Posts by Adam Booth7

Nothing special was uncovered, and honestly, it doesn't have to be. I don't recall anything specific enough to even recount; my childhood was perfectly normal through age five. Some things are just buried deep inside us, and we have no clue what they were or when they left their mark. According to her, everything happens during childhood—it could be something completely trivial that you forget because it didn't seem important at the time. She also mentioned it can happen during birth itself. My delivery was difficult, if that was the case. But looking back, I’ve always been a bit of a fearful person. For instance, back in third grade, I went through a phase where I felt this obsessive need to wash my hands constantly. It lasted a few months or so.
I remember one time when I was about four and my sister was three; we were at a park and Dad decided to play a little prank by hiding from us. It didn't last long. I don't remember being scared or particularly affected by it, but I did end up wetting my pants. The Psychiatric specialist says even something like that counts.
We all expect some massive trauma or grand event, but sometimes it's just ordinary moments that hit us hard in that specific instant. I find myself asking her if it's possible to actually feel better. You internalize certain things and feelings so deeply that you start thinking they're just normal. Certain anxieties still nag at me. For example, when my daughter was enrolling for school recently, we had to go through all those medical checkups and stuff. I was so anxious about whether everything was okay. Of course, it was fine, but my head always jumps to these horrific scenarios—like, "everything was fine until the blood work came back and it was leukemia" or something. I try to convince myself that if there were actually an issue, it would have been noticed, but... I try to keep it under control so it doesn't completely take over.
A friend of mine had terrible issues with panic attacks. He was constantly in the ER, demanding tests that doctors literally begged him not to do because they were unnecessary—rectoscopies and things like that. He was convinced there was a physical ailment causing it all. It got to the point where he couldn't function or even stand up. He’d dealt with real tragedies, though; his mother passed away, then his sister while he was still in puberty, and he lived through the war. But he’s recovered now. It hasn't happened again. At first, he was seeing a psychiatrist every other day, and after six months, he started feeling better. Listen, even today he’s afraid of certain things, but remember: fear is normal as long as it stays within the boundaries of protecting us. But once it takes control, it’s a nightmare. You have to learn how to live with it and overcome those attacks. You have to learn self-control.
Try to learn how to regulate yourself; that’s why all that breathing stuff is so important.

Welcome to the club. My first panic attack hit when I was 16, and it was brutal. I saw doctors and psychiatrists back then, but nobody ever actually told me what was happening. It resurfaced eight years later, turned into a miserable six-month stretch, and then just... stopped. I honestly thought I’d moved past it. I thought it was behind me. Then, out of nowhere, right on Christmas Eve... it happened again. It’s a horrific feeling. Ever since, I haven't been okay. Everything feels centered around it. I tried to handle it alone, struggled through it, and eventually went to my GP. When I opened up, she basically told me she couldn't see any connection, saying I looked too "strong" for that. She prescribed me Helix 0.5. That helped enough to let me sleep, at least. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, and I’m still going. I’m not fully recovered, but I’m living. I’m taking it one day at a time and trying to understand myself better. Of course, that one attack wasn't the only one; I can practically summon them now. I feel it starting to spread through my body. I don't take anything else. My diagnosis is anxiety with some depressive elements. My psychiatrist didn't want to start me on antidepressants yet because they take so long to kick in, so I'm fighting this on my own. You’ll have ups and downs—moments of euphoria where you think you've conquered it, followed by a sudden, sharp drop back into that terror. For me, it didn't even happen when I expected it. I had a death in the family—my grandmother passed away. I was there for her final struggles, which were awful, and I was 100% certain the panic would hit me then. But no. It hit me two months after she died, totally out of the blue.
It helps to realize you aren't alone in this. When it first happened, I was absolutely convinced it was a physical disease. No one in my circle had ever dealt with anything like it. People tell me that more intelligent people tend to struggle with this more often, which offers a small bit of comfort.
Hang in there. There are more of us out here.