Posts by Megan Patel69

Carol Turner3 said:To be totally honest with you? I honestly don't know... I mostly breezed through my exams without really breaking a sweat or doing much studying at all, which is kind of the core of my problem because I never really developed that discipline for sitting down and grinding for hours on end...

Quincy:

Life works the exact same way. What if you just sat down and wrote out every single piece of advice you've ever received—because some of it is actually gold—and then built a step-by-step roadmap to slowly start changing things up? Once you start seeing those little wins happen because of your own hard work, that's when the real motivation kicks in... If you just toss it all aside and come up with another excuse, well, you can spend your whole life complaining, I guess. It's all on you...

But what if I fail and just lose all my drive in the process?

In a weird way, both college and everything else I've dealt with so far has just been about trying to keep my head above water, so what am I even gaining from all this struggle? (And I'm not just talking about a career)...

So what? Just like everyone else, you stumble, you get back up, and you keep moving. At least you gain some experience that makes you a bit sharper or wiser. Or you could just quit everything because you aren't feeling it and claim there's no point, and then end up begging on a street corner. Maybe that would give you some inspiration to change things. Honestly, just be grateful. Watch a few documentaries about poverty in developing nations and see how people struggle just to survive; they can still find happiness with almost nothing. If your expectations are too high, you're just going to stay disappointed. Anyway, I think you should probably see a psychiatrist, like a few people have already suggested.

Carol Turner3 said:I know, there's just so much to untangle...

That last part of your post was already answered at the very beginning of this thread...

Thanks for sharing...

The advice is actually pretty solid...

But it feels like that's just one more way to redirect my thoughts somewhere else, to retreat into that little world and escape everything...

And then life just happens to you all at once...

Hang in there 🙄

If you finished a few years of college, you probably have a sense of what it takes to pass a final exam. Life is pretty much the same way. Maybe try writing down all the advice you've been given—because some of it is actually useful—and build a step-by-step plan to tackle things gradually. Once you see those small changes starting to happen because of your own effort, I guess you'll find the motivation to keep going. If you just brush it all off and make excuses, you could spend your whole life complaining. It’s really up to you.

Carol Turner3 said:I've pretty much laid out my anxieties through these posts, honestly... from this feeling of being behind in life, to having zero clue what I actually want or how to build a decent life. Plus, the realization that living a "normal" life requires a paycheck that's way out of reach given my current skill set...

How much more modest am I supposed to be, and for how long?

I'm not really sure what you mean by that, so feel free to elaborate... I'm definitely not talking about any fancy vacations or anything.

And I already mentioned that at the start—I don't even know what I enjoy anymore, because I'm just so weighed down by more pressing stuff...

I guess you might be overthinking things, thinking one specific job is your only ticket to stability or wealth. If you view money as just a necessary evil for now—rather than waiting around for some grand opportunity that might never come—you can actually start living again instead of putting your life on hold. Donna White50 actually made a good point about this earlier. You aren't falling behind. You can find time for yourself and explore what you actually enjoy if you just rearrange your priorities. Life’s best parts are usually the small, free things right in front of us. There is plenty of value inside you, too; maybe you just haven't looked closely enough yet. Just keep searching.

Carol Turner3 said:I was wondering if anyone here has ever been through this, lived it, and maybe even found a way out... or if I could just vent for a second to get it off my chest 🙄

I’ll try to keep this brief and just give you the highlights of what's going on with me...

I honestly feel like I'm trapped, like everyone is actively working to keep me from actually "spreading my wings" or moving forward...

And obviously—if my description makes any sense at all—that feeling is totally understandable because my life feels incredibly restricted from every single angle, whether it's money, social life, mental health, or whatever else hits me...

I don't really remember being someone who knew much about anything, but looking back over the last few years (I'm 26 now), after dealing with some struggles at college and a few other things, I just have no clue what I want anymore—honestly, I never really had a clear vision of who I wanted to be anyway...

I’m just not happy—not that I ever really was, if I'm being real—and I can't see anything that might actually bring me joy. The bigger issue is that with so much crap going on, even if I did stumble upon something that made me smile, I probably wouldn't even notice because I'm too preoccupied with everything weighing me down...

My personality, how I was raised, people not understanding me, and the total lack of support from those closest to me for basically anything... it's all pushed me up against a wall where I'm starting to fear absolutely everything. I tried looking for work for a while, but I guess that misery was pretty obvious during interviews, so I ended up giving up on that too. To even apply for jobs now, I'd need to hit the books, relearn stuff, and polish up my skills, but I just don't have the drive for any of it...

I truly believe that if I had landed a job even a year ago, it might have pulled me out of this funk—or maybe it would have sped up my slide into this current state—but I think it would have given me an appetite for life again, a desire to actually build something for myself...

But unfortunately, that didn't happen, and I'm just rotting away more and more every day, terrified of even trying, of sending out applications—since I've never been the assertive type—and I have zero self-confidence. I'm scared I won't be any good at a job, which is pretty obvious, and why would anyone give me a shot when I've never received a shred of support, even from my own family...

Even though I'm scared, I can say there's only one thing I'm becoming less afraid of, and it comes from asking myself: Why am I even bothering to struggle in this world?

What kind of worries are we talking about here? If you could be anything else, what would it be? You mentioned not having enough money for travel or hanging out, so are those your only dreams?
Maybe try being a bit more modest. You don't actually need money to spend time with friends.
If you truly can't find joy in anything, it might be worth seeing a therapist just to get some momentum and stop getting stuck in your own head focusing on the negatives. Don't give up on finding things you love or figuring yourself out. There's got to be something out there.

darkraven said:A textbook example of spiritual ego:

"I'm on such a higher plane of soul evolution that I can't even hold a conversation with regular people."
"Others are limited by three-dimensional perception, but I've moved past that and actually understand the rules of this dimension unlike everyone else."
"God personally grants me access to the mysteries of the cosmos because I've earned it, unlike the rest of you."

Exactly. It started yesterday in that thread about dimensions. Honestly, it seems like more than just ego—it feels like psychosis sometimes. You see it everywhere, not just here, how certain types of spirituality attract this mindset. They deleted our posts over there once we drifted off-topic, so I guess I'll just drop this here

feralranger said:Frankly, I cannot name a single person who lives without an ego. The ego—that essential cocktail of self-awareness, personality, and the very memories that weave together our identity—is present in every healthy individual. It is absent in small children who haven't yet developed a sense of self, and it is absent in those with severe cognitive impairments. One also loses the ego during the advanced stages of Alzheimer's or in states of extreme intoxication... though in the earlier stages, it certainly knows how to run wild...

Furthermore, I have observed a peculiar pattern: those failed "teachers" or "preachers" who rail against the ego—which, let’s be honest, is perfectly normal and human—are often nothing more than massive egomaniacs themselves. It follows a certain twisted logic, really; in order for someone to impose their own megalomaniacal whims upon others, they find it quite convenient to dismantle the perfectly healthy egos of everyone else, thereby clearing a path to spread their own egocentrism.

Even here on the forums, many of these self-proclaimed "spiritualists" and "gurus" turn out to be blatant egomaniacs—persecutors of the ego (the normal kind, belonging to others) while remaining blissfully, perhaps even willfully, unaware of their own narcissism.

That’s true. Fake gurus. Some of them probably know exactly what they're doing and just play dumb. Daniel Castillo11 makes a good point about how people misuse non-dualism for those same reasons. I suppose anyone claiming there is no ego isn't necessarily enlightened; they might just be mentally unstable. Usually, there are just a lot of unhealthy ego defense mechanisms at play. All this arguing over whose ego is smaller or comparing oneself to others seems to only serve egomaniacs. They likely just want to lower the collective ego so they don't feel so threatened.

Andrew White6 said:There seems to be a fundamental misunderstanding of the basic concepts at play. Both terms actually refer to different spiritual trajectories. The terms "Right-Hand Path" (or *dakshinachra*) and "Left-Hand Path" (*vamachakra*) are borrowed from esoteric—meaning by definition non-materialistic and otherworldly—tantric doctrines within Hinduism. The first materialist philosopher in India was Charvaka (around 600 BCE), and he has nothing to do with this development, neither in origin nor in actual meaning.

So, what are we really talking about? According to established tantric beliefs, there is a natural flow of universal cosmic force through the human body from left to right, which mirrors the north-to-south flow of cosmic energy. When the human body is oriented toward the east—with the left hand facing north and the right facing south—it was believed the body was in harmony with the natural flow of the universe. This is the "Right-Hand Path," or *dakshinacha*—the path of alignment with the cosmic order. The reverse orientation is the "Left-Hand Path," or *vamachara*, an antinomian practice believed to run contrary to nature and the cosmic law. It’s essentially a rebellion against the divinely ordained order, which requires a much greater strength of will. Those who choose to "go against the current" articulate themselves more fully and individualize themselves against their surroundings, allowing for greater independence and freedom.

In short, the key distinction between these two paths is the difference between orthodoxy and heterodoxy: between submitting to a "higher power" and resisting it; between merging harmoniously with one's environment and asserting one's own individuality.

A materialist will eventually realize that even after they have "sold their soul to the devil," they still possess a self—allowing them to translate all material events into another form, thereby catching the thread of spirituality and constructing their own world.

Aside from the fact that the Left-Hand Path predates the Judeo-Christian concept of the devil, what you're describing is actually impossible within that specific practice. In a spiritual sense, the "devil"—or the antinomian element found in the Judeo-Christian tradition—is actually the practitioner of the Left-Hand Path themselves. Therefore, "selling one's soul to the devil" would simply mean selling oneself to oneself (the supreme deity of the Left-Hand Path).

...both paths lead in the same direction...

Are the direction of union with God in eternity and the direction of separation in eternity heading the same way? Not even orthodox faiths would claim that. The path toward heaven—that is, toward harmonious unity with God—and the path toward hell—eternal separation from God—are not moving in the same direction. If you try to "walk both paths," you aren't going anywhere (which, according to orthodox beliefs, means you're headed straight to hell/separation from God).

These kinds of "spiritualities" seem to attract people who are out of balance, perhaps because they're disillusioned with society or struggling with personal issues they can't quite resolve. LHP takes feelings of isolation or loneliness and reframes them as feelings of power and independence. It seems like little more than an ego defense mechanism—basically lying to oneself about being happy. If it helps with shadow work, maybe it's useful. Otherwise, it just distances someone from their actual needs, which might be too painful or embarrassing to face. The images posted by Frank Allen70 pretty much say it all.

It’s probably better to have it than not. I guess it’s tough when someone can't even cover their basic needs and has to struggle. Money definitely buys comfort and opens doors, but things get messy when it becomes an end in itself or when you start spending it on stuff that doesn't actually matter to you.