Posts by Chris King2

Eric Jackson11 said:Man, granitefalcon26, you really can't seem to let that physical stuff go, can you? It’s like it's constantly on your mind, no matter how much you indulge...
I honestly can't tell if you're just going through a dry spell or if you've gone a little overboard with the whole thing.🤣
Maybe take a breather for a second. It's all just sex, sex, and more sex...

😂🤣😂

Eric Peterson43 said:Maybe I didn't quite hit the mark with my last post,
but what I’m actually getting at isn't about how people act during a private disagreement or a one-on-one confrontation...
What I’m really curious about is why people hesitate to speak up when it comes to the bigger picture—you know, those higher ideals or the common good. Why is the most frequent response to a societal issue just to look the other way, stay quiet in the shadows, or simply keep their heads down and mind their own business?
Doesn't it just seem logical to face a problem head-on and do the right thing, right where it matters most?

It’s because we lack self-confidence.

The real tragedy—if you can call it that—is how often we’re willing to believe anything, even if it defies our own logic. We’ll swallow whatever someone with a fancy title or a certain job at a place like Goldman Sachs tells us without questioning their "truth." Just because they have the credentials, we assume they automatically hold the monopoly on being right.

Eric Peterson43 said:Maybe I didn't quite hit the mark with my last post,
but what I’m actually getting at isn't about how people act during a private disagreement or a one-on-one confrontation...
What I’m really curious about is why people hesitate to speak up when it comes to the bigger picture—you know, those higher ideals or the common good. Why is the most frequent response to a societal issue just to look the other way, stay quiet in the shadows, or simply keep their heads down and mind their own business?
Doesn't it just seem logical to face a problem head-on and do the right thing, right where it matters most?

Logically, sure.

And people *do* confront things!

They just don't confront the actual problem. Instead, they fight their own thoughts: "I won't do anything because I don't want to look stupid," or "I'll stay quiet because if I try, someone will just twist my words to hurt me rather than actually listening." It goes on and on...

Amanda Sullivan3 said:As for me, I usually lean into sarcasm—and if I’m feeling particularly fired up, I might actually get into an argument. But lately, I've been working hard on letting that aggression just slide right past me... trying to cultivate this sense of calm, or something along those lines.

I’ve touched on the whole emotion thing a few times here, so I’ll recap... personally, I don't mind it.🙂....

If someone picks emotions from the spectrum that are ultimately destructive—take sarcasm, for example—they’re just creating more wreckage through their words. The person on the receiving end, much like yourself, immediately goes into defensive mode (which usually triggers the next destructive emotion in line).

Working on letting anger pass and seeking peace is a good move. Just make it easier on yourself by realizing that peace isn't just a goal; it's a permanent state you can reach simply by choosing positive emotions instead.

For instance, instead of snapping: "Who do you think you are?!" 🤮
try: "I don't think you understood what I meant." 😉 Or something along those lines.

Just throwing out examples.
The point I'm driving at is this: if you actually want to be heard and remembered, say what you need to say without the layers of anger, criticism, or sarcasm.
That’s how you develop actual "calmness"—regardless of who’s right or wrong in the argument.
When we lean on those "destructive" emotions, we stop exchanging information and start grading each other as "stupid" or "smart." We lose the ability to actually talk—to listen, learn, and absorb.

Donna Wood52 said:Hillary Clinton, regarding that point you made about math—it was always my Achilles' heel. I mean, I actually did alright in class, but
I never truly liked it; my teacher even used to call me "the non-intellectual." God, the humiliation of that...
And it’s always been like that—even when I actually know the answer, I don't step up, mostly because I'm constantly convinced that everyone else is just "smarter" than me.
Though, honestly? They probably aren't.

I don't know—I just tend to stay on the sidelines, whether it's when it comes to actual knowledge, dealing with guys, or even getting into an argument.

http://www.depression.com/forum/lofiv...php?t5895.html

Donna Wood52 said:I deal with something pretty similar, actually. For instance, whenever someone gets disrespectful or just plain rude to my face, my immediate reaction is to either shut down completely or just offer a polite smile and move on.
It’s not that I don't notice it—it's just that I have zero appetite for confrontation—and, if I'm being honest, the whole thing genuinely scares me.

I completely get why you avoid the fight.
Retreating doesn't make you a coward—it's more like you're anticipating that any comeback you offer might spiral into a full-blown confrontation (which you dread), so you just play it cool instead.

The root of the anxiety usually comes down to this: whenever someone throws an insult your way, you can't seem to find a response that won't be perceived by the other person as escalating the argument.

Try looking at it through this lens—let’s use a hypothetical scenario: imagine you're working on a project with a friend, maybe a tough assignment at a local community college, and they suddenly snap at you about something you don't know, acting condescendingly: "You have no clue what you're doing...!"

In that split second where you decide to stay silent rather than engage, it isn't because their actual words crushed you—it’s the tone and the attitude behind them.

That's what triggers the internal storm—shame, guilt, a bit of anger, all that stuff. It’s just as destructive as the insult itself. Because you can't instantly cook up a rebuttal that's stripped of those heavy emotions, you end up withdrawing. It's basically a subconscious move to avoid a secondary wave of bad feelings.

There's nothing wrong with you. You just don't like feeling miserable. Your only real task here is learning how to respond without mirroring that same aggressive "noise" that rattled you in the first place.
🙂

Richard Moore53 said:I spent my entire life taking the easy way out. I was never a fighter, and honestly, I'm not sure why. Maybe it’s just how I was wired, or maybe I just never saw the point in fighting the good fight. Or perhaps I simply lacked the support system I needed, or maybe I was just too weak. Either way, I’ve hit a wall. I'm standing here alone, without friends, feeling unappreciated even by my own child. I know I have no one to blame but myself; after all, I'm the one who let others dictate my destiny.

Look, because I actually want to support you, I’m going to tell you something you probably won't like: other people didn't write your script. This is your life. You. So, stop leaning into the self-pity and start making different, better choices. Because trust me, you aren't "too weak."

When people try to make a change, they usually freak out—they think it has to be some massive overhaul where everything changes overnight, like suddenly launching a rocket to the Moon! No... that's not it. Let your first decision be something small. Like... after my morning coffee, I'm going for a walk. Just a walk. I'll look for things I actually like—birds on a branch, kids playing in the park... just being present.

Eric Peterson43 said:Just thinking out loud here...
I’ve always lived by the principle that it’s better to call a spade a spade, even when being blunt feels a bit uncomfortable.
I see it all the time—people who choose to stick their heads in the sand while the storm is raging right outside their window. They just wait for everything to settle back into its old, predictable routine, hoping they can somehow navigate the chaos without getting stepped on by an angry spouse, a child, a parent... or whoever else might be caught up in the mess. It’s a risky gamble...
In my view, it's much better to just grab the problem by the horns and dig through it while it's happening. That way, once the dust finally settles, you can assess the damage, learn what you need to, and move forward with your life...

I'm with you on admitting when the emperor has no clothes.

But why bother picking the fight?
Look, I know how it goes—when you're stuck in one of those endless arguments where the same old patterns repeat, the anger starts boiling over instantly. But if you just call out the nonsense—if you drop the "you're full of it" line—the rage, the criticism, the direct attacks... it's actually pretty easy to trigger that if you make it your goal. If you do that, though, you can play out these little "battles" without constantly having to count your losses... it opens up different doors.

stormyheron20 said:

The actual concept of integrity isn't about feeding someone enough data so they can eventually judge you based on what they've learned.

It’s not about how others perceive us. It’s about those internal, human principles we hold—personal moral codes we try to satisfy simply for our own sake. To me, deceiving people is repulsive, especially those you call "friends." It violates the very life standards we claim to live by.

You spend all your energy trying to project what you see and feel to someone else, and naturally, the truth within you starts to fade. Along with it, the joy you were supposed to feel begins to vanish too.

Perhaps it fades because you realize there are multiple versions of the truth, leaving you adrift in the sea of paradoxes that life creates.

We spend our entire lives trying to please everyone else instead of ourselves.

No.
We spend our lives trying to please ourselves, but we mistakenly think we'll achieve that satisfaction by making others like us. In reality, we're just feeding our old, reliable selfishness. Selfishness thrives on "values" and fulfilling desires. Humans have an innate need for closeness and social acceptance. And how does society accept us? By us performing to be liked. That's why we resent the world when it rejects us, and celebrate when it tolerates us. Sometimes we even question our own need for this validation, especially when we realize that the reason we were accepted was conditional—based on the act of pretending. Eventually, you get tired of the marketing. You get tired of promoting yourself like a product on a shelf at Walmart, needing an ad, a price tag, and someone to pick you up, consume you, and toss the remains in the trash. Every product has an expiration date. People try to make their lives easier, better, more meaningful, all to distract from the fact that they are just ripe apples. Tomorrow, you're either eaten or you rot. The expiration date is the only thing that stays true. Death is the most loyal companion we have; it never disappoints and it never forgets its appointment.

Every system we inhabit teaches us the wrong lessons.
Just look at the American school system: the primary goal is getting the grade, because that puts you closer to the goal of being "liked" by as many people as possible.

The world is inherently unfair, but we can't change that. Grades are a necessary evil. We know that those who succeed in school have much better opportunities for a smoother existence. And let's be honest about quality of life: it means having enough money to pay a doctor when you're sick, or being able to feed your hungry child, parent, or dog. Academic success doesn't guarantee a perfect life or financial security, but it is certainly a useful card to hold in your hand.

The primary objective is minimized: the goal is simply absorbing various forms of knowledge, ideally with a positive outlook.

If only it were that simple. Why, then, do we have all these philosophers and highly educated, intelligent people who ended up being completely broken and miserable? Or perhaps they just didn't absorb enough knowledge to become cheerful.
Raw knowledge doesn't equal life wisdom. While it might offer some positive elements for certain individuals, it fails to satisfy every abstraction of positive value.

So from a young age, we are taught that everything we do should be centered around struggle and hardship.

I don't follow what you're getting at with that statement. If it isn't too much trouble, please explain.

Think about yourselves... you'll see that you are fine... it's other things that aren't fine.

My dear stormyheron20, if only that were true. For some, maybe. But for others, the trajectory moves in the opposite direction. There are times when you look too deeply into the well of your own consciousness and feel the urge to scream, pulling at your hair in pure madness from the realization that you want to escape yourself, knowing full well it is impossible. Sometimes the issue truly lies within us rather than our environment. No matter how cruel or unjust life becomes, a human being is, by default, condemned to be their own worst enemy. We are our own best friends, certainly, but also our most relentless adversaries.

I started drafting a response in my own words, but then this article popped into my head. I’ll just paste a snippet here, along with the full link and a link to one of the preschools mentioned.

Dr. William Glasser

Traditional schools don't care if students actually enjoy what they're doing. They force kids into dull tasks and try to motivate them with busywork that leads nowhere. Discouraged by the sheer pointlessness of it all, some students just stop trying to develop actual skills—things like writing or math. There's no incentive to do good work. They just learn how to do the bare minimum required to snag a grade that keeps the teachers and parents off their backs.

In a high-quality school, nobody is forced to rely on rote memorization. It should be obvious to everyone that mastering fundamentals—speaking, reading, writing, arithmetic, and problem-solving—is what matters. These are the life skills you actually need to succeed.

According to Glasser, a quality school manages time differently—if someone needs more time to master a concept, they get the chance to earn the top grade, just like the kid who gets it instantly. You don't learn much from just making mistakes; you learn when you fix them. Self-evaluation is a cornerstone of a real school. It’s the only way to break that old-school student mindset: "Get it done fast, grab the grade, and move on."

Students end up knowing exactly what they've learned and what they truly deserve.

These are just a few hallmarks of this new approach to education. Those who follow Choice Theory claim it has made them better teachers, counselors, and managers—better at getting along with people and building meaningful relationships.

By applying Choice Theory, they say they've become better people altogether.

Desiree Pečaver, educator
Lincoln Elementary School, Santa Monica
Published: July 17, 2006

http://www.ciciban.net/djecjivrtic/r...a_terapija.php

Do you like it? 🙂

goldeneagle8 said:So, what’s the "right" way to live today? Honestly, everyone’s just out here running their own individual playbook... there’s no such thing as a universal rulebook because if we all actually shared the exact same philosophy, we’d probably end up at each other's throats sooner or later. Deep down, humans are basically hardwired to want to outdo one another, and no matter how much someone tries to play it cool or pretend they don't care, there's this primal, nagging urge buried inside them that says: I need to be liked, I need to be seen, I need to impress... that's just human nature, plain and simple.

That isn't nature. It’s just something they drilled into our heads to make us think that's how it works.

Humans are wired to seek happiness, but we're taught from birth that life is a competition to outdo one another.

(Which is how you end up with people thinking being white is better than being Black, or tall is better than short... and so on and so forth...)

I'd need a much longer post to really break this down properly, but there's no rush.
We're just talking and reading here... building on each other's points...

stormyheron20 said:Before I was "me," life felt miserable. After I ditched those old manipulation tactics, life... well, it stayed miserable, just in a different way. I agree with you that letting the truth come to light is generally better, but there’s a catch. Most people aren't actually prepared to live with the consequences of that kind of honesty. They can't handle direct confrontation, and they certainly can't handle people who demand it. It’s also exhausting to constantly cling to the truth, especially when you start questioning the concept itself—wondering if what you perceive as truth is actually true, or if your very ability to define and value it is flawed.
I think that’s why people present a false version of themselves. It isn't always a calculated attempt to deceive; more often, it's pure fear. They're terrified that if their actual "truth" ever surfaced, the people around them wouldn't like it and would simply walk away.
People claim to "love the truth," but the truth is often raw, ugly, and sharp enough to cut. There isn't always anything beautiful in it. Still, I believe truth is necessary—not out of some romanticized love for it, but because of my own sense of integrity. I value respect, both for others and for myself, and for my own ideas of humanity. Truth is a core component of respect. So, even if it’s harsh or unpleasant, it remains essential to maintaining that standard.

Eric Peterson43, did you start this thread because you're dealing with a specific issue, or are you just thinking out loud?

The whole idea of respect is warped in our heads because that's how we were raised.
Real respect isn't about feeding someone information just so they'll accept you.

Real respect starts with unconditionally accepting yourself and your own reality. The confusion kicks in when you try to force your version of the truth onto everyone else. You spend all your energy trying to figure out how to make someone else see what you see, and naturally, your own truth starts to fade—and the joy that should have come with it fades right along with it.

We spend our entire lives trying to impress others instead of ourselves.

The systems we live in teach us the wrong way.
Look at the American school system: the goal is basically just getting a good grade, because that's the fastest way to "please" the most people. Meanwhile, the actual point—absorbing knowledge with curiosity and an open mind—gets pushed to the side.
From the time we're kids, we're taught that everything we do should be a grind, a struggle to fit in.

Take a look at yourself... you'll realize you're fine. It's the other things that aren't. 🙂