Issues with socializing
in Psychology ·
feralheron84 said:Look, most people spend about 95% of their time talking nonsense or just rambling about themselves. Unless you're at some high-level medical symposium, there's an endless supply of things to jump into or chat about. Your issue is really this part right here—it sounds like a lack of confidence is tricking you into thinking a group is somehow "greater" than you. Like they're more valuable, so your take doesn't matter, which then makes you feel like you're being pushy when you actually speak up. Honestly, most people don't even notice if someone is "intruding" unless you're being genuinely annoying, like constantly interrupting or acting like an egomaniac. Just try easing into the conversation slowly without overthinking it. No one’s going to judge you for having an opinion. Once you get comfortable, you'll find it's much easier to bring up topics you actually care about and get others talking about them.
Low self-esteem and skewed perception. Look, unless you're out there dressed like a clown or rolling around on the floor, nobody thinks you’re being ridiculous or stupid. Just realize that people aren't really watching you, nor do they care about your little slip-ups. Even if someone laughs, they're laughing at the situation, not at you, Chris Cooper5. You can see it yourself—they just keep talking amongst themselves... PEOPLE ARE BUSY WITH THEIR OWN LIVES. You're stressing over what others think instead of just focusing on your own head.
It’s not that people talk too much. It’s more that you aren't saying enough. Most folks won't just wait their turn; they’ll stay quiet for a few minutes while you struggle to find your footing. A conversation isn't like a Congressional hearing, you know? There aren't any formal rules. Usually, once you actually start talking, the other person shuts up to listen. If they don't, you can try asking, "May I say something?"—give them a little stern look for emphasis. If they still ignore you, honestly, they aren't worth the effort, though those types are pretty rare. You just have to realize it's usually not that they don't want to hear you, it's just that you *think* they don't. Makes sense? It's kind of like trying to walk around wearing foggy glasses.
REALITY (people who actually want to hang out with you) + DIRTY LENSES (your warped view of the world caused by low self-esteem) = DISTORTED REALITY (thinking nobody wants to be around you and everyone finds you awkward)
The thing is, you’ve got to ditch those glasses. Just start believing that people actually find you interesting and that you have something to offer when you talk.
You do have friends. Maybe not "call them for coffee right this second" friends, but there are people out there willing to connect with you. They're everywhere. You've been on this forum long enough that if you looked closer, a few people would likely step up to hang out.
My advice? Just talk. Talk to anyone—the barista, the cashier, the bus driver. Practice that small talk. Don't just rely on doctors and prescriptions. Take it in tiny steps. And hey, next time, tell us how old you are.
What can I say? I second everything said here. Word for word.