Posts by Timothy Kern11

Thanks for the reply.
We drifted a bit from the main topic, but I don't think anyone's complaining.
The subject is way more layered than it looks at first glance. If we want a complete answer, things are going to get complicated.
A lot of people think—myself included—that most questions can be answered briefly, but I wasn't trying to do that here.
My current schedule just hasn't left me enough breathing room to craft a response like that.
So, I’m just reading the question and giving a quick answer while I can, because who knows what kind of new (and unnecessary) obligations I'll be juggling next week.
Maybe one day when I finally retire.
(I can't wait to retire—but I've still got a long way to go.)

Cute little YouTube video.

fadedgardener15 said:Look, honestly? Nobody actually knows what friendship even means anymore. And I’m not even surprised. In this day and age, people act more like wolves than friends. We're all just getting chewed up by globalization, the endless rat race for cash, selfish interests, and this weird trend where absolutely nothing is considered certain anymore—except for relativity, I guess. When everything is that hollowed out, there’s just no room left for actual values, let alone real friendship.
If you want a perfect example of the total opposite of friendship, just look at this contest and the people entering it. Especially those big-name influencers who are all over it.

P.S. Please, just leave me off the list.

You're overthinking it.
Even if no one defined friendship in the posts above, it's obvious we all know what it means, including you.
Not everyone lives strictly bound by globalization, the pursuit of money, special interests, and total relativism. We live surrounded by those things, but we don't have to live *by* them. We still have our own sense of self. We can carve out our own corner of the universe where we stay aware of what's happening without having to dive headfirst into the chaos.
For instance, I don't read crime news, and I avoid The Wall Street Journal, tabloids, and obituaries.
It's not that I ignore reality, I just don't immerse myself in it.
How can you say there's no room for values or friendship?
The fact that you did exactly what you just did—thought about something and then shared your opinion—is a value in itself. Whether I agree with you or not matters less than the fact that you provoked a response and got my brain moving.
Your request to stay off the list is denied.
You're on the list of people who think.

wiredmaker18 said:When I think about friendship, I can't help but feel like its true essence got buried somewhere in the past... leaving us with nothing but old stories to go on.

I'm not really talking about how everyone’s turned into a total materialist, or how everything nowadays gets filtered through some lens of self-interest and profit. It’s more about the lack of time... and more importantly, the complete absence of any real criteria that would even allow us to hope for change in the first place...

The death of critical thinking, the vanishing demand for knowledge-based careers, the decay of culture and art, and work itself... honestly, where do you even start...
The problem is a total lack of passion. People don't bother working on anything that actually matters unless there’s an immediate payoff. Everyone's just chasing that modern holy trinity: clout—whether that's being the talk of the local pub or trending on social media—status symbols, and hanging out with a curated crowd based entirely on those first two...

Friendship... it used to require this level of selflessness that people today act like is some kind of legendary heroic feat. It's not even a real thing anymore. You don't even see it in the stories we tell kids. Nowadays, the plot always ends with the girl riding off with the richest prince in the kingdom. Honestly, who gives a damn about genuine love if he isn't showing up with the keys to a Ferrari and enough gold around his neck to sink a boat...

The fact that someone would actually step up for a friend—even if it’s just a platonic thing—and go out of their way to carry the heavy lifting without being asked... people just write that off. They call it being a pushover or just plain uncool and passive. It’s like you can’t even show up for people anymore because you're too worried about looking desperate or being judged by the crowd...

Let them think if they even have the brainpower left... They can ponder whatever they want, but I still stand by what I said. Real friendship isn't just some business transaction or a way to climb the social ladder. It’s something else entirely, something that doesn't fit into any of those shallow categories...

In my old, romanticized, hippie-cowboy brain, friendship carries the same weight as keeping your word, being brave, staying honest, and playing fair. It’s about selflessness and, above all, love. But I’m not talking about that kind of love where two people try to pull magic tricks just to get laid... I mean the kind of love found in those silly picture books, where you share something with a brother, cut it into uneven pieces, and give him the bigger half...
Nowadays, most people would just laugh at that. At best, they’ll give you some lip and say, "Hey, why don't you just split that evenly among us, brother?"...
The more time passes, the more I expect that "dear brother" to just plow right through us and snatch whatever little we have left...
So what now? Honestly, the easiest move is just to shrug your shoulders and admit there's nothing left to be done...
Maybe we can't. Probably can't do much about it, honestly... but that doesn't mean we just drift with the current and let life shape us however it feels like.
There’s this beautiful analogy in physics that perfectly captures the state of society today and just how easily the masses can be led...
An object at rest stays at rest until some outside force kicks it into gear... basic physics.
Look, I’m just not interested in letting outside forces mess with my head, especially not the kind of nonsense that's running rampant these days. I'd rather just do my own thing...
Even if it’s for nothing else, I’m doing it because I can't shake the feeling that I haven't betrayed my own principles... even when everything happening around me makes it look like the whole world is upside down...
So what if they are. Doesn't mean they're actually any good. Can't people just change? Whatever. By refusing to play along with that kind of compromise, at least I get the satisfaction of knowing I didn't trample over my own principles...

Let them laugh and call me a weirdo if I drop cash on some random gift for my best friend. I don't give a damn if they think I’m being frivolous. Like their desperate climb for social status comes for free or something... Give me a break. If they can't wrap their heads around the fact that I can spend an entire night hanging out in a room with a female friend without things turning physical—and that those nights are actually more meaningful and worth way more than chasing a pack of shallow, airheaded models—then fine. Let them believe what they want. Who cares. They’ll never get it anyway. Their priorities are basically the exact opposite of mine...
Giving something to a friend, or someone you love unconditionally, and actually finding joy in their happiness—knowing it was your actions that put that smile on their face? To most people today, that’s some incomprehensible mystery. They see it as something worthy of scorn, if not outright insanity. And that's not even touching on anything bigger than that...

Fine, let them think what they want. I'd much rather be called crazy if it means keeping the sound of laughter and the honest, happy eyes of my best friends in my head...

@lone rider, I wanted to add a few thoughts to that physics analogy.
I agree that the dominant forces today aren't exactly romantic, hippie-ish, or even anything resembling old-school chivalry. But they aren't as distorted as they look on the surface, either. Beneath the facades built up by the mainstream media, there is real human substance—people who understand the truth but won't show it until a critical mass is ready to step forward.
That’s why I think some external influence is actually necessary. It can act as the catalyst to start that process of uncovering the truth.
People are already starting to reveal themselves, but it's usually hidden behind a mask of rebellion or hyper-aggressive posturing. Underneath all that noise, you'll find bitter, romantic souls using aggression to hide their pain.
That aggression isn't true malice; it's a cry for help and a demand for change.
And those changes should head exactly where you pointed them in your post.

I agree things are backwards right now, but I don't think you should retreat from reality like a hermit because of it.
Quite the opposite. You have to stay engaged. You have to laugh, listen, speak up, and participate. That is the only way we can actually impact our surroundings and drive the changes we want and deserve.

It’s a strange category of relationship, usually involving just two people.
Being someone's friend is both a massive responsibility and a huge honor.
Think of friendship as a marriage that isn't legally binding or regulated, yet it carries rights and duties we often uphold more faithfully than in an actual marriage.
I’d place it right below the parent-child bond on the hierarchy of relationships.

A few years ago, my wife asked a close friend to co-sign a loan for her. The friend didn't hesitate, saying she'd gladly take it on because if my wife couldn't pay, she’d happily cover it herself.

Friendship is a connection between equals—there's no hierarchy involved. I truly believe it's the most natural path toward a higher stage of human development. Eventually, I think all our connections—to other people, to nature, even to our work—will be built on the same principles we currently only find in true friendship.

@shamantrixx, post #43, something like this:
You only need to listen to a few key politicians to see the pattern. Every time they face criticism from their peers, they basically say:
"The voters have spoken, and they've entrusted us to run the country exactly how we think is best."

That bolded we right there? That's the issue. If they said you, we might actually have a democracy.

Beginning or end.

For whom or what?
Compared to whom or what?

mistyfox812 said:I think there are two big things at play here (I’ll call them dialectical and phenomenological, just for the sake of argument).

The first part is basically practicing opposites. Once I’ve sat with my own opinion on something, I try to start from the assumption that everything is actually the exact opposite of what I think—just to see if that counter-argument actually holds water.
Most of the time, it does. 😁
(Actually, 😉 Borges used to be super clever and had a blast with this kind of thing—looking at stuff from the weirdest possible angles in his stories.
)

But man, that can lead you straight into total relativism. And total relativism usually just turns into this lazy sophistry where people decide "well, it's whatever I want it to be."

Think about it: it gives you this sense of freedom in your thinking, being unattached to your own biases (which feels great), but at the same time, it makes you unattached to the truth (which leads to that empty "anything goes" mindset).

The second part—the thing that should act as an anchor to steady all that wild, "could-be-anything" relativistic freedom—is basically hitting the pause button on your thoughts. It’s about observing without overthinking and just acknowledging reality for what it is. What is, is. There’s no "choice" involved; it just is how it is. 🙂 Truth binds us together, so yeah, truth provides that connection.

You need both of these moments to actually move forward. It’s like walking: you’ve gotta have one foot planted firmly on the ground while the other one stays free to take that next step.

🤷

I’m voting for @nobody and nothing because of those truths that are indisputable yet limiting. ( bolded text ).
Sure, you can sprint sometimes, spending more time with both feet off the ground. But even then, you can't run without hitting the pavement every once in a while.

We should think in a way that aligns with how we actually live our lives. At least when we're casting a vote.
Whether it’s through gathering facts or being creative, everything stays within certain boundaries. If you step outside those bounds, you end up hurting yourself. It might seem counterintuitive, but if we realize that thinking can actually expand those boundaries, then it's obvious: we need to learn as we go. By gaining knowledge, we build wider frameworks that allow us to thrive more easily.