Posts by blueheron7

I remember the people I dated back when everything was still under control, and I remember those I saw after everything fell apart. I wouldn't say they were vastly different, but generally speaking: one group consisted of carefree, happy high schoolers. This second group? It was just a joke, because I was going through something similar myself...

I am not saying it is impossible for a healthy person to date someone who is ill. However, I simply never sensed any empathy or true understanding in that kind of dynamic. If someone prefers a healthy-unhealthy relationship, be my guest. For me—not my type. sry.

It is the same thing regarding children.

PS. Someone mentioned the diagnosis earlier. All I know is she was on Haldol for quite a long time. She was constantly walking around with an MP3 player and headphones on. She would literally tremble all over just to keep from doing something drastic... and in those moments, she would blast music through her headphones to try and drown out the voices. And this business about the ceiling and changing colors is also true. It might seem completely inconsistent or unrealistic to some, but it really is like that. It feels like a combination of a movie featuring Freddy Krueger and waking up in a nightmare from Max Payne.

EDIT:

I wanted to add one more thing... it truly is a joke. I also wanted a normal, healthy girlfriend for a while, thinking it was the best possible "way out" from my problems. Looking back now, I realize that isn't true at all. I have no idea what I was thinking then, but I am certain such a relationship would not work for me. sry.

My diagnosis is F21 and F60.3, along with a few other minor details I’m too lazy to Google right now.

Anyway, I attended an xyz group, and the people I met there—honestly, I can't tell which of them are more empathetic, kind, or caring... you name it.

One girl I was particularly drawn to has SCH, but it’s so severe that she hears voices constantly. Sometimes her episodes are so intense it feels like the ceiling changes color, as if she woke up in a movie starring Freddy Krueger. Her attacks are that brutal. I’m not certain if it’s strictly SCH, but she is in a bad way. I must admit, she is one of the finest people I have ever met. It’s purely by chance we didn't end up together.

In truth, I would rather be with her than any neurotypical woman. I know I could find depth in her, even if it isn't obvious. Besides, I don't know what I would even do with a healthy partner; she would likely break under the weight of my issues sooner or later. Conversely, a woman with SCH brought out the best in me, pushing me to evolve and improve. At least briefly, she guided me back to the "right path."

Even if we had stayed together and, hypothetically, had a child—and let's say that child was 125% healthy—imagine how that would play out? It would be difficult. Extremely difficult.

There is a reason I mentioned Jake. Despite being only in his twenties, he is remarkably advanced. I believe there is much to be learned from him.

There is a compelling video on YouTube where Jacob (IhaveSchizophrenia1) discusses his preference for a partner living with illness, as well as a child facing health challenges. It is a heavy subject, certainly, but I find myself in agreement with him: I would choose a partner with struggles over someone who is perfectly healthy. The same logic applies to a child. At least, that is my position. sry if anyone disagrees.

Like any reasonable person my age, I am spending this Friday with some upbeat music, a cup of coffee, and a bit of sparkling water. 😬

I am currently navigating a particularly bleak period in my life. For the last three months, I have sequestered myself in my room, barely uttering a single word per day. As Kyle Roberts4 noted, I am desperately grasping at straws, but everything continues to slip through my fingers.

I am a man in my mid-20s from the outskirts of Washington, D.C. I am looking for a woman in her 20s to start a conversation with, with the intention of seeing where things lead. To be clear, I have no interest in endless digital pen-palling; I tend to form deep attachments quickly, which is ironic given how few friends I actually keep. For reasons I cannot quite pinpoint, I have always found more common ground with women. I would ask that those without mental health struggles refrain from contacting me. It is my conviction that "normalcy" and "madness" exist in entirely different spheres with no meaningful overlap. My own diagnoses include unspecifed non-branching psychosis, Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or schizotypal disorder.

A few words regarding my background. If anyone finds themselves in a similar situation, feel free to reach out. 😁

Music remains my primary passion. It holds a position of importance that nothing else can approach. This devotion stems from a formative experience in elementary school; my music teacher passed away from cancer while I was studying in another city. I am ashamed to admit I cannot even recall where she is buried. She left an indelible mark on me. Her influence is the reason I intend to open a workshop to build instruments, why I played for a time, and why I now feel a profound calling to become a writer—specifically, a poet.

My musical tastes are quite selective; I rarely find myself truly moved by an artist. However, James Blunt is a definitive exception. It is rare that I feel genuinely blown away by someone's artistry, but his songwriting provides a visceral experience that is unmatched. While there are many talented musicians out there, he operates on an entirely different level. He is simply in a class of his own. Recently, Linkin Park’s "One More Light" left me visibly shaken. I could only manage two songs before having to stop; that was enough. As my username suggests, I also have an affinity for Blink-182. While I hold the Tom DeLonge era in high regard, I am currently gravitating toward Matt. The more I listen to California, the more impressed I become. 😁

I am not an avid reader, but I will always make time to borrow a quality collection of poetry. As a poet myself, I spend my spare time on a music forum with a dedicated section for writers, as well as a creative writing forum. I find value in reading the work of others; after all, every artist must study the competition.

My athletic achievements are negligible. My interests are limited to Formula 1, karting, billiards, and badminton. I owe my proficiency in billiards to my father, despite our strained relationship. His brother introduced me to Formula 1, which resulted in a childhood defined by Juan Pablo Montoya, Fast and Furious, and Need for Speed. To this day, I still hold a lap record from a local youth circuit for under-12s. 😬 I am, naturally, a Speed Junk.

Moving on to movies. My preferences are predictable: I favor romance and superhero films. Spider-Man is my preferred hero, while "A Walk to Remember" stands as my choice for romance. I maintain that everything serves a purpose; God does not present challenges that exceed a person's capacity to meet them. This current phase is merely a test. The lesson is simple: out of ashes, good things—often the most beautiful ones—are born.

I have a fondness for children. I am currently acting as a cousin to blueheron7, though I question my proficiency in the role. My brother possesses a greater natural aptitude for such matters, likely due to his youth. I believe one of my life's purposes is to be present in their lives and witness their development. It is a profound thing.

I have no intention of describing my character; such details are largely irrelevant here. It is far more important that individuals learn to think for themselves and form their own conclusions. Should this text pique your interest, feel free to reach out. ^^

I will conclude this post with perhaps the most painful "I do" in existence. 😢