Posts by Maria Brown5

Is it now against the rules for members of the "closed groups" to start any kind of new thread on ZUD?

Ryan Smith7 said:I’m just done fighting against the wind...

I don't want to belittle this PDF; quite the opposite, I respect every single file and every member of this community...
Honestly, I don't even have the energy to write anymore...
I am one of those people who used to visit, contribute, and feel like I was part of a specific clan—everything our moderators cite as a reason for moving things around...
Every word I've typed in any of those three chats, every song I shared, every smiley face... it's all a piece of who I am...
My issue is that I take all of this far too personally. I find myself expecting others to actually empathize with someone else's sadness, happiness, opinions, or emotions...
My problem is that I can't seem to separate ZUD from Life for Two, or politics, or health, or anything else for that matter...
The truth is, I read people and individuals, not sub-forums...

Maria Brown59, why should we only bring back the betrayed?
Do you really think the pain of a betrayed partner is more appropriate for ZUD than the heartache of a mistress who didn't want that role, or an adulteress struggling with her own doubts...?
Look, we don't necessarily have to understand each other. We can just argue and blame one another for our own personal messes in life...
In the game, there are feelings—real human feelings...
No matter which PDF we end up in...

People can think whatever they want, but those pains aren't the same.
A mistress or an adulteress makes a conscious choice about their role. They step into something knowing exactly what the consequences might be. So, I guess they have to be ready to deal with the pain they brought on themselves.

The betrayed person didn't choose their situation or their pain. It was forced on them. They’re caught off guard, and in all that chaos, I suppose it's important they find some kind of support and comfort.

Jose White18 said:"...lately, these chats have been seeing much smaller groups of women hanging out, where conversations have shifted toward social topics that aren't exclusively about ZUD—and honestly, having three separate chats is just too much for one sub-forum..." Everything regarding this was already explained here. I really don't see what part of that is unclear or why more details would help. It's pretty obvious that for certain people, no explanation will ever be good enough.

And you moved those threads into a PDF titled "everything with a short shelf life...", but those three threads clearly aren't temporary, no matter how much you moderators might want them to be.

Just bring back the people who were misled, so the new ones can actually find them.

Kevin Watson6 said:I’m genuinely curious how the moderatorit plan to handle every single new thread about a cheated spouse, an adulteress, or a mistress coming through. Honestly, people have been starting similar threads right in the middle of active chats lately, so they just get redirected to the appropriate sections depending on what happened.
Are they going to send them all to social services or something?

Despite all the explanations from the moderation team—and look, I don't personally mind if a thread gets moved, but I actually prefer keeping things in PDF format for several other reasons—I still don't get the point of moving everything around.
And what’s the deal with the mothers-in-law? What about those "old timers" groups on Reddit?
I mean, I don't think any other site has policies like this besides ZUD.

What is the actual issue the moderatorit have with those three specific threads? They haven't even done much moderating there anyway. We all just managed to hold our own and figure it out as we went along.😬

👍
I agree.
And seriously, I don't understand how that one thread where women just absolutely trash mother-in-laws can be considered a top topic.😕
It's shameful.

Michelle Wilson8 said:This thread is here strictly to provide a helping hand for getting those moved topics back where they belong.
It would be really wonderful if we could all just refrain from using this space for any kind of personal bickering or ego battles—otherwise, we might end up having to move this one too, right? 😍(
).🙂Thanks so much!

Yeah, maybe they'll just move us all to the Pets section🤣

There's actually a cute little sub-forum right next door
hollowtrucker77

Nicholas King said:Hold on, let me make a note of this: an offense for arrogance—that's a +1 in my book. 😁

Don't count me in 😁
I guess I'm just one of the regulars

Nicholas King said:Wait, let me just jot this down: for everyone who didn't bother to read my entire post from start to finish—consider this a +1. 😁

Man, why are you acting so high and mighty? 🤣

Nicholas King said:Approaching this with a bit of rational energy🙂—as much as I actually possess (well, that might be an overstatement 😁)—regardless of how many disagreements I have with certain moderators, I suppose it is unfair to throw accusations of laziness at them (furthermore, my use of the word "my" here is quite generous 🤣). The reality is that they were being summoned (needlessly, if you ask me) every single time a provocateur showed up. Instead of simply ignoring the trolls, or perhaps engaging them in a verbal showdown—which, frankly, is far more effective than running to the authorities—they were essentially forced to deal with the fallout. It’s a fact that they were doing the work required of them.

It’s a somewhat blunt analogy, but it holds water: it isn't always the fault of the lazy janitors; more often than not, the blame lies with those recklessly scattering trash all over the place.

Yeah, you're right. I agree.
That comparison to sanitation workers is pretty spot on. But I guess, is the solution to move those people who litter, along with their neighbors who constantly report them (instead of just picking up a scrap of paper themselves), to a different city? 🤷

All those long-winded explanations from the moderators basically boil down to one thing: It's hard for us to moderate

Maybe it’s just easier to pull three "difficult" topics from the PDF rather than dealing with lazy moderation ☕

Given how massive these topics are and how much traffic they clearly get, I guess it would be fair if someone above the moderators stepped in with a proper explanation

Errare humanum est
But honestly, one day is more than enough to make a mistake like this

neonsailor58 said:Honestly, I have absolutely no clue what they’re trying to get at here. What is the point?

In my estimation, these discussions ought to be filed under ZUD so that the community can actually find their way back to them. That said, there’s absolutely no need to start foaming at the mouth over it. Honestly, I am struggling to wrap my head around some of these reactions. I mean, seriously—if you can let something like this get you this worked up, how on earth do you manage to navigate actual life problems?🤷

It simply isn't worth my effort.

I have said this many times before, and I was certainly not the most popular person for saying it, but I believe this Topic regarding affairs became OFF topic a long time ago. It should be the one place where I would actually step forward first if I ever found myself in a bind. Some people, thank God, did chime in. Especially lately, there have been pages upon pages of absolute nonsense. Honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to read through all that, watching how Zeli ends up in a complete mess.

Actually, because of those particular individuals, it might be better if things reverted back to ZUD. Not that I’m suggesting the current Topic is high quality—not by a long shot—but circumstances dictate a change.

When I open a new thread, whoever feels like posting can certainly do so. As for the moderators, they are right there, performing their duties to the best of their abilities.

If you honestly consider this to be oppression, or some kind of blatant disrespect, or whatever else you want to call it, then I can only assume you’ve lived a life entirely devoid of any actual hardship.🤷

The only real issue I see here is that newcomers are going to have a hell of a time tracking down this thread, especially if the posting frequency starts to taper off. Once the activity dies down, it’ll just vanish into the digital abyss. Beyond that, I don't see any other problems. As for myself, I can't quite tell if I've gone too far OFF topic, or if I'm being low-brow, or whatever else you all might say. Honestly, I've lost track of where I even stand.

I think I've said enough about this matter. We're done here. It was amusing for a moment, I suppose, but now it’s simply grating on my nerves. Consider this discussion closed.

But that is a huge problem.
If nothing else, we should at least bring back that Topic for the cheated.

John Hill said:If nobody had said anything, you’d be accusing us of ignoring you. Now that we actually showed up, suddenly everything is wrong again. Look, I get it—for some people, no explanation is ever going to be good enough, but that doesn't make it a valid point.

1. All three of these are chat threads. You can claim otherwise if you really don't know what the definition of a chat is.

2. This wasn't about being lazy. It was about the constant back-and-forth, where the arguments kept jumping from one thread to another between the mistresses and the betrayed.

3. I don't get this idea that we were just sitting around hoping these threads would die out. Why would I, or any moderator, actually care whether a thread lives or dies? 🤷 Whether it's a three-page thread or a 300-page one, it makes no difference to us. Besides, the plan is to reopen a single thread about infidelity—not three separate ones where everyone keeps dragging the fight from one place to another, which was becoming impossible to follow.

4. > isn't some graveyard; it's just a section of the forum where the rules are a bit more relaxed, so the issues from these three specific Topics don't stand out as much.

The issues of cheating, infidelity, and being a mistress are three completely different problems.
If we lumped them all together, I guess we wouldn't really be able to talk about any specific issue effectively.

It wasn't clear, nor was it allowed, when that issue popped up on ZUD. Especially since the debate kept jumping from one thread to another anyway, so it probably could have just stayed in one place. It started as a thread about cheating, then the mistresses felt attacked and demanded their own space, so they split off because they were complaining too much in the old thread. There were attempts from various sides—both the mistresses and the cheated—to start their own discussions, but that stopped early on.
Maybe we moderators made a mistake by not keeping everything in one single thread from the start.

Because a thread like that would inevitably just collapse under its own weight.☕

As long as people stick to the rules, I don't see an issue with them posting in whichever threads they want. But this situation involved threats of lawsuits, private messages demanding we punish someone from one side or the other, and requests for moderators to act as judges in arguments. And if we did moderate, we’d just get accused of favoritism based on who got punished.

There were tons of reports through the icon and via PM. On a forum this size, there isn't really a way for us to notify everyone that these three topics are constantly turning into shouting matches. This forum is just too big for that.

The only rule we expect is no insults, but that was impossible to maintain in those three threads.
Opening one main thread shouldn't be a problem, especially since the conversation was jumping around so much regardless.

What are you talking about? The job of a moderator? If you don't want to moderate, maybe you should just step down and let someone else do it.