Posts by John Thomas13

fadedbear92, thanks for all the effort, I think I just misspoke earlier (plus my focus is pretty shot lately🙄)
The packaging says what it says, but I couldn't find much online about people using it for depression. Every search result just points toward epilepsy.
Since the label mentions needing to be careful if you're also on hormone therapy, I haven't wanted to start taking it yet. I guess I'll wait until I feel more certain.
So, does that mean I should look up experiences with Lamictal instead? Would that be basically the same thing?

I’ve been forgetting things lately (which I suppose is just one of those side effects from A. D. 😁)

I feel incredibly on edge. Honestly, I'm as touchy as a powder keg; I seem to overreact to every little thing. I am constantly losing things, too. My entire day basically revolves around trying to figure out how to nap during the daylight hours—since I have responsibilities, I can't just sleep all day—but otherwise, it feels like I'm just hunting for lost items. Keys, paperwork, an umbrella... you name it. Everything is just constant chaos, and I can't seem to get organized at all. It just adds to this tension and the exhaustion I'm always feeling.
Maybe this is coming from the depression, or maybe it's the medication 🤷

I’ve been searching online, but I just can't seem to find any real-world experiences regarding this specific combination for depression.
So, my new psychiatrist prescribed me Venlafaxine at 75 mg twice a day, along with 25 mg of Arvind. He mentioned—and I’m quoting him here—that while the Arvind might not seem to have an immediate effect, its main purpose is to prevent me from sliding back into those deep depressive episodes. It’s strange, though; most sources don't even list it as a mood stabilizer, just something for epilepsy.
I would truly appreciate it if anyone could share their personal experiences with this medication.

velvetsailor26 said:Sometimes I find myself spiraling, wondering what’s going to happen once my parents are gone, and then that wave of shame hits me right in the gut. People my age are out there building their own families and moving on, yet here I am, terrified of what life looks like without my mom by my side.🙈

I have a couple of friends—well, really just one person I can actually trust—and she tries to be supportive. She tells me to stop beating myself up, that I have her, and that I should call whenever I need to talk, but even then, it doesn't really take the edge off.
The truth is, you can't really explain this feeling to anyone; it's like a universal secret we all carry.
Usually, people say venting helps lighten the load, but for me, it’s useless because after the talking is done, I’m still stuck being the exact same person I’m trying so hard not to be.
Honestly, it’s a pretty miserable way to live.

I had my own family at your age, and now that I am in mine—which, let's be honest, means I'm in my mid-forties—things are different. I guess life just moves faster than you expect.

I live with my mom, and I guess I feel that same fear about what life will be like without her. It’s probably just because I love her so much.👍

Emily Watson4 said:Actually, thanks to some spiritual reading—specifically *The Power of Now*—I feel like I’ve overcome my depression, but it seems like dealing with addiction requires a completely different strategy. I also struggle with people; I just can't seem to build any deep, meaningful connections. I’ve never even had a girlfriend. I just feel this emptiness, like there is nothing inside me to offer anyone else.

That book is great, but I don't think you've actually beaten depression.

Depression is a very serious illness. Because it is an actual disease, it needs to be treated with serious medical attention.

Hang in there.👍

Emily Watson4 said:Thanks for the answer. Honestly, maybe I should just throw in the towel and stop hoping for anything. Just live life alone in this mess and call it a day... I don't want kids anyway, no matter what. Part of me just wants to end it all, but I can't do it for my family, and I don't even know how because I'm not that brave...

I guess I have to fight somehow, but I've got no clue how anymore. Maybe I will, since I've made it this far. It helps seeing legends like goranin Bare-t fighting through it and still standing... though to me, anyone dealing with mental health struggles is a legend.

So, much love to you all. I hope you all find the courage and the strength to keep fighting your own battles.🙂

NEeeeeeee😲

Where on earth did I ever write that it's best to give up on everything and stop hoping?
There is no point in talking about suicide; besides, you’ll get your rest after a very, very long life—eternally. There is plenty of time. 🙂
I was just like you once, maybe even worse. Everyone knows what it's like to be in their own shoes, so I can't know for sure, but my own skin felt terribly tight.

I only wanted to tell you that I’ve had those same thoughts, and I figured it might be better with someone else. (I don't know what things are like at your house, but if that is the main source of your suffering, try to distance yourself somehow—maybe spend most of your time out of the house.)

Maybe you will find a good person who has the strength and the will to pull you out of this, but they would need to be incredibly strong and emotionally stable themselves, possessing enough capacity to handle it all and help you climb out of the crisis...
Never say never.

But for now, please start by seeing a doctor, because I think you aren't quite ready for other types of self-help yet.

Because right now, you are in a deep depression, and that is something that needs to be treated first. By a specialist.

And write, write, write whenever you feel like you don't know what to do anymore.

And just so you know...

We love you too.

Emily Watson4 said:I definitely see myself in that avoidant personality disorder diagnosis too..

What I’m wondering is, can people like us actually make a relationship work? And if we do, does being in one even help, or is it just a wash?

I haven't really had the chance to be in a serious relationship yet, but honestly, I think having someone would mean a lot to me..

Also, is it better to date someone "normal" or someone a little crazy? Personally, I’d rather be with someone who's a bit unstable but actually self-aware about their issues. At least then we could actually talk about it, and I feel like we'd understand each other way better..

Or is it smarter to just not bother looking for anyone and stay single living with my parents? I'm 21 right now...

In my own humble opinion—and this is just me talking—it is best to stay single until you grow stronger.
No one can truly help you if you don't accept yourself, even with the help of a specialist.
From my perspective (but again, just mine😉), a partner might lift you up a little at the very beginning, but after that, you just sink... either together or alone, because they'll likely bail on you pretty quickly.

A relationship like that isn't healthy, nor is it helpful.

It's even worse for children if the parent is also "unstable."

That's just my take, of course.🙄

velvetsailor26 said:🤷[/I]

...and yet you still managed to pull off a relationship?
If that’s actually the case, then I honestly don't think you're dealing with that hellish disorder; I mean, lucky you, I guess.

Because when you're truly living with it, you can't just "relax" or whatever—you're stuck in this constant loop of feeling like you aren't good enough for anyone, convinced that nobody would ever want someone as pathetic as you.

God bless your heart, seriously.😁

I've had this forever. I honestly don't think it will ever fully go away.

It feels like a core part of my personality now. Maybe I can just manage the symptoms.

I haven't exactly had successful relationships. I had one relationship with an emotional wreck—which is funny because I was one too. Or rather, I basically tricked him into it before he even knew what hit him.😁 I was only 18 at the time. I suppose even he didn't think he deserved a better woman than me.

So, that's the deal with my dating life.😉

I was constantly convinced I wasn't good enough for anyone, so I practically worshipped the ground he walked on just because he could tolerate me.😢

I never figured out how to be completely relaxed. I probably never will. But...

I finally realized that I am actually good enough to stop deserving all the crap life threw at me. I've stopped putting him on a pedestal, and now I'm finally doing what I should have done a long time ago.

I wasted over 20 years of my life being lost. But I hope I can spend the next 20 living a bit better, even if I'm alone.

And this realization only hit me recently, out of nowhere.🙄

velvetsailor26 said:I check about 9 out of the 17 boxes for avoidant personality disorder symptoms.
People with this disorder usually end up isolated, or they become completely dependent on others for support.
Thank God I have a job, but I walk into work every single day gripped by anxiety, so I have no idea how much longer I can keep this up.
It's a miserable way to exist, honestly. You crave acceptance and want to belong to a group, but the fear of looking foolish is paralyzing. You're constantly convinced everyone thinks you're incompetent.
All you're left with is a vague hope for a better tomorrow, though that rarely ever materializes.

What's actually the distinction between social phobia and avoidant personality disorder?

I guess I don't know the technical distinction, but they seem extremely similar to me.

.

People living with this condition often feel like they just don't fit in socially. They tend to pull away from others because they are terrified of being rejected, mocked, or humiliated. I guess most describe themselves as lonely souls who have been cast aside by society, though sometimes it feels more like they've intentionally isolated themselves.

Because of this, the "avoidant pattern" can vary quite a bit. It ranges from mild cases—which might just look like extreme shyness—to much more severe instances categorized as Avoidant Personality Disorder.

The main deciding factor is really how much this behavior interferes with someone's ability to function in their daily life.

Many individuals diagnosed with this disorder experienced a difficult childhood. Maybe it was marked by constant criticism or rejection within the family unit. That deep-seated need to connect with parents who push them away often carries over into adulthood, manifesting as an intense, almost overwhelming desire for connection with others.

To receive a diagnosis, one typically needs to meet four or more of these criteria:

A) Avoiding work tasks that require significant interpersonal contact due to fears of being criticized, disapproved of, or rejected.

B) Being hesitant to get close to others unless there is absolute certainty that they will be liked.

C) Refraining from intimate relationships out of fear of embarrassment or ridicule.

D) Excessive worry regarding potential criticism or rejection during social interactions.

E) Feeling inhibited in new social settings due to a sense of inadequacy.

F) Viewing oneself as socially inept, unattractive, or inferior to others.

G) Declining to take personal risks or try new activities for fear of feeling foolish.

It is also common for this disorder to co-occur with agoraphobia, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, dysthymia, major depressive disorder, hypochondria, or schizophrenia. It is also vital to rule out other disorders that share similar symptoms.

I think I relate to this 100 percent.🤷

In practical terms, this means:
I found a job that doesn't require constant interaction with adults, so I spend part of my time feeling fulfilled because I actually love what I do.
Back when I was your age, I honestly thought about quitting because I couldn't handle situations where I had to put myself out there. I avoided those moments at all costs—taking sick days or relying on anti-anxiety medication, for example.
Even after all these years, being in those situations still isn't pleasant for me. But I don't run away anymore... I get this terrible knot in my stomach on those days, but then a new day comes and everything starts over.
I enjoy small gatherings. I know how to crack a joke and even entertain people, but it is still stressful and leaves me completely drained. Because of that, I avoid multi-day trips now since they just wear me out too much.
My solution is to opt for shorter hangouts with friends or coworkers, or just quick meetups.
I am fighting it, but it’s much easier now. I suppose if I had known how to fight it back then, I would be doing much better by now. :-)
There is more to it, but I'll take it slow....

velvetsailor26 said:It all kicked off with social anxiety—just this nagging fear that my hands would start shaking whenever I was under the spotlight. Looking back four years later, I’d give anything if that was the extent of it, because at least then I could still function somewhat normally in the world.
But now, it’s mutated into something much heavier than just being socially awkward. My doctor says there are psychotic elements involved too, and honestly, even the antipsychotics they have me on aren't doing much to help. 😢

I can’t shake the feeling that everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of freak. I find myself looking at other people with this deep sense of envy, watching how easily they build emotional connections, while I just sit there acting like an interrogator in social settings just to force some kind of interaction. I'm getting so tired of playing that part.

I haven't had anyone close to me for four years now, and the terrifying thought is that it might stay this way forever, simply because I don't feel like a "normal" person.
Right now, I'm at rock bottom, and my entire existence basically revolves around this forum and scrolling through psychology PDFs; I mostly just read without saying much.

I crave a full, meaningful life so badly—to actually feel connected to someone—but it's impossible when I feel like everyone else is fundamentally better than me. Even during a conversation, my mind just drifts away. Like, if a friend is venting to me about their problems, I'll just sit there thinking, "You have no idea who you're talking to," knowing the absolute chaos currently racing through my head.
I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this; there isn't much to say really. It's just that I'm feeling pretty lonely and wanted to see if there are any other souls out there who feel exactly the same way.😢

Part of me feels a bit embarrassed, too, wondering if someone from my real life might stumble upon this thread. I don't know if that paranoia is just another symptom of my condition, but it hurts regardless.

Only you know the truth. People around you might look perfectly fine and "healthy," but they probably feel exactly the same way you do.
I am a walking example of this. I act incredibly strong on the outside—so much so that I actually managed to fool my own mother for decades.🙄
Believe me when I say... there are people all around you, maybe even among those you envy, who feel just like you.

velvetsailor26 said:It all kicked off with social anxiety—just this nagging fear that my hands would start shaking whenever I was under the spotlight. Looking back four years later, I’d give anything if that was the extent of it, because at least then I could still function somewhat normally in the world.
But now, it’s mutated into something much heavier than just being socially awkward. My doctor says there are psychotic elements involved too, and honestly, even the antipsychotics they have me on aren't doing much to help. 😢

I can’t shake the feeling that everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of freak. I find myself looking at other people with this deep sense of envy, watching how easily they build emotional connections, while I just sit there acting like an interrogator in social settings just to force some kind of interaction. I'm getting so tired of playing that part.

I haven't had anyone close to me for four years now, and the terrifying thought is that it might stay this way forever, simply because I don't feel like a "normal" person.
Right now, I'm at rock bottom, and my entire existence basically revolves around this forum and scrolling through psychology PDFs; I mostly just read without saying much.

I crave a full, meaningful life so badly—to actually feel connected to someone—but it's impossible when I feel like everyone else is fundamentally better than me. Even during a conversation, my mind just drifts away. Like, if a friend is venting to me about their problems, I'll just sit there thinking, "You have no idea who you're talking to," knowing the absolute chaos currently racing through my head.
I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this; there isn't much to say really. It's just that I'm feeling pretty lonely and wanted to see if there are any other souls out there who feel exactly the same way.😢

Part of me feels a bit embarrassed, too, wondering if someone from my real life might stumble upon this thread. I don't know if that paranoia is just another symptom of my condition, but it hurts regardless.

Just keep reading. It helped me immensely, and maybe it will help you too.
Unfortunately, back in my day, these resources weren't available, so I was convinced I was the only psychiatric case in the entire world.
I was never truly alone, but I think I would have been better off if I were. I know you can't see that right now, but I did manage to get married (even though I wasn't "normal," right?)😁 and on top of my initial issues, I ended up creating a hundred more... because I wasn't well and I didn't fix my OWN problems first.

velvetsailor26 said:It all kicked off with social anxiety—just this nagging fear that my hands would start shaking whenever I was under the spotlight. Looking back four years later, I’d give anything if that was the extent of it, because at least then I could still function somewhat normally in the world.
But now, it’s mutated into something much heavier than just being socially awkward. My doctor says there are psychotic elements involved too, and honestly, even the antipsychotics they have me on aren't doing much to help. 😢

I can’t shake the feeling that everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of freak. I find myself looking at other people with this deep sense of envy, watching how easily they build emotional connections, while I just sit there acting like an interrogator in social settings just to force some kind of interaction. I'm getting so tired of playing that part.

I haven't had anyone close to me for four years now, and the terrifying thought is that it might stay this way forever, simply because I don't feel like a "normal" person.
Right now, I'm at rock bottom, and my entire existence basically revolves around this forum and scrolling through psychology PDFs; I mostly just read without saying much.

I crave a full, meaningful life so badly—to actually feel connected to someone—but it's impossible when I feel like everyone else is fundamentally better than me. Even during a conversation, my mind just drifts away. Like, if a friend is venting to me about their problems, I'll just sit there thinking, "You have no idea who you're talking to," knowing the absolute chaos currently racing through my head.
I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this; there isn't much to say really. It's just that I'm feeling pretty lonely and wanted to see if there are any other souls out there who feel exactly the same way.😢

Part of me feels a bit embarrassed, too, wondering if someone from my real life might stumble upon this thread. I don't know if that paranoia is just another symptom of my condition, but it hurts regardless.

My friends all come to me to vent, and I give them all sorts of advice. They always seem shocked, saying things like, "Wow, you are so smart and strong."
Ha... I guess. At least for everyone else, I am.🙄

velvetsailor26 said:It all kicked off with social anxiety—just this nagging fear that my hands would start shaking whenever I was under the spotlight. Looking back four years later, I’d give anything if that was the extent of it, because at least then I could still function somewhat normally in the world.
But now, it’s mutated into something much heavier than just being socially awkward. My doctor says there are psychotic elements involved too, and honestly, even the antipsychotics they have me on aren't doing much to help. 😢

I can’t shake the feeling that everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of freak. I find myself looking at other people with this deep sense of envy, watching how easily they build emotional connections, while I just sit there acting like an interrogator in social settings just to force some kind of interaction. I'm getting so tired of playing that part.

I haven't had anyone close to me for four years now, and the terrifying thought is that it might stay this way forever, simply because I don't feel like a "normal" person.
Right now, I'm at rock bottom, and my entire existence basically revolves around this forum and scrolling through psychology PDFs; I mostly just read without saying much.

I crave a full, meaningful life so badly—to actually feel connected to someone—but it's impossible when I feel like everyone else is fundamentally better than me. Even during a conversation, my mind just drifts away. Like, if a friend is venting to me about their problems, I'll just sit there thinking, "You have no idea who you're talking to," knowing the absolute chaos currently racing through my head.
I don't even know why I'm bothering to post this; there isn't much to say really. It's just that I'm feeling pretty lonely and wanted to see if there are any other souls out there who feel exactly the same way.😢

Part of me feels a bit embarrassed, too, wondering if someone from my real life might stumble upon this thread. I don't know if that paranoia is just another symptom of my condition, but it hurts regardless.

You're starting this thread because you want to take action, and I think that's great.

If you look back at my old posts, my biggest struggle was keeping my condition a total secret—not telling a single soul. That feeling was overwhelming, and I guess I still haven't fully moved past it.
Why? Because I was terrified everyone would find out what a bad person I am. I felt unworthy of respect or love just because I'm a little "unhinged."👍

Once I started dropping that mask I built for the public, things actually began to get better and better.

I won't lie to you; even my closest person knew. Every time I tried to solve a problem, they would just say, "Why should I even talk to you? You're crazy anyway."
Well, that person isn't in my life anymore. That mental weight is finally gone.🙏

And some friends stopped coming to me for advice—which, honestly, is even better. Now I have more time to focus on my own issues.