Posts by goldenpanther44

Sarah White50 said:Basically, you think it boils down to being a picky eater?
I honestly think this is just the sickness of the Western world. Work, type, hit your responsibilities, sleep. Repeat.
Even in Sweden, which is supposed to be one of the happiest nations out there, it’s the exact same story. They spend most of the year living like that, just counting down the days until their summer or winter vacations, traveling, and then living off those memories for the rest of the year.
- And they have a reputation for being wild when it comes to hookups and casual sex. You go out, find someone, and it's over by next weekend. But if you read their forums, you wouldn't think that's the case at all. They also deal with that "good boy/girl" syndrome—you know, the person who doesn't hook up and is basically just as boring as the guy who does. They probably struggle with different issues than we do—maybe financially—but socially, we're dealing with the same stuff. Plus, they seem way more detached, which just makes their loneliness even worse.

- My day looks exactly like the one described above: wake up at 6, get home at 6, cook, grocery shop, clean up, TV, and sleep. Even if there were time to hang out (assuming you skip your responsibilities), the people you'd hang out with would have to skip theirs too. There's no such thing as "hey, let's grab coffee spontaneously." Everything has to be scheduled days or weeks in advance. Around here, the only ones doing that are certain immigrant groups living on welfare. They spend all day on the street, ranting about how Sweden stinks and dreaming up new ways to commit crimes, while the people who actually have no free time are the ones paying their bills and giving them pocket money. I'm not a racist, but it's hard not to feel a certain aversion toward people who have been here for five years or more and haven't even tried to integrate, learn the language, or get a job. Of course, not everyone is like that, but that's often the pattern from that part of the world. 🤷

But wait, are you saying this didn't just start since you moved to a new environment, but it was happening even before that? Adapting to a new culture and setting typically brings these kinds of struggles. Regardless of the specific culture, once you reach a certain age, socialization basically narrows down to your partner and other coupled-up people who already know you or your significant other. In the adult world, socialization starts with your partner. We can talk about it however we want, but that is simply the reality of it.

driftingviper16 said:As I mentioned before, I don't have any social groups to speak of—the actual issue is figuring out *how* to make new friends. My job is at a school, so my days aren't exactly filled with physical labor.

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So, what—all your coworkers are guys and they won't invite you into their group? Just join some clubs or activities like you mentioned; most people there will be single, though they usually just head home to their boyfriends or girlfriends after the session is over... it really depends on how old you are. Once you hit 30, it gets much harder because everyone is already paired up, settled down, and they tend to stick to those established groups.

Kenneth Ramirez5 said:Based on what you’ve shared here—if I may say so—I get the impression that you are an incredibly brave, sharp, and imaginative young woman. You seem to possess a really strong sense of intuition, paired with some very solid logic. Honestly, I don't see any signs of anything being "off" or any underlying issues at all. In fact, perhaps you should consider channeling all that creativity into writing stories instead? :-)

And honestly, that’s exactly where the issue lies—you rely far too heavily on pure logic and analytical reasoning. But then again, isn't that exactly what they drill into us at college? We get so conditioned by it that instead of actually living our lives, we just sit there analyzing them. It's like logical education either leaves us totally stunted in real life or hands us a degree that's basically useless in today's economy.

That loose sense of identity you mentioned? It points toward borderline personality disorder, but let's be real—isn't that just another label invented within the confines of "logical" thinking anyway? Real life—our private, inner lives—is more akin to poetry than logic. Yet, modern psychology insists on denying the diversity of personality by trying to shove everyone into neat little boxes.

If you take up writing and lean even harder into that intense imagination and overthinking, you might just spiral further into some kind of neurosis. Look, I’m just trying to help here, but I’m only human, and I could very well be wrong.

driftingviper16 said:I usually get up around 6:00 AM, head into the office, and spend my day working—though I always find plenty of time for some casual small talk with my coworkers. Once I get home in the afternoon, I might take a quick nap, catch up on some reading, watch a movie, or just wander around the internet before heading to bed. Until recently, I was in a relationship, so my daily routine also involved spending time with my boyfriend. Why do you ask?

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Well, I don't see much of a social life in that schedule. And honestly, I haven't even figured out what the actual issue is here. Are you even doing anything productive with your hands? For instance, do you cook? Do you handle the laundry, the cleaning, or the driving? Do you trim the hedges? Mow the lawn?

Go ahead then, describe one of your typical workdays for me. Or if you're feeling lazy, just tell me about a day off.

driftingviper16 said:I honestly get a wave of nausea whenever I have to listen to coworkers rambling on about their kids or their husbands—it just hits different when you don't have anyone like that in your own life. It’s a lonely feeling, knowing I don't really have anyone to grab a coffee with on the weekend, and I'm struggling to figure out how to break out of this rut. I am planning on signing up for a new activity soon, though I can't help but wonder if it will actually change anything.

I know exactly how you feel. And what’s the solution? "Get active, get active, get active!" Right. There’s always going to be someone out there—maybe someone who even annoys you or isn't exactly your "type"—but just go out and socialize anyway. But let me tell you something: you won't get any real connection with others unless you have that deep, intimate bond first. I guarantee it. That’s just how the adult world works.

When you're younger or still in college, things might work differently, but once you're older, nobody is going to welcome you into their established circles (mostly because everyone else will be younger than you).

As for activities? I've tried countless of them, from all sorts of art classes to various sports. Looking back now, I realize I really just needed to stop overthinking everything and just live life.

But then again, sometimes you hit rock bottom because of some mental loop or disorder; if you just give in to it, things get even worse, and eventually, it becomes even harder to pull yourself back up.

driftingviper16 said:The real question here boils down to whether you actually want to make progress—you know, breaking free from those negative patterns passed down by your parents to finally connect with others—or if you'd rather just keep drifting through life in a bubble of isolation.

For me, the whole thing was triggered during a group trip I took once. Everyone kept pointing out my triggers, telling me I needed to change something—even suggesting I should at least try getting intimate with someone. But the paradox is that even for *that*, I had to step up, find some backbone, and actually engage with people. You can't just sit there passively; you have to be active. So, enough with the endless theories and that massive 300-mile introductory lecture! Stop the over-analysis and the constant theorizing. Trust me, being active and making huge mistakes is infinitely better than being passive and "perfect." You might regret things, sure, but in the long run, we always regret the things we didn't do far more than the things we did.

I also realized that because of my time in college, I learned how to over-analyze everything just to pass exams, and that impulse to overthink stayed with me—which was a massive mistake. That's why I'm trying to help this girl, but she has to see it for herself. She needs to do something tactile and practical—knitting, working with clay, gardening, anything. Just do it, damn it! Do it as much as possible. Throw away the thoughts and the analysis. Check back in with me in a month. No psychologist is going to tell you this because it doesn't suit their business model; they don't want you to recover, they want you to keep paying for session after session. And socialize! It would be great if she could combine that hands-on work with actual social interaction.

Basically, stop thinking and just let yourself go with a man and enjoy the sex. Start building positive associations around intimacy.

driftingviper16 said:It seems to me that you might be dealing with some PTSD—what really stands out to me is how those occasional waves of anxiety seem to stem directly from the war. Perhaps you haven’t fully processed the losses you endured back then, which makes starting something new feel daunting. It's likely a mix of fearing you'll lose what matters most all over again, combined with that nagging sense of inadequacy—you know, that struggle with feeling unsure when communicating in a new language. I once knew a girl who had never actually had a boyfriend, yet she was constantly "in love" with someone, projecting all sorts of idealized qualities onto them. I

Making friends is tough; I truly get it. Personally, I find I don't have much interest in the people around me anymore. At work, everyone is either tied down with kids, settled in serious relationships, or just plain uninteresting—at least in my book.

PTSD can come from anything—a breakup, a marriage falling apart, losing a friend, or a massive fight with a parent. If it was traumatic, it counts. But I don't think she should be busy labeling herself with disorders here; instead, she should focus on finding creative ways to reshape her life and identity. That is absolutely doable.

Every single person is unique and authentic, whereas psychologists make their living by trying to shove everyone into neat little boxes.

I’ve never been a fan of slapping labels on people—labeling someone with this disorder or that diagnosis is just a psychological trap. Honestly, over-analyzing things from that angle can end up doing more harm than good to the person actually suffering.

If I were being blunt, I’d just say: get over it. But look, I know it isn't that simple. I’ve walked a similar path myself. Six years down the line, you’ll regret how much time you wasted. The longer you drag your feet, the harder it becomes to break free. You need to prioritize your health and your biological needs rather than worrying about society, other people, or the perceived obligations of a relationship. Just be natural. Breathe. Let that sexual energy flow through you. Be brave, because you *are* brave. And stop obsessing over whether everyone else around you is in a relationship or living some specific way; you are your own person, so find something of your own to focus on—anything at all. But whatever you do, don't neglect your sex life, because it's obvious you're dealing with an impulse diffusion caused by suppressed sexual drives.

The reason you're overthinking everything is that you've completely lost touch with yourself. That happens when someone lacks an intimate life—specifically a sexual one—so your focus drifts aimlessly here and there. You’ve essentially exhausted yourself mentally, and you’re going to keep spiraling like this unless you find someone (even if it's just for physical intimacy).