Nicholas Edwards10 said:Look, I'm telling you... I do it out of pure spite, honestly. It’s not even because I’m actually that impressed by him. 🙂 And besides, when I act out, he doesn't end up feeling the sting nearly as much as I do.
Whatever. I try not to dwell on it too long and just let it pass. I mean, it's exhausting constantly obsessing over what he thinks or what he likes. I eventually just check out and move on.
You really have to pick your moment and choose your approach carefully... because let's be honest, some people just can't wrap their heads around how much they're hurting others until they experience that exact same sting themselves. Only then might they actually pause, reflect, and maybe—just maybe—actually understand. Even if they spend the rest of their lives pretending they haven't a clue.
Nicholas Edwards10 said:Look, I get it, this kind of stuff can be a lot to process if you aren't used to it..
Take my ex, for example. He once told me his absolute dream woman—the perfect standard by his metrics—was the actress from Titanic who starred alongside Leonard..
Man 😠
I haven't been able to watch that movie again, or even listen to that soundtrack... It just makes me feel sick.. 🙂
Man, I totally feel you on that. But hey, at least in those scenarios, you can dish it right back where it came from. So, if we're talking guys... who's the sexiest actor in your book? 😉
Roger Davis2, maybe that’s just one of those things you have to figure out. It sounds heavy, and honestly, it's kind of a bummer to admit, but I genuinely don't know how he actually sees me. He once made this comment about how women over in some other place—doesn't even matter where—are just incredibly beautiful... They’re just... honestly, they're so stunning that you can't even wrap your head around the idea of them marrying for money. You look at them and you see this intelligence in their eyes—it's a striking, thoughtful kind of beauty. It’s genuine. I mean, I was genuinely floored when I heard the truth about them... She said: "😢 John, be honest with me for a second—am I actually beautiful to you? Or are you just saying that because we're dating?" On: "Oh, come on now, please... as if you don't already know how gorgeous you are. I honestly don't know where to start with this one. It’s just... it's a lot. I was sitting there, thinking about how things used to be, and then it hit me. You know that feeling? That sudden, sharp realization that everything you thought was set in stone is actually shifting under your feet? Yeah. That. Anyway, I was reading what steeltiger2 had to say earlier, and I have to agree—mostly. There's a certain logic to it, even if it feels a bit counterintuitive at first glance. But then again, maybe I'm overthinking it. I tend to do that. My mind just wanders off into these little side quests, chasing down details that probably don't even matter in the grand scheme of things. Like, does anyone else find themselves obsessing over the smallest details of a conversation hours after it's already over? Just me? Okay. But back to the point. We need to look at the bigger picture here. If we keep ignoring the obvious signs, we're just setting ourselves up for a headache later on. It's like trying to fix a leaky faucet with duct tape—it might work for an hour, but eventually, you're going to end up with a flooded kitchen. And nobody wants that. Not even me. I'm far too lazy for that kind of cleanup. So, yeah. Let's just keep an eye on things. Stay observant. Don't let the noise distract you from what's actually happening right in front of us. It's simple, really. Or at least, it should be. I mean, I honestly don't know... I’m genuinely asking you here. On: "Yeah, I am. Why on earth would you even ask me that?" I honestly think people don't realize how much weight certain decisions carry. It’s like when you’re standing there, looking at all the options, and you just know—deep down—that one path is going to change everything. You can feel it in your gut. Some folks try to overanalyze every little detail, running numbers and checking charts, but sometimes you just have to trust that internal compass. It's about intuition, really. And if you ignore it? Well, you usually end up regretting it later on. Just a thought. Anyway, I could go on about this, but I'll leave it there for now. 😲 😍
lonegardener said:So, are those two still together? How many years has it been now? 😬
In my experience, every single couple I’ve ever known where the guy struggled with jealousy—they ended up splitting up. Period. If they had just worked through that one issue, maybe they’d still be a thing today. It’s a real shame. I can't quite pin down the exact date😁 It seems like women run into that specific issue less often, or perhaps they just handle it better. I don't know.
Brian Barrett5 said:In my case, things got pretty intense when she was away at her high school prom. For those seven or eight days, I was a complete wreck. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, totally restless, with my head spinning from movies playing in my mind about her being with someone else. Jealousy mixed with a few drinks... man, that's a dangerous combo. I'm really not an aggressive person by nature, or anything like that, but it was rough.
Man, I know that feeling all too well.😢 I had a friend who went through the exact same thing while his girlfriend was traveling; he completely spiraled and invented scenarios out of thin air. She wasn't even doing anything! The real issue lies within us—the pathologically jealous ones. It's all happening inside our own heads. When my boyfriend was away on a business trip, I was practically dying from the anxiety. I need someone else to weigh in with some actual wisdom here, because if it were up to me, I'd have fixed this internal problem ages ago.
Just tell him straight up: stop coming at you with that nonsense. He needs to realize you couldn't care less about his little popularity contest or who’s crushing on him. Honestly, the whole thing sounds incredibly pathetic—like he's dealing with some massive inferiority complex and has convinced himself everyone is head over heels for him just to feel better about himself...
Tell him that kind of slimy ego trip is just gross, and frankly, it’s a far cry from what you actually look for in a man. 😁😉
🙂 I know I've said it before, but sometimes those dark thoughts just take over anyway.
Brian Barrett5 said:Unfortunately, I fall into that category of people who deal with intense jealousy—it’s been a real struggle. It actually reached a point where I slapped my girlfriend once, even though I’m not typically a violent or aggressive person. I feel a lot of shame even admitting this, let alone asking for help...😢
Look, I’m a woman, so I don't go around throwing punches—mostly because I'm not exactly built for combat—but honestly? Even if I were a guy, I know I wouldn't change my stance one bit. I have this absolute certainty about it. I’d probably just end up decking any jerk who dared to get too close to her. Not that I'm actually recommending anyone go out and start a brawl, obviously! But if you're asking me personally... well, I'm not sure I could even hold myself back.
So, what exactly would you do if you were in my shoes? What’s your take on the whole situation?
Honestly, I really think you need to reach out for some professional help here. We aren't just talking about a little spat or a heated argument—we're talking about physical violence within a relationship, and that is a massive deal. It’s heavy stuff. A specialist would completely understand why you'd seek support; in fact, stepping up and asking for help is actually an act of bravery. It’s a strong, healthy move. There is absolutely nothing shameful about it.🙂
hollowcanyon8 said:Hmm... I see bits of myself in this. Maybe his behavior irritates you specifically because you aren't that type of person and you actually care about his feelings. My partner drops gems like that too, and I spend ages trying to figure out if there's any actual logic behind them. For example: "I was at a lecture today. It was boring. Oh, and there was this tiny girl walking around like a little cowgirl—totally unladylike. She had a nice face, though." 😕 And then I'm left wondering what on earth that has to do with anything. Maybe he wants me to think it matters? It confuses me because I value my own integrity. I don't run every single thought or encounter by him, even when they happen. To me, that kind of talk feels like pure ego-stroking—just inflating oneself while intentionally (or maybe subconsciously) hurting your partner. The bottom line is that what he says doesn't matter. What matters is how he acts. Any smart woman with actual intuition will sense if her partner's behavior has truly shifted. That's when you pull the alarm.
Otherwise, just let it go and enjoy yourself. Life should be simple. That's how you should set it up. 👍
It's just so incredibly stupid, and frankly, it gets under my skin. Then my friend has the nerve to tell me I just need to accept that, well, he's a man. As if women are supposed to be these ethereal, otherworldly beings floating above it all. 🙄 Look, I'm a human being. I'm not blind, I have hormones, and I have eyes that actually work. I don't appreciate tasteless, mindless commentary. Sure, thoughts are private—everyone's entitled to their own headspace—but it's about what you actually do, what you say, and how you carry yourself in the real world. It's perfectly normal to wonder what someone is actually getting at when they make comments like that.
Adam Miller46 said:Are you afraid that someone more "qualified" than you will come along and sweep him away, or are you actually afraid that he's just waiting for an opportunity to jump ship—that typical opportunistic streak some men have? Think about that... Besides, when a man constantly praises other women but hasn't complimented his own partner in years, jealousy isn't coming from her; it's a direct reaction to his behavior.
It's not about him hunting for someone better; I just know that's how it works. But I find myself overthinking everything, including the possibility that there might be someone out there superior to me—and honestly, that's where my irrational doubts start creeping in. It sounds ridiculous, really, but since I don't have any male friends and didn't grow up with a father figure around, I end up questioning everything. I've mostly just absorbed all these different perspectives on men from stories I've heard, though most of that came from my younger brother, and he's still just a kid.
lonegardener said:🤷 Well, here you are, right now, on this forum, talking about these guys. You're saying they're okay and attractive, but that you aren't interested and find it all quite dull.
Why wouldn't you mention something like that to your boyfriend? Just as casually as you're telling us here. Why does it feel fine to discuss it on a forum, yet you feel there's no reason to bring it up with him?
To me, the logic seems to work the other way around.
What do you think—does he sit around at work with his buddies, joking about how a female colleague is hitting on him? Would it bother you if you found out through someone else that he was doing that? Or would it? Is it the action itself that bothers you, or the fact that you had to find out? 🤷
I remember a coworker once mentioning how much he wanted to hook up with his then-girlfriend's sister (who actually ended up becoming his wife later). He probably didn't tell her that. So, do you believe in "what you don't know won't hurt you"—or would you rather know the truth?
I was just mentioning that I need to pay him back, so we haven't really spoken for a few days.
lonegardener said:🤷 Well, here you are, right now, on this forum, talking about these guys. You're saying they're okay and attractive, but that you aren't interested and find it all quite dull.
Why wouldn't you mention something like that to your boyfriend? Just as casually as you're telling us here. Why does it feel fine to discuss it on a forum, yet you feel there's no reason to bring it up with him?
To me, the logic seems to work the other way around.
What do you think—does he sit around at work with his buddies, joking about how a female colleague is hitting on him? Would it bother you if you found out through someone else that he was doing that? Or would it? Is it the action itself that bothers you, or the fact that you had to find out? 🤷
I remember a coworker once mentioning how much he wanted to hook up with his then-girlfriend's sister (who actually ended up becoming his wife later). He probably didn't tell her that. So, do you believe in "what you don't know won't hurt you"—or would you rather know the truth?
No, he isn't like that. It's just... looking back, I realize how much I can let jealousy get the better of me. That's why I said it's painful. Honestly, the things that bother me are nothing compared to what other people go through. And of course I'd want to know. I mean, unless I want to blow up my life by breaking up or spend my entire existence living a lie, I need the facts. But honestly? A man who talks like that about a woman who is actually good to him—someone he'd cheat on—is just fundamentally different. You can usually tell what kind of person someone is; you can sense it. And you eventually find out the truth, provided you actually put in the effort to vet the person you're sharing your life with.
lonegardener said:How exactly can someone tell that kind of truth without causing worry? I'm genuinely curious. What kind of wording should he have used instead?
I don't know, I can see it both ways. You ask "why plant a seed," and I'm asking "why stay silent if you've already noticed?" You obviously "noticed" those guys at work like you, right? You remember it, and you probably thought about it too... by your own logic, that means they like you just because you picked up on it. 😬
In my view, it's the truth in both your case and his. 😈 That's just how it works; your subconscious is telling you what this actually means for your relationship, even if your conscious mind isn't ready to accept the conclusion.
I’ve honestly just come to see this as totally standard—nothing out of the ordinary at all. It’s one of those things that feels completely normal to me. Actually, I love the idea; I’d probably try to set up a little group arrangement with my girlfriends on my days off. Honestly, I wouldn't even give them a second thought if they weren't actually decent-looking people—which, let's be real, is the only reason they're even on my radar. But honestly? I just don't feel the urge. It’s actually getting pretty boring at this point. I know myself well enough to know how I get once I’m actually falling for someone and fully in a relationship. Right now? None of them even come close to my standards. Not even close.
I wouldn't even bring it up. Honestly, if my boyfriend notices some girl is hot—and she knows it too—but he just gives her a glance and moves on without making a thing of it, there’s zero reason to mention it. No one is going to call me out if nothing obvious is happening. Now, if someone actually starts hitting on him in a way everyone can see (which, let's be real, happened once), then yeah, he can tell me how much that woman is getting on his nerves. He can say he thinks she's fishing for something, even though it's crystal clear they're just coworkers and he’s shutting that kind of vibe down. There was this one incredibly awkward situation where the woman was being way too blatant, so he did tell me, but that’s a totally different story. In that case, I would have said something too. Otherwise, if I noticed something myself and really sat with it, I'd feel like he was staying quiet just to play some weird game. Truthfully, I'm just happy he's an honest guy. But it feels like either every single woman is obsessed with him the moment he walks in—from the barista to his colleagues—or he's just overthinking the fact that other women find him attractive. Look, we're adults. We get that it's perfectly normal to be attractive to people; we can just ignore it. We aren't eight years old. Example 3: Him: "Hey Anne, look, you're my girl, but Ivy was hovering around me during the break yesterday after math class, and I'm pretty sure she's crushing on me.😊" Her: "Alright, alright, Philip... is she your new crush now? And here I thought it was me, especially since you were carving 'Anne + Philip' into the bench yesterday.😢😢"
Honestly, we all act like children sometimes. But he's the one who started it. 🙂
lonegardener said:🤣 Man, he's totally confused... just like me, LOL. He doesn't really know what he wants, and honestly, he doesn't quite get himself either. On the other hand, if this is a realistic portrayal, it seems to me he’s just suffering from an excessive need to be honest. 🤷
For instance, if he noticed that woman "reacting" to him, he might feel like it would be "suspiciously secretive" not to mention it to you. Because, say, someone else might bring it up—like a coworker at a place like Starbucks or an office in Chicago. ("...hey, just so you know, Stephanie is really into your boyfriend... she's always hovering around him... 😬"). So he thinks that if you hear it from them and he hasn't said anything, you'll assume he intentionally hid it because he has some ulterior motive... or that he was trying to keep his options open.
It isn't even necessary for him to think that way ("what if you hear it from others"); it might simply be unacceptable to him to "intentionally" keep it to himself once he's already noticed it.
It’s always "shoot first, ask questions later" with some people, isn't it? Honestly, I don't know how they do it. I spend half my life overthinking every single word, carefully weighing my phrasing just so I don't accidentally bruise someone's ego or cause unnecessary drama. I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to be tactful. But them? They just blurt out the raw truth and move on like nothing happened. It’s wild. You can tell someone the hard truth, sure, but you do it with enough grace that they aren't left reeling or spiraling afterward. There's an art to it, really. Do you think they actually have no idea what they're after? Because if that's the case... well, that's just not a good look. Honestly.
lonegardener said:🤣 Man, he's totally confused... just like me, LOL. He doesn't really know what he wants, and honestly, he doesn't quite get himself either. On the other hand, if this is a realistic portrayal, it seems to me he’s just suffering from an excessive need to be honest. 🤷
For instance, if he noticed that woman "reacting" to him, he might feel like it would be "suspiciously secretive" not to mention it to you. Because, say, someone else might bring it up—like a coworker at a place like Starbucks or an office in Chicago. ("...hey, just so you know, Stephanie is really into your boyfriend... she's always hovering around him... 😬"). So he thinks that if you hear it from them and he hasn't said anything, you'll assume he intentionally hid it because he has some ulterior motive... or that he was trying to keep his options open.
It isn't even necessary for him to think that way ("what if you hear it from others"); it might simply be unacceptable to him to "intentionally" keep it to himself once he's already noticed it.
Yeah, that’s totally plausible. Honestly, I know I catch some eyes at my office—and trust me, there are definitely some good-looking guys around—but I’d feel like such a phony if I actually went around telling people I was desirable. It’s just not something I care about in life. That's all there is to it. Why would you even go out of your way to whisper something in someone's ear just to mess with their head? The only reason to do that is to stir up jealousy, which is just such an immature way to act. And really, why bother?
Honestly, he’s pushed me so far past my limit with all this nonsense that I’ve actually started thinking about how to go out and arm myself. I mean, seriously—I’m sitting here wondering how to get enough gear so I can actually fight back. If I’m going to protect myself and stand my ground, I need more than just words. What else is there to do? I need some way to defend myself before I lose it completely. Picture this: your heart is absolutely hammering against your ribs, your head feels like it’s seconds away from an outright explosion, and your blood pressure is spiking so hard you can practically feel the pulse in your temples. Just imagine that kind of raw, white-knuckle tension sustained for as long as it takes to finally burn itself out. Now... just think about what you'd actually *do* with all that frantic, unspent energy.🤷
Him: "Hey, just wanted to give you a heads-up, since I know it might bother you later... I think I've caught the eye of that woman I work with." Her: "Okay, and why would that bother me if you actually cared? But clearly, you don't care much when you're busy bringing it up, do you?" Him: "No, it's just... I noticed it and wanted to tell you so there wouldn't be any issues down the line. Her: "What wouldn't be an issue? I don't even get what you're planning to pull with her that I'd need to worry about! And how can you even tell she likes you? Is she biting her lip when you walk in? Giving you those little coy laughs? Him: "Geez... forget it... maybe I shouldn't have mentioned anything at all. You just... you just feel it, you know? You don't need them to do anything, you just know when someone's into you, right?i> Her (now completely exasperated, wondering if he's trying to kill her or how he became so incredibly clumsy and dense overnight): "No!!! I don't "just know," unless it's glaringly obvious, because I'm not obsessed with looking for it in my life—and I certainly wouldn't be running over to tell you, especially not about some stranger I'm seeing for the first time. And obviously, you must be into her too if you can "just tell." Him: "I'm not into her. She's attractive, sure, but who cares? I mean, when are you finally going to start believing that I'm not interested in other women? I haven't been since I met you." Her: 😕 😢
Sean Cruz said:When I say "selfish," I mean that romantic love is focused on one specific person; it isn't "sharable" like other types of affection. Essentially, we want to "possess" the person we love, and that is the definition of selfishness. Jealousy stems directly from the fear of losing what is "ours." Personally, I find it perfectly natural for people to feel this way—provided they don't take it to an extreme. I don't buy into those fairy tales about "unconditional" or "eternal" love; it's a myth. If such a thing actually existed, an unconditional romantic love would exist outside the realm of selfishness—meaning you could honestly be happy seeing the person you love find joy in someone else's arms without feeling a sting. 😬
He probably thinks that's what you want to hear. 😬
He claimed he was showing me respect, even though he knew damn well it was getting on my nerves. 🙄
Like I said, the point isn't about what you notice, whether you intend to or not; it's about your intentions, your plans, your motives, and so on. There is a massive difference between noticing another attractive woman and actively contemplating how to get with her—actually weighing that "option" as a possibility.
That’s exactly my point—there are "valid" situations where jealousy is justified (or at least feels that way), and then there are situations where it's completely irrational. Take something as harmless as glancing at someone else; we're all a little vain, and everyone enjoys being noticed by the opposite sex. You don't necessarily have any ulterior motives, but a partner might still feel jealous. I think most people experience that. And if a partner is prone to infidelity and gives you reasons to doubt them, it's only natural for that jealousy to intensify. However, once you truly know a person—their habits, their character, etc.—it becomes easier to manage those feelings and look at the situation objectively.
Well, lol, you answered your own question. It started one way and ended just as predictably. I'm not saying I'm smarter than you... I'm just brutally honest, heh.
🤣 But you don't actually know how it ended. 😁
Let me reiterate: honesty is *one* of the foundations, and without it, nothing works. But it isn't enough. At least, it isn't for me. I’m not saying you can't have a different standard; if that’s how you choose to define things, that's your prerogative. I see it differently—for better or worse.
I never claimed it was the sole foundation, just that it's vital to me. Personally, I’d much rather take a blow to the face than a knife in the back. And honestly, how could anyone think honesty alone is the only foundation? It’s simply impossible—relationships are incredibly complex, and there's an entire web of factors that determine whether a connection actually succeeds.
The problem is, it usually happens most often when it's about something serious; if it were that, I’d probably just walk away. But some people just know exactly how to hit that ego button by bringing up other women in the most pathetic ways possible. Honestly, you don't even need to mention those things to your partner, and I truly don't get why people do it. For instance: Him: "Hey, I think Brankica really likes me. I don't get it, though, since we have absolutely nothing in common..." Her: "Okay, but why are you even telling me this if it's not important? What am I supposed to say? Am I meant to be flattered? Or sorry that you two aren't a match? I don't get it.😕" Him: "Oh, come on, do you really think it boosts my ego that she likes me? I mean, have you seen what Brankica looks like?" Her: "So the others boost it, then? And that other thing...(😛)" Him: "😠"
lonegardener said:Exactly, and that’s precisely why I value honesty. My point was just that *that kind* of honesty isn't automatically the "foundation" for an "ideal relationship" LOL.
Of course it isn't "better" if it's built on deception. But just because torturing someone is worse than shooting them in the face doesn't mean the latter is actually a good thing. 😬
I don't know, I'm not really fond of using the word "selfish" here. Why call it selfishness? To me, a feeling isn't selfish—actions are. I don't view certain types of jealousy as an "expression of selfishness." It's just a negative emotion resulting from a realization or an insight (or sometimes a delusion). That feeling itself isn't selfish; it only becomes selfish depending on how you choose to act when you feel it.
He probably thinks that's what you want to hear. 😬 I'll say it again: the point isn't what you notice, whether you want to or not. The point is your intentions, your plans, and your motives. There is a massive difference between noticing another attractive woman and actively wondering how to get with her—actually weighing that "option" as a real possibility.
Haha, well, you basically answered your own question. You started this way, and you’re ending it the same way. I’m not saying I’m any smarter than you... I’m just being brutally honest, heh.
Let me reiterate: honesty is one of the fundamental pillars, and without it, nothing works. But on its own? It isn't enough. At least, it isn't for me. I’m not saying you can't define things differently—if that's how you see it, then that's your prerogative. For me, though, I define things a bit differently, for better or for worse.
I’ve trimmed this down a bit—don't want us getting too far off track...
It can definitely turn selfish if your partner ends up bearing the brunt of it through no fault of their own, especially if you aren't even trying to reflect on your own behavior. Take me, for example. I have this habit of stewing in silence for days on end because I tell myself that if I just hold it in, maybe things will blow over. But then, more often than not, I just snap, and suddenly there's a massive scene... But that isn't being selfish. It's just that sometimes the feeling is so incredibly overwhelming—like you're physically nauseous for days at a time—that you genuinely start losing your mind.
lonegardener said:Is it a genuine feeling, or am I just chasing an illusion... xexexe Quote
That’s one (well, two) ingredients in the messy cocktail we call 'love,' but it isn't the only one.
An agnostic, 98% atheist LOL.
Exactly. That's what I mean. You know how it goes: he says, "I'd do anything for you," and she replies, "Then let me go," and he starts stammering, "But... I mean..." 'Anything' my foot, LOL. So, in those circumstances, truly "letting go" would indeed be the greatest act of love. But if someone thinks they wouldn't feel even a hint of jealousy in that situation, they're basically claiming to be a saint.
Sean Cruz It’s just human nature to feel pain when you lose someone you love. Heck, we even feel jealousy if that person finds happiness in someone else's arms. I don't understand why people insist on denying that and labeling the feeling as some kind of "disorder."
I find myself wondering the same thing. 🤷 Judging by some folks here (cough), you're supposed to just "understand" that it's all in your head, under your control, your responsibility... and so on. 😬 — and apparently, that should magically make the feeling vanish. Well, maybe it would, but you could also make it disappear with a lobotomy or by getting high. 🤷
You won't. But that's a whole different conversation.
😬 Well, now you're doing exactly what you were questioning two paragraphs ago, haha. Realizing the facts doesn't necessarily kill the nasty feeling. You still need comfort.
🤷 That all comes back to the idea of "something is better than nothing"... which is why I say relationships are mostly logically nonsensical, and perhaps even in every single case. 😈
😬 Honesty alone isn't enough. Not even close. If you tell someone straight to their face that you absolutely despise them, should they be happy because you were being so "honest"? LOL.
I mean, obviously lying isn't "better"—and I definitely prefer being truthful. But that specific kind of "honesty"—the "let's stay together until someone better comes along" variety😬 doesn't exactly strike me as an attractive foundation for a real relationship.
Because if that’s actually how things stand, you have to wonder why you'd even bother "formalizing" the arrangement or calling it a "relationship" in the first place. 🤷 In a situation like that, "friends with benefits" is probably a much more accurate description, LOL.
Sure, but at least you can walk away from someone who just hates on you because the truth stings. Honestly? It might actually hurt even more if that truth was kept hidden for this long.
lonegardener said:Is it a genuine feeling, or am I just chasing an illusion... xexexe Quote
That’s one (well, two) ingredients in the messy cocktail we call 'love,' but it isn't the only one.
An agnostic, 98% atheist LOL.
Exactly. That's what I mean. You know how it goes: he says, "I'd do anything for you," and she replies, "Then let me go," and he starts stammering, "But... I mean..." 'Anything' my foot, LOL. So, in those circumstances, truly "letting go" would indeed be the greatest act of love. But if someone thinks they wouldn't feel even a hint of jealousy in that situation, they're basically claiming to be a saint.
Sean Cruz It’s just human nature to feel pain when you lose someone you love. Heck, we even feel jealousy if that person finds happiness in someone else's arms. I don't understand why people insist on denying that and labeling the feeling as some kind of "disorder."
I find myself wondering the same thing. 🤷 Judging by some folks here (cough), you're supposed to just "understand" that it's all in your head, under your control, your responsibility... and so on. 😬 — and apparently, that should magically make the feeling vanish. Well, maybe it would, but you could also make it disappear with a lobotomy or by getting high. 🤷
You won't. But that's a whole different conversation.
😬 Well, now you're doing exactly what you were questioning two paragraphs ago, haha. Realizing the facts doesn't necessarily kill the nasty feeling. You still need comfort.
🤷 That all comes back to the idea of "something is better than nothing"... which is why I say relationships are mostly logically nonsensical, and perhaps even in every single case. 😈
😬 Honesty alone isn't enough. Not even close. If you tell someone straight to their face that you absolutely despise them, should they be happy because you were being so "honest"? LOL.
I mean, obviously lying isn't "better"—and I definitely prefer being truthful. But that specific kind of "honesty"—the "let's stay together until someone better comes along" variety😬 doesn't exactly strike me as an attractive foundation for a real relationship.
Because if that’s actually how things stand, you have to wonder why you'd even bother "formalizing" the arrangement or calling it a "relationship" in the first place. 🤷 In a situation like that, "friends with benefits" is probably a much more accurate description, LOL.
It’s honestly such a relief to know I’m not the only one who’s actually considered seeing a therapist...😁 Of course, I wouldn't go telling just anyone about that.
Maybe if I were more self-assured—if I were just a slightly different breed of person (I tend to overanalyze things that people with actual luck don't even give a second thought to)—I wouldn't be feeling this completely unhinged.
For me, the thing that keeps me up at night is that invisible kind of betrayal—the idea that he might be crushing on someone else while he's sitting right there next to me. And then we don't even break up; I just sit there feeling humiliated because I had no clue. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship that lacks any real, living passion. It strips away your dignity as a woman, and to me, that's the absolute worst part. It’s just as soul-crushing to exist while feeling spiritually dead, drifting without any ideals to hold onto. The thing is, I know for a fact that in every serious relationship he’s had before me, there were other women he was interested in. Is it even possible that what he says is true? That those stories were different and what he has with me is something entirely unique? If that isn't the case, then losing him would be a tragedy. I don't just need someone to occupy a space in a relationship or a marriage—that's not enough. If I lost the real thing, I'd be losing the most precious thing I own, and even if I found the strength to forgive, I'd still be left empty-handed.😢
boldheron48 said:Your gut is trying to tell you something—you just don't trust him. Walk away now before things get even worse...
Honestly, if things go south, he’ll probably be the one to walk away from me anyway... And I definitely don't want things to spiral, because I'll end up in a hospital bed at this rate.
What does "trusting him" even mean in this context? I believe he won't cheat on me. I'm not constantly terrified that I'll lose him overnight. I truly believe he loves me right now. The real fear—the actual anxiety—is that someone better will show up eventually. Like, one bright, sunny morning while he's working on a big project with his colleagues, they bring in a new partner. She's incredibly attractive, maybe a bit "stunning," and she actually understands the technical side of the job. They grab a coffee to talk shop, and he starts enjoying her company so much that he realizes—not even thinking about it, just feeling it deep down—that he'd rather spend his time with her than with me. Say she talks to him about specialized medicine that he's passionate about (which is an area I know absolutely nothing about), and she's clearly at a higher professional level. He respects her, admires her as a powerhouse in the medical field, feels understood by her, finds her motivating, and, well, she flirts with him too... then one day, he just comes home and tells me, almost casually, how much he feels drawn to this doctor, just so I'd know... that would just break me. So, I find myself spinning these entire scenarios in my head, sometimes completely out of nowhere. It just pops in. Is he really to blame for that?🤷
Look, here's the deal: he isn't cheating on me, and honestly, he’s never been that kind of guy. I trust him. The thing is, he loves pointing out how much he likes this girl or that girl. I don't even know how he notices these things, and then he actually goes out of his way to tell me which ones are hot. When I asked him if he was just trying to make me jealous, he just shrugged and said he was just stating facts. He’s got this uncanny ability to spot who’s sexy, who’s gorgeous, and who’s... well, less so. It just comes up casually in conversation. I mean, obviously, I notice guys too—men notice women, it's just biology—but I don't feel the need to announce it or dwell on it. He’s always so blunt about it, too. And since he isn't actually doing anything wrong, he insists it’s perfectly natural for men to look at other women, and that looking doesn't change the fact that he loves me. I just don't get why he feels the need to emphasize it so much. What kind of approach is that, really? It's just... well, I've had my share of bad luck. One guy cheated on me, and another one left me for someone else because his parents thought she was a better match for marriage. Not that it matters now.