Posts by Patrick Brown45

Laura Murphy3 said:So, it all boils down to a lack of self-confidence? 🙂

Look, I know I'm lacking there. Even though I'm pretty social, funny, and usually the life of the party, I've realized my confidence is the issue. I need that external validation just to feel like I actually matter.

So, what's the move? 🙂

Sit around and wait for Providence to show you some mercy instead of actually putting in the work to figure out 🙂 You totally dodged my question.

Linda Taylor11 said:Was it for that girl you were obsessed with before? Look, you're probably still pretty young. We need to live a little, I guess, and maybe later someone will come along and we'll just settle down. 🙂

It’s pretty obvious you didn't care that much if you could change your mind that easily. Or maybe, I don't know, maybe you're subconsciously scared of that post-infatuation crash that totally sucks... at least for me. 😢

About being bold: can I ask if you have a diagnosis, and if you don't mind sharing, what it is? 🙂

EDIT: because people with anxiety or OCD feel this massive need to overanalyze everything until, eventually (and trust me, I know this one well 😉 ), they analyze themselves right into a corner where they aren't sure about anything anymore. That's why I'm asking. 😉

Personally, I think you two are actually perfect for each other 😍

Laura Murphy3 said:Look, it all sounds great on paper, but honestly, damn it... just when I finally stumble upon someone who feels genuinely real—someone actually worth putting in the effort for—I start trying. I really fucking try, you know? But then, out of nowhere, some random, bullshit distraction pops into my head and completely derails everything. Suddenly, I just don't give a damn about them anymore. It’s like my brain just resets. 🙂

It’s like I can't trust my own gut about anything anymore.

I'd say it comes down to chemistry🙂. But whether you're subconsciously killing the vibe or the person just isn't your type? That's the real question.😁

Maybe you don't even know what kind of person you actually need?
And honestly, that constant need for validation you have is clearly just coming from that insecurity.

Linda Taylor11 said:Look... it’s not like I went out of my way to mess things up for anyone. I was in this relationship for about three years back then. We both cared, or so I thought, but I had all these insecurities because I felt like he didn't care as much as he should have. So, I "fell in love," broke up with him (honestly, if we’d stayed together, we probably would’ve been living together or at least basically sharing an apartment in 🤣), and started seeing this new guy. Turns out, he was a complete piece of work—total jerk, honestly, there’s no other word for it—and a verbal abuser, not to mention all the other... legal gray areas I had no clue about. 😂 🤦

So... yeah. But I don't want to hijack your thread. Sure, part of it comes from insecurity. It’s enough for me that someone just says, "Hey, your nails/hair/legs look great today" or "You're smart," and I'm suddenly sky high and head over heels. Which... erm, isn't healthy. And only to the extent that...🙄

OK, I think we all took your post a totally different way than you intended 🙂.

Generally speaking, women often trip up thinking that being "in love" has to be a constant state. That's actually called love addiction 🙂. Things eventually level out over time, and if the partners are a good match, other types of connection take over. That constant craving for that honeymoon phase is usually just a search for validation or self-worth. It's that inner child in us that's acting out, constantly begging for "attention."

hollowbear9 said:It’s true, I’ve never been much for following that old cliché about wise people learning from others' mistakes while fools learn from their own. Personally, I’ve always been the type to take the hard way, stumbling through my own messes over and over again... 😁
What actually helped was finally facing the music and realizing there was a pattern, even if I haven't quite figured out how to fix my own behavior yet. I’m 28 now, and I recently had this crushing realization that my father didn't show me the affection I needed, which basically left me emotionally wrecked from puberty onwards. And the absolute worst part is knowing exactly how this plays out—that after I lose my boyfriend, I’ll find myself stuck in some pathetic situationship with some jerk who doesn't give a damn about me, and I won't have any clue how to break out of that cycle. It’s exactly where I ended up before I finally got serious with my current partner. I am fully aware of every single consequence, but honestly... it doesn't make it any easier.

Actually, you aren't even that young given the stuff you're saying. 😬 That changes the math a bit. Yeah, you'll definitely end up with some insensitive idiot if you don't change something...
Maybe try group therapy? Ever heard of family constellation work? Or even something like a Reiki group? You get to hear how other people handled their mess, so it feels less risky because you realize you're not the only one going through it. 🙂

hollowbear9 said:Listen, honey, I know this feeling all too well because I’ve lived through it myself—and honestly, I’m still working my way out of it. I’ll just echo what someone else already said more bluntly: you need to look at your relationship with your father to find the root of this. My own dad is one of those incredibly rigid, old-school types who either doesn't know how to show affection or simply refuses to, so my entire life has been defined by this heavy emotional distance... I eventually realized I was stuck in this repetitive, exhausting cycle where I spent my whole life chasing after total jerks who treated me exactly the way my father did. I recently sat down with a therapist who finally pulled back the curtain and opened my eyes to the truth.
I know exactly what you're going through; I've been right there in that dark place, feeling nothing but self-loathing. I have an absolutely wonderful, amazing boyfriend right by my side, yet I find myself staring at some complete idiot who will never treat me with respect, someone who makes me feel completely unloved... I don't have a magic solution for this, unfortunately, and it probably boils down to a massive hit to one's self-esteem, but realizing that the core issue lies with my father has been a game-changer. It helped me see why I constantly fall for emotionally unavailable people—even when it goes against everything I know to be true, even against my own common sense and sanity—knowing that these relationships will never actually make me happy. It might sound a bit silly to some, but I am seriously considering booking more sessions with my psychologist to figure out how to break free from this loop... maybe you should consider doing the same?

Spot on. The catch is that at her age, she can't just "fix" it overnight; she has to live through it. She won't truly grasp where the issue lies until she's gained enough life experience and looks back on everything.
We can talk ourselves hoarse, but remember: nobody can explain what fire feels like until you actually put your hand in it—or until you learn a bit of physics. 🙂

fadedbear92 said:Seriously, what century is this guy living in?

Who knows, maybe he popped out of a time machine... or aliens snatched him up and dropped him back. 🙂.

I'll tell you what's actually going on here. He feels like things aren't clicking (and honestly, how could they if he’s desperate for connection?), so he gets insecure and turns jealous. Most likely, he knows exactly what he's doing, but he just can't help himself.
So, do him a favor. Lay it out for him. Tell him where things stand—that you're down for something casual if that's what he wants, but the second he gets possessive, you're out.

Don't go feeling guilty, either. Nobody forced you to step up; you did it because you cared, and love isn't some transaction where you expect a payout.

ironraven13 said:Look, if someone’s being selfish here, it’s him. Period.

He’s acting way too protective over me—it's getting ridiculous. I tell him I want to go out, and he basically finds every excuse to make sure I stay put.
First, he fills my head with all this paranoia about maniacs out there—telling me I’ll get mugged, drugged, or worse... just straight up attacked or killed.
And then, he acts all satisfied when I just end up staying home. And he honestly thinks that isn't selfish?

It leads to this other thing where I’ll say, "Fine, then YOU come with me." But nope, he’s not down for that—says he’s not "that kind of guy," or we have nowhere to go,
or at best, he suggests we hang out with his group of friends. And what actually happens? We end up sitting in front of his TV like I’m some 70-year-old grandma
with absolutely nothing better to do with my life.

Maybe I haven't fully "grown up" yet, but I’ve been through enough crap in my life to know what's what. He uses his selfishness as an excuse to "protect" me,
which really just means he keeps me trapped. It's gotten to the point where I'm sneaking out of the house and telling him I'm still inside just to get a moment of freedom.

Is this the first time you've mentioned this? Or did I miss something?
I was just responding to your original post.
If he actually said all that, then yeah, I'd say you guys are even now. 🙂

Laura Murphy3 said:Reed, I didn't mean to come off the way I did, my bad 🙂

Quote : WTF, we can't just hand out diagnoses based on a few posts here.
Maybe look up the whole "indigo child" thing online. See if you even fit that description.

Heh, honestly, who knows. I feel like I’ve got this crazy high level of empathy—like, I just get what people need or how they're feeling in the moment—so I tend to treat them differently because of it. But then again, I also look at it through the lens of being a total pushover... I often don't have the "balls" to tell people things straight up when I know they won't like it—even when they're totally wrong—simply because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Or maybe I just act however I feel like acting if I suspect my vibe might mess with someone else.

But that's just my take, and obviously everyone sees themselves differently. At least that's how it seems to me. As for whether I actually fit the rest of that indigo child stuff? Relatively, yeah.

It's an energy imbalance tied to emotions and love. You're basically dodging your feelings while being incredibly emotional.

What you wrote is probably the closest anyone has gotten to what I feel is the core of the problem. I just haven't figured out the root cause yet.

The root cause doesn't even matter right now. If you really need to find it, it'll show up on its own.
What you actually need is some self-work. I honestly think holistic stuff would help you out. You might even want to try yoga just to get your hormones back in check.
Overthinking this isn't going to solve anything, even if you did figure out the cause.
If you want to chat about alternative stuff or yoga, just ask.

Laura Murphy3 said:And what about the rest of it?

The lack of confidence, or finding oneself stuck in those social anxiety loops—or whatever the hell we're calling it these days?

What about all those random, scattered feelings that pop up at different times throughout the day, all tied back to that whole mess? 🙂

Quote : WTF, we can't just hand out a diagnosis over a few forum posts 🙂.
Maybe look up the whole "indigo child" thing online. See if you actually fit that description.

This is just classic immaturity and selfishness, honestly 🙂. But hey, people are messy.
My advice? Just cut ties. You're clearly hurting him by staying, so don't be selfish.
You’ve gotta live your life. If you don't, you'll just end up stuck in this exact same loop forever.
And don't even feel guilty about it—you can't control everything, and growing up takes time.

Who knows, maybe if you run into him in five or six years, you'll fall for each other all over again 🙂.

Laura Murphy3 said:Yeah, but honestly? This stuff happens even when I'm not dating anyone. It just shows up in my friendships instead. Like, there’s this moment where someone does something that’s genuinely awesome or funny—something that feels good—and I get this vibe, which is basically fine. I can't even fully describe it because I immediately kill the mood by spiraling into all this other crap, but I think it's something close to just accepting them and feeling happy they're around. Just, you know, being present. But then—boom—the whole circus starts and I get hit with this pure dread. Cold sweats, legs giving out, just that total "I am completely alone in the universe" sensation.

It happened with my buddies too, in all sorts of ways. For a while, I went through this whole phase where I was terrified I might be gay, and I figured I was just suppressing it because I was catching feelings for them. But looking back, that doesn't even make sense, because I’m pretty damn sure I know what actual attraction and falling for someone feels like.

So instead, I always tell myself I'm definitely not in love with them. Then I just sit there constantly monitoring how my body reacts whenever they're near, or I start obsessing over them in my head. When I'm actually feeling good, I'll start imagining them just to see if that good feeling sticks around... it's just this endless, vicious loop... and then, obviously, everything goes south.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m getting these chest pains—just a sharp, nagging little ache right in the middle of my chest. 🙂

Exactly. You're just scared to commit because you're terrified everything will eventually fall apart.
You need to put in the work, and I mean a lot of it. Go see a therapist if you have to, or start grinding through books like *The Power of Now*—basically anything that helps with this stuff.
Learn how to actually live in the moment instead of stressing about what happens tomorrow.
If you start tackling this right now, you'll get past it.

That chest pain? That’s your heart chakra talking—total energy imbalance tied to your emotions and love life. You're basically dodging your feelings even though you're super emotional.
That alone is reason enough to fix this.

Laura Murphy3 said:

If you’re wondering if you might be dealing with this disorder, see if these situations make you feel totally uneasy:
- Working while someone’s watching over your shoulder
- Calling someone you barely know—or don't know at all
- Using a public restroom
- Taking those standardized tests or skill assessments
- Telling someone you don't really know that you disagree with them
- Hosting a party or some kind of get-together
- Walking into a room where everyone is already seated

Those are basically just symptoms of social anxiety, and honestly, you can find plenty of people who deal with most of them—not that I'm preaching here or anything, though.

But I still don't get that other stuff. Like, why is it that every single time I start building a connection with someone, and just when things finally feel comfortable, I suddenly lose it and just run for the hills?🙂

And since you brought up social anxiety, you could have actually framed my story within that context so it made sense why you thought that was what it was—just so I could see your logic.

@Patrick Brown45, I tried thinking about it, but I didn't come up with anything concrete. My parents were great, my brother is an awesome guy with zero issues... the only thing that comes to mind is that I was pretty insecure growing up, and kids used to mess with me quite a bit... it wasn't like some massive, traumatic bullying situation, but... yeah, whatever. I still carry these defense mechanisms from childhood, a sort of fear, and this lingering feeling that in certain spots, I'm still vulnerable, inferior, or just won't be accepted...

Maybe that's the catch? If you walk away from the relationship first, then you don't have to deal with the fear of being dumped?

So, tell me about growing up. What were your parents like? Did you have both of them around? To me, this whole thing smells like a fear of commitment.