Feeling torn between people
in Psychology & Therapy ·
dustyranger64 said:I honestly don't see the issue here. Being close to your folks is great, but dude... what’s the ultimate "mission" for any man or woman? It's moving out and building your own family.
What's the whole point of parenting? It's raising kids who are capable and independent—people who can handle whatever life throws at them and eventually start their own lives.
Seriously, I don't get why you're even overthinking this. Your place is with your wife and your kid. Your parents either have to accept it or they "lose" a son. There isn't some middle ground.
The stuff they're demanding from you is borderline pathological. When they start throwing around ultimatums like that? That's rock bottom.
Just tell them straight: your place is with the woman you chose and the child you're raising. They can either be a positive part of your life or they can go jump in a lake. Just because they raised you doesn't mean they get to wreck your life.
Don't try to play nice or sugarcoat it. Stop trying to balance this crap, man up, and just do what needs to be done!
🙏🙏
I dealt with something similar with my ex—he just couldn't emotionally detach, and he kept dragging it out until everything finally snapped.
His mother actually told me once, "You just want him all to yourself." Look, a mother is a mother, but a wife is a wife—there's supposed to be a distinction there.
Besides, where does it say a wife and her mother-in-law actually have to get along? It's honestly a shame your mother isn't the only one in a relationship, because you have a right to your own life too.
You don't really have a long-term future with your parents; your future is with your wife and children—assuming that's what you want. And I guess the same logic should apply to her parents. It really comes down to how much they interfere in your marriage. Whether or not they "love" you isn't the point; what matters is how she treats you.
Personally, I would never let my parents disrespect or belittle my partner. It has to be mutual. If it isn't, then things are off from the very start.
Ask yourself if you'll actually be happy if you stay stuck living under their thumb. And honestly, the fact that you're unemployed shouldn't change the principle of the matter. I don't want to sound harsh, but you might need to move past the parental attachment. Blackmail isn't love. And hey, if the marriage fails even after you make this choice, at least you'll know you tried and that the issue lies elsewhere.
The best move is to create some distance and set clear boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable. Others have to respect those lines and adjust. Good luck.