Posts by Nathan Turner2

Peter Diaz3 said:If we are being honest here, how many truly impressive men actually exist in their 40s? Looking at the hundred parents dropping kids off at soccer practice, I’d be lucky to pick out five men in that age bracket who actually earn the title of "a catch." Everyone else seems small, lethargic, neglected, with crumbs stuck to their shirts and nothing but a spare tire around their waist.

What defines an impressive man? It’s someone standing well over 6'3", hitting the gym at least three times a week, watching what he eats, and possessing actual style. He should hold a position of influence, possess charm and intellect, always smell great, drive a quality car, and have a perfect smile. In your 40s, those types make up maybe 1% of the population. And believe me, those men are constantly being pursued.

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It’s cute that you’re trying to wedge yourself into the "hot guy" category and looking for validation, but I hate to break it to you: you aren't one, and you won't become one just by making regular dentist appointments.
A real man is something else entirely. Google it, or better yet, ask a woman.

Why bother respecting someone who clearly lacks self-respect?
He’s just exploiting the situation, and honestly, she isn't exactly winning here either—otherwise, she wouldn't have stuck by him for four years.
There’s likely someone else involved who currently takes precedence over the author. At the very least, we should value his honesty; he could just tell her they're in a relationship and settle the matter once and for all.

I still don't see the issue here; perhaps it's just a case of having too much downtime and getting overly pedantic about word forms.
She’s happy, he’s happy—why try to fix people who aren't broken?

Raymond Booth40 said:It isn't exactly as honest as it seems. If she actually agreed to make it a formal relationship, things might change. I can't help but wonder if she'll still be stuck in this cycle by the time she hits 40. It’s truly a shame.

Why stop at 40?
Maybe he just has other priorities right now. You aren't being particularly tolerant here.

Raymond Booth40 said:People act like we have some kind of special status, even though I don’t think we actually do. For quite a while, I kept him at arm's length sexually because I really wanted to create some distance between us. When I asked him what was stopping him from being in a committed relationship with me, he just said, "I don't want to be with anyone, period." I countered with, "So you're not going to commit to one person?" and he insisted he wouldn't. He says things will stay exactly like this forever. If he's happy with this setup, then fine—he can do whatever he wants. Personally, I might be open to certain things, but not if we're labeling it an actual relationship. At this rate, I'll be single until I'm 40...

In short: you'd agree to anything if he'd just give you the label of being in a relationship.
Look at the bright side—he's honest. You won't have to deal with any games when it comes to him.

Rachel Richardson said:It seems a bit overblown to me—honestly, quite an exaggeration.

Do you think the issue is that he’s focusing on small-town gossip—all that surface-level chatter—instead of tackling the actual substance? I mean, the real stuff—community cohesion, the impact on the kids, and things like that.

That’s just how I read her post. Perhaps I misinterpreted her intent.

Rachel Richardson said:What kind of "relationship" was it, anyway? Just hooking up whenever he felt like it.

A relationship is simply when two adults consciously decide to be intimate. Some people don't even have that level of connection in their marriages.

The real issue here isn't the act itself, but the author's internal moral crisis. She’s trying to play both sides—acting virtuous while being promiscuous—and this hypocrisy finally caught up to her after four years.
If she just renamed the relationship, she could effectively erase that chapter of her life. She’d reclaim her perceived innocence, and she and her jerk of a partner could go on living happily ever after like some fairy tale.
I could solve her little dilemma myself with a thirty-second phone call to her "partner," assuming I actually had his number.

Raymond Booth40 said:I have zero interest in finding someone else. Honestly, men have completely soured the whole idea for me.

He probably had you handcuffed to him for four years.
The fault lies entirely with you; if that kind of relationship wasn't working, why did you stay?

William Sanders6 said:What are you even talking about? A relationship implies exclusivity and commitment, which is clearly not what this guy wants.

My advice to the author: walk away. But don't do it as a tactic to make him chase you; do it as a way to find yourself again.
He isn't going to change. If he actually had real feelings for you, he’d want you all to himself. The truth is, he just doesn't care. You don't mean much to him, so please, stop hurting yourself and find someone who actually deserves you.

Are there supposed to be some set of rules for how to act in a relationship?
She’s been with him for four years. Would she stay that long if things were actually bad?
It's obvious the arrangement works for both of them, so why complicate it?
It's the same deal with traditional marriages when one partner starts pushing for legal paperwork and disrupts a perfectly functional dynamic.
Why ruin something that isn't broken?
As I said, she's just struggling with her own sense of morality. If he told her today they were "official" but didn't change a single thing about his behavior, she'd be thrilled. It's pure sentimentality.

Raymond Booth40 said:I’ve been in an open relationship—more like "friends with benefits"—with my partner for nearly four years now. I can't imagine walking away from this, but I have to wonder if there's any hope for things to change. He has told me repeatedly that he has zero interest in a committed relationship with anyone. To give some context, I spent five years on my own after leaving my previous partner, who ended up having a child with someone else. Now, my current partner tells me straight to my face that he doesn't care about the arrangement; he’s perfectly happy doing whatever he wants, and when I asked if it would stay this way forever, he said yes. It feels devastating to think this is all it will ever be. Is there actually anything that can be done here? Honestly, I feel a bit ashamed that I've allowed this to drag on for so long. It’s a sad situation, truly. While I wouldn't say I'm deeply attached, I find myself unable to walk away entirely. When I confronted him about it, he just gave me a Quote: "I'm fine like this. I don't want a relationship with anyone, period."

What's actually missing from a dynamic like that?
Do you really need a label? Would it actually be easier if he told you that you were in a "real" relationship or married?
The issue isn't the arrangement; it's that you want to feel like a respectable, committed partner, and those two things don't align here.
If there aren't other major issues, just enjoy the connection and stop overanalyzing everything you read online.