Posts by rustyrider27

That’s not quite how I see it. This isn't about marriage, nor does it involve any of my daughters. It's more fundamental than that: when one person's behavior involves systematic harassment and threats, it impacts everyone in the circle. It creates this constant, underlying anxiety—this fear that we're just waiting for the next outburst to happen. We aren't talking about a loud argument or a typical domestic spat here. It feels a bit unfair to jump to conclusions like that without seeing the full picture.

Unfortunately, my retirement fund isn't exactly a fan of private contractors. But I think I'll start by doing some digging online regarding Gestalt therapy—maybe there are some self-help tools out there that can help me get the ball rolling.

I honestly wish I could just find a way through this—one door in, one door out. But lately, I’ve been stuck as a bystander to constant fighting, and I can’t just tune it out when it involves the people I love most, like my daughter and my little grandbaby. On top of that, there's this wave of accusations and finger-pointing directed at me and my husband, which isn't anything I ever had to deal with growing up, yet it's become my reality for the last five years.
I don't think I need an anti-anxiety med or an antidepressant, because it's not that I'm struggling with clinical anxiety or depression. It's more that I feel deeply unhappy and helpless, a feeling I haven't felt in a long time, and that weight is causing me immense stress that's starting to take a toll on my physical health. Then you add the lingering stress from the pandemic and those heavy tremors we dealt with, and naturally, my blood pressure just skyrockets. My neurologist actually prescribed some Normabel for my pressure, and his take is that I don't need any other medication right now. Since I'm really not a fan of relying on pills to manage my blood pressure, I think what I truly need is some form of counseling. I'm looking for advice from anyone who has walked a similar path—where should I even start? I'm not interested in seeing some random psychologist or psychiatrist just for the sake of it; I don't need to be shuffling through doctors just to get paperwork filed for my Social Security benefits. This is about genuine help. And perhaps some of you might have tips on how to manage your own thoughts so you can regain control over your body. How do you cultivate a more positive mindset, how do you rationalize things internally, or maybe use breathing techniques to find that sense of self-control again?

I’ve had a brain aneurysm treated with a stent, so keeping my blood pressure in check is absolutely non-negotiable. Usually, I’m more of a low-pressure person—running at about 90/60—so taking daily medication to lower it just isn't an option for me. However, when stress hits, my numbers can spike all the way up to 190/120, which is incredibly dangerous given my medical history.
I’ve never been someone who handles stress particularly well, though historically, most of that pressure came from external sources—work, global conflicts, or my husband’s high-stress career. Now that I’m retired, things have shifted. Between my husband’s serious health issues and some ongoing family friction with my daughter and son-in-law, I feel trapped. Even if I could physically walk away from the drama, I can’t escape it because I carry everything with me mentally. That’s the hardest part. I find myself stuck in these cycles of stress, and even when I take my prescribed Norvasc during a spike, I don't really give the medicine a chance to work because I’m constantly driving my own blood pressure back up through sheer overthinking. Some episodes last three days straight, while other times I might have two weeks of peace. But even during those quiet stretches, I tend to pick at myself—not as intensely as when the crisis is happening, of course—just replaying all the negativity in my head. It’s not that I’m depressed or melancholy; I’m not sluggish or sad, and I still lead a full life, socializing and spending time with my grandkids. These episodes don't leave me bedridden, except for those rare moments when my blood pressure reaches the stratosphere and I simply have to lie down.

Hi everyone! I hope I’m in the right place to ask for some advice. I’m 68 years old, and honestly, managing stressful situations has always been a struggle for me. But now, given my age and a serious neurological condition, my physical reactions to stress have become potentially life-threatening. Here is the deal: whenever I find myself in a high-pressure or frustrating situation, my blood pressure just skyrockally spikes. It feels like I lose all control; my emotions take the wheel and my logic just goes out the window. I can't seem to find a way to calm down, catch my breath, or just wait a beat to react rationally. The hardest part is that, due to my current circumstances, I can't really walk away from these daily stressors. On top of that, once an episode passes, I spend the entire day and night playing a mental loop of everything that happened—replaying what I should have said, what I shouldn't have said, and how I ought to have behaved. Then, when the next situation rolls around (which happens far too often, unfortunately), I freeze up again. I end up saying the wrong thing, saying too much, or saying nothing at all. Then the cycle starts over: the mental replay begins, I can't settle down, and my blood pressure climbs. I’m not aggressive toward anyone else; it’s entirely directed at myself. It’s like something stronger than me is in the driver's seat, and I’m just punishing myself. When you factor in everything we've dealt with lately, like the pandemic and the recent natural disasters, the baseline level of stress in my life is just overwhelming.
Even when my family tries to help by being rational about things, I hear what they're saying, but I still react purely from emotion. I just can't cool off.

Should I be looking for professional help? If so, where should I start (I'm located in NYC)? Does anyone have any practical advice on how I might be able to help myself?