Posts by amberraven9
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They did a color Doppler scan and a vaginal ultrasound... The genetic markers came back normal, too. The first OB-GYN I saw kept insisting she couldn't get a clear view because I'm too thin, which apparently makes it harder for her. She’s been using that same ultrasound machine for years, so who knows. I’m heading back for another appointment.
Basically, my blood work and markers look fine. I saw a different OB-GYN, and they couldn't spot any cysts on the ultrasound. I’ve got to go back for another scan in a few days once my period is over.
wearygardener19;22089620 said:i
Thanks for such a thorough breakdown... If only my OB-GYN had explained things this way... Everything makes a lot more sense now.🙏
I'm getting blood work and markers done tomorrow, then heading to another specialist in the afternoon to see where we stand. I checked with some private clinics, and that procedure runs about $1,100, which is just too steep for me right now. As for public hospitals, I have no idea what the wait times are looking like. Since I'm out on the Mediterranean Coast, going to a hospital in San Francisco would be the easiest move for me.
THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE EFFORT😍
Michelle Cook83 said:I have no clue how long the waitlist is, but I’d suggest Dr. Bačić. He’s top-tier.
Thanks... I'll check on the wait times and see if he's taking new patients.
coppergardener said:Hold on a second...
She charged you for an ultrasound, which means she's in private practice. Since she’s running her own business, you'd assume she has more time for her patients than someone stuck on a treadmill at a massive hospital system. And she wouldn't even sit down for a real talk with you? Even after you specifically mentioned you had questions? Even if it was just a simplified explanation for a student?
Go find another doctor. 🙂
Yeah, she charged me for the ultrasound, told me the cyst is clear, and said it needs to be removed. I'm not an expert, obviously, but I wanted specific details about the laparoscopy—the actual procedure, which hospital, potential complications with the cyst, and how this affects my chances of getting pregnant. She just wasn't interested in talking.
And yes, I am definitely switching doctors. I've been seeing her for a while and there haven't been any issues before; my labs have always come back perfect, so I didn't really have anything to ask until now. This caught me off guard. It seems the easiest thing to do is just charge $67 for five minutes of work and call it a day.
I'd prefer private practice too.
Michelle Cook83 said:It works. 🙂
Glad to hear it.😁
Any idea if the wait times are long?
Got any recommendations?
Yeah, my doctor told me the same thing, but she didn't really bother to break down the details for me...
I'm wondering if they actually perform laparoscopies at the hospital in Chicago?
Keith Jones76 said:Sometimes we just like to tell ourselves we’re the ones doing the caring.
Sure, all of this happens on autopilot! Which is exactly why people fight so hard against actually becoming aware of it.
Plus, let’s be real—an online forum is a pretty limited medium for this kind of deep advice.
Honestly, I actually care. I want her to have a life that feels full and meaningful. It hits me hard thinking about how much time she spends stuck inside her house—that’s exactly why I’m posting here in the first place. I didn't quite catch the drift of what was said above. And yeah, I get it, a forum is a limited medium.
Keith Jones76 said:You might want to consider where you're finding benefit in all of this. You have someone to care for, which makes you a socially acceptable 'martyr,' and subconsciously, you might be fueling this cycle. It seems like a situation where neither of you is truly happy. Maybe that's the first thing you need to break, but you're the one who knows best. 😁
I don't see any benefit in it. It started because I felt guilty about spending most of my days stuck at home alone.
Thomas Howard93 said:This doesn't make any sense. It’s her choice whether she wants to go out or stay in; you aren't to blame here. Maybe if you stopped hovering over her, she might actually realize she needs to deal with things herself. Right now, there's no reason for her to change since someone else is stepping in to handle everything—assuming this is even something she cares about fixing.
I thought about pulling back on the invitations for walks. Maybe since she knows I'm around, she feels zero pressure to reach out or go anywhere. But every time I try to dial it back, my conscience gets the better of me. I can't help it. She doesn't see this situation as a problem. I think I'm just looking at things through a different lens than she is.
Keith Jones76 said:Then just let her have her way; maybe things aren't actually as bad as they seem. Just make sure she knows you're in her corner if she changes her mind or needs anything else... honestly, that's about as realistic as it gets.
The hardest part for me is knowing she’s home most of the time. We rarely go out without her. When I'm working or away for a few days, I get this nagging sense of guilt. It feels wrong to be out having fun while she's just sitting there alone. I don't think she's thrilled about it either. I can tell she's bored, but it’s like she lacks the drive to change things. It isn't laziness. It's more like resignation. Years of a high-stress career and just a hard life have taken their toll. I think that's why she's stuck like this.
So, we talked. It wasn't an easy conversation to have, mostly because she kept treating my concerns like I was just being annoying, constantly pivoting to a new topic. I told her straight up that I’m worried. Her response? She says she’s perfectly happy this way. She isn't reaching out to friends anymore because, according to her, they either drain her energy or they're too wrapped up in their own drama. She mentioned checking in with a few people here and there, but claims nobody has the time to actually grab a drink or hang out. No matter how hard I try to dig deeper, she shuts it down. She has one friend she visits for coffee occasionally, but they usually just stay in, since that friend doesn't really go out much either. That's the extent of it. Every time I try to address the real issue, she deflects and moves on to something else. Honestly, I'm at a loss. She insists there's nothing to worry about. But I’m worried. If she won't even go for a walk with me, she isn't going anywhere at all, and that doesn't seem right to me. It's rare for her to leave the house unless we're together. We just see things through completely different lenses.
Where do I even begin with making a change? Any advice? Maybe an idea or two?
I’m not quite sure how to kick this conversation off. Maybe I just don't have the right way of approaching this topic... But what if she actually likes things exactly as they are? What if she doesn't see any need for change and is perfectly content with the status quo?
Anyway, thanks for the advice.
She’s keeping up with her OBGYN appointments regularly, and she actually just started menopause recently. Her thyroid checks were fine over the last few years, too. As for the insomnia—look, I know she sleeps poorly, but that goes all the way back to when she was stuck in that high-stress career for years. Regarding everything else, she stays on top of her blood work and recently had her mammogram done. To me, it feels like she's just struggling to step away from her old routine. She’s settled into this specific lifestyle, and breaking out of it seems to be a real struggle for her.
I tried talking to her about her friends and why she’s stopped returning calls. I've brought it up several times, basically asking why she isn't reaching out to anyone anymore, but it feels like she just doesn't want to go there. Every time we start discussing it, she finds some excuse for why she hasn't checked in. She claims most of those people just don't fit her lifestyle anymore. That's when I lose my cool. Maybe my approach is wrong. It's hard for me to just tell her straight up that I'm worried; for some reason, I can't bring myself to say it. During our talks, she insists she goes out enough. I even suggested things like joining an aerobics class or hitting the gym. Eventually, I talked her into signing up for a fitness program, and she actually went, though it didn't last very long. She was genuinely excited about it, though. I really can't put my finger on what's going on. She doesn't seem depressed overall—she's actually quite cheerful—but I know there are things from her past that still weigh on her.
stormystag16 said:when you guys head out, just drag someone else along... maybe you two could hit up a Starbucks together next time and just "accidentally" bump into someone there... try that instead
There were actually times when acquaintances would genuinely join us on our walks. They’d even ask if we wanted to do it again because the company was good. But that never happened. It gets old, constantly reaching out to people who don't bother responding. And now, one of the reasons she isn't considered a friend is because nobody ever calls her either? Makes sense.
My mom is 51 and she’s had a rough go of it. She isn't working right now. Lately, she’s just completely withdrawn. She doesn't socialize, stays away from her old friends, and rarely leaves the house unless it’s for basic groceries. I try my best to be there for her—to talk, to get her out of the house—but I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually making things worse. It feels like she’s leaning on me so heavily that she doesn't feel the need to connect with anyone else, except for our daily walks. Honestly, it’s becoming a weight on me. I just want her to actually enjoy life again, to see her friends like she used to, and to get out more. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she always has some excuse for why she won't call someone, why she won't grab coffee, or why she can't go out. I don't know if this is just a phase, but it’s been going on for quite a while now. Am I doing something wrong here? Is this behavior even **normal**??