Paralyzed by indecision
in Psychology ·
Starting this thread because I am exactly the same way 😲
I’m indecisive to a painful degree. Whenever I have to make a choice, I get this knot in my stomach and feel almost nauseous.
The only difference between me and the person who started this thread is that small stuff doesn't paralyze me—I can just "get through" it. I might struggle choosing between pizza or pasta, or which toppings to get, but I pick one and move on. Same with clothes. For me, those aren't life-altering decisions.
But picking a career, deciding to move in with my boyfriend, getting married, or having kids? That’s when the panic sets in.
I don't really care what other people would do; that's not my issue. What haunts me is wishing I could actually see into the future to know how Choice A turns out compared to Choice B.
If everyone I ask agrees on a direction, I can usually convince myself it's the right call. But it kills me when my boyfriend thinks one thing, my sister thinks another, my brother says something else entirely, and my parents disagree with all of them... I just get torn apart. I end up thinking, "If I go with my sister's advice, she'll just say 'I told you so' if it goes wrong, and I'll be kicking myself for not listening."
I have this deep-seated fear that I'll make the wrong choice and spend my whole life regretting it. Honestly, I’m already regretting a bunch of trivial things about how I've lived so far. I learned one foreign language, but I feel like I should have mastered at least two. I didn't go out much during college, though I feel like I should have. I’ve never lived on my own, and I feel like I should have done that too... and sure, I can still do all those things now, but it feels different. It wouldn't have the same impact if I hadn't done it then. What am I going to do, start exploring at 30? If I move out now, I'll be doing it as a working woman instead of just a student, etc., etc...
I constantly obsess over how crucial every decision is, how there's no turning back once I decide, and how I only have one life. If I pick Option A, Option B is gone forever—and I’m terrified that there won't even be an Option C that looks anything like B. Maybe there will be, maybe not. Even though I'm not even 30 yet, I have this feeling that my life will pass me by and I'll end up dissatisfied with everything I chose.
Work is the hardest part. I am perpetually torn between chasing a high-powered career or picking a job that gives me more free time.
Someone mentioned upbringing and family, and I really related to that. I grew up in a pretty strict household. They had rules for everything: what time I had to be home, where I was allowed to go, what was off-limits... I never once broke a rule. To give a silly example: if my mom told me I wasn't allowed to ride on a motorcycle and I went to a friend's house 186 miles and they invited me for a ride, I wouldn't go. Even though there is zero chance she would ever find out, I’d be terrified that someone she knows might run into us and somehow the news would get back to her. I don't even know why, because even if I did break the rule, nothing catastrophic would happen; I'd just get a childish punishment and survive. I think I've imposed that fear on myself more than my parents ever did, because even now, when I don't have to report to them, I still feel like I do.
I’m indecisive to a painful degree. Whenever I have to make a choice, I get this knot in my stomach and feel almost nauseous.
The only difference between me and the person who started this thread is that small stuff doesn't paralyze me—I can just "get through" it. I might struggle choosing between pizza or pasta, or which toppings to get, but I pick one and move on. Same with clothes. For me, those aren't life-altering decisions.
But picking a career, deciding to move in with my boyfriend, getting married, or having kids? That’s when the panic sets in.
I don't really care what other people would do; that's not my issue. What haunts me is wishing I could actually see into the future to know how Choice A turns out compared to Choice B.
If everyone I ask agrees on a direction, I can usually convince myself it's the right call. But it kills me when my boyfriend thinks one thing, my sister thinks another, my brother says something else entirely, and my parents disagree with all of them... I just get torn apart. I end up thinking, "If I go with my sister's advice, she'll just say 'I told you so' if it goes wrong, and I'll be kicking myself for not listening."
I have this deep-seated fear that I'll make the wrong choice and spend my whole life regretting it. Honestly, I’m already regretting a bunch of trivial things about how I've lived so far. I learned one foreign language, but I feel like I should have mastered at least two. I didn't go out much during college, though I feel like I should have. I’ve never lived on my own, and I feel like I should have done that too... and sure, I can still do all those things now, but it feels different. It wouldn't have the same impact if I hadn't done it then. What am I going to do, start exploring at 30? If I move out now, I'll be doing it as a working woman instead of just a student, etc., etc...
I constantly obsess over how crucial every decision is, how there's no turning back once I decide, and how I only have one life. If I pick Option A, Option B is gone forever—and I’m terrified that there won't even be an Option C that looks anything like B. Maybe there will be, maybe not. Even though I'm not even 30 yet, I have this feeling that my life will pass me by and I'll end up dissatisfied with everything I chose.
Work is the hardest part. I am perpetually torn between chasing a high-powered career or picking a job that gives me more free time.
Someone mentioned upbringing and family, and I really related to that. I grew up in a pretty strict household. They had rules for everything: what time I had to be home, where I was allowed to go, what was off-limits... I never once broke a rule. To give a silly example: if my mom told me I wasn't allowed to ride on a motorcycle and I went to a friend's house 186 miles and they invited me for a ride, I wouldn't go. Even though there is zero chance she would ever find out, I’d be terrified that someone she knows might run into us and somehow the news would get back to her. I don't even know why, because even if I did break the rule, nothing catastrophic would happen; I'd just get a childish punishment and survive. I think I've imposed that fear on myself more than my parents ever did, because even now, when I don't have to report to them, I still feel like I do.