What’s your relationship with your dad like?
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Hello everyone—I am new here and still finding my way around this forum. Please bear with me if I make any mistakes along the way.
Here is my story:
I am 17 years old, living at home with my mother, my sister, and my father. For three years now, my father has been a severe alcoholic, and for those entire three years, our family has been absolutely devastated. He drinks day in and day night—more and more every single day. It is humiliating; we can’t even go out together as a family anymore. He totaled the car, my sister and I have zero peace to actually study, and my mother is constantly on edge...
I honestly don't know exactly how this spiraled, I just know it keeps getting worse. Dad has been admitted to rehab twice, but every single time he comes back, he just drinks harder. Mom, my sister, and I have tried purging every drop of alcohol from the house, but he always brings more in and hides it. When we inevitably find it, he just plays games—claiming "it isn't mine" or spinning some ridiculous lie. We have sat him down to talk so many times; look, the man is truly wonderful when he is sober—he is always the first to lend a hand, and everyone in our neighborhood loves him. I have cried right in front of him, begging him to stop, and every time, he would just pull me into a hug... In the past, when he stumbled home drunk, he and Mom would argue, and then he’d just head to bed. Back then, somehow, it was almost tolerable.
But over the last year, things have truly spiraled out of control. Dad joined some recovery group, but instead of things improving, the police ended up knocking on my door. He got into a car accident—obviously, because he was drunk. Thankfully, he survived without major injuries. That night, it finally hit me: there is no way out of this. I was completely broken. I started skipping school; I would literally run out of the house just so I didn't have to listen to the screaming... Whenever a week or two would pass without him drinking, I’d feel a glimmer of hope and think, "Thank God, he finally learned his lesson," but of course, I was always disappointed. Lately, his drinking has become even more frequent, and the arguments have escalated into physical violence. When Mom loses it, she becomes aggressive—there were times she would slap him. There has been hitting with umbrellas, chairs... and he eventually fought back against her once. I find myself standing between them, trying to pull them apart, crying, screaming... and nothing works. I have told them repeatedly that if this continues, I am leaving. And you know what? I did leave. They called me, and I told them I was staying at a friend's place. No—they simply did not grasp how hard this is for me, or that I left because of *them*. They have fought so many times; believe me, I have never seen anything more horrific in my life.
I could write until tomorrow, but I think this is enough for you all to grasp the situation I am in.
What should I do?
Do I call the police? What are they even going to do about a drunk man and an enraged woman?
Should they get a divorce? No, I can't allow that. What happens to the property and the income? Mom doesn't work.
Please, I am begging for advice. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I am entering my senior year of high school soon and heading toward college—this is one of the most critical periods of my life—but if this chaos continues, I can't even dream of achieving anything at all...
"When I finally reach those heights of happiness again, building it up with small joys, despite everything, he will reappear and tear me down, just like he always does..."
Thank you.
Here is my story:
I am 17 years old, living at home with my mother, my sister, and my father. For three years now, my father has been a severe alcoholic, and for those entire three years, our family has been absolutely devastated. He drinks day in and day night—more and more every single day. It is humiliating; we can’t even go out together as a family anymore. He totaled the car, my sister and I have zero peace to actually study, and my mother is constantly on edge...
I honestly don't know exactly how this spiraled, I just know it keeps getting worse. Dad has been admitted to rehab twice, but every single time he comes back, he just drinks harder. Mom, my sister, and I have tried purging every drop of alcohol from the house, but he always brings more in and hides it. When we inevitably find it, he just plays games—claiming "it isn't mine" or spinning some ridiculous lie. We have sat him down to talk so many times; look, the man is truly wonderful when he is sober—he is always the first to lend a hand, and everyone in our neighborhood loves him. I have cried right in front of him, begging him to stop, and every time, he would just pull me into a hug... In the past, when he stumbled home drunk, he and Mom would argue, and then he’d just head to bed. Back then, somehow, it was almost tolerable.
But over the last year, things have truly spiraled out of control. Dad joined some recovery group, but instead of things improving, the police ended up knocking on my door. He got into a car accident—obviously, because he was drunk. Thankfully, he survived without major injuries. That night, it finally hit me: there is no way out of this. I was completely broken. I started skipping school; I would literally run out of the house just so I didn't have to listen to the screaming... Whenever a week or two would pass without him drinking, I’d feel a glimmer of hope and think, "Thank God, he finally learned his lesson," but of course, I was always disappointed. Lately, his drinking has become even more frequent, and the arguments have escalated into physical violence. When Mom loses it, she becomes aggressive—there were times she would slap him. There has been hitting with umbrellas, chairs... and he eventually fought back against her once. I find myself standing between them, trying to pull them apart, crying, screaming... and nothing works. I have told them repeatedly that if this continues, I am leaving. And you know what? I did leave. They called me, and I told them I was staying at a friend's place. No—they simply did not grasp how hard this is for me, or that I left because of *them*. They have fought so many times; believe me, I have never seen anything more horrific in my life.
I could write until tomorrow, but I think this is enough for you all to grasp the situation I am in.
What should I do?
Do I call the police? What are they even going to do about a drunk man and an enraged woman?
Should they get a divorce? No, I can't allow that. What happens to the property and the income? Mom doesn't work.
Please, I am begging for advice. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I am entering my senior year of high school soon and heading toward college—this is one of the most critical periods of my life—but if this chaos continues, I can't even dream of achieving anything at all...
"When I finally reach those heights of happiness again, building it up with small joys, despite everything, he will reappear and tear me down, just like he always does..."
Thank you.