Posts by urbanraven69

silverhawk9 said:I know exactly how you feel. I used to be the exact same way—not quite as much now, but I've been through the whole ringer. For me, the absolute worst part was when I’d finally settle into a group, let my guard down, and then some acquaintance would chime in with a comment like, "Whoa, look at her, she actually has an opinion!" It is the literal definition of rubbing salt in a wound.👎 Even back in high school, getting picked on like that—even by teachers, which is just awful—could completely ruin my entire day and leave me feeling totally defeated.

At the end of the day, everyone has free will. If someone doesn't mesh with your vibe—whether they're quiet, outgoing, guarded, shy, or whatever else—you can just choose not to hang out with them. It’s that simple. You just move on; you don't need to play amateur psychologist. Looking back at that thread about introverts versus extroverts, there was even someone asking how to "make" a girl more extroverted. Honestly, if you don't like who she is, why are you even with her?🤦 I just can't wrap my head around people and their behavior. I think I'll just stick to hanging out with and dating people who are similar to me, rather than someone who just irritates me.

Looks like we’re pretty much on the same page here. 🙂 It’s actually kind of a relief to know I'm not the only one dealing with this stuff...
And yeah, I am 100% with you on those wannabe psychologists. One time, this acquaintance of mine—who ended up dating one of my close friends—actually told me they had been sitting around talking about me, basically running these little "analyses" on my personality, and then she just blurted out her whole list of conclusions and opinions to my face. 🤦 Like, she was telling me I *should* be this way or that way, or that I'd seem smarter to other people if I acted differently... blah blah blah... I was honestly just stunned. Like, she actually took the time and felt the need to sit there and dissect me along with my friend... yeah, let's just say I don't see them the same way anymore.

Oh, and just as a side note, that girl is pretty much persona non grata at our university. People talk about her behind her back constantly and she doesn't really have a solid circle of friends... but hey, instead of minding her own business, she decided to spend her energy analyzing me...

I’m kind of with silverhawk9 on this one... I honestly don't get why people feel the need to do that, you know? Like, what are they actually hoping to achieve by asking those kinds of questions? I mean, I get that if someone is really confident in themselves, maybe they see me as being a bit different, or just... not their cup of tea. But still—why even ask?
It’s not like I go up to someone with blue eyes and go, "Hey, why are your eyes blue?" You’re just born that way, I guess. That's just how it is. 😛
I was just born the way I am—and yeah, maybe over time things have become even more pronounced, and maybe everything has drifted a little bit in the wrong direction... but I just don't understand why people act so shocked by someone's actual personality.
To be totally honest, it actually hurts. It just reminds me of my own flaws, and it feels like throwing salt in a wound... it just sends me into an even deeper funk, where I lose all motivation to even try and change... because then I start thinking it’s impossible, and that I’ll just always be stuck like this.

Yeah, I’ve definitely noticed that about myself too—how I just kind of run away from stress and fear, and then everything just piles up and starts spinning in this endless loop.

What am I actually afraid of? Hmm, honestly, so much stuff... mostly that I'll embarrass myself, or that people will see me as ridiculous, clumsy, or even just plain stupid.
I've realized there are certain people where it feels totally fine, like they don't judge at all—sometimes it's not even an issue.
But then there are these other people—people I somehow put on a pedestal, you know?—and they just absolutely terrify me. When I'm around them, I just freeze up, like my brain completely shorts out. The words are right there in my head, but I just can't get them past my lips, so I end up just sitting there silently with this awkward, forced smile to try and "hide" how scared I am. Most of the time, I just come across as super gloomy and withdrawn.
And obviously, that eats away at me. Not to mention, if someone actually calls me out on it out loud, I'm basically done for.

Seriously though, guys, why do you feel the need to call out shy people like that? Like, why ask, "Why are you so shy?" or "Why are you being so quiet?" 😢

I don't know about everyone else, but for me, that just kills whatever tiny bit of courage I had left.

Reading through this forum, I’ve started noticing these patterns in myself—bits of social anxiety, being super introverted, feeling totally emotionally drained, and just... a whole lot of other stuff.

I think back in the day, it was really just shyness—kind of like what silverhawk9 mentioned—and honestly, I actually crave hanging out with people, but this fear just keeps holding me back.
But, man, over time, I guess it just morphed into full-on introversion. Now? I don't even feel the urge to go out much. And whenever I do try to make an effort, it's like I'm dragging this invisible cloud of awkwardness behind me. It's almost like people can just sense that I'm "weird" or something. So, yeah, those attempts usually end up being pretty pathetic failures.

I'm not sure if anyone here has actually managed to move past this kind of thing, or something similar. Is it even possible to live life like this? Just closed off... sometimes I can't even figure myself out.
I get this feeling that my mental state is just completely unpredictable. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm swinging to the total opposite extreme. I never know what kind of day I'm gonna have, it's like I'm at the mercy of some other me living inside my head.

Morgan Fox6 said:The real issue is that other people just don't see that bond you think you have with them, so... I guess you’d actually have to put in the work there.
If you look at it this way.
Say you run this little experiment—like a year-long study—with an introvert, an extrovert, and one totally neutral person. So, you basically have this tiny social circle...
The introvert ends up doing everything just to help that neutral person out, while the extrovert is basically just using them.
After a year goes by, that neutral person has to make a choice about who to kick out of the group.
And they’re gonna ditch the introvert.

Then, you get that reaction from the introvert—which might look like hate, or frustration, or maybe just being ungrateful, etc.
Because, honestly, for that neutral person, there was never really a deep, emotional, human connection with the introvert.
To that neutral person, the extrovert was the one providing "protection" through the social group, whereas the introvert just kind of stayed in their own shell, even though they were working entirely in the neutral person's interest.

See, the introvert doesn't really satisfy those secondary life needs for the neutral person. Even if, in my little imaginary experiment here, they technically provide them, they aren't *fulfilling* them the way the extrovert does.

So, I guess you either need to start hanging out with people who are on your same "mental level," or you just have to start putting more effort into others.
Then that feeling that the whole world is out to get you might just... disappear.

You're totally right there. I've definitely been there. I used to drive myself crazy wondering how someone could actually like a person who just uses them and only thinks about themselves, while I'm over here giving my absolute all just to try and "win over" that—as you put it—neutral person.
The truth is, my connections with others haven't been deep enough, and I struggle to connect on those higher levels. Even when I'm trying so hard that it feels like I'm practically performing just to get some attention or affection.

Gregory Jackson3 said:I would argue it begins as envy, which inevitably curdles into outright resentment
it simply evolves—perhaps simultaneously—into a profound sense of depression

when you find yourself lacking even a shred of support or understanding, the result is...
well, I have a suspicion🙂

but it is by no means too late for you
more often than not, the remedy lies in finding someone who mirrors your own experience, someone who truly understands the weight of your specific struggles
once you find that connection, that "click," the burden feels lighter because you have established the fundamental cornerstone of any community
you realize you aren't facing this void alone, and while this might come across as somewhat... arrogant? But given that you are a woman, you may actually have a distinct advantage
in finding someone who can, shall we say—"liberate" you is perhaps the wrong term—but someone who might, in some way, provide a sense of calm

That whole jealousy thing actually makes sense. Looking back, I feel like my inability to fit in, combined with seeing everyone else connecting, just frustrated me so much. It got to the point where I actually felt jealous. Why does everyone else get accepted while I don't? Especially when sometimes I can't even see what's so special about those "popular" people or why they're so liked in a group.

Honestly, I don't think I'm a bad person, or even a boring one. When I actually relax, I have plenty to offer. I've got tons of interests and hobbies. I finished a really tough degree and I've had some successes under my belt. But none of that seems to matter when I freeze up in big groups and end up coming across as this awkward, clumsy, shy mess. I just can't relax, and it totally blocks me. Sometimes, I really can't stand myself.🙂

amberbadger91 said:Once you start loving yourself again, all that resentment toward everyone else just kind of fades away. You know deep down why you drifted from who you used to be and why things feel different now.🤔

Honestly, I don't even know why I let myself drift so far away from who I actually am—it’s kind of weird when you think about it—but the truth is, I really need to learn how to love myself first. Like, if I can't get that right, there's no way I'm gonna be able to truly show up for anyone else. You're totally spot on about that.
I mean, I guess the thing is... I really just have to tackle the biggest hurdle first. It’s kind of a big deal, honestly—just learning how to actually accept myself for who I am and, you know, maybe even start loving that person. It sounds simple when you say it out loud, but man, it's a process.

Adam Gray said:Honestly, you might want to sit down and talk to someone about this. A therapist, maybe? This doesn't strike me as simple introversion; it sounds more like social anxiety. You need to push past that just enough to actually ask for help. Reading your post, I get the sense you're overthinking everything. Don't let yourself spiral into total isolation. Force yourself—even if it’s just once in a while—into those uncomfortable situations outside your comfort zone. I'm telling you this because I've dealt with my own share of these struggles. You aren't alone in this. Just keep your chin up.

I've been thinking about reaching out for help for a while now. The thing is, I live in this really small town where nobody knows what I'm going through. If my family found out about my struggles, I honestly have no clue how they'd react. All they seem to notice is that I'm a bit standoffish, but they don't see—or even hear—the battles I'm fighting inside.

Thanks for the advice, man. It makes things feel a little less heavy knowing I'm not the only one.

I don't really know what it is, honestly. It’s not even that one-on-one conversations are hard—those are actually fine, I guess—but once you throw me into a big group setting? Yeah, I'm totally done for. I just kind of... disappear into myself.

But hey, I’ve always been this way, I suppose.

What really scares me, though, is how people have started getting on my nerves lately—like, I can't even find the energy to grab a coffee with a friend anymore. I feel like I'm being suffocated by everyone else's noise, just constant, empty small talk. I just want to run away from all of it. Just retreat into my own little bubble.
The thing is, I can't stay tucked away in my own world forever, no matter how much I might want to.
I mean, you need people, right? Connection is necessary.

Even with my boyfriend—lately, I haven't even had the heart to talk to him much, and we’ve drifted apart quite a bit. And of course, I end up taking it out on him, and my family too, which isn't fair.
Basically, I feel like I'm turning into a bad person—just zero patience left for anyone, plus I'm super withdrawn and feeling pretty depressed. :(

Hey everyone!

So, I kind of stumbled upon this subforum today—just browsing, you know?—and I decided to finally sign up and just... vent. I guess? I’ve been struggling with some stuff on my own for a while now, and honestly, I’m not even sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe just hearing someone else’s take or knowing if anyone else has felt this way might help a little.

Anyway, here’s the deal..
I don't even know where to start, really. I keep trying to give myself some kind of "diagnosis," but I am just totally lost.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been incredibly shy—like, painfully shy. I turn bright red at lightning speed. If someone asks me a question and I actually have to make eye contact and talk, I start sweating, my hands go everywhere, I get so anxious... I just want to bolt. It’s hard to explain how much my social life has suffered because of it. But, I mean, when I *did* manage to pull it off, I tried everything—self-help books, confidence workshops, you name it. And sometimes, they actually worked.
But then the years just sort of bleed together. I find myself turning down invites to go out in the city because I just don't know how I'll handle it. Sometimes I’ll say yes and it turns out okay, but other times it’s just awful. Time keeps moving, though. I’m past 25 now, and I still haven't found that footing, you know? I can't stop overanalyzing everything. I can't just hang out without all this internal drama going on in my head. I have a tiny circle of friends I see regularly—people I actually feel relaxed around—but anything beyond that just feels like this massive weight. It's hard to put into words how many movies I play in my head, or how much I tend to catastrophize things that other people just do naturally.

On top of being super shy, lately, I’ve started having these panic attacks. My heart just starts racing out of nowhere, and I feel this desperate need to just get out of the room immediately.
I’ve also started pulling away from my inner circle. Dealing with everyday situations is getting harder and harder. I’m avoiding people so much that I almost feel like I’ve started to hate them. That sounds terrible, I know, but that’s how it feels. I find flaws in everyone, nobody seems to click with me, I don't want to go anywhere... honestly, I’d rather just be alone all day.
My interaction with my family has basically dropped to zero. I don't want to talk to my parents; I've become blunt, almost dismissive. It’s actually scary seeing myself like this.
I’ve lost interest in everything. Nothing brings me joy anymore. It feels like there’s nothing in the world that could actually make me happy right now.
All sorts of dark thoughts are creeping in, and I just... I don't have the will or the strength to keep pushing. I feel so incredibly lost.
I’ve even started sneaking sleep aids here and there. They just numb me out—it's the only way I can stop thinking.
I’m losing myself completely. And I know I'm hurting the people around me too.
Up until recently, I was a practicing Catholic—someone who truly believed there was something higher up there looking out for us. But lately, I don't believe, I don't pray, I don't do anything.

I'm not the person I used to be. I stopped being just "the shy girl." Now, it's worse. I'm shy, but I'm also antisocial and I can't stand any kind of human contact.

This isn't me. I don't want my life to just pass me by like this. I need help, advice, an opinion, anything at all...