Posts by steelmarlin77

I just wanted to give a massive shout-out to everyone who chimed in on this thread. Honestly, you guys are all pretty incredible, unique individuals and I love the whole lot of you—even the ones who stayed quiet. With this many brilliant, decent, and straight-shooting people hanging out here, we really ought to be building our own little Shangri-la right here on American soil, if it weren't for those few thousand crooks running the country. But hey, whatever, let’s just keep moving...

Ryan Wilson2 said:How old are you actually? Are we talking 60? Or maybe 70?

I'm holding steady, kind of like a Zen monk. 😁

Here’s a joke about it. Some kids are talking about their grandfathers, and one kid goes, "My grandpa is 50, and he can still crank out 50 push-ups." Another one pipes up, "Well, my great-grandpa is still out there chasing skirts." Then little Peter says, "My grandpa is 90, and he's getting married." Everyone just stares at him like he's crazy, and Peter adds, "He wouldn't even want to, but he totally messed up."

Alternative ending: he wouldn't even want to, but the old timers are forcing his hand....

Scott Miller4 said:How did you land on the idea that this should be enough for enlightenment, self-knowledge, or the peak of self-actualization?

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure if I follow what you’re getting at here—are you unhappy because people don't seem to appreciate your generosity, or is it more that you haven't managed to build any deep connections with anyone?

Do you really think there's nothing higher than giving? After spending years working in non-profits, I’d have to disagree. Interaction is always a two-way street, or rather, there is no such thing as a free lunch...

From a New Age perspective, that’s also fine, since you’ve essentially integrated those people into your own experience. They’re just fragments of who you are.
😁

Is that how it feels to you? It doesn't feel hopeless to me.
I think, if anything, you should start a thread over in psychology. If you even bother...

With certain types of people, you don't even have to give much. There are folks out there who get absolutely nothing from anyone because they're outcasts, or coming out of mental wards, or prison, or just living in the gutter and struggling to survive. For those people, even the smallest gesture can be a massive deal, something that can spark a genuine, deep connection. And they actually know how to value it. But what happens if some of those people are already dead? Then that connection is gone forever. It’s funny how the thick-skinned types tend to climb the ladder to power more easily and usually end up with all the cash, but that's just the way the world turns. The more sensitive souls, the ones who actually bother to connect deeply, find it harder to grab hold of those things. They tend to live shorter lives or face a higher risk of getting sick and kicking the bucket. I won't go dragging specific names into this, but let's just say stress is a nasty beast—it wreaks havoc on the psyche and shows up everywhere, whether it's stomach ulcers, cancer, various blood disorders, or just endless psychological issues. That's why they say misery never travels alone. Having a real bond with those people means walking through double the suffering right alongside them. You end up carrying someone else's cross for part of the journey. And that cross is heavy for you too, especially when you're already lugging around your own. That’s how you really find out who your friends are when you're neck-deep in shit. The ones who stick around, those are your people. When things are going great, you can find "friends" as far as the eye can see.

Scott Miller4 said:How did you land on the idea that this should be enough for enlightenment, self-knowledge, or the peak of self-actualization?

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure if I follow what you’re getting at here—are you unhappy because people don't seem to appreciate your generosity, or is it more that you haven't managed to build any deep connections with anyone?

Do you really think there's nothing higher than giving? After spending years working in non-profits, I’d have to disagree. Interaction is always a two-way street, or rather, there is no such thing as a free lunch...

From a New Age perspective, that’s also fine, since you’ve essentially integrated those people into your own experience. They’re just fragments of who you are.
😁

Is that how it feels to you? It doesn't feel hopeless to me.
I think, if anything, you should start a thread over in psychology. If you even bother...

I’m not a huge fan of looking at other human beings as just mere fragments of myself. For all I know, maybe I’m just a fragment of them, sitting here thinking I'm some uniquely special entity. Or maybe the truth is somewhere drifting in the middle.

It takes actual guts to pull that off. You don't need special bravery just to survive; when you're starving, necessity forces your hand, plain and simple. But acting with courage? That’s not required for basic survival, yet it's absolutely vital if you actually want to grow as a person. I think it really just boils down to that. Courage builds you up, while cowardice just tears you apart from the inside. Now, if I wanted to work directly for God, I guess He’d have to give me a call first, but honestly, it feels like God calls anyone who dares to act bravely, while turning His back on those cowards who just look the other way whenever evil shows up. God is courage, and Satan is nothing but cowardice. There was a time when giving to others was seen as a virtue, encouraged by the powers that be, and it didn't take much backbone to step up. But today? It feels like there’s some parts of this country where it’s practically illegal to feed a homeless person. If you do it, you end up in court—maybe you get slapped with a fine or even spend a month in jail just for feeding someone on the street. And the person who snitches on you? They’re considered a "loyal citizen," maybe even getting some reward for preventing a crime. Around here, it’s still okay if you help someone privately, though even that can get messy, but if you actually want to advocate for things like making sure all kids have food in school, better education, or universal healthcare without wanting to suck up to the wealthy elites or beg for a job... then suddenly you're labeled a socialist, a totalitarian, or responsible for things like the horrors of Jazovka or Rakov Creek. They'll say you're honoring some criminal dictator, and they'll try to throw you in a cell. Look, I don't care much for politics, but I'm not blind. Even the Church helped fuel this mess, though I suppose the new Pope Franjo realized he can't keep going like that or he'll lose his entire flock. You can't just have that top 1% of super-rich people showing up to church like it's the Middle Ages while everyone else is treated like a peasant.

bluemason3 said:To be honest, this feels more like a psychology lecture than an actual PDF. Self-actualization depends entirely on which crowd you decide to hang out with. In this context:

- Buddhism/Advaita: Who is this "you" experiencing the problem? Where do these issues even originate? None of it—not your ego, nor the stuff happening to it—has any objective or lasting reality. Once you grasp the illusionary, transient nature of existence through a direct insight into reality, everything else just sorts itself out. If you don't have to make things difficult, don't.

- Devotional Religion: A higher power dictates and knows everything. Your best bet is to surrender and let go. Let it happen according to His will and grace. Whether it works out or not, we play by His rules.

- The Dark Path: Stop being a coward. Build yourself up, learn to look out for number one, and quit blaming everyone else for your own weaknesses. Make a fortune, maybe summon a demon in a black hoodie if you feel like it. Do whatever you want. Just make sure you're the one in control when it counts.

- Fluffy New Age Vibes: Calibrate your aura, read some mystical poem about love and wisdom, and pay someone to tell you how special you are. Basically, just get lost in the sauce.

That’s pretty much the long and short of it.

Sure, those are the broad strokes, but there’s plenty of life to live outside of religious doctrines and programmed paths. Christianity is a tricky one; they demand you give everything up with the promise of some Heaven in another place that nobody has ever actually returned from to talk about. What if you don't believe in an afterlife? Or what if it simply doesn't exist? Does any of it even matter then? And honestly, does it *really* matter if you're only doing good just to secure a spot in paradise? Because at that point, you're just manipulating yourself into creating a sense of purpose where none exists.

People need connection because, at the end of the day, we’re social animals. We give and we take whenever the mood strikes. You can't really judge who’s been more selfish or stingy, because even the tightwads are losers, or maybe Dickens was just messing with us regarding that miser who hated Christmas. Whether someone is cheap or generous usually just comes down to how they were raised. Some people are taught to be selfless from the time they can walk, while others are taught to be total narcissists. It's like how people say folks from certain regions are stingy while others are big spenders—it's often just a product of their upbringing. But that’s not the point; the point is self-actualization through giving. Man, even Mother Teresa probably wondered near the end of her life if there was any actual point to wiping the asses of the world's sickest patients, even if she did end up with all that fame and global applause. What kind of self-actualization is that? Christianity says she’s heading to a Heaven that might not exist, devotional religion would say she should have prayed or fasted more or listened closer to her guru, the Satanists would call her a fool, and the New Agers would say she should have focused on herself instead of wasting away for others. The only thing I see is that some of these selfless types burn out early, hitting a wall in their thirties or forties. So, from a pure survival standpoint, being selfless doesn't seem to pay off, but maybe, just maybe, it does from the perspective of self-actualization.

Let me expand on this a bit and clear things up, because I think I’m being misunderstood. Take someone like Goran bara, for example. A legendary musician, right? But also a total addict. He says, "My life just shattered when my first wife passed away."

See, my point isn't actually about Goran bara's personal journey toward self-actualization—it's about the self-actualization of his first wife. And even the others, the ones who walked away from him. Does anyone here actually understand how exhausting it is to carry someone like goranin Bareta? How much love do you have to pour into a person just to keep them afloat? In this specific case, the guy actually managed to turn his life around and make something of himself, didn't he? Well, a huge part of that credit belongs to that first wife. Honestly, I feel like dropping some flowers off at Mirjana bara's grave, even if she wasn't out there making his life perfect every single day. Not that it matters much to an addict anyway; they're usually too busy looking for their next fix to notice anything else.

Jerry Bishop73 said:Keep going... you gave, you gifted everything... just drop the expectations. It sounds like you were trying to buy affection and warmth with those gifts. That always backfires. It’s a form of manipulation. I don't mean to lecture you, but take responsibility, crush your ego, and let go of what you expect from others.
Face yourself in the silence, be honest with who you are, forgive, let go, and start loving yourself. Surrender to love. The prerequisite is being at peace with yourself and actually liking the person you see in the mirror.
If you think it's hard, let me tell you: hard = easy. The only difference is your own resistance. Your post comes off as pathetic to me; nobody is going to come pick you up and coddle you. What does "achieving something" actually mean to you? Are you measuring your worth by someone nodding their head, clapping, or showing you respect? Why bother? All joy resides within you; nothing exists outside of yourself.
And if you are healthy, be grateful—and even if you aren't, stay GRATEFUL. Good luck.🙂

Oh, great, thanks a million. You know, hearing that from you makes *me* sound pathetic, like I'm supposed to be sitting here devastated right now, but I'm really not. I guess I just wonder... is this it? Is this the whole deal? I mean, when people talk about sex, there's usually an expectation of an orgasm, right? When people talk about life, there's this idea of self-actualization. It’s not about the math of how much I gave versus how much I got—it's not that I was being stingy. Am I neglecting my own growth just because I care about others? Or maybe self-actualization *is* found in caring for others? I suppose every stay-at-home mom who raised three kids and played the supporting role to her husband's career wonders that same thing. But I don't have kids. And honestly, I probably won't. Life is winding down. Even if it wasn't, I pretty much know how much more I'm going to get out of it. There isn't much room left for deep friendships or soul-crushing loves. At most, you can expect politeness and basic decency. But hey, if even that doesn't show up, I won't hold a grudge.

Do you ever feel like you actually made something of yourself in this life? Because, honestly, I haven't. I poured everything I had into it, really gave my all and handed out everything I could spare to the people around me—to everyone I actually cared about—but apparently, I’m just not important enough to even warrant a response to a post like this. Not that they’d even know I wrote it, anyway. If I had to kick the bucket today, I’m pretty sure all those people have someone else more vital, or way more significant, than me to worry about. They’d move on and forget me pretty damn fast, maybe some would take a little longer, but that’s basically the whole story.

Is that supposed to be enough? You know, for enlightenment, or self-discovery, or reaching the absolute peak of human achievement?
It has to be, because there isn't anything else left to grab onto.