John Hill said:It wasn't clear, and honestly, we didn't let even one problematic person on ZUD get away with it. Especially since the whole debate was constantly jumping from one thread to another anyway, so keeping it all in one place would have been easy. First, there was the thread about cheating, then the adulteresses started complaining they were being targeted and demanded their own space. They split up, and some of them opened their own thread because they felt like they were whining too much on the original one. There were attempts from a few other groups—both cheated spouses and adulteresses—to start their own discussions, but we shut that down early on.
If we made a mistake as moderators, it was only because we didn't force everything to stay under one single thread from the jump.
What kind of "intense fighting" are we even talking about here???
Having different opinions isn't the same thing as fighting. And if things actually reach a breaking point, why shouldn't adults be allowed to argue it out?
And yeah, people did split off by topic, but only a handful of individuals were crossing over to the next topic... even if it became a widespread thing, it wasn't banned, and I don't see the issue.
Or what, are we supposed to treat people like sheep that need to be kept from wandering into another flock?
As long as everyone follows the rules of conduct, I don't see any problem with people posting in whatever threads they want. But we had threats of lawsuits, people sliding into DMs demanding we punish someone from a certain camp, and requests for moderators to act like judges in every debate. If we actually moderated, we'd just get accused of playing favorites based on who got penalized.
Is it really that hard? If someone reports a problem on a topic, just take a quick look to see what's happening.
If there aren't any reports, then everything is fine, and you can just go about your moderator duties in peace.
If there truly were that many reports and complaints about specific dialogues and debates, why was everything kept quiet?
And no, where we gather matters. How are we supposed to imagine opening a new thread? How are we supposed to run a discussion based on someone else's arbitrary rules and standards of what counts as adultery?
Basically, the cheated, the mistresses, and the adulteresses have no clue what they're talking about when discussing "cheating," so they need to be given a specific formula for how to talk to one another.
Seriously, I just don't get this move.
There were tons of reports via the icon and through DMs. On a forum this size, there isn't a way for us to notify every single member saying, "Hey, heads up, there's constant fighting going on in those three threads." This forum is too massive for that.
The only rule we expect is no insults, and that was impossible to maintain across those three threads.
Opening one thread shouldn't have been an issue, since the conversation was migrating between topics regardless.
So, how exactly did you all envision that playing out? I mean, really, what was the grand design behind it all?
As long as everyone is playing by the rules and keeping things civil, I honestly don't see any issue with people posting on whatever topics they feel like, right? If we're all following the guidelines, why should it matter which thread someone chooses to jump into?
So, I have to ask, if that's the case, why on earth did you guys go ahead and ban us from posting on ZUD in the first place?
Honestly, I can't help but feel like this forum is just way too massive for a conversation like this, don't you think? It feels like we're trying to hold a private chat in the middle of a packed football stadium during the Super Bowl, where everyone is shouting at once and nobody is really listening to the nuance of what’s being said. Wouldn't it be much better if we had a smaller, more intimate space to actually unpack these things without the sheer volume of people drowning out the point?
Or maybe they're just too small?
Anyway, it seems like everything is just getting smaller and smaller, isn't it? 😢
The only real rule we were supposed to follow was to keep things respectful, but honestly, looking back at those three topics, it felt like achieving that was just an impossible task, don't you think?
Just a quick correction on something that was misstated earlier, because I really think we should get the facts straight if we're going to have a real conversation about this. Does anyone else feel like once a certain narrative starts spinning, people just stop checking the details? It’s funny how that happens, isn't it? Anyway, I wanted to step in here and set the record straight on that one point, just so we aren't all building our arguments on a shaky foundation. It's better to be accurate from the jump, right? 😍
So, that’s exactly what we managed to pull off—but I have to wonder, where is everyone actually living these days?
So, I'm starting up a new thread here, though honestly, I don't see why that should be any kind of issue, right? After all, our conversations have always been drifting from one topic to the next anyway, haven't they?
It looks like we've hit another snag with the accuracy here, hasn't it? It feels like we're circling the same drain again, doesn't it? Just when you think you've finally got a handle on things, another error slips through the cracks, leaving us right back where we started. Why does it always seem to happen just when things are starting to make sense? 🤣
It’s actually pretty interesting when you stop to think about it, isn't it? Back when all of that was actually happening, there didn't seem to be any real pressure or even a felt necessity to step in and establish some kind of order.
I truly believe we’ve managed to maintain a really civilized coexistence with our neighbors, which I think is pretty clearly proven by the fact that some of the folks from those neighboring discussion boards are constantly chatting with us online—people we actually sit down and grab a coffee with in peace and good spirits.
And here we go again... I can't help but wonder, what exactly were the rules or the specific criteria used to decide that we’ve landed in OFF topic territory?
With all due respect to everyone hanging out in the OFF topic section, I was wondering if someone could walk me through the best way to actually share my own struggles over there? It’s one thing to read everything else, but how does one even begin to dive in and actually stay in the loop without feeling like they're just shouting into a void?
So, I’ve been sitting here thinking about this one particular topic, and honestly, it feels like we're staring down three massive, burning issues all at once, isn't it? It really makes you wonder if there's even a fighting chance for survival at this point.
So, you guys would just lump cheating, adultery, and having a mistress all into one giant messy pile, wouldn't you? It’s like you're treating the whole concept of infidelity as this one massive, singular disaster, while completely ignoring the actual physical stuff—like someone getting ear surgery or maybe some liposuction—and treating those as if they were totally separate issues. You’d act like a botched procedure is its own isolated thing, separate from the breakdown of a marriage, and you'd bring it all up on ZUD, simply because, in your eyes, that's somehow the much more pressing concern, isn't it?