living idea might be smart after all. Knock on wood.

@Splićanka
Man, you really cracked me up with some parts of that post. Thanks for being so straightforward with me! 😁
I think you’re totally right, and I'm on the same page as you.
I’m not trying to make excuses or anything, but I was basically just feeding my mom this line about how I’d come over to stay the night or help tidy up and stuff, just so she'd settle down.
I mean, I’m not crazy. 🙄

I definitely never intended to let her just show up at my place unannounced. She has a phone, so she can call if she wants to visit. I have my own life, my job, my boyfriend, and my friends to look after. 🙂 ☕

boldnomad45 said:Suggest he takes Mom in instead; a change of scenery might do her good. You need to experience living on your own, and you'll save money too. He and Mom stay together, everyone's happy.🤣
Why haven't you ever suggested that to him?

My family situation is just... complicated, to say the least. My brother lives with his aunt, who has a disability, so he helps take care of her. He can't really move out because they're both financially tied to one another. (And if things ever go south, I guess there's a chance all three of them could end up leaning on me.) FML☕

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

I figured I had to drop the news on her like a bombshell. Given how she’s been acting lately, there wasn't really any other way to handle it. If I hadn't, I probably would've lost my mind, because I'm pretty sure those three months while I was hunting for an apartment would have been nothing but non-stop crying.

As for my brother... at first glance, it seems like he's taking Mom's side. His whole argument is that I'm just wasting money and that I should probably just put it toward renovating this place instead. Yeah, right... But in the end, he tells me it's my call and my life. I guess even he doesn't quite get that I just want some peace, freedom, and to be on my own, you know? Just independence.

I'm honestly curious to see how things play out over the next few days.

darkcanyon10 said:So Mom doesn't have any income? No Social Security?
Is she sick? Can't move around? Can't even clean her own place?

Her Social Security only covers groceries, basically. So I'm planning on covering her utilities. She deals with some mental health stuff, too—mostly depression and anxiety. She’s pushing 70, so doing heavy housework isn't really an option for her anymore. She can still move around fine, though. For her age, she's actually pretty active.

To be honest, I don't actually think I'll end up doing all that. It would probably just drain me completely. I guess it's more of a bluff, just a way to help her feel a bit more at ease.

Terry Lopez18 said:She isn't going to hurt herself, don't worry. She’s just spiraling because she’s terrified of being left behind. Let her know that you aren't disappearing forever and that you'll still make time to see her. Try to soothe her anxiety, but please, stay firm about leaving. That moment where you have to walk out the door is coming sooner or later; if you delay it, the fallout will only be more intense.

I know it’s incredibly hard on her, so try to have some empathy, but whatever you do, do not waver. Don't let her tears or any threats sway your decision.
Keep reminding her that moving out is a NATURAL PART OF LIFE. It isn't healthy to be living under your mother's roof well into your 30s, even if that's becoming an increasingly common trend here in the States.

I'm not sure where you ended up finding an apartment—is it nearby or far away? When I first moved out, I picked a place close to my mom, so I’d pop in almost every day just to say hi. Don't go completely cold turkey and cut all ties immediately; you don't need to be harsh. I know there will be moments where she drives you absolutely insane, but just realize that moms go through this "empty nest" syndrome, especially those who struggle with mental stability.

If things truly take a turn for the worse, take her to a local crisis center and explain what's happening. It might actually help if a professional sits her down and explains the transition she's experiencing and why letting you go is necessary. Don't give in to blackmail; stay resolute in your boundaries, but try not to be unnecessarily blunt.

Thanks for the advice. 🙂

Whatever I've tried saying to reach her so far, it just doesn't fucking work.

The apartment is about a 15-20 minute walk from her place.
I told her I'd come by every day, that I'd cover all her utilities, and that I'd come over once a week to clean up and vacuum, etc. I said whenever she cooks lunch, she can call me over. I even mentioned I'll make family dinners so she and my brother can come to my place (he lives on his own too). I even told her I'd come over to sleep over a few times a week.

I'm staying firm. My new place is already paid for and there's no turning back. I move in 5 days. 🙂

Quick update:

The drama has already kicked off. There’s been a lot of crying about how I’m wasting money on rent when I technically have a place to live right here. She even brought her brother over to try and stage an intervention to talk me out of it. My wife was crying for hours last night.

I’m honestly at a loss. She’s trying to make me feel guilty, but I know I need my own space, and the lease is already a done deal anyway.

EDIT:
Now she’s saying she might kill herself because she doesn't know how she'll cope once I've moved out.

Hey there,

The reason I’m posting here is because I could really use some advice. I don't really have anyone in my immediate circle who is in a similar situation or who can give me any constructive input.

So, I’m 29, I’ve got my college degree, I’ve been working for over five years, and I’m pretty financially stable and all that. However, I still live with my mom in a one-bedroom apartment. She’s a single parent—my parents split up... hmm, a long time ago.

The reason I haven't moved out until now isn't really important. But, I finally found my own place, signed a lease, and I'll be moving in this December.
I spent about three months searching for a place, but I didn't tell my mom my plans, so I only broke the news to her a couple of days ago. She didn't take it very well, to say the least. It turned into a whole drama about how I shouldn't be wasting money on rent when I could live with her and save, blah blah blah. Or that I should have put that money toward renovating our current place instead.

But... she is a veeeeery difficult person. I didn't want to tell her the real reason why I didn't want to invest anything in the apartment, because honestly, no matter how hard I try to do something nice for our home, I just run into resistance, arguments, drama, questions about why I'm spending money on it, etc. Those are just the constant issues with living with her. That's the real reason I need to move out.

But... I can't be completely honest with her because she struggles with depression and anxiety (it’s not constant, but it happens), which is another reason I want to leave, but I’m scared to be blunt with her.

Instead, my "story" is just that I want to be independent and see what it's like to live on my own.

Okay, so now I'm wondering how I might be able to help her, or what kind of excuse I could use to make it easier for her to handle me leaving?

I was wondering if ovarian pain could be caused by birth control pills... I'm on my third pack now, and sometimes when I take them, I feel this ache in my ovaries... I haven't really noticed any other side effects, though.
I guess since I'm also dealing with an E. coli infection in my bladder and vagina, maybe that might be what's causing it too... 🙂 I honestly don't know what else to do or how to finally get rid of this. 🙂

Hey ladies, after how long did you start noticing unwanted side effects from the pill, if you even did? I guess it’s possible, but could it really be that I'm starting to feel dizzy just two hours after taking my very first dose?😳

Has anyone here ever used Microgynon? Any thoughts? 🙂
I think I'm about to start taking birth control pills for the first time, so I was just curious to hear about other people's experiences. 😁