Posts by Betty Harris15

Aaron Howard27 said:About 6'3"! What about you? 😉

5'11. lol

Benjamin Grant6 said:I am currently navigating an identical situation. 😢 It is not merely sadness; rather, it feels as though a part of my physical being is dying away every single day. Though, I do not indulge in ice cream... I have reached a stage where even sweets would offer no relief.

It would help immensely if I were granted the chance to touch or hear him once more, yet I am plagued by the fear that such an opportunity will never materialize. I struggle daily against the urge to dial his number, terrified that there will be no answer on the other end. He won't respond to a text message either.

As for me, it seems I am losing weight without even trying, simply from the sheer exhaustion of stress, insomnia, constant rumination, and this pervasive grief.

In any event—do not cast blame upon yourself, because if you manage to escape the sorrow for even a brief moment, that moment is incredibly precious. One day, you will look back and laugh at how much ice cream you managed to consume...👍

Haha. You actually made me laugh. I hope everything works out. Plenty of good things are happening to me too, but this nostalgia for him just casts a shadow over everything else. But hey, today is slightly better. I'm angry, sad, and feeling hollow all at once. A bit of everything, but better than yesterday. 🙂

Aaron Howard27 said:It really all comes down to height. 😉

How tall are you?

quietpilot87 said:Guess we're on the same page then. More than anything, I just want my person. Someone where we feel 😍unstoppable together.🙏

It’ll all work out. Just keep doing the work, keep training, and don't let yourself get burnt out by everything hitting you at once. Don't lose your way—don't start chasing cheap thrills or meaningless flings just to fill the void. It'll come 🙂

The thing is, he’s already gone. It is what it is. Losing him was honestly the most painful thing I’ve ever dealt with. I felt like I couldn't even breathe. I was just gasping for air through the tears. Now, the grief is just killing me. I try to stay busy and do things that make me happy to turn things around... but the sadness is still overwhelming. The other day, I was at the beach with a friend, watching couples who clearly have nothing in common, and I just thought... we were soulmates, and now we're just wasting our lives. I started crying and couldn't stop. I’m not even the type of person who cries easily, so this feels weird and unbearable. We ended up buying ice cream and junk food just to comfort ourselves—eating and talking and eating more—but none of it really matters except maybe as a momentary distraction from this crushing weight. I felt this too early in life, and it’s destroying me.

quietpilot87 said:Look, we're talking about some kind of void here 🤷
You've gotta figure out what kind of hole it actually is.

Are you starving for emotional connection—like a partner—or maybe just a career that doesn't suck?

I’ve been running since I was 16—dropped a ton of weight along the way—but I’m still wrestling with some leftover baggage. I get where you're coming from, 🙂 You need to rip this problem out by the roots.

Yeah. I want emotional fulfillment. I want someone who actually gets how I see the world.

Ugh... how many times do I have to tell you guys that I’m active and definitely not lazy when it comes to working out. Everyone keeps lecturing me about moving more, exercising, running, swimming—I do all of it, probably more than most of you combined. I live in San Diego and running the entire Balboa Park trail isn't even an issue for me.
But honestly, no matter how much I train, sure, it gives me strength and energy, but none of that matters if I come home feeling hungry, miserable, and unsatisfied, only to end up devouring two chocolate bars or whatever else is sitting in the fridge. It’s tough. Being alone makes everything feel a bit bleak and, honestly, kind of boring.

Aaron Howard27 said:Hold on a second, everyone... where is this conversation even heading? What is this talk about addicts? Where did that comparison even come from?? Are we supposed to be feeling sorry for them?? It’s not like I’m the one out there injecting them, right? Since when did addiction become some kind of genetic destiny?? Sure, a tendency toward weight gain exists—I get that—but even that isn't an issue if you just maintain a healthy perspective on it. I could honestly list a billion different examples and reasons why I might be sitting at 330 pounds today instead of my current 175, for instance. So what's your deal? Would you use that same logic to justify it if I murdered someone every time I ran into a problem? Or would you just say, without a second thought, that I belong in a maximum-security prison for life...
Oh, please, don't be ridiculous.

either way, you still weigh more than me lol.

Aaron Howard27 said:That’s coming from someone who thinks you shouldn't just demolish a mountain of chips and chocolate every time life gets a little messy. Look, I apologize if my honest takes on things offend anyone—I just don't believe we need to turn every minor setback into a full-blown crisis. I've dealt with plenty of my own nonsense over the years, and I never felt the urge to go on a binge eating spree! Sure, some people drown their sorrows in food, but if they complain about it later, I'm not exactly here to coddle them with patronizing comments like "it'll all work out," or "you can handle this, just take it slow," or "it's not that bad, just get your priorities straight and reorganize your schedule..." No, thanks. My approach is a bit more direct: sometimes things aren't actually that complicated, and the only real way out is to simply STOP EATING TRASH AND START MOVING MORE!! Seriously, if people don't like hearing that, well, that's on them. I don't feel the need to sugarcoat reality; I'd rather present things as they actually are. To me, using food to cope with a breakup over something trivial is one of the silliest ways to live, and frankly, it feels like a relic from a different century!! I mean, women are supposed to be empowered, right?? Or does empowerment only apply when it's convenient?? Because that's not how it works... most of my friends deal with breakups by just getting back out there and seeing someone new... is that really such a scandal??? Even in this day and age???

Viewing women solely as sexual objects = what the hell?? Where on earth did you even get that idea?? Women being treated as sexual objects interests me about as much as yesterday's weather... quite impressive, really, how much you think you can analyze others based on just two posts...

Don't get mad just because you aren't seeing the big picture. What seems easy to you might be impossible for someone else... I'm sure you have problems that feel unsolvable to you, even if they look dead simple to an outsider. Bottom line, you lack empathy. Too bad.

Keith Jones76 said:One more thing—think about which thoughts or beliefs (let's call them "B") sit between X and Y. For example:
X - Fighting with my boyfriend
*
Y - Anxiety and binge eating

*B - We should always agree, and since we don't, I should have prevented this. Since I didn't, I'm a bad partner and he won't want me anymore, so I might as well just suffer.

What turns the irrational B into something rational (Quincy):
Quincy - Even if we don't agree all the time, we can still have a perfectly healthy relationship. Despite this, I am a good partner, and he will still want me if things are meant to be. So, there's no reason to just spiral into suffering (instead, I face whatever the future brings).

Whenever X occurs, lean into the Quincy (over the B), and you've laid the groundwork to change Y! Then, you get a much better behavioral pattern—staying busy with what you were already doing, starting something new, or, if you actually are hungry, adding a different kind of food to the mix.

And don't force it!!! It’s a process, not a sudden pivot! It takes time for new behaviors to stick.

By using this method—introducing the 'Quincy'—you aren't forcing Y; you're creating the right environment for it to happen naturally 👍, so to speak. You're utilizing your own cognitive potential rather than relying on training designed for animals (no joke).
That's basically my point.

This is really interesting. You have to map out the concept of how to react before it works. But it isn't easy; it takes mental strength and endurance, and I've pretty much used mine all up. I'm just trying to find enough left in me to recover. Poor me.

wearycobra252 said:Oh, please, just get that out of your head! You really need to try shifting your mindset. Instead of feeling guilty, just tell yourself, "Hey, today was just a light breakfast and lunch kind of day." Seriously, being starving isn't a sustainable way to lose weight—I mean, sure, you might drop some pounds quickly, but it's terrible for your health in the long run. It’s much better to eat plenty of small meals and just aim for slow, steady progress. If you keep beating yourself up because you ate a little extra—which, let's be real, happens to all of us—you're just going to end up feeling sadder and more frustrated. Then comes the cycle: you eat more because you're upset, then you try to fast the next day, then you get so hungry by tomorrow night that you end up raiding the fridge at midnight, and then you feel even worse... and it just keeps going in circles.

This hits home. This is exactly what I do to myself. I feel pathetic and incapable, and I hate being in my own skin when I don't see quick results. Once I break the diet, I just spiral through this endless loop of failure. I blame myself, and then it's like, "Fine, I'll just be miserable and ugly, but I need the food." I can't stand myself or my own unhappiness. I've been stuck in this for years.

wearycobra252 said:gle, I have a super similar issue. Honestly, chocolate has been my emotional support for as long as I can remember... whenever I’m feeling down, stressed out, or even just bored, my brain immediately goes straight to grabbing a whole bar of chocolate. It was just my go-to. Lately, though—and I’m kind of proud of this—I actually managed to cut my chocolate intake down to almost nothing, and I didn't even need therapy or anything fancy to do it. I always knew it was an issue, because let's be real, eating like 100 grams of chocolate plus a bunch of other random sweets every single day isn't exactly healthy.
For me, the big breakthrough was just becoming aware of what I was doing. How? Well, I grabbed a notebook and started logging every single sugary thing I ate. I mean everything—from a tiny Tic Tac to those pints of Ben & Jerry's that I used to demolish in like, two hours flat. That helped so much, mostly because of the sheer shock factor. You look at that silly little notebook and you're just like, "Wow, I actually ate all that junk?" After that, I tried to pinpoint the actual *feeling* behind why I was reaching for food. Most of the time, it was just boredom or stress, and honestly, bingeing is such a stupid way to deal with those things. So, whenever that freaking, overwhelming urge to eat something sweet would hit, I started doing this routine instead. I’d shove my AirPods in, blast some really high-energy, loud music—definitely not any slow ballads—and just walk a few laps around the neighborhood (making sure to steer clear of gas stations, convenience stores, or bakeries). If I still felt the craving after the walk, I'd allow myself a Kit Kat or some other small treat, but I think it only happened maybe twice where the craving actually stuck around.
I was out for coffee with a friend today and we both ordered these massive ice cream sundaes. I couldn't even finish a third of mine! A year ago, I wouldn't have just finished mine, I would've polished off hers too.
It seems to me that your struggle might be about more than just sweets, but try using a similar approach. This habit of writing everything down is amazing and it really worked for me.

The problem is mostly the sugar. And that's a solid idea, the tracking part. Though by the end of the day, I feel like I've failed my diet if I've eaten anything more than a light breakfast and lunch.

redharbor9 said:I asked what you meant by that comment since it made zero sense. Clearly, it’s just some defensive mechanism because you don't own a monopoly on good advice and haven't managed to turn your little concept into the only game in town. So, if you actually want to keep arguing about food outside the scope of this thread, hit my PMs. 🙂

Anyway, I'm getting back to the main topic. I'll wait for the author to actually weigh in and tell us what she thinks about the ideas laid out so far. 🙂

haha... glad you guys started a discussion, thanks for the suggestions. Maybe this topic went deeper than just diet, which obviously becomes an issue when everything else in life is falling apart. My real question was actually how to build character—specifically, how to face the life struggles that have been hitting me hard lately. Seriously, I won't dump all this on you, but these last few days have been the worst of my life. And now... once everything peaked, you know what happened... I can't even take a bite of food. That Emotional Freedom Technique method sounds tempting, but honestly, when you think about it, it's a double-edged sword.

Benjamin Grant6 said:I would also suggest adding hormone therapy to that list, as it acts as a significant saboteur to any attempts at progress...

Why exactly are you feeling so despondent? You are welcome to send me a private message if you wish. There is always some way to mitigate such unpleasant feelings...

There are plenty of reasons... a rough childhood or whatever. Most people have their own traumas they deal with, and food just happens to be my vice.
There was this one guy I worked with once. Just thinking about him now makes me feel like the pain is going to kill me.

analogdriver52 said:Look, the main thing is to stay away from those quick fixes. They might help temporarily, but they're just Band-Aids over the actual issue; they don't fix the root cause. You probably just want us to tell you how to get back to being your "old self," but that’s not how life works. Everything takes effort, period. You've gotta treat those bad habits like an enemy and stop letting them run your life. Honestly? It feels like you aren't ready to let go of anything that feels good right now because, hey, you only live once. But once you actually make that sacrifice, you'll find joy in totally different things, or you'll find a new kind of strength. You can totally do this.

Trust me, I wouldn't start a thread asking for support just to keep doing what I've been doing. That makes zero sense. I don't know why people post here, but this is serious stuff. It's not just my problem; it's a struggle many people face. I'm being upfront about it... and I'm asking anyone with similar experiences how you finally beat it.

Benjamin Grant6 said:Just take a deep breath and really consider whether what you are consuming is actually necessary...

First of all, the concept of a "diet" shouldn't even exist—it should be a complete lifestyle shift instead. I am not sure how much weight you are carrying, but in my own experience, I carry an extra fifteen or twenty pounds simply because I indulged myself over the years. Once I adjusted my way of life, the results became visible and, more importantly, I began to feel significantly better... though, I still stumble occasionally, as I tend to seek solace in certain "indulgences" when I am dissatisfied.

The last time I was in this sort of shape and managed to lose about twenty-two pounds, I finally fit into standard clothing sizes again. However, that satisfaction proved entirely hollow when the guy I did it all for remarked, "You actually looked better before"...

It matters very little how you appear to others; what truly matters is how you view yourself. Even more vital is how comfortable you feel in your own skin...

Why are you feeling dissatisfied? What is causing this sadness? You should attempt to have a serious conversation with yourself, find those answers, and then move thoughtfully toward breaking those bad habits—if you are drowning your sorrows in soda and feeding them with sweets, try to phase them out slowly...

Personally, I am unhappy because I don't look toned, I feel heavy, and I struggle to find pants that aren't a size 14. But every day, I make some small adjustment—perhaps I swim a bit more, or go for a longer walk, or sometimes even a quick run, just to remind myself that the ice cream I enjoyed is not so easily burned off...

I wear a 14 too, sometimes a 12. I used to play sports, so I know how this works. If you eat junk, the fat settles in different spots for everyone, and the rest turns into muscle that's actually harder to lose later than pure fat. For example, I gain most of it in my stomach, but my legs stay muscular—and when I eat right and train, they just get stronger. That's just how it goes. You have to eat right and work out. Honestly, I'm too depressed for all that.

Aaron Howard27 said:My old man used to always yell at us, "You kids need to watch what you eat!"
So, what kind of diet are we talking about here? Honestly, most advice is just nonsense. If you actually want to drop 30 pounds in four months, here’s how you do it:
1. Cut out the booze entirely. I mean, not even a tiny sip once a month—just forget it exists. It’s not happening if you want results.
2. Get yourself a bike and ride it, or go out for a run, or hit the pool. Whatever you do, don't bother unless it's for at least 30 minutes—you have to burn through those sugars first before your body even touches the fat.
3. Drink two big glasses of water at least half an hour before you sit down to eat, and then don't touch any liquids for an hour after your meal. If you drink right after eating, you basically dilute your digestive enzymes, and you'll just end up gaining weight instead.
4. You should be drinking at least one liter of water for every 50 pounds of body weight. And don't just chug it all at once—there's no point in slamming water if you aren't thirsty; you'll just end up running to the bathroom and peeing it all out without any benefit. Same goes for everything else. Just have a glass when you wake up and another right before bed.
5. Say goodbye to bread, pasta, and rice. Just leave them alone. Especially the bread—and definitely stay away from the white bread.
6. Just keep moving.

There you go. As you can see, it isn't necessarily about eating less food. If you follow this and still don't see progress, well, then you might just be a lost cause and there's nothing left to try!🤣

This is easily the best post here. You actually made me laugh... pretty cool. 🤣

redharbor9 said:What's your vision for this "studying" thing? How exactly do you see that playing out—best case scenario or otherwise?

I don't know. Maybe I should focus on things that actually help—study up a bit and start using methods that might at least stop me from constantly thinking about food. When I say "professional literature," I mean stuff like positive psychology or similar concepts. I’m not looking to read some trashy Oprah-style book titled "Lose Your Extra Pounds."

Maybe the whole point is just being more satisfied with life in general and feeling more confident... then everything else might just fall into place. I don't know, starting is just hard. Laziness is one of humanity's biggest hurdles. Like I said before—it's all in your head. If your mind is a mess and you're insecure, indecisive, or lazy, you run into issues like my diet struggles, or even worse stuff like health or mental problems. You know how it goes.

Keith Jones76 said:Binge eating and bulimia are essentially two sides of the same coin when it comes to eating disorders. What’s your take on psychotherapy for this?

I'm not sure about therapy yet. I should probably dig through some actual books first before rushing straight to a psychiatrist.
It just sucks feeling like I'm throwing money down the drain on this nonsense. It's an impulse I can't control. My life is a total mess right now.

Amy Green4 said:I have never been a proponent of dieting, particularly those restrictive regimens that feel more like punishment than health management. In my experience, true wellness comes from a much more balanced, intuitive approach to daily habits. I find it far more effective to simply be mindful of what you put on your plate and to prioritize staying active throughout the day. Rather than obsessing over calorie counts, I suggest focusing on portion control and being more intentional about limiting processed sugars and heavy fats. It isn't about deprivation; it’s about making better choices most of the time.
I suspect the primary reason most people struggle to stick with any dietary regimen is that they are attempting to use food as a temporary substitute for the deeper sense of affection and emotional fulfillment that might be missing from their lives. In many ways, eating becomes a fleeting placeholder for the genuine connection and comfort we all crave.
When life throws you a curveball and you find yourself feeling miserable, frustrated, or just plain on edge—though there are those rare, fleeting moments when things actually go right—your first instinct is almost always to turn toward food.
It all begins within the mind, particularly regarding how we choose to perceive our own identity.
The real question we need to address is why you are actually overeating—and please, don't just give me that surface-level answer about being constantly hungry. 😉I find myself wondering what that experience actually signifies to you—the act of intentionally denying yourself food right when you feel the need most.
If nutrition serves as a tool that helps you navigate the day, keeps your nerves steady, and bolsters your overall emotional well-being, then denying yourself that sustenance feels like a reckless gamble. I have found that when you deprive yourself of what your body actually needs to function, it almost always backfires; you either end up spiraling into an uncontrollable binge later on, or you find yourself trapped in that frustrating cycle where the weight you worked so hard to lose comes rushing right back.
It feels like you’re just spinning your wheels in place, and every single time you fail to make progress, that sense of frustration starts to build and weigh even heavier on you.

James Ramirez10 As I was reflecting on this earlier, I found myself thinking about how much weight we tend to place on certain perspectives. It reminds me of a conversation I had once while sitting in a quiet corner of a coffee shop in Seattle, where the topic of individual agency came up quite unexpectedly. There is a certain gravity to these discussions that often gets lost in the noise of modern debate. When someone makes a point like this, it forces you to slow down and really consider the underlying logic, rather than just reacting to the surface level of the argument. It’s a measured way to approach things, even if it feels a bit heavy at times.
I am not entirely sure what you intended to convey with that brief message, but I am here and ready to engage whenever you have something more substantial to discuss. The issue isn't actually about the food itself, but rather... There is a profound depth to what food actually represents in our lives, far beyond mere sustenance or nutrition. I often find myself reflecting on how a simple meal can act as a bridge to our history and our deepest connections to one another. When we sit down to eat, we aren't just fueling our bodies; we are participating in a silent language of culture and memory that shapes who we are. It is much like the way a well-composed piece of music or a classic novel can evoke a specific moment in time, pulling us back to a sense of belonging that is hard to articulate. Food carries the weight of our traditions and the essence of our shared identity, serving as a constant, grounding force in an ever-changing world., That is the first hurdle we need to clear.

👍

Yeah. True. You eat when you're sad or miserable. Honestly, I'm both. It feels like my issue goes way deeper than just being addicted to food. The truth is... food is how I survive the day. Everything feels fine for the first few days, then I hit an emotional wall once reality sets in... and it starts all over again. I binge to comfort myself. It's just a total lack of love.

Thomas Wilson76 said:You really need to have a solid goal in place first; I wouldn't recommend starting any diet until you do. Maybe don't just make it about looking good, either. Instead, try to find something you actually care about—something that could really help you down the road. If you have a purpose like that, I guess you'll find the strength to stick with it, believe me. Having a strong goal is what matters most!

Yeah... solid advice. I tried that once... my whole goal was looking hot for this guy, but he ended up marrying someone else. Now, food is my only true friend.