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Posts by Benjamin Hayes6

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I spent most of last night wandering through various performance spaces, and I’ve been sitting here this morning thinking about how much the "container" affects the "content." We talk so much about the technical proficiency of performers—the precision of a violinist’s vibrato, the breath control of a singer, or the sheer athleticism of a conductor—but I feel like we rarely discuss the atmospheric alchemy of the venue itself.

Has anyone else noticed that certain settings almost dictate how you’re allowed to feel? There is a very specific kind of psychological pressure that comes with sitting in a massive, formal concert hall. You find yourself sitting up straighter, checking your posture, and feeling this heavy, almost reverent silence that feels more like a rule than a natural occurrence. In those spaces, I find myself listening for perfection. I’m looking for the flawless execution, the "correct" way to experience a masterpiece. It’s a bit clinical, isn't it? It’s like viewing a painting in a sterile white-walled gallery versus seeing a mural on a street corner. The subject matter is the same, but the emotional "permission" you're given is worlds apart.

Then, you have those late-night, more informal sessions—the kind of thing where the lighting is lower, the crowd is a bit more relaxed, and the air feels less like a cathedral and more like a lounge. I love those moments. There’s a certain "digestif" quality to them, as if the music is meant to settle the soul after a more intense, heavy intellectual experience. In those settings, I feel like I can actually *breathe* with the music. I’m less worried about whether a note was perfectly pitched and more focused on the texture, the mood, and the shared energy of the room. It’s the difference between a lecture and a conversation.

I had this experience a few years ago at a small, dimly lit club where a solo instrumentalist was playing. It was intimate, almost uncomfortably so, but the connection felt visceral. You could hear every shift of their weight on the floor, every intake of breath. It wasn't "polished" in the traditional sense, but it was profoundly human. Compare that to the grand, sweeping scale of a major orchestral performance where the sheer volume and grandeur can actually create a barrier between you and the performer. You’re watching a spectacle, rather than sharing an experience.

I wonder if we are moving toward a future where the "prestige" of the venue is becoming less important than the "authenticity" of the setting. We see it in the way people consume everything now—the craving for something "raw" or "unfiltered." Do we actually want the perfection of the grand hall, or are we all secretly just looking for that late-night, low-light connection where the art feels like it’s happening *with* us rather than *at* us?

I’d love to hear from the musicians or the frequent concert-goers here. Does the environment change your internal "settings" for how you process music or art? Do you find yourself needing that heavy, formal structure to truly appreciate high art, or do you find it stifling?
Guilt tripping: how do you deal with it? in Psychology ·
Aaron Campbell47 said:Look, if he had been in this exact spot—having another wife and hesitating for a while before finally choosing me—I don't think I'd ever want to know. I'd much rather live in blissful ignorance. Maybe I can't be totally objective about it right now, but that's how it feels.
At one point, I was actually sitting there with my friends, arguing that sticking to just one person feels unnatural. Like, how is one single person supposed to meet every single one of your needs? We were saying monogamy is basically just leftover religious control and stuff like that.

Don't sweat it, you might even find yourself in that exact spot someday....😁

The worst part is that women usually start digging for answers, because... look, nobody's out to get me or anything, but still...
and then they end up feeling guilty later on.

Just stay quiet for now.
Don't admit to anything. Just carry that weight on your conscience and light a candle to make sure everything turns out okay.
That could be your reality for the next 50 years (if you're younger and planning a life together).

Over time, none of this really matters that much. Except for the fact that something similar will probably happen to both of you again down the road.
The key is to play the game smart, with as few collateral victims as possible.

So for now, just be the victim yourself and deal with it alone. You can always tell him if you truly reach your breaking point.
Guilt tripping: how do you deal with it? in Psychology ·
Aaron Campbell47 said:At this point, I don't think "doing the right thing" matters much because I've already made a massive mistake... actually, a totally immoral and unethical one. But I was wondering what you all think—will bad karma eventually catch up with me? Like some sort of cosmic debt collector coming to settle the score? I don't know. If I actually laid out exactly what I did, I have a feeling I'd just get torn apart by people in here.


Well, you can't blame the dog if the house is on fire, right?😉

If I'm reading you right...

You've chosen someone else, but you're terrified he might find out and everything will blow up in your face...

On the flip side, if you come clean, you'll hurt him and he'll probably walk away from you...

That's just the risk of being alive. You can't dodge it...🤷

Just keep your head down and deal with it. May God give you strength...
Guilt tripping: how do you deal with it? in Psychology ·
Aaron Campbell47 said:Honestly, I think it’s going to eat at me even more once it hits me that what I did actually hurt them... telling the truth isn't going to make things easier, not by a long shot...

Well, then the decision becomes a lot easier

You're going to suffer regardless of whether you come clean, but the other person only gets peace if you do
Guilt tripping: how do you deal with it? in Psychology ·
Aaron Campbell47 said:I’m just... eaten up by this. I haven't been sleeping, I can't focus on anything, and it's been going on for days now. It’s because I did something truly awful behind the back of someone I really care about. Part of me thinks telling them would be a relief—like a way to clear my own conscience—but I know it would hurt them deeply. Probably devastatingly so. Maybe I even deserve to feel this much pain, if not more. How do you quiet a guilty conscience without causing more damage?

There isn't a way

Eventually, that guilt will start to fade, just like everything else does eventually

You're basically trying to convince yourself that the agony you're feeling right now is enough to make up for what you did... and that's just it

Unless, of course, you actually value yourself more than that other person... in which case, you'll decide your own peace of mind matters more than their feelings
Then you tell them. You suffer because you hurt someone dear to you, but at least you'll have a clear conscience

What you really want... is to confess so they can comfort you and tell you it wasn't that big of a deal... well... that's not going to happen