Posts by placidstag52

Scott Roberts3 said:The title isn't great, honestly. I thought about posting this under the 'Toxic Parents' thread, but my issue actually extends to the whole family. Writing this out just helps me vent a little, and I could really use some input from you guys too. 🙂

Last year, I posted about how my parents treated me poorly while I was growing up... the thread was called Enough is enough.

A lot has changed for me over the past year. I’m not dealing with depression or anxiety like I used to. But what still eats at me is how they act toward me—that total lack of respect. They’re so stuck-up that they won't even say hello or look me in the eye... it’s obvious they’re actively avoiding me. Yet, when they’re around others, they play these roles perfectly. Such actors.

My mom spent a good chunk of this year fighting with the rest of the family. She wouldn't leave the house for two months straight. I actually stepped in to help mediate and get everyone back on speaking terms... but the second she made peace with them, her attitude toward me flipped again. It’s like I don't exist to her anymore. Now I just feel like a complete fool for helping someone who couldn't care less about me 👎.

They have zero respect for me. They just expect me to take it all, pretend everything is fine, and stay the "good, obedient kid"... I guess I've somewhat come to terms with the fact that they might never truly accept me, since they haven't for the last 25 years... but I still feel stupid helping them out, even though I can't just sit around doing nothing all day.

Right now, I'm mostly frustrated with my dad. He never taught me anything useful, and he isn't going to start now... meanwhile, the rest of the family just sits there criticizing me for not knowing things. I don't know how much longer I can keep my cool, because this is just ridiculous.

My theory? My old man is just scared of losing his "alpha" status—even though Mom is clearly the one in charge and he isn't—so he tries to keep me looking incompetent to maintain control.

Anyway, that's where things stand right now 🙂
And please, spare me the "get a job and move out" comments. Trust me, I know that would be the best move, but right now, it's just not an option.

You definitely need to create some distance, but I think the priority should be emotional and mental detachment. While moving away physically would be amazing, it shouldn't be treated as a strict requirement for your sanity. Honestly, the best move is to stop initiating any kind of communication with them altogether. Just focus on living your own life and ignore them as much as you possibly can. Stick to that approach until a real opportunity to relocate finally presents itself.

The truth is, you can't change them, and frankly, you shouldn't try to.

If you can't face the truth, it’s pretty much impossible to make any smart decisions moving forward.

Honestly, people like that shouldn't even be a factor in this day and age. Your mother sounds like an incompetent, deeply troubled, abusive mess who has spent her entire life tearing down the people around her instead of protecting them or helping them find happiness. There really should be zero tolerance for individuals like that, no matter the circumstances.

If you weren't still under her thumb, you'd probably be looking for ways to make sure she regrets all her terrible actions rather than worrying about how not to deny her help. As for a home? A woman like that doesn't deserve a place like El Dorado.

By offering forgiveness, you're essentially signaling that you accept everything she's done up to this point. That’s the real tragedy of this whole situation.

Either give her an inch and let her walk all over you—which I know you won't—or just cut her out of your life entirely. If you go that route, make sure you tell her exactly what happened, how it felt, and why you're doing it, then leave her to rot in whatever dark corner she belongs in.

Once you've handled things with her, try to reach out to your brother and sister. If they're open to it, great; if not, at least you'll have the peace of mind knowing you tried to do the right thing.

It feels like you're just trying to get on the prosecutor's good side.

Since you’re clearly so eager to tear them apart, why not give us some actual specifics? What was so bad about it? I actually stopped by there once, and honestly, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. It seemed like a perfectly normal, chill spot—not even that crowded.

hollowscout57 said:How do you guys deal with injustice? When things just aren't fair, how do you find peace—do you try to lie to yourselves to get by, or do you lean into the idea that there’s some kind of higher purpose behind all the chaos?

Honestly, I struggle with it so much. It’s genuinely painful for me when I realize that certain things are completely out of my hands, and no matter how hard I fight or what I do, it feels like it doesn't even matter in the end.

Life isn't always fair; sometimes people get sidelined by injustice, while others get rewarded for things they didn't earn.

The reality is that most of the time, these situations are totally out of our control. One way I've found to protect my own peace is to simply create some distance from the people who seem to be benefiting from that unfairness.

Everything bad that could possibly happen to you can only occur while you’re still alive. Because of that, I've always felt that fearing death isn't just irrational—it's actually one of the most absurd anxieties a person can have.

I think Epicurus wrapped this idea up quite a while ago:
http://marklindner.info/writings/Epicurus.htm

😉