Project: Find a Friend (Classifieds / Meetup Thread)
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Among the vast array of images often presented to us as reflections of the human condition, I find myself drawn to one specific scene: a person on their deathbed reflecting upon their life. Depending on what the storyteller intends to sell, this reflection might involve a deep regret over things left undone, or perhaps a lament that they squandered their existence on fleeting pleasures rather than dedicating it to a higher purpose.
If we set aside whether such a depiction is realistic or even common—having read enough medical accounts of the dying process to know how unlikely a peaceful contemplation actually is—I believe I have a sense of what would occupy my mind in those final moments. I suspect I would dwell on the various ways I could have treated people better throughout my life—with more genuine interest, more empathy, and more love...
What would occupy your thoughts?
I am not necessarily looking for individuals who would share that exact same vision, but rather for those who share a certain aspiration. I seek those who possess the courage to consider if we might find ways, together, to treat the people in our lives better—or at least reflect on how we might have done so.
There are many paths toward this goal. The first step, naturally, is reflection and introspection. In this endeavor, I hope to find companions with whom we can share these thoughts without judgment. Perhaps "judgment" is too harsh a term; we certainly wish to evaluate what was good and what was less than ideal, provided we do so without punishment. Achieving this may be difficult, as the scale and subtlety of the punishments we inflict upon ourselves and others are so immense that functioning healthily in society often requires turning a blind eye to most of them; yet, moving toward transparency would surely cross some unknown boundaries.
After touching upon that first step, I will pivot to discuss the final stage: the pursuit of ideals and dreams. My dear friends, I confess to dreaming only of the impossible.😉 My ideal is not merely that we offer one another a hand of acceptance—which is already bordering on social fantasy 😁—but that we might collectively dance a dance of acceptance with the rest of humanity. We live in a world where everyone is constantly afraid (whether consciously, subconsciously, or through sheer hyper-awareness) of how others perceive them, trapped by anxiety and the rigid systems of judgment that surround us...
There are different ways to approach others, and that is what I wish for us to explore. There is an ancient Japanese tradition of repairing broken pottery known as kintsugi. Rather than discarding a shattered object or attempting to hide its fractures, it is repaired with lacquer infused with gold, thereby highlighting the cracks and making the object more beautiful for having been broken. If there is a possibility that we might approach people with this kind of "golden lacquer"—if there is hope that we can stop pretending to be things we are not, and if there is a dream that our flaws might become our most beautiful attributes... well, then I believe it is a dream worth having. 🙂
I find I have written quite a lot already, though much remains unsaid... To provide a brief introduction for those interested: I am based in Washington, D.C., in my mid-twenties. I have integrated into society well enough that someone meeting me superficially might assume I am a fully functional individual, though I am walking a psychological tightrope (there is a certain risk of falling, and in this darkness, I cannot tell if the bottom is a foot away or twenty... 😁). I see little point in listing hobbies, as I believe almost everything in life can be fascinating if approached with curiosity and a willingness to experience it anew. 🙂
As for you, I care for nothing except your intent. The intent to write to me about an experience of being unkind to someone. The intent to continue a thought I have started here, or to answer the question I have posed. The intent to be different. The intent to make the world different.
If we set aside whether such a depiction is realistic or even common—having read enough medical accounts of the dying process to know how unlikely a peaceful contemplation actually is—I believe I have a sense of what would occupy my mind in those final moments. I suspect I would dwell on the various ways I could have treated people better throughout my life—with more genuine interest, more empathy, and more love...
What would occupy your thoughts?
I am not necessarily looking for individuals who would share that exact same vision, but rather for those who share a certain aspiration. I seek those who possess the courage to consider if we might find ways, together, to treat the people in our lives better—or at least reflect on how we might have done so.
There are many paths toward this goal. The first step, naturally, is reflection and introspection. In this endeavor, I hope to find companions with whom we can share these thoughts without judgment. Perhaps "judgment" is too harsh a term; we certainly wish to evaluate what was good and what was less than ideal, provided we do so without punishment. Achieving this may be difficult, as the scale and subtlety of the punishments we inflict upon ourselves and others are so immense that functioning healthily in society often requires turning a blind eye to most of them; yet, moving toward transparency would surely cross some unknown boundaries.
After touching upon that first step, I will pivot to discuss the final stage: the pursuit of ideals and dreams. My dear friends, I confess to dreaming only of the impossible.😉 My ideal is not merely that we offer one another a hand of acceptance—which is already bordering on social fantasy 😁—but that we might collectively dance a dance of acceptance with the rest of humanity. We live in a world where everyone is constantly afraid (whether consciously, subconsciously, or through sheer hyper-awareness) of how others perceive them, trapped by anxiety and the rigid systems of judgment that surround us...
There are different ways to approach others, and that is what I wish for us to explore. There is an ancient Japanese tradition of repairing broken pottery known as kintsugi. Rather than discarding a shattered object or attempting to hide its fractures, it is repaired with lacquer infused with gold, thereby highlighting the cracks and making the object more beautiful for having been broken. If there is a possibility that we might approach people with this kind of "golden lacquer"—if there is hope that we can stop pretending to be things we are not, and if there is a dream that our flaws might become our most beautiful attributes... well, then I believe it is a dream worth having. 🙂
I find I have written quite a lot already, though much remains unsaid... To provide a brief introduction for those interested: I am based in Washington, D.C., in my mid-twenties. I have integrated into society well enough that someone meeting me superficially might assume I am a fully functional individual, though I am walking a psychological tightrope (there is a certain risk of falling, and in this darkness, I cannot tell if the bottom is a foot away or twenty... 😁). I see little point in listing hobbies, as I believe almost everything in life can be fascinating if approached with curiosity and a willingness to experience it anew. 🙂
As for you, I care for nothing except your intent. The intent to write to me about an experience of being unkind to someone. The intent to continue a thought I have started here, or to answer the question I have posed. The intent to be different. The intent to make the world different.