Posts by shadowbison75

Susan Ward91 said:How are you all handling having a loved one sick? What helps you just keep going with life? Any advice? I seem to be doing okay on the surface, but then I end up crying alone in the shower where no one can see me.

Hey Thomas Williams21, unfortunately we're all either past this or right in the middle of these hard days, both for ourselves and our families...😢
Situations like this change your life and your priorities at the core. Nothing is ever the same again.
My dad wasn't sick for long, but things went south incredibly fast—faster than you could imagine. And the worst part... he suffered.

Mom, my family, and I stayed positive in front of him. We talked about the future... while internally breaking into pieces because we knew the disease would just keep progressing. That was the reality they prepared us for. He wouldn't live to see the future we were talking about. But he still made plans, still dreamed, and we just played along to support him...

I think that fake positivity kept him with us just a little bit longer. He never complained. He cooperated with the doctors, who always said he was the perfect patient...
You’d do anything to help someone close to you, but you don't have any superpowers. 😢

Be there for each other... you, your brother, your mom... just hold on together. But also try to steal a few minutes for yourself during the day. A walk, a coffee, a workout... something small. I know nothing feels good right now, but just take a minute to get out of the house with a friend or a neighbor... It applies to everyone in the house, too.

Illness drains the patient, but it drains the family and the caregivers just as much.

I'll never forget what a palliative care nurse told us. She said that while we're looking after him, we have to "look after" ourselves too...

Wishing you all the strength to make it through this stretch... 🙂🙂🙂

Rachel Gray21 said:It's over.. he closed his eyes for good. He ended up on a ventilator yesterday and had a heart attack. At least the suffering is done...

Sending my deepest condolences...
I lost my father back on July 30th, I was posting about our journey here too.

The only silver lining is that the pain finally stopped, because he suffered terribly. From the very beginning until the end.
He went quickly, just so fast... 😢

wiredmarlin3 said:One more thing for shadowbison75... If things take a turn for the worse with the diagnosis, where did your dad get his treatment if we're looking at the Washington, D.C. area? We tend to gravitate there...
Just like everyone else who found themselves in this same position...
Any recommendations for where to go or who to see in NYC?

Can't say I have any experience with Washington, D.C.... dealt with treatment in San Francisco, though the radiation was done up in Seattle since the San Francisco hospital works directly with them on that... they handle the chemo there...

Everything went incredibly fast with Dad... honestly, nothing to complain about regarding the doctors. For instance, he had an emergency ENT consult on Sunday, and they told him right then that he’d be admitted to the hospital the next day to start the next steps, like the CT scan and getting a tracheostomy installed...
He got an appointment for his radiation in Seattle pretty quickly too...

wiredmarlin3,

My dad struggled with swallowing for a long time... he kept it from us until he just couldn't hide it anymore. As it got harder to swallow and eat, he started losing weight, and fast. Then the headaches started, mostly around the ear... unfortunately, all classic symptoms of oral cavity cancer. 😢

During that first exam, an ENT specialist used a fiberoscopy and saw it immediately. It was large enough that they could confirm it was cancer right then and there.

The next day, they rushed him through an MS CT of his neck, chest, and brain... just to confirm what they already knew. 😢

We did everything at the hospital... so I don't really have any recommendations for private clinics.

I suppose an ultrasound might pick something up if there’s a change, but honestly, a fiberoscopy is the standard first step for anything involving the throat or nose...
On that first day, the doctor told us that changes in the throat, mouth, or tongue are usually obvious during that initial ENT exam. So... I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's nothing serious for your mom.

My dad also struggled with swallowing food (and later liquids), but he had a whole range of other symptoms too... and at his first ENT appointment, they confirmed oropharyngeal cancer (base of the tongue) and a metastasis in one lymph node.

But since they ran a CT abdomen, they definitely would have spotted that cancer (tongue, oral cavity, etc.) right away, for example...

My dad passed away yesterday, exactly six months after his diagnosis.

He’s finally at peace now...
The last few days were just incredibly hard and exhausting...

ruggedgardener74 said:My dad passed away this morning.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Once you get logged back into Reddit, I'll have sent you a private message.

Just when I think things are looking up, everything tanks again...

Life is nothing but ups and downs. Hopefully we can carry whatever weight comes our way...

😢Every time you start feeling a little better, some new news hits and you're back to bleeding...😢

We sat down with the oncologist yesterday, and unfortunately, they told us we've reached the point where there’s nothing left to try.
The radiation didn't work... the tumor hasn't shrunk at all. 😢

On top of everything, the tumor bleeds occasionally, and we're terrified he might hemorrhage, which can happen so easily.

For two days now, I've been living through a nightmare, just like everyone else here facing their own versions of this. It's hard to keep going when you know someone you love is simply fading away...

Once the radiation is finished, they'll be discharging him, and we've decided to bring him home. They offered hospice or a facility, but mentally he's doing okay—he's aware, still mobile enough to get to the bathroom.

I don't know how much care we'll actually be able to manage with the bleeding, but I just can't put him in a facility...

Dad had a rough day today.
The oncologist called about the tumor bleeding 😢 saying they’ll do everything possible to keep it under control.
This is already the third time the tumor has bled... but today was the worst yet.
As soon as I heard the doctor's voice, I knew things weren't looking good.

I spent the whole afternoon crying my eyes out for Mom. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that Dad is actually losing this fight...

ruggedgardener74 said:The numbers are finally starting to trend down. Looks like the treatment is actually hitting the mark based on today's labs...
Dad seems to be winning another round 🙂 at this point, we just pray and take pride in how much of a fighter he is...

How’s your dad doing? Any updates?

Bravo, bravo, bravo to Dad!!!
A true fighter...

ruggedgardener74 said:It’s pneumonia, in the ICU. They have him on three different antibiotics plus transfusions and everything else... But nobody’s telling us if there’s actually a chance he pulls through. The situation is bad.

How's your dad doing? Any updates?...🙂

mistyjackal842 said:How are your fathers doing? No one is posting anything. I hope things are relatively okay. If there are any questions and I can help, I will... feel free to DM me.

Dad is still getting radiation. It's on schedule. He only missed one day because the machine broke down. No major side effects from the radiation itself yet...

He’s gotten so weak, really... especially since being in the hospital.
I truly hope we can somehow get him back on his feet once he's out of the hospital...
I hope...😢😢😢

We’ll reach out to his doctor once he’s done with radiation to see about getting home health or palliative care set up...
He’s only home on weekends now. During the week, he’s at the clinic for radiation...

While he was waiting for radiation, we were mixing up all sorts of foods at home, supplementing everything with Prosure / Ensure. We try to give him plenty of fruits and veggies—basically whatever he asks for—even if swallowing is such a struggle... he still asks for food and shows interest...
We're feeding him through his G-tube several times a day.
But he’s definitely losing weight... I know there's no magic wand to just suddenly "fix" a patient like this...😢

I'm sure some of you here have dealt with cachexia when a loved one is fighting cancer...

My dad is fading fast... currently undergoing radiation...

Any advice on what to ask the doctors? Is there anything actually helpful for cachexia?

Eric Newman75 said:How do you guys communicate? I used to write things on scraps of paper. Sometimes I'd write out a longer note, but never during the actual conversation—more like after the fact. So I get the frustration...

There’s this one block where he's just chemically exhausted, so he writes down what he wants to say—but still in these short bursts. We have to fill in the blanks ourselves to figure out his point.

It’s frustrating when he can't find the words right then...
Just thinking about how hard that must be for him...

Dad sees everything, but he’s completely helpless...

He hasn't touched food or drink in three months... we have to rely entirely on his stoma. A man who lived for good meals, for Mom's cooking, for all those little things... now he can't even take a sip of water. 😢
And on top of that, he can't say a word... it’s killing him even more. He wants to tell us something, but he just can't.

It's incredibly hard to wrap my head around this... so hard...

We don't show any weakness in front of him: we laugh, we talk to him like he's still the old man, recounting our day... but inside, I'm falling apart.

ruggedgardener74 said:Dad’s doing quite a bit worse. Cognitively and personality-wise, he's basically a different person. The MRI didn't show massive progression, but we can see it... Chemotherapy was stopped because it was nearly destroying his whole system. Waiting on the oncologist next week. Not looking good...

Where's the radiation happening? Which city?

The radiation will be at the Mayo Clinic in Seattle.

Is he in pain? Is he still mobile?
😢

Our dad was holding up pretty well mentally at first, but as time goes on and he deals with the illness, he just keeps "slipping"... It's hard watching him like this, knowing there's nothing I can do to help.