Posts by Emily Watson4

Hey, thanks for getting back to me. Honestly, I think I need to go find some actual professional advice... and probably get off this forum altogether because I feel like being here is just doing me more harm than good.
Thanks, and cheers everyone. 🙂

Jose Wood7 said:I know exactly what you mean. I went through a similar phase myself, though for me, it was half driven by a high libido and half by depression. It’s honestly wild how many people I know, either directly or indirectly, who have dealt with the exact same thing. It's good that you finally realized what was actually happening.

How did you pull yourself out of that hole? Because I can't just sit here crying and thinking about ending it all...
I think I need to start watching something again because this is getting unbearable.

John Thomas13 said:That book is great, but I don't think you've actually beaten depression.

Depression is a very serious illness. Because it is an actual disease, it needs to be treated with serious medical attention.

Hang in there.👍

Back when I was writing about that book, I felt fine because I was basically drowning myself in porn every single day—at least an hour at a time, sometimes over two hours straight. I thought the book was my savior, but really, I was just using porn to run away from my depression...

In that headspace, I felt okay, but I was totally disconnected from everyone. My relationships were trash. I’d just lock myself in my room, stare at a computer screen, and live in total isolation..

Then I stumbled onto this website about porn addiction and it hit me: I wasn't "fine," I was addicted..

Since I quit watching porn, my perspective and how I deal with people has improved a lot. But unfortunately, now the depression is hitting me hard and I have no clue what the next move is... Luckily, I have good parents. I've been open with them about everything, but there's only so much they can do..

velvetsailor26 & Jose Wood7 - I hear you loud and clear. I struggle to connect with people too. Honestly, I'm terrified, just like you guys, of how I'm going to manage living on my own once my parents are gone.

🙂 I'll try to check in tomorrow if I can make it. Today absolutely wrecked me on my bike ride, so I'm basically a zombie right now and just need to crash. I'll get back to the deep dives tomorrow. 😁
Anyway, thanks everyone. 🙂

John Thomas13 said:In my own humble opinion—and this is just me talking—it is best to stay single until you grow stronger.
No one can truly help you if you don't accept yourself, even with the help of a specialist.
From my perspective (but again, just mine😉), a partner might lift you up a little at the very beginning, but after that, you just sink... either together or alone, because they'll likely bail on you pretty quickly.

A relationship like that isn't healthy, nor is it helpful.

It's even worse for children if the parent is also "unstable."

That's just my take, of course.🙄

Thanks for the answer. Honestly, maybe I should just throw in the towel and stop hoping for anything. Just live life alone in this mess and call it a day... I don't want kids anyway, no matter what. Part of me just wants to end it all, but I can't do it for my family, and I don't even know how because I'm not that brave...

I guess I have to fight somehow, but I've got no clue how anymore. Maybe I will, since I've made it this far. It helps seeing legends like goranin Bare-t fighting through it and still standing... though to me, anyone dealing with mental health struggles is a legend.

So, much love to you all. I hope you all find the courage and the strength to keep fighting your own battles.🙂

I definitely see myself in that avoidant personality disorder diagnosis too..

What I’m wondering is, can people like us actually make a relationship work? And if we do, does being in one even help, or is it just a wash?

I haven't really had the chance to be in a serious relationship yet, but honestly, I think having someone would mean a lot to me..

Also, is it better to date someone "normal" or someone a little crazy? Personally, I’d rather be with someone who's a bit unstable but actually self-aware about their issues. At least then we could actually talk about it, and I feel like we'd understand each other way better..

Or is it smarter to just not bother looking for anyone and stay single living with my parents? I'm 21 right now...

Andrew Ramos10 said:Hey, take it easy on yourself a little bit, man...

Just let him be. It’s not like it's easy for him either...🤣

It all comes down to genetics... you get what you get at birth... there isn't much room to pivot or reinvent yourself... I don't know... maybe you just have to accept who you are, but 🤷 she’s so depressed about it 😁 God, I hope I'm wrong and that sheer willpower can actually change someone... but so far, it's not working for me. I still feel like it's all hardwired in your DNA... or is it? 🤷