Posts by nimblenomad8

I was scrolling through my feed the other day, just looking for a bit of distraction, and I realized something that kind of unsettled me. It feels like the "void" is disappearing. You know that feeling when you open a chat window, or a comment section, or even just a blank text box, and there’s this tiny, quiet space for human thought to exist? It’s that moment of hesitation before you type, or the silence when you're waiting for a real person to respond?

It feels like we are rapidly approaching a point where that silence is being colonized. Everywhere I look, there's this push to ensure that no digital space is ever truly "empty" again. It’s not just about search engines anymore; it’s about the very fabric of our personal interactions. It feels like the platforms are terrified of us being alone with our own thoughts or, heaven forbid, having a conversation that doesn't involve a predictive suggestion or a synthetic participant.

I remember back in the early days of social media, it felt much more... raw? You’d post something, and if no one replied, it was just a quiet moment in the digital ether. Now, it feels like there is an invisible hand constantly hovering over the keyboard, ready to jump in and "help" facilitate a conversation that maybe didn't need facilitating. There's this creeping sense of "synthetic companionship" being baked into every single corner of the internet.

Personally, I find it a bit claustrophobic. I like the idea of a tool that helps me find a recipe or summarizes a long email, sure. But when the "interactable" element starts bleeding into our private messaging and our niche social spaces, I wonder what happens to the authenticity of a conversation. If I can just ping a ghost in the machine to keep a thread going or to bounce an idea off a non-human entity, does the weight of human interaction start to diminish? It’s like the difference between talking to a friend in a quiet park and talking to someone in a crowded room where a dozen people are constantly trying to chime in with "helpful" suggestions.

There's a psychological component here that I can't shake. We are social animals, but we also require solitude and genuine, unmediated connection. If every digital interface is being outfitted with a "brain" that is always on, always ready to engage, are we losing the ability to just *be*? Are we training ourselves to expect a response every time we speak, even if that response is just a sophisticated echo of our own prompts?

I worry we're heading toward a "Dead Internet" scenario, not because the humans are gone, but because the presence of these synthetic entities becomes so pervasive that you can't tell where the human intent ends and the algorithmic suggestion begins. It’s like a layer of digital white noise that never turns off. We used to go to certain corners of the web to escape the noise; now, it feels like the noise is being integrated into the very tools we use to escape it.

I’m curious to see how people are actually feeling about this integration. Are you genuinely excited about having more "entities" to interact with in your digital spaces, or do you find the constant presence of these automated assistants to be a bit much? Does it feel like progress to you, or does it feel like the digital world is getting a little too crowded?

I finally saw my therapist. Honestly, I wish I’d gone sooner. She really listened and asked if I actually wanted to keep coming back. On one hand, I definitely do—for the kids. But on the other, I don't want to do it for myself because I hate how it messes with my headspace.
The point is, they're there to help unconditionally. Based on her reaction yesterday, I could tell she was genuinely worried, and she promised me there wouldn't be any "consequences." I went back again today and tried to pull myself together. I told her I'm trying not to think so negatively and that I'm working hard to move past it.
Yesterday, a close friend from New York City called me up. She means the world to me, and she said she’d swing by just to be there for me. It gave me a little boost, even if it was just for a moment.
After my session today, I was driving home when suddenly my phone rings. Unknown number. I picked up and felt this literal chill run down my spine. It was one of "those" people—one of the ones who practically harassed me about how I dared to stay pregnant and what I was going to do with a child... I stayed quiet for as long as I could before telling her I knew exactly who she was and that I didn't want to talk. But she insisted on talking just so she could feel justified. She actually snapped at me, saying she never said those things and asking why I was so gullible to listen. Then, she had the nerve to tell me that everything is for the best now, to just take a deep breath, and that every wound heals in time. I'm not writing this to blame her, but it's the way she trivializes the whole thing that hurts. To her, it's nothing. And she thinks if anyone disagrees, we should just accept it because it's "legal" and therefore morally right?! Whatever. Not only did she knock me right back into that dark place, but now I'm spiraling even worse. It's hitting me all at once. I'm finally seeing the full scale of what happened and what I've done. Everything is crashing down on me; I feel like I can't breathe, my heart is just aching, and I can still feel that heaviness inside me, just imagining...

Honestly, they’re being so incredibly sweet that it’s actually making me feel a little nauseous. It’s a lot. They offered to help, and I'm heading to a specialized unit this Monday that handles cases just like mine. One lady there once mentioned that they’re required to step in if they sense anything "isn't right" with a mother, just so they can act quickly. Maybe she didn't mean it quite so literally, or maybe my brain is just spiraling right now—it's hard to tell when my thoughts are racing like this. It makes everything feel so heavy and awkward. Still, I don't really have a choice. I'm genuinely not doing well and I'm pretty lost on how this is all going to play out. To make matters worse, I start my new job on Monday, I've got college finals looming, and I have no clue how I'm going to juggle it all—not to mention the constant anxiety from the echoes in my head.

I tried calling yesterday and the day before—during the day, at night, even in the middle of the night—but nobody picks up. It’s just ringing out there with zero response. I’m living in France, and honestly, I’m a bit lost regarding those sanctions, but from what I gather about how they operate, they move incredibly fast when it comes to "the child's best interest." Now I'm just stuck not knowing what my next move should be. I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone to actually vent to, but unfortunately, everyone is just way too far away...

Thanks so much! I’ll give it a shot later. Things are actually way more intense up here than I expected. I managed to snag an appointment with a therapist for Monday, but honestly? I'm pretty terrified of being totally real with her about what's going on in my head right now. I’m worried about the fallout. People around here are really strict about this stuff, and since they know I'm flying solo with two kids, I'm scared they might try to penalize me somehow. But then again, if I go there and just sugarcoat everything, what's even the point? :/

Back again! My number isn't working and my brain is about to explode.

Thanks! :'(

Michelle Evans said:Athena, would you perhaps like to hop on a call with a specialist to talk through how you're feeling? There are numbers available you can reach out to, free of charge and completely anonymous...

If anyone has a number I could call, I’d really appreciate it! Honestly, I have no clue where to even start looking.

I’m on board with everyone here given the circumstances. I don't usually hang out on forums, but swapping thoughts isn't a bad idea, even if we all see things so differently. Donna Carter13, I totally get why you’re skeptical about any kind of relationship; I didn't just jump into a romance based on looks alone either, but hey, that’s beside the point now. Maybe I shouldn't have shared my whole life story because it muddies the main point. The real issue is that I acted without sitting down and actually thinking it through first. You guys might be looking at this thinking, "Well, there's already a failed marriage and two kids involved, what's one more?" And honestly? I know I could have raised that child just fine with all the love and care I gave my first ones. But in a split second, my brain just froze. I let myself be swayed by the pathetic opinions of people who—and I'm only realizing this now—aren't even worth my time, let alone my attention. I don't mean they're pathetic because of their stance on abortion, but because they were being selfish, only looking at how things affected them. At the end of the day, the buck stops with me. I’m the one who made the call. So, it is what it is. I've learned the hard way that decisions like this shouldn't be made based on anyone else's advice or suggestions. You have to sit with yourself. If I were in this spot tomorrow, I wouldn't tell a soul what was happening, and I'd never do this again. My conscience just can't handle it.

Of course, I’m not going to dwell on the past or play the "what if" game—that goes against my optimistic nature! But when I say I’m a believer, yet also mention I felt like jumping off a building yesterday... well, believe me, both can be true. Just like I swore I'd never have an abortion, I thought I'd never even consider suicide. But when you're pushed to the edge, anything can cross your mind. It all comes down to the individual and their faith, but we shouldn't be shocked by anyone, and we definitely shouldn't judge. Thank God I kept my head on straight. Anyone who knows me would never guess I could be in this state; I've always been the positive, high-energy type who thinks everything can be fixed. I've handled the bad stuff before without letting it crush me, but man, we all have our breaking points, and I tripped up in the clumsiest way possible. Now, I'm moving forward, hoping the pain fades or stays far enough away that it doesn't cloud my view of the future. I've learned my lesson, paid the price, and I'm moving on. I still have the strength to fight for my ideals and help make this world a better place for our kids. I finally understand what Albert Einstein meant: "Never do anything that goes against your conscience, even if the government demands it!" 😉

Man, this is rough. It nearly broke me this time around. Honestly, I don't know when I'll ever feel ready to get close to someone again, though that’s probably the least of my worries right now. My biggest issue is just the guilt eating at me. I’m a believer, and I try my absolute best to live by my values. Yesterday, things got so dark I actually thought about jumping off a building because I felt so sick to my stomach, but thank God I didn't. Today is okay. I’m still dwelling on it—I told myself I wouldn't, but no matter what I do, it just keeps looping back. That feeling, that sense that I let myself be talked into it... it won't go away. I'm going to go for a walk; the sunshine gives me hope, and they say it helps recharge your batteries too. 🙂

Yeah, you’re probably right—I definitely messed up. I totally get it, and I know I made things sound way simpler than they actually were. The worst part is we were being super careful and using protection, too. And look, it wasn't just me who disappeared; he was actually asking me to fix this because we're stuck in such a messy spot. He was even with me yesterday, so honestly, I have zero issues with him personally. I guess I'm just kicking myself because once I found myself in this situation, I folded before I could really process everything. It all happened so fast! They rushed me through because that whole medication protocol only lasts nine weeks, and I was already hitting my ninth week. I'm fully aware of what I did and how I handled it. I know there are much bigger problems out there in the world, but this experience has been absolutely brutal and painful for me. Honestly, I don't see any connection between whether a baby is conceived in a marriage or just a fling. As a mom, I’d never dream of just jumping into "one-night stands" for the thrill of it. When I got involved with this guy, I never imagined we’d break up after six months, let alone that I'd end up pregnant—especially since, based on my past, it's never been an issue. But when it comes down to it, where the baby came from doesn't matter; the child is yours, period, unless you're dealing with some extreme legal nightmare I don't know about. Anyway, it's done now. Hopefully, things will get easier with time.

For sure, but I can tell you one thing—I would never turn away a child like that. I got married super young, just 20. Honestly, I don't even know why! My parents were all for it, basically saying, "Hey, if college isn't working out, just get married." So, being a bit impulsive, I dropped everything and said, "Fine, let's do this, I want my own family." I moved halfway across the country and dove headfirst into being a housewife—cooking, cleaning, laundry, the whole nine yards. Then, after two years of marriage, I found out he was cheating. In some old-fashioned circles, people act like it’s just "how men are"—that they need to stray a bit before coming home—but mine really took to it and wouldn't stop. That went on for four more years until my little girl got sick and ended up in the ICU. I spent a month straight by her side in the hospital while my mom stepped in to help with my older kid so my husband could keep working. Once we finally got home and things settled, I did a little digging online to see what he'd been up to while I was preoccupied, and yep, he was still seeing the same person. Eventually, I just snapped. I knew exactly how everyone would react, so I didn't say a word to my family at first. I knew they'd make a huge scene and try to explain my divorce to the entire neighborhood like it was the end of the world. But I was exhausted, and I had to protect my mental health just to be a good mom. (Side note: he actually abused me for six years, too.) Anyway, the divorce was a nightmare, and his exit was just as messy, though I kept the kids. I stayed single, raised them through school, and life moved on. Two years later, I met an old friend—a single guy I'd known forever through his mom. We started dating casually, no big expectations or heavy promises. But after six months, he tells me he's just not ready to be with a woman who has kids and that he's not looking to marry overnight. I was like, "Okay, fine." But when you want something and someone says no, there's nothing you can do. Then, out of nowhere, he starts begging his godmother to convince me to give up my child. His mom lost it, her blood pressure spiked, and suddenly everyone is throwing stones at me. And so, here I am.

I actually grew up in a huge metropolis and lived through all those "perks," so I’m pretty open-minded about everything—I don't have an issue with abortion rights, the LGBTQ+ community, and all that. But, looking at my own life? If you asked me on a Friday night, I’d swear up and down I’d never go through with it myself... Honestly, these situations are just bizarre and deeply human, but when I think back to the very beginning... I can't help but wonder what kind of mistake sent me into this world in the first place!

Look, nobody's irrelevant here. Just as a side note, I've already got two kids, and looking at them now, I can't help but imagine a third. Honestly, I can still feel that longing... When everyone eventually moves out, they’ll be the ones staying by my side. On my toughest days, just looking at them makes everything feel brighter and easier. I catch myself thinking about how much laughter one more little soul would bring to my home, but hey... I'm not
exactly young enough to use that as an excuse 🙂 though maybe I just overthink things too much. Plus, life hasn't exactly been handing me many wins lately. :/

I mean, I hope not. They offered me the same thing because they heard stories about women back in the day going through ten miscarriages and losing all five, but honestly? That just isn't me. :/ Plus, things are pretty rough right now and I'm basically on my own. The people I’d actually turn to live too far away, and I really don't want to burden anyone else—some are out of state, others have enough on their plates already. As for the procedure itself, it’s a little "easier" here, if you can call it that, mostly because the mental toll was just brutal for me. Basically, you take a pill, and a few hours later, everything starts happening. You're at the hospital under supervision, and the nurses and doctors are wonderful—really kind people—but once it actually happens and you have to see it... well, yeah.

I was honestly over the moon when I found out I was pregnant, and then just like that, everything came crashing down. I’m in a pretty complicated spot right now—I’ll explain more later—but it makes me wonder if we're all just monsters. I don't even know at what point I let things slip, but I was so terrified of making a mess of my entire life, and now here I am. Deep down, I really want to believe that time heals all wounds, but right now? It just hurts. :'(

Nope, I’m not on any meds. Honestly, I’ve been pushing back on that idea. I’m going to try and score an appointment with a specialist tomorrow, though I’m feeling a little pessimistic about it. Right before I made my decision, I chatted with one of those experts and she tried her best to convince me that it was all just super simple!

I’m a little lost right now—still figuring out how everything works here, so I didn't jump in to reply immediately.
Honestly, I don't even know where to start. I'm pretty confused, and it's a long story... The main thing is, I really didn't want to end up doing what I did, but hey, there's always some silly excuse, right? Now I'm just sitting here moping about it...

So, I figured I’d come here looking for some comfort. Even if I end up getting judged by some people, I’m honestly okay with taking that risk. 🙂 Ugh, I’m not entirely sure if this is the right sub, but given everything going on, it felt like the best fit. Basically, I had an abortion yesterday and now, to put it lightly, I'm feeling pretty wiped out. There just aren't many people in my life I can actually talk to about this...