Posts by redcanyon93

Oh, I completely empathize with that struggle... It’s a real issue for me too. I have this friend who’s been married for years, and she was honest enough to admit that it took her an absolute eternity to get used to sharing a bed with someone—you know, her husband. Between the constant tug-of-war over the blankets and the fact that you never truly have a moment of peace because you aren't even alone during your downtime... it's exhausting. And don't even get me started on how I look right before hitting the hay or the second I wake up. I can barely stand the sight of myself, so I can only imagine what another person sees 🙂

Kenneth Howard7 said:For me, it really boils down to practicality and my bank account.

Think about it—maintaining a certain look and keeping up with grooming takes a massive amount of both time and money. When I’m flying solo, I can just skip the hair removal until I actually head to the beach (if I even bother 😁, honestly), and it feels incredibly liberating. I know there are guys out there who wouldn't mind if their partner was a bit more low-maintenance, but usually, those guys don't put much effort into themselves either, and I'm just not sure I could deal with someone like that 😁. I realize how hypocritical that sounds, though.

Plus, there are all these endless compromises that end up draining your time and cash. Of course, maybe one day after I've finally read every book on my list, mastered several languages, and realized I have nowhere to go with all this knowledge, I might actually want someone by my side. But even then, I'm fully aware that my options will be pretty limited 😢

You were being very honest there, and to be fair, I felt exactly the same way back when I didn't have much cash to spare... but honestly, that's a silly way to look at it... you can spend next to nothing on these things and still look decent... before I had any real money, I used to buy those terrible drugstore hair removal kits and just do it myself at home... now that I can afford to head to a professional salon, the idea of going back to melting wax on the stove seems absolutely dreadful, but at the end of the day, both methods lead to the same result... it really shouldn't be a reason to stay single, just because you have to heat up some wax on your kitchen stove...

Carol Thomas85 said:You definitely need to tackle that insecurity you mentioned in your opening post, though. But hey, staying single doesn't mean you aren't insecure; that's just sweeping everything under the rug! Work on yourself first, then test those waters in a relationship... if you're truly confident, you'll feel that way whether you're flying solo or paired up... Being afraid of yourself and your own feelings is just a defense mechanism, and sure, it might help occasionally, but living in fear isn't really living—it's just waiting for life to pass you by...

A "stable" relationship would imply everything stays frozen and static, but nature is all about flow and change! Think of a relationship like a game. As long as you share interests and play together with the same level of enthusiasm, the game keeps going... but once one person loses interest, or wants to play a different game, or wants to play with someone else, you fight over the toys, and then it's time to stop playing! When the game turns into "HARD WORK, a small pay" like you said, you walk away! Just don't stop playing altogether!!!!

The whole point is not taking life too seriously, because honestly, there's no proof that life is actually a serious business... Practice letting go and remember that this too shall pass, whatever it is, good or bad, because it all comes down to how you perceive it...

Looking back at everything I've been through—and man, I've definitely crashed and burned hard sometimes—I wouldn't trade those experiences for nothingness. No way!

From Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

I think that was beautifully put, and I have definitely realized that I shouldn't take things quite so heavily. While you are with someone—well, you are, but whether you will be tomorrow? Neither you nor they know... there is no telling what life will throw at you... not even when you are married, let alone in an informal relationship....

However, let's say one thing I don't have to obsess over when I am single is money. I spend what I have, or what I don't have, on whatever I want or don't want. But once you are with someone, you always find yourself having to account for that other person, even if they earn their own living and have their own funds.... perhaps I don't feel like spending a weekend at a vineyard out in Napa... but he, for some reason, absolutely insists on going... or maybe I don't want to buy a new car... but he firmly believes I need one, whereas, honestly, my old clunker works just fine for me... yet I sense he thinks I *should* or *deserve* to have a new car, so why wouldn't I just buy it if I could? Except, I would much rather spend that money on books or tuck it away in savings because I simply cannot function without my emergency fund....

Maybe that is a silly example, but for me, it is all incredibly stressful. When I am solo, I drive my old car and I don't have to justify myself to anyone. If acquaintances or friends happen to mention it, I can easily brush them off, because I truly don't care what they think about it. But if a partner is constantly nagging me about it, then I start to feel terrible. Because I get this impression that they don't fully accept me because of something as trivial as an old car.

And there are a million examples like that. Everything from what people eat, to how they work, sleep, or dress.... I probably do the same to partners, commenting on every little thing, but clearly, other people don't perceive these things as dramatically as I do..

Carol Thomas85 said:Hmm, well, isn't it also kind of cowardly to cling to someone just because you're scared of being alone? It's really just two sides of the same coin...

In my book, you have to distinguish between "being alone" and "feeling lonely." I’d much rather be by myself and feel totally fine than be stuck in bad company... so either way, I'm not lonely! Loneliness doesn't drive me, and it definitely doesn't hold me back...

There’s definitely some truth to the idea that relationships can get messy—they can stir up all kinds of internal chaos depending on who you are... but there's also this truth that being alone offers this crystal-clear picture of yourself and a real sense of emotional stability...

But man, that magic of sharing the beautiful moments with someone else? That is absolutely priceless...
Building something together, growing together, just enjoying life as a duo—that is pure magic! Nobody should ever give that up! Just, you know, don't lose yourself in the process when you're with someone else...

The key is just being okay with whatever you choose, whether it's solo time or partner time... just always pick what's best for YOU. If you want to be with someone, go all in! Give it 100%, let go, and enjoy the ride—don't live in fear. And if you want to be on your own, then love that and soak it up too...

Ugh, now I'm actually craving a little bit of that magic myself just to sweeten things up! 😁

This is beautifully put. Personally, I think I've come to realize that I value my own emotional peace far more than I value the stress that comes with dating... I mean, maybe there are some "stable" couples out there that I simply haven't encountered yet, but I highly doubt it... To me, maintaining a relationship feels like nothing but HARD WORK for very little reward 🙂
It's like spending all day digging ditches in the middle of a dusty Texas summer for pennies; by the end of it, you find yourself wishing you had never stepped foot in the trench at all...

Where does one even go? Where do the night owls head? 🙂

In my estimation, there is a certain cowardice involved in staying with someone simply because the prospect of being alone is too daunting... at least, by my own metric.

Furthermore, when I utilized the word "afraid," I was referring to the fact that I fear *for* the other person. Their well-being matters to me; I feel a sense of responsibility toward them that extends beyond my own interests. When you are flying solo, you are only ever responsible for your own actions and your own consequences.

I am not entirely certain if I emphasized clearly enough that solitude does not bother me—unlike how it seems to affect certain other people. I don't spiral into depression, I don't spend my weekends weeping, nor do I harbor any thoughts of self-harm.

@Jamie Johnson6, my apologies, I didn't catch that quite right 🙂

@Jamie Johnson6 — you’ve actually provided a rather poignant example here, and frankly, I suspect that man is perfectly content with the life he’s carved out for himself. In fact, I’d argue there is a certain merit to the fact that others have decided to stop "trying to help" him... because if he truly found himself in need of assistance, I am certain he would be the first to ask for it.
The only point where I find myself unable to concur is your suggestion that he is mentally ill; though, I assume you were merely using that as a figure of speech rather than implying a clinical diagnosis.
I personally know quite a few people who are married and are, in fact, profoundly mentally ill. It stands to reason that marriage and one's mental state are not inherently correlated at all...

Gerald Grant3 said:Every time someone starts a thread about being single... a bunch of self-righteous busybodies jump in to insist it’s just a temporary phase that’ll eventually pass. They basically try to make you feel "broken" just because you aren't coupled up.

If someone is happy and perfectly fine being single, why shouldn't they be?
It feels like we’re constantly forced to apologize for it.🙄

Yeah, I’m feeling exactly the same way. Honestly, it’s starting to rub me the wrong way. Like, excuse me, but where on earth do they get the nerve to start dictating what the standards should be? It’s absurd! If anything, they should be the ones offering me an apology... because most of the time, I’m stuck listening to their endless domestic disputes, their constant bickering, and all those messy stories about their various affairs and whatnot...

rustybadger17 said:wow

talking down to people like that, acting like you've lived a thousand lives already.

I completely agree with you regarding that condescending tone, as if she’s lived a thousand lifetimes. Honestly, she hasn't even grasped the core of what we're discussing.

@granitefalcon26 - most people are just driven by pure envy; they desperately want to believe that since you're divorced, things must be going terribly for you😁 and that their own miserable marriages are somehow superior simply because they aren't flying solo😁—as if being cheated on, feeling utterly depressed, and hating the very person you wake up next to every morning isn't a massive tragedy compared to your situation. Good grief, I have lost count of how many times I've heard these pathetic excuses from "girlfriends"...😁

What I was actually trying to get at is that, when weighing the constant turmoil of a toxic relationship against peaceful solitude (which, let's be honest, has its own downsides), I would much rather embrace a quiet, high-quality life alone🙂 than have the freedom to travel whenever I want, only to have someone constantly monitoring my every move or worrying that those extra three pounds might "threaten" the marriage and give my spouse an excuse to go out and cheat... and so on.

Maybe choosing the path of least resistance is a bit lazy, but in my book, it's a much more dignified way to live...🙂

I was catching up with a friend the other day, and they mentioned that quite a few people they know see me as someone who is much better off flying solo. To be perfectly honest, I find myself falling squarely into that same category as well.

What is your take on people like this? Is it simply a matter of finding comfort in one's own company, or does it stem from some sort of emotional incapacity? Are we all just becoming increasingly comfortable being alone... perhaps too much so?

Let me elaborate on why being alone is actually far less taxing for me than being in a relationship. When I am by myself, I don't feel the absence of anyone; I’m not waiting on anyone, nor am I constantly preoccupied with whether someone else is okay or if something has gone wrong in their life...

However, once I am with someone else, I become painfully aware of my own solitude, and that realization starts to weigh heavily on me—it's significantly harder to bear than when I am ACTUALLY ALONE. Every moment that person is absent begins to ache; every smile they offer to another woman feels like a sting, and every harsh word cuts deep... yet, when I am solo, I don't even get the impression that anything is missing at all. I can't tell if this is entirely sane, but the truth is I am genuinely HAPPIER alone than I am with someone... and apparently, that isn't supposed to be "normal," is it?