Emily Fox15 said:I am asking if anyone who has gone through what I am currently dealing with regarding my mother can help me with their own experience. I am not sure if I am making the right decisions. To be honest, my mom is visibly getting weaker every single day—less mobile, eating less, and sleeping most of the time. I think that’s when she feels easiest. However, when she wakes up, she is often disoriented, sometimes speaking nonsensical sentences. When I ask her if she wants this or that, her most frequent answer is "I don't know." The hardest part of all is that several times now, she has begged me to take her somewhere—to a hospital, another doctor, etc.—so she can get help because, as she puts it, she will otherwise die. I don't have the heart to kill her last shred of hope by telling her that no one in a hospital wants patients like her. On the other hand, it is hard to look her in the eye and lie that she will recover when I know full well she is somewhat aware of the reality too. I feel utterly helpless and sad because I don't know how to make things easier for her or help her. It isn't hard for me to do anything for her, but it is terrifying how little I can actually do!
There is an appointment scheduled for Saturday, October 24th (the first one after surgery) with the oncologist. I know this checkup might be pointless, and I don't even know how the oncologist would react to seeing her in this state, but perhaps it would be easier for Mom because she would feel like something is actually being done about her.
Please help me with your experience.
- How should I react without hurting her or making her more upset?
- Does it make sense to put her through the strain of driving to the oncologist, or not?
I looked through your previous posts, and if I understand correctly, your mother has colon cancer with metastases in the liver and lungs?
First off, someone in the hospital made the decision to operate on her, which clearly means there is still some hope. I assume they primarily operated on the primary site of the colon cancer? I had a very bad experience with cancer in my own family, but regardless of the loss of my own mother, I remain an optimist regarding these types of illnesses. I have had the chance to meet many oncology patients with metastases and inoperable cancers who manage to live for a long time.
If she is weak due to the surgery, her doctor could prescribe Prosure and Megostat (I'm not entirely sure if I spelled those names correctly) to help. My mother received them when she started feeling poorly and was completely exhausted, lacking any strength at all (her oncologist recommended them, though her primary care physician wrote the prescriptions). They are meant to help patients regain their strength. If you can at all, take her to the oncologist, or at least go to the appointment yourself. If you do take your mother, ensure someone goes in with her to ask the oncologist all the questions you need answered. Also, try to encourage her to get out of bed a little bit every day and attempt to walk. Additionally, give her as many natural juices and vitamins as possible; she needs them to boost her immunity as much as possible. I don't want to push you deeper into depression, but if she is disoriented, it might be due to spreading to the brain. Please take that sentence with a grain of salt; I don't wish anything bad upon you by saying it. Furthermore, disorientation can also be caused by the immense stress she has endured lately. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea for her to speak with a psychologist?