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Yeah, sure... he gets to go out and hang with his buddies whenever he wants, but not me. Because I’m a girl. And because everyone’s staring at me.
And yeah, I'll probably just get raped.
Look, if someone’s being selfish here, it’s him. Period.
He’s acting way too protective over me—it's getting ridiculous. I tell him I want to go out, and he basically finds every excuse to make sure I stay put.
First, he fills my head with all this paranoia about maniacs out there—telling me I’ll get mugged, drugged, or worse... just straight up attacked or killed.
And then, he acts all satisfied when I just end up staying home. And he honestly thinks that isn't selfish?
It leads to this other thing where I’ll say, "Fine, then YOU come with me." But nope, he’s not down for that—says he’s not "that kind of guy," or we have nowhere to go,
or at best, he suggests we hang out with his group of friends. And what actually happens? We end up sitting in front of his TV like I’m some 70-year-old grandma
with absolutely nothing better to do with my life.
Maybe I haven't fully "grown up" yet, but I’ve been through enough crap in my life to know what's what. He uses his selfishness as an excuse to "protect" me,
which really just means he keeps me trapped. It's gotten to the point where I'm sneaking out of the house and telling him I'm still inside just to get a moment of freedom.
I think I messed up—honestly, if you’d just taken a closer look, you would've seen it.
And I feel pretty terrible about it, which is exactly why I titled this "I Can't Stand Myself"... 😢
Edward Murphy4 said:Man, I don't even know what to tell you. I did the exact same thing back when I was young and reckless. And he actually forgave me. Only thing is—I ended up leaving him to go chase some adventures of my own.🙄 Now, six years later? God, I’d give anything to have that sweet, wonderful, boring guy back.😢
That's exactly what I'm terrified of 😢
What am I even doing? Just banging my head against a wall here😢
I really don't want to lose him, but I know—deep down—that I messed up big time..
I know this topic technically fits under both lifestyle and relationship discussions, but I'm dropping it here because I genuinely need some help. Sorry in advance for the massive wall of text—I just feel like I have to lay everything out if you guys are actually going to understand where I'm coming from. Since none of you know me, I’m not really looking for much judgment, though.
My life hasn't exactly been some American Dream fairy tale. My parents divorced, and honestly, it seems like everyone in my extended family has gone through it too—grandparents, aunts, uncles, the whole lot. Growing up, things were rough. For even the smallest thing—like breaking a glass, leaving a crumb on the floor, or just forgetting to tidy up—my dad would slap me. It happened constantly, and it just wore me down more and more every single day. Eventually, I just stopped trusting people. My parents split up about nine years ago, though the fighting had been escalating long before that. I spent a lot of time spiraling, terrified of people, totally withdrawn, and just preferring to be alone.
And then, there was HIM. My knight in shining armor. Back then, I was absolutely certain he was "the one"—the kind of guy you could never dream of cheating on or even looking at someone else for. He showed up at exactly the right moment, and I decided I was never letting him go. He treated me like royalty; he taught me how to open up, how to actually be social, and he took me everywhere. He loved me, cared for me... he was basically the perfect guy. Before him, I was just this lonely, sad, awkward kid, but being with him helped me grow into a girl with actual self-confidence—nothing crazy, just normal confidence—who actually likes herself and other people. But after more than three years together, his constant attention started to... well, it got boring. 😢
I wanted to see what it would be like with someone else. I wanted to know what it felt like to touch someone else, and how it felt to be touched by someone else... and yeah, it happened. I cheated on him.
He found out, and he actually forgave me... only for me to turn around and do it again. On the flip side, I can't imagine life without him 😢. I don't even know what I'd do if I lost him because he provides this sense of security I've never had. It’s like he came into my life too early. I wasn't experienced before him; I hadn't really tried being with anyone else, so I guess I just don't appreciate his devotion the way I would if he were some jerk who belittled me. And yeah, I realize now that's the exact problem I used to hate in other girls—the ones who don't appreciate having such an amazing boyfriend. Now, I'm exactly like them.
I feel so disgusted with myself that I can't even sleep. I haven't eaten in days. I just cry and curse myself for becoming such a horrible person. I have no idea what to do. Should I let him go because he deserves so much better? Or... 😢