Posts by placidridge

Larry Howard8 said:I didn't mean literal fairytales,
I was just talking about relationships...

I totally get what you mean. Honestly, I spent plenty of time living in that romanticized relationship bubble myself—though, to be fair, I was actually reading fairy tales while doing it.

Had another one of those creative deep dives today—trying to keep things pretty this time, you know? I kept telling myself not to let that sudden spike of anxiety take the wheel. It hit me for a second there, but honestly, nothing crazy happened, and I managed to stay totally grounded. It’s wild how much you can actually help yourself sometimes... when you're actually capable of it, obviously.

Morgan Moore9 said:I’ve been diagnosed with depression, but I honestly feel there's something much deeper going on beneath the surface.
After taking medication for eight years, I suddenly quit cold turkey about eight months ago.
Now, it feels like I'm living through a waking nightmare.
My boyfriend actually encouraged me to stop because he thinks I'm just making it all up!
When those sudden bouts of intense darkness hit, I just want everything to end...
It has even cost me my job.
How do I move forward from here?

Look, I get it—I have moments where I just want to check out because of everything I've been through, so I definitely feel for you, even though I don't deal with clinical depression myself. I'd love for things to be different, but I'm just stuck being miserable with my current situation. You aren't to blame for any of this—it's likely just a chemical imbalance, maybe a lack of lithium or something in your brain. Don't give up yet. Try hanging out with us here a bit—just read through some posts and get to know the rest of us so you aren't staring at your own pain 24/7; it really helps take the edge off. Honestly, I almost quit this forum entirely, but the girls here kept me around, and it's made things easier—you feel a lot less alone. You might want to consider getting back on your meds.

Larry Howard8. I’ve been scrolling through your posts, and man, I was living in my own little fairy tale bubble right before everything went south and turned into a total horror movie. Now, those stories don't feel magical anymore—they just feel creepy. At one point, I actually convinced myself I was the Big Bad Wolf from "Seven Little Goats"—feeling this overwhelming, misplaced guilt, like I’d actually gone out and swallowed someone whole. Once the realization started sinking in that, well, that isn't how reality works, I ended up rushing to the ER and basically landed in the hospital.

Larry Howard8 said:whatever, let's just say 5
😁

but seriously, do you have a boyfriend or any friends?

🙂

Nah, no boyfriend—I had one once, but things went south and it just wasn't working out. I’m still struggling to get myself back out there after everything, which is why I ended up having a total breakdown. The guy was just straight-up toxic.
As for friends... honestly, I don't really have any. People haven't exactly embraced me, mostly because my dad deals with schizophrenia, so it's been tough. I have acquaintances, sure—people I grab coffee with every now and then—but right now I’m just lost, and yeah, I’m pretty scared about what comes next. I told this one "friend" once that I’d been hospitalized, and they basically told me I needed to "let go" of the madness I supposedly created myself. It's exhausting. I don't know how people will react if I'm actually honest, but lying feels fake, and I'm not interested in a friendship where you have to wear a mask just to be accepted. That's just pointless.

velvetsailor26 said:robert look, we all let our minds wander off into the weeds from time to time; personally, I don't see anything pathological about it

I have this coworker at my office, and there’s this whole rumor mill going around that she’s dealing with schizophrenia, but honestly, looking at her, you’d never guess she was struggling with anything
she just gets her work done, same as everyone else

Schizophrenia doesn't just wipe out your intellect; when someone is in a stable phase, they can handle pretty much anything.

velvetsailor26 said:nah, he’s just sickeningly sweet, like a little morsel
I really feel for those people
That movie actually changed my perspective on them—since I don't personally know anyone quite like that

It’s honestly refreshing to see some folks here who aren't just looking at us through a lens of prejudice. I used to be a girl with her own life, big dreams... maybe a little wild, sure. I really thought I could take those schizophrenic—or let's call them "creative"—genes and channel them into writing, become an author, start a family... but after everything I've been through lately, I'm terrified to keep writing. I worry that being creative might trigger those manic thoughts again and land me right back in the hospital. If that happens, they won't just label it acute psychosis anymore; they'll circle the wagons and call it full-blown schizophrenia. Everything I built just crumbled. I'm hurting. And honestly? I'm scared. People like us desperately need friends to keep us grounded, but it feels like everyone either runs for the hills or blames us, acting like we chose to be sick.

wiredfalcon21 said:I experience the exact same thing. Is this actually a symptom of schizophrenia?

Look, I'm pretty sure you're nowhere near actual schizo territory, but you've definitely got something similar going on. Best to run for the hills before you catch whatever it is.😂

velvetsailor26 said:placidridge, what exactly do you mean when you say you're going to "drift away"?

Sometimes when I'm mid-task, I just get this sudden urge to pause everything and drift off—you know, just space out for a second. My focus starts slipping, and I can't stay 100% locked in on what I'm actually doing because my mind starts wandering off toward something else entirely. It’s fine if it happens in little bursts here and there, but when I really go deep into it, I can end up sitting there daydreaming for ages or just totally checking out to clear my head...

Andrew Wood5 said:What’s your take? If you don't have a sense of direction—no real goals, no purpose—I feel like there's a razor-thin line between depression, anxiety, regression, and full-blown schizophrenia.

See, when you actually know where you're headed and you've got real goals, you can stay focused. When you're dealing with actual mental health issues, you might find yourself totally zoning out mid-task or spiraling into negative thoughts—it's not laziness, it's the illness itself. That's the thing people miss. And honestly, staying busy helps you feel a bit more grounded, provided everything else in your life isn't completely falling apart—which is true for pretty much everyone, whether they're struggling with mental health stuff or not. As for that part about everything being interconnected? Yeah, I'm with you there. It all bleeds together.

placidridge said:Thanks for the lesson, though I guess I’m just a slow learner. You hang out with people, get close, and then the moment you share something personal, they just shut you out—yeah, totally fair. I guess I'm still stuck in that wide-eyed, cartoon-logic phase of life where everything works out perfectly. Maybe I should try growing up.

Peace out to you too. Anyway, I'm gonna step away from this thread and go back to my own little world. People are just trash—you try to be social and it backfires every time. Honestly, I'm starting to think being totally unhinged is just the only sane way to react to how messed up this world is.

darkfox86 said:So how does one actually get schizo? Though I guess stress can trigger it.🤷

Look, stress isn't exactly the smoking gun—it’s more like the accelerant that kicks things into high gear if you've already got the genetic predisposition sitting there waiting. It’s a catalyst, plain and simple. Then you’ve got all those mystical theories floating around out there, too... people love to look for deeper, cosmic reasons for why things go sideways. Anyway, do some reading and see what you think. Cheers.

:::So, look—that whole chemical imbalance thing responsible for how we actually think? It ends up messing with your focus and your internal equilibrium too, because everything in the brain is interconnected. Honestly, I’d argue writers process things pretty much like people dealing with schizophrenia—you start seeing certain patterns or fragments, you philosophize about them for a bit, everything starts triggering random associations, and then you just smash all those broken pieces back together to build a new narrative. That’s how you get a story. A person struggling with schizophrenia might find themselves lost in a similar plot or movie, but the big distinction is control. When you're writing a novel or a screenplay, you're fully aware of the mechanics; you know what you're doing and you're calling the shots. With the illness, though, the "story" just unfolds spontaneously within the thought process—it happens *to* you, and you can't pull the reigns because the brain is running the show without your permission. As long as you stay in control, you're fine, but once the chemistry takes over, it's like being stuck in a dream state. Dreams are probably the closest comparison—your subconscious just does its own thing. Everything stems from the subconscious; nobody just fantasizes about something that doesn't already exist in their surroundings or buried deep in their psyche from past experiences.

Benjamin Williams7 said:Oh, please! Could you explain what you mean by a "lack of a central core"?
And if anyone else knows...

My dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 7 or 8 years ago;
he’s currently on Norvasc and Zyprexa.
He went through all sorts of phases.
In the beginning, he imagined everything: that people were following him, spying on him, even seeing deep meanings in every single color... just everything. He absolutely refused any kind of treatment; in his mind, everyone else was the crazy one and he was the only one who knew the truth. Heaven forbid you even mention doctors—he would turn into your worst enemy instantly. Thankfully, we are past those days now.
Things are different now.😛 Because of the medication, he actually realizes he is ill, and he can even laugh at himself when he remembers the things he used to believe.
But still, he isn't the same old dad he was before all this happened.
The meds caused him to gain a lot of weight, but that's easy enough to deal with... his concentration is nonexistent, he's slowed down, often seems lost in thought, and smokes constantly...

But what haunts me most is when he gets these headaches. They absolutely destroy him. He says it feels like something is wrong with his equilibrium, like he's losing his balance, or like something is fundamentally wrong with his brain...
How am I supposed to wrap my head around that? How can I truly know how he's feeling??
Why isn't everything okay, even though he accepts his diagnosis and takes his medication religiously??
I know there is no cure for this illness, but from what I understand, if you follow your therapy, you should be able to function normally.
I am at a total loss. I don't know how to help him, and I feel completely helpless.

Please, I am asking for any advice, any help, anything at all. I believe there are many people here dealing with this exact situation or something similar.

😕 That "center" is basically the core of the thought process. So, schizophrenia is essentially a disruption in how those thoughts are processed—it's driven by things like dopamine hypersensitivity and general chemical imbalances in the brain.

George Collins4 said:So they only figured it out at 27? That's just how our healthcare system works. The trick is catching it in the early stages, not when it's already hit the finish line.😁
When I walk out of Las Vegas, I get that exact same feeling like I'm being followed. 🙂
Except in my case, there's actual reason for it—two files on me and a mountain of paperwork inside. 🙂

They caught onto me when I showed up at the ER by myself. Anyway, the doctor there started getting suspicious, so I just bailed and went to see someone else. Basically, I bought myself ten years of peace and lived my life normally—I'm not crazy enough to hand over my youth to them. I managed to slip through the cracks again. Honestly, I'd much rather enjoy myself and keep an eye on my own shadow than let some paranoid feeling stop me from living. It's acute, not chronic.

Benjamin Williams7 said:Oh, please! Could you explain what you mean by a "lack of a central core"?
And if anyone else knows...

My dad was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 7 or 8 years ago;
he’s currently on Norvasc and Zyprexa.
He went through all sorts of phases.
In the beginning, he imagined everything: that people were following him, spying on him, even seeing deep meanings in every single color... just everything. He absolutely refused any kind of treatment; in his mind, everyone else was the crazy one and he was the only one who knew the truth. Heaven forbid you even mention doctors—he would turn into your worst enemy instantly. Thankfully, we are past those days now.
Things are different now.😛 Because of the medication, he actually realizes he is ill, and he can even laugh at himself when he remembers the things he used to believe.
But still, he isn't the same old dad he was before all this happened.
The meds caused him to gain a lot of weight, but that's easy enough to deal with... his concentration is nonexistent, he's slowed down, often seems lost in thought, and smokes constantly...

But what haunts me most is when he gets these headaches. They absolutely destroy him. He says it feels like something is wrong with his equilibrium, like he's losing his balance, or like something is fundamentally wrong with his brain...
How am I supposed to wrap my head around that? How can I truly know how he's feeling??
Why isn't everything okay, even though he accepts his diagnosis and takes his medication religiously??
I know there is no cure for this illness, but from what I understand, if you follow your therapy, you should be able to function normally.
I am at a total loss. I don't know how to help him, and I feel completely helpless.

Please, I am asking for any advice, any help, anything at all. I believe there are many people here dealing with this exact situation or something similar.

It's tough. My dad is sick too, and like I mentioned earlier when I was talking to Katy Perry, I have my own experience dealing with mental health issues. The most important thing is just giving your dad as much love as possible so he feels less afraid—don't get into arguments with him when he's having episodes or feeling like he's being watched and stuff. Just try to calm him down and talk to him about normal, everyday things. I've felt helpless when it comes to my dad my whole life, but I always try to help him; and now that I've ended up struggling myself, I finally understand certain things. My dad refuses to accept the fact that he's sick—he's constantly claiming someone tried to poison him back when he was in the service and whatnot. He never really says what he's thinking or feeling; he just keeps it all locked inside. When you try to talk to him, he just brushes you off with "yeah, yeah," or talks in circles. It's hard to follow him—you have to speak loudly and clearly just to get through to him. He takes his meds and lives a relatively normal life... Ugh.

Benjamin Williams7 said:Wait a second, what exactly is your diagnosis? And how old were you when you first became ill?

What did I miss? 🙂 Look, I'm 27, and this hit me about three months ago—so yeah, starting at 27. The official word was acute psychotic disorder with schizophrenic symptoms. It passed after two months, though, and I'm doing fine now—not even on meds anymore... spent a month in the hospital, which was quite an experience. Back when I was 17, I used to get these weird vibes that someone was following me, but it didn't last long and nobody really noticed anything, so I just came off as some wild kid. Other than that, everything was totally normal during those ten years in between. Hopefully, that clears things up for you.

Larry Howard8 said:It's awful having to go through that just because of your genetics, through no fault of your own...

🤷

You're an interesting one—seems like you don't actually have mental health issues, yet here you are hanging out with us folks who do. 🙂
There was a point where I used to blame my mom for having me with a man who was sick, but she isn't the villain here—she was just a woman from a tiny rural town with zero education; back then, people fed her these crazy stories about how Dad had been poisoned or whatever. She handles his illness incredibly well, though—she loves him, takes care of him, works herself to the bone, and just wanted a decent life, which meant having me, and now look—I'm dealing with this too. I'm doing okay right now, and maybe I won't have another episode, but there's no way to be sure what's coming next—all I can really do is tell myself to stop overthinking things and try to stay grounded as best as I can! I love kids, I really do, but with these genes of mine, it's probably better if I don't have them—plus, if I relapse, I don't want anyone else to have to suffer through what I went through with my dad. People aren't exactly kind to you when you're struggling like this. I’d love to socialize more, but everyone looks at you like you're an alien if you have mental health struggles—they act like it's somehow your own fault. ☕

Andrew Wood5 said:Cut it out, man. People usually just jump down your throat when you start talking about yourself.☕

Thanks for the lesson, though I guess I’m just a slow learner. You hang out with people, get close, and then the moment you share something personal, they just shut you out—yeah, totally fair. I guess I'm still stuck in that wide-eyed, cartoon-logic phase of life where everything works out perfectly. Maybe I should try growing up.

Larry Howard8 said:I’ve got a massive phobia of poop, so I was wondering
for those of you who deal with this too,
do you think it's something you were genetically predisposed to,
or what?

🙂 Larry Howard8—why the phobia, though? You seem totally fine to me... My dad has schizo, and back in December last year, I hit an acute psychotic episode with schizophrenic symptoms. It lasted about two months and then cleared up—I'm okay now, just feeling pretty listless and disappointed with everything. I used to live in my own little world and it was great, until life in Los Angeles forced me back into a harsh reality. I'm 27 now. This was my first time through it, and man, I really hope it's the last; I don't want to end up chronic like my dad—that’s a nightmare. When I was 17, I had an episode that felt similar, but it only lasted a month and just went away on its own—back then, people just thought I was being a wild teenager, nobody realized what was actually happening. The truth is, both then and now, stress triggered it—mostly relationship stuff—and I guess I'm just a bit too much of a dreamer. I write novels and love getting lost in my imagination, so when I got let down by my boyfriend and by myself, I just snapped. I broke, I cried, I spiraled until I found myself on "another planet"—a planet of pure fear and hallucinations. That's why anyone with a genetic link needs to watch out for stress and try not to overthink things. Honestly, that goes for everyone else, too. Now I'm living a normal life again, but some days I just can't bring myself to leave my room. I know I can't get lost in my head; I have to fight to stay grounded in the real world, because my imagination can easily pull me right back toward a hospital stay, and I really don't want that. I'm not aggressive, I don't smoke, I'm not messy, but in those places, almost everyone seems a bit off—if you don't smoke, you feel like you have nobody to talk to because you're "different" or whatever.