Posts by Brian Reed

rowdypanther said:I trust people, and then they just screw me over. Then I’m left thinking, "Yeah, you're an idiot for believing them," as if that helps anything. So this is how it goes: the ones who can't find a way to rip me off just leave, while I know perfectly well the others were just looking for an opening to play me.

Ants go crazy for sugar; they'll dive headfirst into it. They aren't ever going to bother chewing on plastic.

ironrider11 said:Honestly, it’s starting to feel more and more like I am talking about social paranoia. It's just that the logic behind everything still doesn't quite click for me. It's not like you need to be calculating every single move—hiding one mask behind another... or treating everyone exactly the same. Because if you let your guard down, you might find the FBI or the Gestapo knocking at your door tomorrow. We're all a little twisted or broken, whether we mean to be or not. Since we all have targets on our backs, we all carry a knife in our pockets too. That lack of trust? It drives both how we accept things and how we strike. If civilized primates ever run out of resources... well, it becomes pretty damn likely you'll need something handy to cause serious damage. This whole ego thing is just a play for dominance through petty jabs, except it's all just "virtual" constructs that turned from a habit into an obsession for everyone. Who actually has enough free time to waste brainpower obsessing over what other people are feeling? Feelings that... well, they sting like a raw nerve. And anyone who doesn't know what a raw nerve feels like... maybe they just don't get it...............

Little kids? Everyone else has taken a hit at least once.

If a virus fries your PC, you've got a few paths—you can crank the firewall to the max and lose all internet access just to feel safe, or you can dial it back, stay exposed, and rely on an antivirus while watching your step. If you truly don't care about the hardware, you just wipe the drive and reinstall everything if the machine survived.
The logic applies to people too—everyone has to weigh their own risks against their capabilities and set their boundaries accordingly. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution.

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:Man, honestly? Over the last few years, I’ve mostly just been tolerating my own flaws—or rather, the ones we share. It always seems to end up where people don't bother trying to be "perfectly" moral or whatever, because most folks don't care about that, and frankly, it's just not natural.
I used to be blind to everyone else's issues, but now that I've actually opened my eyes a bit, even the smallest stuff starts getting under my skin.

So, what is it that draws you to people who have completely different views and tastes?
Personally, I'm attracted to people who share my tastes, my beliefs, and even my virtues and vices.
Usually, I find myself drawn to someone who reminds me of my old self—you know, like that mom type who's constantly trying to teach her kids a lesson. 🤣

Does this "enlightenment" just mean spotting their flaws, or are you actually digging into why they exist?

Opposites attract me—simple as that. It's pure curiosity. 🙂

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:So, what actually makes someone "excellent" in your book?
In your opinion, anyway.
I can't just look at one or two little traits and decide someone's an excellent person—it’s gotta be like ninety percent virtue, right?

It’s their lack of conflict that makes them excellent—we solve everything through communication, even when we hold completely opposing views, lifestyles, interests, political leanings, or musical tastes. In short: tolerance.

It isn't about their individual traits; it's about how much of their "flaws" you can stomach just so they'll tolerate yours.
Unless you're perfect... and if you are, you're in a pretty tight spot on this planet.😉

ironrider11, it sounds like you're talking about social paranoia—though from what I can see, there are enough opportunists around here to back up your description.

My take isn't that everyone is inherently corrupt, degenerate, or worthless—that’s certainly not how I approach meeting new people.
But... we all have targets on our backs. Think of it less as a total lack of trust and more like having a filter—not quite a six-foot wall topped with boiling oil, but something similar.

I know plenty of great people, and they are far from perfect.

Benjamin Sanchez4 said:I'm right there with you.😁
Actually, I think it’s pretty rare to find someone whose actual character makes them worth loving. Most people are just walking bundles of flaws—maybe they have one tiny, shiny little virtue tied to the top like a ribbon on a trash bag, hoping we won't notice the rest.

Question:

Is this your definitive conclusion on how things ought to be—as in, do you think people shouldn't be loved, or is it more that you genuinely don't feel anything for anyone at all?

One more thing:

How does that actually tie back to mistrust? In my experience, I know plenty of people who hold deep suspicion toward someone yet still harbor intense feelings for them—or, if we're being honest, they love them simply because the alternative is hating them.

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Honestly, I wouldn't bother with either of them 😬 ... they both seem like complete flakes 😵

These are just your textbook demographic samples😛
I honestly don't see it myself... especially with the second guy—the type who'll drown you in home installation issues and plumbing headaches. Prejudices can actually be quite useful, provided you wield them exactly how the manufacturer intended 😉

goldentinker70 said:I assume that in this context, trust refers to being willing to be open during a conversation—basically, the ability to actually connect with others. Of course, we all maintain total control over how much we reveal, regardless of how nosy people might be or whether we feel pressured by their opinions to speak up or stay quiet. But if we approach everyone with suspicion—acting like they’re all out to scam us, hurt us, or weaponize whatever we say—well, I don't think that's exactly a solid foundation for building any kind of rapport.
Naturally, there are acquaintances, friends, close friends... there are plenty of shades of gray here, and you certainly don't talk to every social circle the same way.
But that specific kind of trust—it's really half of self-confidence, which is pretty vital for successful social interaction, and honestly, for just enjoying life and being comfortable in your own skin.

The nuances boil down to one thing: learning to filter people based on behavioral patterns. You essentially build a set of mental guardrails to protect yourself from getting too close to someone who simply isn't compatible with you. Consider this hypothetical scenario:
You're out in town and run into two different people within an hour. Both happen to be former colleagues—people you worked with for a while, weren't necessarily best friends, but you'd always say hello when you crossed paths. Here is how they both handle the encounter:

Person A: Heyyy! Long time no see! So, what's the news? Where are you working now? How's your girlfriend? Oh, you broke up? Yeah, I saw her a couple of days ago with some other guy... anyway, you're looking good—fit, you know? (Implies you've aged or lost your shape). Hey, want to grab a drink? I'd really love to catch up...

Person B: Hey man, good to see you. How have you been? Since you left, I haven't had anyone to bounce ideas off of regarding those home repairs I'm tackling. It's great bumping into you. I've had a lot going on lately—want to grab a beer?

The question is simple: which one are you grabbing a coffee with?

When it comes to personal relationships, most people basically operate on a trial-and-error basis—you meet someone, you see if they click, and if the long-term vibe is more pleasant than combative, you stick around. Of course, there are always outliers—people are unpredictable, after all.

As for social hierarchy, the whole thing functions through a system of penalties. If you betray the trust inherent to your position, you face consequences—fines, getting fired, or even prison time—depending on the offense. That’s essentially why we have surveillance cameras and intelligence agencies; they exist purely for oversight. Large-scale systems don't rely on trust; they rely on mechanisms of control.
Our current tax compliance regulations are a perfect example of this 😁

There’s an old joke about a guy who visits a friend's house and asks:
"Man, you really love living here. Tell me, how are the neighbors?
"Fantastic. Honestly, I haven't met a more honest group of people in my life."
"Then why do you keep a shotgun behind the door?

"So they stay that way..."

crimsonpuma23 said:Man, I'm just as lost as you are. But hey, let's hash it out. 😁
Let me give you a real-world example:
Say someone becomes physically helpless because they’re getting old or whatever, right? They start depending on someone else. Who are they going to want looking after them? Obviously, someone they actually trust—someone who’s willing to step up and take on that responsibility.
I actually stepped up for someone once just because they told me they trusted me. By that, they meant they knew I wasn't going to rob them blind or screw them over. And look, there are tons of vultures out there who see someone struggling and try to cash in on their misery, but I earned that trust through how I acted.
So, a lot of people crave having someone to trust because they're terrified of being left to fend for themselves.
The textbook definition usually goes something like this: Trust is that sense of security where you feel you can rely on someone. It's basically our EXPECTATION that a person or an organization will act in a way that aligns with shared values and common interests.

I appreciate how you framed that; I'm inclined to agree.

Look... I might be a bit tedious here... but let's look at the numbers.
On average, any given person has maybe six people they are truly close to—people they can actually lean on. That person asking you for help? They just pulled you into their inner circle.
What happens to everyone else? To the rest of the world that isn't part of that core? Well, I assume that since they aren't close, and their behavior doesn't align with ours, we simply don't grant them our trust. If we did, love would be blooming on every street corner.

If you look at it as a pattern, humans exist in small clusters while maintaining distance from the rest of the world.
All those people complaining about "how people are these days"—it’s just noise. They haven't found their compatible group yet. Every nut finds its bolt.

Perhaps I'm looking at this too mathematically, but things are what they are—not what we wish them to be.

I'll stick to my previous point—for most people, it's all just surface level...

crimsonpuma23 said:There are people who actually want to connect with others on a deeper level instead of just being some fringe character who comments on everything under the sun.
So, naturally, you look for people you can actually rely on.
The alternative is letting yourself get stuck in a toxic relationship where people play you for a fool just because you're too damn trusting. 🤷
It’s common sense—if you’re an honest person who knows you're trustworthy, you expect that same energy back from the people around you.

We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

Why does everyone insist that trust is a prerequisite for socializing?

Should we hand over $10,000 in cash every time we grab a drink? Give them the keys to our house or garage? Leave our kids in their care? Or maybe sit around discussing how to embezzle millions from the federal government...

Small talk about haircuts, gardening, famine in Africa, or crime rates in some random foreign country—it’s all great filler. You can never run out of topics, and the time flies by effortlessly...

And apparently, you have to be a "social creature" or a "human being" or whatever else they call us. 😁