Posts by Larry Lewis

Kenneth Scott41 said:Have you ever looked into Effexor or Alventa? I was on one of those previously and it actually helped me quite a bit, though I eventually had to switch over to a different antidepressant because, well, the lack of motivation and the total loss of libido just became too much to deal with.

I tried Effexor myself, and honestly? It was nothing special—neither good nor bad, just sort of mediocre.

Anyway, has anyone here ever dealt with Ludiomil? I was on it for a very brief stint, and it actually seemed decent enough to me—which makes me wonder why my doctor suddenly pulled the plug on it and switched me over to Fevarin.

Look, I’m certainly no medical professional, but I can't help but feel like my antidepressant dosage is far too low to be effectively counteracting these massive doses of AP I'm taking.

Honestly, I’ve lost track—I have cycled through so many different medications in such a short span of time that my brain feels completely fried. Everything seems fine for most of the day, but then, right around 5 or 6 PM, I just hit a wall. It’s baffling how I can feel perfectly steady and then suddenly crash like that.

Honestly, that Wellbutrin was a total bust for me—just didn't do the trick—and now this Faverin isn't exactly hitting the mark either. It feels like I'm just wandering through a fog, unable to find an antidepressant that actually works.

driftinggull21 said:"Light" antipsychotics in the context of Clozaril, Haldol, or Moditen.😁
I also use Oxazepam for sleep. Since I only take it occasionally, 15 mg is more than enough to knock me out. In comparison, 20 mg of Diazepam does absolutely nothing for me.

When I take 20mg of diazepam, it’s usually just because I’m feeling a bit on edge—it helps dial down the nerves slightly, but honestly, it barely moves the needle.🙂

Look, you really need to get your mother to a hospital—and I mean right now—because the longer someone stays stuck in a psychotic break, the steeper the uphill battle for recovery becomes. Trust me on this, I’m speaking from experience; I didn't check myself in back when I was completely losing my grip on reality—and let me tell you, I was 100% out there—and even now, four years later, I'm still working through the aftermath of it all.

The truth of the matter is—and I say this with a fair amount of self-reflection—that after dealing with so many situations just like this one, I’ve become somewhat desensitized to people. Well, most people, anyway. There are a few exceptions, of course, but generally speaking, I find myself barely even listening when someone starts talking. It’s as if I’ve developed this impenetrable layer of apathy toward everyone else's opinions. It sounds cynical, I know, but it’s become quite pronounced lately—so pronounced, in fact, that I’m finally starting to realize I need to fix it. I need to actually engage, show some genuine interest again, rather than just drifting through these conversations.
I suppose I can only get away with making jokes about illnesses with my inner circle—I don't know what it is, Harold Anderson3.

Ugh, ZeusXL, if you could only see this... honestly, I think you'd lose your mind if you saw what I was looking at right now.🙂

I was at a party last night—just trying to unwind, minding my own business—and I had these total strangers approaching me, telling me they knew I wasn't "crazy" and making all these comments about my spikes... people I have literally never met in my entire life. Look, I get it—I really do—and I suppose I should be flattered that they were trying to offer some sort of encouragement, but it’s incredibly grating when it feels like my medical history is public knowledge. It turns out word travels fast, even in a crowded room.🙂I still haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that people look at me and immediately see a diagnosis rather than a person. It’s exhausting, honestly—it’s one thing to deal with the reality of having schizophrenia, but another thing entirely to have it served to you on a silver platter by someone you just met. Just let me enjoy the party without turning my mental health into the main topic of conversation, for heaven's sake.🙂

Since they finally pulled Ladiomil off the market, I’ve switched over to Effexor—I started taking it this past Thursday, and so far, so good... at least I haven't been hit by any of those dreaded side effects yet. We'll just have to wait and see how this plays out.

I just couldn't reach an orgasm while I was on Prozac—not to mention that whole feeling of being completely emotionally numb, like I was watching my own life through a thick pane of glass.

Harold Anderson3 said:Well, I don't pay for it either; instead, I just head over to Mayo Clinic once every two weeks.
My soul feels like it’s fighting cancer right now, but I've got faith that it'll heal in time. 🙂

I actually gave some serious thought to paying for it myself, but... no, I think I'll pass.

It isn't our souls that have cancer, but our brains—though, if you ask me, the soul remains pure, capable of healing us or mending us however it sees fit.

Anyway, goodnight Harold Anderson3, hang in there!

Harold Anderson3 said:Yeah, you're right that the illness is essentially an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, but I've found that psychotherapy can be a huge help alongside medication. For me personally, therapy really helps smooth out those depressive dips and mood swings.

The thing is, therapy is just way too expensive for my budget right now, though I’m a firm believer that sitting down with a qualified professional really does make a difference.
I don't exactly have anyone to vent to besides myself—and let's face it, I am hardly a trained expert in my own psyche.🙂

Harold Anderson3 said:Hehe, so you actually are older than me after all.🤣
Yeah, I can't really complain... I'm still working without any issues, and everyone at the office is perfectly happy with my performance, so there isn't even a reason to bring up my health.
The only awkward part was when everyone else was grabbing drinks and I had to pass because of my medication, which felt a little strange... but hey, I just tell myself: as long as you're on the clock, you stay sober.🤷

The main thing is staying active and being out in the world; if people want to drink, let them drink.

As for me, I'm currently out of work, and frankly, that's what's really killing me.

Henry Garcia9 said:I used to be a total skeptic when it came to group therapy. I mean, at the end of the day, we’re dealing with a chemical imbalance, right? It's biology. I'm definitely not one of those people who decides to quit their meds on a whim—that's a fast track to disaster. For me, the medication is the only thing actually doing the heavy lifting. Like I told you before, I learned that lesson the hard way. My issues usually manifest as delusions—basically, my brain starts spinning stories that have zero basis in reality...

My bad—I've got Metallica blasting in my ears while I'm scrolling through this, so I definitely misread that.

Henry Garcia9 said:Not really. It’s not even about alcohol—I haven't touched the stuff since I started my meds. It’s more that life just happened and I lost most of my social circle, so I don't really have a crew to go out with anymore. Plus, like I mentioned, I just don't have the drive to do anything anyway, so there's zero point in hitting the town. And for what it's worth, I don't have any sleep issues 🙂 I’ve always been a skeptic when it comes to group therapy. To me, this whole thing feels mostly biological, so I don't see the point in sitting in a circle talking about it... Btw, Larry Lewis, I sent you a DM with the details on where I'm getting treatment and what my prescription looks like. And yeah, obviously we're fine. Honestly, I think there are way more unstable people running around without a diagnosis than there are people like us with one

Of course a diagnosis doesn't define you. Someone with a label—whatever it may be—can easily be sharper and more capable than someone without one. Our illness is just a medical issue, much like diabetes, as you pointed out earlier; it doesn't dictate who we are as human beings. But people just don't seem to grasp that—it's as if they think having a diagnosis means you're going to go out and stab them or something equally absurd.

I went through a situation once where I saw firsthand that these medications truly work—I won't get into the gritty details, but it was all the proof I needed to stay on them.
I haven't spent much time buried in medical journals or chasing fringe cures, but by observing my own reactions, I've realized that things can be managed—or perhaps even improved significantly. Still, if I'm being honest, I don't quite have enough faith in my own willpower to ever stop my treatment or try cutting back to the bare minimum.

Harold Anderson3 said:So you're 33? I honestly thought you were younger, maybe around my age.🙂
I am so sorry to hear how your friends reacted after you got home from the military. It sounds like I definitely had it easier in that department.
I mostly don't talk about my illness either, but there isn't really a need to anymore. We're pretty normal, right?? 😉

If I'm counting you at 25, then I guess I stopped aging altogether.🙂

"Normal"? Please. I'm practically the gold standard of normalcy—except for being coded as F20.0 on my medical records.🙂
Just kidding... mostly.🙂

Honestly, I'm glad this thread finally caught some steam. We might be a small group here, but we're still standing.🙂

Harold Anderson3 said:So you're 33? I honestly thought you were younger, maybe around my age.🙂
I am so sorry to hear how your friends reacted after you got home from the military. It sounds like I definitely had it easier in that department.
I mostly don't talk about my illness either, but there isn't really a need to anymore. We're pretty normal, right?? 😉

I’d pin you at 25, and frankly, I haven't aged a day myself.🙂

Sane? Please. I'm the most "normal" guy you'll ever meet—even if my medical records say otherwise.🙂
Just kidding.

We've got it lucky, though... seeing how this poor girl has to head off to a group home or something... it's just devastating, truly.

It’s not even about being too sick to go out—let’s be honest—it’s more that you aren't allowed to touch a drink, and watching everyone else toast while you sit there with a soda is just plain humiliating, right? Just admit it.🙂I only head down to the Mayo Clinic for checkups when things get really intense, though I haven't been in a while.🙂I've been hitting up those group therapy sessions for a bit now, but frankly, they're starting to lose their luster—I'm actually debating whether it's still worth my time or if I should just call it quits.

Are you sleeping the day away because of the meds? I went through a rough patch with that myself once.

Henry Garcia9 said:Nah. There isn’t a single trace of MS in my family tree—not even a hint—but despite the crazy low odds, I still ended up with it. Honestly, hearing you talk about those symptoms that just won't quit... I get it. I deal with those low moods too, and I definitely don't hit the town nearly as much as I used to since getting sick. But those are pretty much the only ways the disease hits me. I'm 23 now, and this whole thing kicked off when I was 17 with a brutal bout of depression. Have you spent a lot of time stuck in the hospital?

Oh, please—it’s a blessing there are people out there hearing voices for years on end; what you and I are dealing with is practically nothing by comparison.
Well, sure, you're younger and at that age where you should actually be out living life—so why aren't you going out?

If I had taken things seriously when it first hit, and if I'd possessed even an ounce of actual wisdom back then, maybe I would've fared better... but hey, I learned the hard way, didn't I?🙂

I was hospitalized right after finishing my service—straight to the Mayo Clinic, that was back in the last century🙂and then later, when things were at their absolute worst in 2008, and finally in 2009, I actually arranged to stay in the hospital for a few weeks just to get my meds adjusted.

I'm genuinely curious about what kind of medication you're on—feel free to shoot me a private message if you're uncomfortable sharing here.
As for me, I'm loaded up on everything from antipsychotics to antidepressants to those calming pills; I'm practically a floating pharmacy at this point.🙂
Do you do any psychotherapy or group sessions?

Henry Garcia9 said:Thanks. I hope you’re hanging in there and that your treatment plan is actually working for you. 🙂 Honestly, the worst part about this whole thing is the silence you're forced into. You can't exactly bring it up at work, in class, or even with casual friends without feeling like everyone's suddenly judging you or looking at you like you're some kind of freak. It's weird. Like, if you tell someone you've been managing diabetes for years, people get it—they nod and move on. But with schizoaffective disorder? There's this unwritten rule that you just have to keep your mouth shut.
Larry Lewis, how old are you, and how long have you been dealing with this?

I'm not doing bad, though I definitely get hit with a few rough days in a row sometimes—though for me, it's more depressive symptoms than anything else. I don't really experience those specific schizo episodes; it’s more like this heavy sadness or just being completely out of sorts. For me, everything started back when I was in the military—I was only 21 then, and I'm 33 now—but 2008 was pure hell. Absolute living hell. I ended up checking myself into a psychiatric ward in Portland all on my own. Once I got through that hospitalization, things finally started looking up. My close friends who have known me forever know my diagnosis, but I don't bother telling anyone else.
Does anyone have a history of schizoaffective disorder in their family? My aunt had it, and honestly, her life was just incredibly bleak because of the illness.
And you know, I've known these guys for ages, but ever since I got sick, I haven't really felt like part of the crew anymore. It used to eat at me, but now? I don't even care enough to try. I see them once a week when we go hacking around, and that's about it.
When I first got back from my service and told the group I was running with at the time, man, the ridicule I got... I couldn't believe it. I was younger then, though, so it cut much deeper.
Anyway, I'm more stable now, but it took me well over four years of grinding to actually get to this point.

Henry Garcia9 said:The early days were a nightmare for me too, especially once I actually processed what kind of diagnosis I was looking at... It sucked being stuck in the hospital, whether they forced me to stay or I went in willingly. But honestly? Looking back, I wouldn't even call my situation a "heavy" illness. I take my meds and life goes on without much drama. From where I'm sitting, there are definitely plenty of much worse ways to go out.

That’s great news—I’m genuinely happy to hear you’re doing better.🙂