Posts by Kate Collins5

steeltiger2 said:He has no idea I saw it. His brother left his laptop open, and I ended up poking around for maybe ten minutes just because, while he thought I was busy doing my own thing.
And obviously, I can't say anything about that.
He was talking to her like he actually cared, and they weren't even friends to begin with.
It was like someone showing interest in a coworker; when she mentioned she was going on a trip soon, he even told her to make sure nature looks after her and brings her back in one piece (she's a professional climber, by the way).
The thing is, he used to tell me he couldn't care less about stuff like that, that he wouldn't even notice if a woman wasn't his type—and I know for a fact he said the exact same thing to girls he wanted to be with before me. So, now I don't know... am I being realistic, or am I just losing my mind? How do I calm down?

Should I just leave him? I can't. Maybe I'm wrong again and in the end, I'll realize he didn't mean anything by it. But it's hard to wait—I don't even know what I'm waiting for.🤷

If she weren't some sexy, stunning athlete, I wouldn't think twice about it; I'd just assume she's a dear colleague to him. (His brother once commented on how gorgeous she is and what a great body she has, though I haven't seen her myself—I just know we aren't alike at all. I'm blonde and slender, while she's dark-skinned and athletic.) He responded to his brother saying she was incredibly sexy and attractive, even though he usually claims she's nothing special. I'm not the sporty type at all—I'm thin and blonde—but she's got that toned, muscular build that everyone falls for, even if they don't feel a deeper connection.
My head is spinning with possibilities—maybe he's fantasizing about her, maybe she's his ideal woman, maybe he just wants to be friends, or maybe she has something I lack—she's older and more experienced.
Maybe he finally needs a woman like her—someone self-assured, confident, an athlete who's actually good at what she does... someone who won't break down emotionally like I do...
I try to tell myself that I am worthy and beautiful, that anyone else would be overjoyed to be with me and think I'm more attractive than anyone else, but it doesn't help. I just keep thinking that she's definitely more beautiful and more attractive to him...

Look, let's try this instead.
Just post a photo here and we can all give you our honest take. Sound good?😉

Sean Cruz said:Is it at least ten tons heavy? 😂
If I knew how much effort it took ahead of time, I probably wouldn't even start. I'm far too fragile for all that. 😛

👍
You definitely have a sense of humor.🙏
Anyway, looking back through your posts, I see you're pretty critical of what you call "spiritual crap" or whatever.

Sean Cruz said:🙄 Oh, please. Jealousy can mean all sorts of things...😲 Sure, jealousy reflects insecurity, but there isn't a single person on this planet so supremely confident that they never feel a pang of it. Only pathological jealousy points to a deep-seated issue; it's not every little instance of feeling uneasy. How can you possibly claim her fears are irrational and disconnected from reality?
If that's your logic, tell me: would you sit there stone-faced and tell your boyfriend (or husband) to go sleep with someone else just because he finds them attractive? ☕ Is that what love looks like? 🙄

The solution doesn't lie in changing his behavior, nor in his making sacrifices, or altering his character; the fix lies within you.

I agree she probably needs more self-confidence, but why shouldn't he sacrifice something for the sake of love (if he actually feels it)?😉

work on herself

Honestly, when I hear this "spiritual" nonsense, I feel like gagging. Just "work on yourself," practice "free love," and everything will be fine. 🙏
Sure, for people whose brains have been turned to mush by certain "spiritual" movements, it might be "fine" because they've successfully convinced themselves that's how life should work. My impression is that steeltiger2 has a functioning brain and knows how to think for herself, so I doubt any brainwashing would stick with her.

Then what's the issue when he notices other women are beautiful, smart, or impressive? What's the problem if he admires a well-toned body?

Did you even read the thread? She isn't complaining about him noticing other women; she's talking about how he constantly brags about how much others like him and responds to messages that are clearly personal rather than professional.

Did you try food that you didn't like, or do you just hate the way it looks?!
Brainwashing?🤣
Oh, come on, people... please...
Britney has an issue, she's asking for advice, and there's a whole forum for exactly this purpose. Meanwhile, you guys are just bickering and it feels like you're arguing about things based on nothing but assumptions. So, "spiritual" stuff is just bad now?
When you catch a cold, do you go to the doctor? Someone who’s never been to one might say hospitals make them sick just because they heard a rumor about it. That's just an assumption! But what happens when that doctor actually helps them?
Personally, I haven't stepped foot in a doctor's office in forever because I've learned firsthand that there are plenty of unprofessional and unethical hacks out there—and that's not just my opinion, it's a fact I've experienced personally, damn it!
I'm sorry if anyone thinks I'm being aggressive, but seriously, we all just create our own little truths and act like they're absolute without even considering that we could be wrong, right?🤷

Sean Cruz said:It’s not some sacred principle, really. It’s a nice sentiment if you can actually pull it off in the real world. Personally, I wouldn't be able to stay stone-faced about it—it would hit me hard. But at the end of the day, the person I love isn't my property, and they have every right to walk away if that's what they choose. Still, don't get me wrong: I wouldn't be indifferent. That much is certain.

Romantic love often revolves around drug use, which inevitably creates the perfect storm for jealousy. It’s a fragile, fleeting kind of affection—essentially just infantile.

That kind of love might be fleeting, but it’s certainly not infantile.

Mature love starts with self-love.

Look, it’s a fact: you can't truly love anyone else if you don't love yourself first. But there's a catch—if that self-love turns into pure narcissism, you won't be able to love anyone else either. Balance is everything. 😉

Someone who truly loves you won't hurt you. Hurting someone just isn't in the nature of love.And honestly, someone who truly loves themselves isn't going to go around hurting themselves either...

That’s exactly the point. Someone who truly loves another person will willingly restrict their own freedom just to ensure they don't cause them any pain.

When a guy holds back from texting another girl just to keep the peace, don't mistake that for loyalty. It’s not about devotion; it’s about damage control. He still wants that attention, he's still interested, but he's simply exercising enough self-control to ensure his partner doesn't get offended. It’s polished behavior—well-mannered, sure—but the underlying desire to flirt elsewhere hasn't actually gone anywhere.

People have all sorts of desires, but actually following through on them—or choosing to hold back—requires either self-control or a genuine lack of affection. We need someone meaningful in our lives to act as a moral compass, someone who makes us conscious of the fact that we don't want to hurt them with our actions. I agree that imposing bans is pointless; he’ll probably just end up messaging ten other people behind her back anyway. But since he knows exactly how much this hurts her, it seems clear he simply doesn't care about her feelings. At that point, you really have to ask yourself if he loves her at all.

I’ve also gotten the impression that Britta realized something was fundamentally broken in her internal world—that her reactions had become erratic, that she’d pushed herself nearly to the brink of suicide, and that she’s actually ready to change. She seems willing to listen to what others have to say and then take action based on that feedback. It’s all part of self-improvement, regardless of how much that concept repulses you...

Of course she realized it. She wouldn't have started this thread if she hadn't. I even advised her to take a page out of Cocaine Nights' book and seek professional help. But just as much as you loathe the word victim, I can't stand the phrase self-improvement. To me, it’s a hollow cliché. It reminds me of those types who strut around acting like they're so enlightened because they're "working on themselves." Honestly, there are at least half a billion of those "special individuals" roaming the planet these days. 😁

Wow!😕
I've never heard anything more ridiculous!👎
Self-improvement is hard work!
A lot of people who go through it feel this massive urge to broadcast it, mostly because they think they've finally "made it."
But the ones who actually achieve something real? They don't brag about it. There's just no need. That kind of satisfaction comes from within—you don't feel the need to explain yourself to anyone.
We really shouldn't confuse the two things.

steeltiger2 said:Honestly, if things go south, he’ll probably be the one to walk away from me anyway...
And I definitely don't want things to spiral, because I'll end up in a hospital bed at this rate.

What does "trusting him" even mean in this context?
I believe he won't cheat on me. I'm not constantly terrified that I'll lose him overnight. I truly believe he loves me right now.
The real fear—the actual anxiety—is that someone better will show up eventually. Like, one bright, sunny morning while he's working on a big project with his colleagues, they bring in a new partner. She's incredibly attractive, maybe a bit "stunning," and she actually understands the technical side of the job. They grab a coffee to talk shop, and he starts enjoying her company so much that he realizes—not even thinking about it, just feeling it deep down—that he'd rather spend his time with her than with me.
Say she talks to him about specialized medicine that he's passionate about (which is an area I know absolutely nothing about), and she's clearly at a higher professional level. He respects her, admires her as a powerhouse in the medical field, feels understood by her, finds her motivating, and, well, she flirts with him too... then one day, he just comes home and tells me, almost casually, how much he feels drawn to this doctor, just so I'd know... that would just break me.
So, I find myself spinning these entire scenarios in my head, sometimes completely out of nowhere. It just pops in. Is he really to blame for that?🤷

What if things were different, stop wearing yourself out with those thoughts!
Even if that other woman started flirting with him, does that mean he's already done something wrong? Is he to blame? We're only human—some people are single and looking, some people flirt... If he truly loves you, he won't cheat. Period.!!!🙏
Our minds can create an infinite number of potential variations, so why don't we ever imagine a positive outcome instead of always spiraling toward the worst case scenario?
Just hold onto yourself and believe in who you are... at the end of the day, YOU CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOURSELF!!!

Jealousy is such a destructive emotion, and honestly, if I’m being real with myself, it usually just stems from deep-seated insecurity.
You have to realize that if he's actually going to cheat, no amount of worrying is going to stop him—it'll happen regardless.
On the flip side, there's a difference between being irrational and having a legitimate reason to be upset. If he’s throwing these huge, immature tantrums that just don't fit in a healthy relationship, you should definitely speak up. Just do it calmly. Explain that his behavior is bothering you even though you care about him; if he’s a decent guy, he’ll get it. But, if you're the one overreacting, just know that excessive jealousy kills a relationship because the other person starts feeling like they can't ever truly earn your trust.
I learned this the hard way. I used to be incredibly jealous—not all the time, but most of the time—and usually for absolutely no reason at all.
Looking back, I see now that the issue was entirely within me. My girlfriend actually finds it a little weird that I've calmed down so much; she tends to think jealousy is a sign of passion, but I just don't see it that way.
Some people think jealousy is the opposite of indifference, but they're wrong. There are a million better ways to show someone how much they matter to you.
I hope this helps a bit, steeltiger2.
Take care.