Posts by briskcobra12
18 posts shown.
Lisa Smith7 said:It’s entirely plausible. Honestly, you’re only nineteen. You’re practically still navigating puberty at this point.
But I know that’s simply impossible.
You can’t move forward with that kind of mindset. It’s a dead end. At some point, you just have to snap out of it and make a choice about what you actually want from this life. You have to look yourself in the mirror and say, "I can do this, and I am going to do this," rather than constantly whispering that it's impossible. I spent years telling myself the same old excuses while sitting in a cubicle in Chicago, waiting for permission to succeed. It never comes. You have to decide.
Nothing is going to change overnight. It doesn't work that way. But right now, you actually have a choice in how you want to spend the rest of your years. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Then, put in the work to actually become that person. Don't do it for some boss at Goldman Sachs or to impress your neighbors in Chicago. Do it for yourself. I know. It’s an uphill battle. It's exhausting. But it can be done.
alright, fine. I promise I'll try to let go and leave the past in the rearview mirror. Even if I give it my all and still fail, at least I'll know I actually tried. Right now, I already know nothing's changing because I'm not even attempting anything... thanks everyone for the help..
Lisa Smith7 said:They’ve already told you everything you need to hear.
Let’s be honest, most of us didn't exactly find studying for our degrees to be some grand joy. 🙂
Try setting a tiny, manageable goal—like passing one specific exam or just reading two or three pages of your textbook. If you catch yourself spiraling into self-pity while you're trying to work, stop. Just stop. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what that's actually accomplishing. You can either sit there wallowing and feeling miserable, or you can actually learn something. I've been there, and I know how brutal it feels, but you have to try to look at things logically in those moments. You can spend your time mourning your past, or you can give it your all so your future doesn't end up looking just like it does now.🙂
I get that, really, but how do you actually clear this mental clutter? I wish I could just take a breath, decide I'm done thinking about it, and get back to work. I'd love to just wake up one morning with zero memory of that entire period so I could just start over with a clean slate, but I know that's not how life works...
I honestly hope time does its thing, I really do, but let’s be real—time isn't going to fix everything if I don't step up and help it along. Every single day I find myself stuck in this loop, questioning why I even bother, and part of me is terrified that time alone won't be enough to heal this mess without my input... Is it actually possible that I'm going through puberty right now? Like, seriously, at nineteen? That's just ridiculous.
Also, I should probably mention that staying focused on college and actually hitting the books is becoming impossible when my head is such a complete wreck. I used to have actual goals, you know? I was driven. Now, I just wake up, drift through the day, and go to bed at night just to feel like I survived another twenty-four hours. It’s a cycle. And look, I get it—plenty of people are dealing with much heavier stuff, but this constant mental fog is honestly nauseating. I feel totally useless right now.😢
Steven Martinez13;25459868 said:
briskcobra12 said:True, but finding actual friends is hard when my social life is basically just commuting between home and college. I have friends at school, sure, but they're just "college friends"—once graduation hits, that's it. As for high school, I don't think anyone there thinks poorly of me since I never insulted anyone and I was always decent to everyone. I actually used to annoy this one guy just by being too nice to him and never snapping back, but I'm pretty sure they all just think I'm a weirdo.
The bottom line is I need to start valuing myself... thanks for the help.
Steven Martinez13;25459699 said:
briskcobra12 said:So, I was talking to some actual professors the other day—real academics, mind you—and they were out here preaching that high school is where you basically bake your character in stone. They were insisting that who you are during those four years is exactly who you’ll be for the rest of your life. Honestly? That hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s such a heavy, almost fatalistic thing to say, right? Like, once you hit eighteen, you're just stuck with whatever version of yourself showed up to homeroom. It’s a pretty grim way to look at growing up.😢
True, but finding actual friends is hard when my social life is basically just commuting between home and college. I have friends at school, sure, but they're just "college friends"—once graduation hits, that's it. As for high school, I don't think anyone there thinks poorly of me since I never insulted anyone and I was always decent to everyone. I actually used to annoy this one guy just by being too nice to him and never snapping back, but I'm pretty sure they all just think I'm a weirdo.
Brenda Cooper3 said:Why don't you try facing your fear head-on?
It’s the simplest solution, yet easily the most difficult. Ultimately, the choice is yours. 🤷
Look, I get that I need to face my fear, but living in this city makes it impossible because everything here is a constant trigger for those old memories...😢 Every time I leave town, things feel lighter. Like when I take a trip somewhere else, I can finally relax and just forget about everything—it’s like hitting a reset button. But the second I fly back home, it’s the same old story. I just shut down and that anxiety crawls right back in.😢
Sarah Wood8 said:So, because some idiot messed with you back in high school, you’ve just decided to stop living your life entirely? If there’s anything worth forgiving, it’s the fact that you’re currently sabotaging your own future over something that happened years ago.
Just turn the page and move on, because high school—and honestly, anything from that era—doesn't hold a damn bit of weight in your life anymore.
Look, I get that you're sensitive, but you're eventually going to have to grow out of that. Just get out of the house and stop giving a damn about who sees you or what they think.
Have some self-respect. The world isn't perfect and not everyone is a decent person, but that shouldn't be an excuse to throw your life away because of some bully who fed off your instability in high school. There are people who went through much worse during their teen years and came out stronger for it. Try looking at it from that perspective.
That's exactly it. I've stopped living, I don't respect myself, and I always put everyone else before me... I used to be so sensitive, and now I'm slowly realizing the world isn't the place I thought it was. You have no idea how much I want to feel alive again, but I just can't seem to find the momentum to start moving.
Thanks,
@briskskipper71. I’m actually going to give this a shot, mostly because I’m honestly sick of my own bullshit. I don't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in some loop of wondering why everything went sideways in the first place. So, yeah, I'll try. I'm going to lean into my studies, start hitting the pavement for some runs, and just hope that eventually, things shift—that I can find my way back to being that old version of myself who actually felt happy and optimistic. To be fair, right now? I’m not holding my breath. It feels like this heavy weight is just going to stick to me forever. Honestly, I’m just fed up with myself. Part of me just wants to pack a bag and disappear somewhere far away from everything.
quietpilot87 said:God, man—honestly, I’m a completely different person than I was back in high school. Especially on the inside. 😁
The real changes started kicking in halfway through college.
I really hope you're right...
Brenda Cooper3 said:Go find yourself a boyfriend 🙂
You mean a girlfriend🙄. I had one, but we just broke up recently, so yeah, I'm flying solo for now.
I totally agree that even at this age, we’re basically just kids running around in adult suits. For me, the absolute worst part is being stuck right in the middle—you aren't a kid anymore, but you haven't exactly "arrived" as an adult either. You just end up feeling completely lost in the void. So, you really think all this uncertainty just fades away eventually...
briskskipper71 said:I get the feeling you're just spinning your wheels here. It's like you're stuck reliving the same old stuff over and over again. Honestly, I think it might be time to just... stop. How old are you anyway?
I don't know, how am I supposed to...😢 Look, I'm 19...
Olivia White65 said:Whoever came up with that cliché deserves to be taken out. When I went to my 10-year reunion a few years ago, almost nobody was "the same," not even on the surface. That whole idea is nonsense. Just relax. Try going out with some people from your college or pick up a hobby where you'll be surrounded by a new crowd. Personally, I’d suggest martial arts to build up some confidence, or maybe even dance classes (you'll meet tons of women, and you'll be one of the few guys there). Cheer up, man—life is beautiful when you've got enough cash for a Budweiser.👍
I already did the martial arts thing, and yeah, I really had that confidence back then. But now? I don't know. I can't bring myself to sign up again because of this feeling inside me. I'm telling you, I'm just too stiff. I don't know how to value myself; I always put everyone else ahead of me, worrying about what they'll think or if they'll laugh. I'm terrified of taking that next step. To be honest, I hate being around people because of how high school was. I spent four years stuck like that, and starting over now isn't easy. I don't know... maybe once I start living in a new environment, things will get easier. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just end up being the same person all over again...
😢
Lisa Smith7 said:Where on earth did you hear that nonsense? 😕 🤣 Go run a poll with people over twenty and you'll see firsthand that it's absolutely not how the world works. 😉
So, I was talking to some actual professors the other day—real academics, mind you—and they were out here preaching that high school is where you basically bake your character in stone. They were insisting that who you are during those four years is exactly who you’ll be for the rest of your life. Honestly? That hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s such a heavy, almost fatalistic thing to say, right? Like, once you hit eighteen, you're just stuck with whatever version of yourself showed up to homeroom. It’s a pretty grim way to look at growing up.😢
Jason Booth25 said:If this keeps up, you might want to consider sitting down with a therapist. It could be anything from an anxiety disorder to clinical depression... Regardless of what it actually is, don't let it weigh you down too much; these are things you can definitely work through. Have you thought about trying to shake things up a bit, maybe by heading out somewhere with some friends or something similar? What exactly is weighing on your mind?
And honestly, I don't really have friends. I get along with everyone fine, but I haven't actually stepped foot in the city in six years. I lost touch with everybody. I still have some buddies from college, but that's it—nothing since graduation. Plus, after six years of doing the exact same thing every single day, you just get used to being alone. That's where I am. Sometimes it hits hard because I have nobody to turn to, but even if I did, I wouldn't be able to handle being out and about all the time anyway. It’s hard to put this fear into words. It’s like I’m terrified of running into someone from my high school days. I'm scared people will see what I've been through, or see who I really am behind the curtain. I'm scared of the judgment. I carried all that baggage from high school straight into adulthood. I'm incredibly hard on myself; if I trip up even slightly, I immediately spiral into thinking I'm a total loser and wondering what everyone else thinks of me. I can never just relax. I'm always tense, and then my head and legs start aching from the sheer stress of it all, I guess...
And honestly, that whole cliché about how you're stuck being the same person you were in high school? It’s been eating at me. If there's any truth to that, then I'm seriously 😢... Look, I’ve never gone out of my way to insult anyone—not even that one guy I can't stand. I don't wish bad luck on anyone. Deep down, I’m a believer, but I just can't seem to find my way back to church. It's hard when this constant, gnawing anger just won't let up. To make matters worse, I spent four years in a classroom environment that was basically a pressure cooker, and now I can't help but feel like the whole world operates that way. It makes me want to close myself off from everyone. I'm just disappointed in people, plain and simple. I've become "cold" toward others, and let's be real, that isn't the true ME.
Thanks for the reply. I’ve been scrolling through a lot of threads on this sub lately, and man, some of them are heavy. Real heavy. Reading about people dealing with massive, life-altering struggles makes me realize my own situation might not be the end of the world, but it’s still eating me alive. It’s this constant, nagging guilt that keeps me stuck in place. I’ll admit, I tend to overthink things—I blow them way out of proportion—but I just can't seem to make any actual progress. It kills me to look at who I used to be compared to who I am now. If this is just how my life is going to be forever, I don't know if I can handle it. I'm rarely happy these days because I've completely retreated into my own head, and this fear has just... settled in. My family knows what's going on, but nobody else does. To everyone else, I put on this mask and act like everything is perfectly fine... but I'm fragile. I break way too easily. Every time someone says something even slightly negative, I immediately take it personally; I think it's a leftover reflex from high school😢.. I don't go out on weekends, I barely leave the house unless it's for classes at the university, and I don't really have any hobbies anymore. It's all because of this fear that I can't even put into words
Hey everyone... so, here’s the deal. I had a great childhood. Seriously. Good friends, a solid family, and I was just one of those naturally upbeat, optimistic kids who actually liked life. I liked myself, I liked the people around me... I loved how the morning sunlight would hit my room and wake me up 🙂, man, I just loved being alive. Even elementary school was a breeze; I made good friends and everything was, in a word, perfect. But then high school happened. I ended up in a class with this one guy I’d hated since forever because he lived to insult people, and honestly, he was the only person in this entire city I was actually afraid of. And of course, life decided to screw me over by putting me in his class for four straight years. The bullying started basically on day one, and I just couldn't handle it. I wasn't the type to ever insult anyone, and nobody had ever picked on me before—I was pretty sensitive, if I'm being real. By freshman year, I fell into a massive depression. I’d skip school for two weeks at a time because I physically couldn't bring myself to go. I still remember my mom crying because she felt totally helpless 😢 and that kind of thing just eats you alive from the inside. I wanted to drop out, and yeah, I even thought about suicide, but I believe in God, so I knew I could never actually do that. I remember walking toward school, having maybe fifteen minutes left before the bell, and halfway there, I just wanted to vanish. I wanted to run away because everything felt so heavy. So, I just retreated into myself. I lost my good friends, and my life became this miserable loop of school-home, home-crying. I shut myself in my room and grew to hate the sound of my phone alarm because it meant I had to face the world again. That went on for four years. Now? I’m a completely different person. I can see it in my family's eyes—especially my dad's. He looks at me like I'm some weakling or a coward, and it kills me. They're disappointed, and I get it. I rarely go anywhere anymore because this fear has basically become part of my DNA. There isn't a single moment where I feel happy anymore. I don't pray much, and I don't go to church; I want to, but I just can't. I prayed every single day during those four years, and look what it got me. I'm angry. My self-esteem is trashed, and I feel useless. These bitter memories play on a loop in my head every day, and I can't shake them. I can't forgive myself for not being "brave" enough or for letting that guy walk all over me. I'm heading to college now, but I have zero motivation to study. I'm sad, I'm tense whenever I'm out in public, and I just can't do this anymore. I used to be so free and confident, and now I'm just... pathetic. 😢 I've been thinking about moving away, maybe somewhere far off, just to try and forget. This city reminds me of everything too much, and I'm terrified of bumping into someone from high school and feeling that shame all over again. I ask myself every single day: WHY? How did that happy kid turn into this depressed person with zero drive, someone who can't see any beauty left in the world, someone living entirely in the past, trapped in pain and anxiety? Every day is the same. For the last five or six years, I've spent about 80 percent of my time stuck inside my house. It's pathetic. I want to go for a run, play some pickup basketball, go to the movies... but I can't move because this fear holds me back. I'm scared that one day, I'll just give up entirely. 😢. Sorry for the massive wall of text. Thanks for listening.
Can someone give me a hand here? This CBC looks like a total mess to me—some numbers are down, some are up, and I can't quite make sense of the chaos. If anyone could help me decipher this... 😕 thanks in advance...
WBC 4.79
RBC 4.50
CBC
Neutrophils 1.55 ref range 2.06-6.49
Eosinophils 0.08 ref range 0-0.43
Basophils 0.07 ref range 0-0.06
Neutrophil % 32.3 ref range 44-72
Lymphocytes % 53.2 ref range 20-46
Monocytes % 11.4 ref range 2-12
Eosinophil % 1.6 ref range 0-7
Basophil % 1.5 ref range 0-1