How do I tell her she's wrong without starting a fight?
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Rebecca Scott3 said:....I'm just not sure what the actual outcome will be.....
....I think she knows things aren't perfect.....she actually mentioned it......but she doesn't realize how deep the hole goes.....she thinks she just made a "minor" mistake.....
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...thinking about it now......I've always been the type who appreciates it when someone points out my flaws....especially if they show me how to fix them.......and obviously, you have to start with the positives first.......then you slowly work on tweaking the parts that aren't so great......
Maybe it works....maybe it doesn't.....it's a fifty-fifty shot, really.....not a bad gamble though.....I'll give it a shot.....
....if it works, I'll have a much happier friend in my life.....if it doesn't.....well....I might just need to create some distance.........
Has she ever even asked you to help her fix those problems?
Did she ask for your take on what went wrong?
If those two aren't in the picture anymore, I’d be pretty annoyed if I were in her shoes dealing with you trying to step in. Your friend isn't perfect. Look, forget her flaws for a second. You're already calling her arrogant, and now you're going to lecture her on how she can have a great love life and basically save her from herself. 🤣
Does that not set off a little alarm in your head?
Look, if she asks, be a decent person and a friend—tell her the truth as you see it. If you're stuck between a yes or no, when she brings it up, just ask her straight out if she wants support or if she's ready for some brutal honesty. Then respect whatever she says. People will still get their feelings hurt, but hopefully, real friendship matters more than a bruised ego (and it pays to be tactful but direct).
Otherwise, you just look like the "friend" who's convinced she knows what's best for everyone else and is now going to tell this woman how to live her life. She's fifty. Since when are you the authority on her romantic life? I mean, you get me—dumping unsolicited advice on someone is basically acting superior to them, and that's something people generally hate.
Personally, it would drive me insane if a friend tried to dictate what I should or shouldn't do in my own life. I have zero tolerance for people who try to play boss over their social circle.
If you're her friend, then just be her friend, even if she keeps making the same stupid mistakes forever. It's not your job to fix her (even in some crazy hypothetical world where you actually had the power to do so. Let's be real—you don't. You aren't going to "save" her by pointing out her flaws. You can't help; she's the only one who can help herself if she decides she needs it). Your only real choice is deciding whether or not you want to hang out with someone like that. If you do, be a friend, not a mother.
And if you're really itching to "explain" her mistakes to her, I suggest you at least ask if she even wants to hear your opinion first. Or wait until her next venting session about her current guy; if she's coming to you for advice then, just give it to her straight.