Getting stuck in impossible relationships
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Nicholas Moore2 said:For the sake of actually keeping this conversation going, let's stick to our forum handles... mine is Nicholas Moore2!
My last "case" happened over the last month and went something like this: he shows me he's interested, and I feel the same way. We spend an evening out at a concert, laughing our heads off, having a blast. We kiss at the end of the night and go our separate ways. Two days later, he surprises me by asking me out for coffee. During the date, I'm cracking jokes, trying way too hard to be cool, nonchalant, funny, whatever... he’s getting totally confused because nothing makes sense, but he kisses me again at the end. Later that day, I text him to see if he wants to grab a drink, and he says yes. A few days later, I'm out with friends and feeling pretty "festive," so I text him to see if he's out. He says he's out with his crew, so being all "high-spirited," I head to the bar where they are. I think I overdid it there. I ended up following him and his group to another bar, and then he basically sent me home with a couple of other people after giving me a goodbye kiss... instead of taking that as enough, I send him a text asking: "Coming over in 5?" ☕ He didn't reply until much later saying he saw the message too late, and since then, things have gone cold.☕
We hung out one more time over the weekend, where he told me I don't seem sincere and that I don't act like I actually care when we're out. Part of that is true, because I act the exact opposite of how I actually feel... this past weekend he asked me if he was boring me, or if I looked like I was just tolerating him... that's how it looks to him. I want to know how to stop these defense mechanisms, like my fake lack of interest in someone I actually like. 🤷
Personally, I think you went a bit overboard; you're coming on way too strong. If I were in his shoes, I would have felt some serious pressure—first the text, then showing up at the pub, and then another text.🤷
It’s the same thing with when he surprised you for coffee; you really shouldn't have called him for another drink that very same day. It makes a person start to look desperate, or at least that’s how it would look to me.🤷