Posts by Ryan Mendoza

rustygardener36 said:I finally walked out. My family basically drove me to my breaking point because they kept pushing me away just because I’m not the type to go out and start fights or lose my cool constantly. Honestly? It got to a dark place where I felt like I might actually snap and hurt them. So, I'm moving in with my girlfriend. I wouldn't choose this way, but for now, it's the only move left on the board. She's a little overwhelmed right now, so I need to sit down and talk things through with her. As for my folks, they told me straight up that they're disowning me and don't want to see my face again. We'll see how things play out. In three days, I'm heading over to her place to start this new life with her.

I get it—believe me, I’ve watched myself transform from a pretty level-headed guy into someone much harder to deal with. The important thing is to try and reel yourself back in while you still can, because once that threshold is crossed, it just gets harder and harder to turn things around.

I'm moving in with my wife. I wouldn't choose this as my first move, but for now, it's the only way to make things work. She's finally starting to see sense after we sat down and talked through some things, but as for my parents... they told me they're washing their hands of me and don't want to see me anymore. We'll see how things play out. In three days, I'll be settling in with her and my kid.

I'm glad you're going to be with your child—it'll be better for you to be there, even if I know it won't be easy living under those circumstances. But an easy life isn't worth much if you don't have the most important thing by your side, which in your case is your kid. It's good that your wife is softening up a bit, though I am sorry about your parents. If I could offer one bit of advice, don't write them off just yet. Just give them some space to cool down—they'll probably come around eventually.
I think I'm done weighing in on this particular topic, but I wanted to wish you the best. Hopefully, one day everyone can find a better way to connect and move past this. 🙂

rustygardener36, how’s the stock market looking these days?
Tell us a little more about yourself and the kid—when are you actually going to see them? Can you even picture a life without the little one? Hang in there... and don't let that kid grow up without a father.

Is there any way to actually delete a thread I started?

crimsoncanyon2 said:They really need to shut them down—and they should do it using your exact words. 🙏
👍

🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 I couldn't agree more—and honestly, if you look at the big picture here, it’s pretty obvious this guy is failing on all fronts. He’s a total failure as a parent, just as much as he is as a husband (which, by the way, seems to run in the family—he's just following in his parents' footsteps)...
And honestly? I have a sneaking suspicion you might actually be onto something here...

I hate to say this if it rubs you the wrong way, but it might be better for you to just stay quiet and stop weighing in on this thread. Can't you see the guy is being torn apart? He's caught between his parents and a wife who is threatening him with the exact same ultimatum
It’s not surprising that it hurts to think a child might lose their father, but I am surprised you’ve jumped to the conclusion that he’s a bad father just because he’s trapped between two fires. As for what kind of husband he is—well, we aren't in a position to judge, nor is it really our place since we aren't his wife, his child, or his family. I don't quite get your criticism here, especially since he clearly stated he doesn't want to lose his wife—and didn't you notice she was throwing the same threats at him that his parents are?

rustygardener36—it's incredibly sad, and I truly feel for you being in this spot. The child is the most vulnerable person in this whole mess, and you're the father. Kids struggle without a dad, and you'd likely struggle without your kid. You need to sit down and ask yourself what your core values actually are. I can see how devastating the thought of life without your parents or your wife is, but both sides have put you in an impossible position by demanding you abandon the people you love
Have you tried explaining to your parents and your wife the actual toll their demands are taking on you? Sometimes things are staring us right in the face, but we can't see them through the fog of being hurt, insulted, or just plain overwhelmed

Chris Williams said:You would have chosen a partner if you weren't so terrified of losing that penthouse, but you simply won't. I suppose you have these existential anxieties about being able to provide for a family, and it seems your parents are keeping you under their thumb. If you were mine and were being controlled by your parents—if staying safe mattered more to you than standing by me and our child—I would leave you without a second thought. It all points to the same thing: regardless of your age, you haven't actually grown up. Mentally, you're still just a child.

So, Mom is going to be hurt... well, let her be, she earned it. She isn't thinking about you; if she actually were, she’d be helping you get on your feet. She would want to love your child, her own grandchild, and wish nothing but the best for that little life that is a part of you. She would do everything to make you independent so you could finally break free from her shadow. Instead of giving you wings or offering that penthouse rent-free without meddling in your business, you're essentially cutting your own legs off so you can't escape her, letting her manipulate you with old grievances that she claims are your fault. It's a way of emasculating you and keeping you infantile. It’s selfish, egocentric, and frankly, twisted.

There isn't much to contemplate here; at first glance, it is perfectly clear which decision is wise, which decision the heart would dictate, and what is human versus what is cowardly and selfish on your part. In your case, even considering suicide feels like an act of cowardice and selfishness. You find things so difficult... poor you... it's just easier for you to stay with them. Man, you don't seem to give a single thought to how your wife feels, or to that child, or to how those two will manage alone without a man there to protect and care for them.

Child or man—it doesn't really matter. The crux of this story is that both the parents and the wife are forcing him to choose and demand he cut people out of his life.

she's manipulating him with old wounds she claims are his fault, stripping him of his agency and treating him like a child. It's selfish, egocentric, and twisted....

I don't disagree with that, but the wife isn't exactly providing much support either (rustygardener36, I'm not saying she's useless—I realize she's probably confused, depressed, and stressed, so it's hard for her to act any differently—but when I say "not much support," I mean she's making the same mistake as the parents by demanding he renounce the people he cares about) if she's pushing for the same thing they are.
And you aren't exactly helping him find his backbone by calling him a weakling or a coward, either. Did it ever cross your mind that this guy is actually trying to fix things—for himself, for his kid, for his marriage, and for his parents?

There isn't much to debate here—at first glance, it’s pretty obvious what the smart move is versus what the heart wants. It’s clear what’s decent and what’s just being selfish and cowardly on your part. Honestly, even considering suicide in your situation feels like a cowardly, selfish way out. You’re just focused on how hard it is for *you*... poor you... how much better life is when they're around... Man, you really don't seem to give a damn about your wife, or that child, or how those two are supposed to manage without a man there to protect them and provide for them.

Maybe he wouldn't be thinking about taking his own life if his wife and parents hadn't backed him into such a merciless corner in the first place.

Sophia Ross53, I am so incredibly sorry.😘 I'll be sending you a quick little message shortly.

frozenotter72 said:Listen, Dana Wilson33, I know things are rough right now—really rough—but you’ve got this. Hang in there.
Life is just too precious—every single minute we get to spend with the people we love most feels like a genuine blessing. Every night, I find myself thanking God that my aunt is still here with me, and I find myself praying He’ll grant us just a little more time together.
Look, we all stumble sometimes—that’s just life—so you’ve definitely come to the right place. Honestly, I’m an absolute pro at venting and complaining, and my friends have developed an incredible amount of patience dealing with me over the years. Seriously, shoot me a message; we can sit here and commiserate together.

I just felt like sharing my favorite little saying with you all: "La vita è bella." Life is beautiful.
Hang in there.

Allaur, thanks for your kind words. And look, I really appreciate you offering to listen, but I’m going to have to pass—I don't want to end up hurting anyone with my aimless, sometimes negative headspace. I've already caused enough people grief that way. Still, thank you so much.🙂

Angela Wright said:Why on earth would I go and get myself hurt?

It’s because, despite how much I struggle to find any real sense in this all, I still haven't quite convinced myself that every single life is utterly worthless—and even if I did eventually fall for that kind of nihilism, I certainly wouldn't be out here trying to sell it to anyone else. And then there’s God—someone I don't believe in anymore, yet I still find myself missing Him. I know a little bit about you. By the way, I'm Dunav, though I actually forgot my password for the Dunav account. 🤷 I often find myself forgetting...
I know you lost your mother. And look, I’m well aware there are countless people out there struggling—some of them dealing with far more than I ever have. There are people who are profoundly grateful just to be breathing, people who would give anything to stay here. I see them all the time, even children. That’s why I can't stand my own bouts of ingratitude. It’s also why I could never, ever dare to suggest that anyone else's life is worthless—because I don't believe they are.
And look, I know how incredibly brutal it is—watching someone you love go through hell while you're just standing there, feeling completely powerless to do anything about it. That’s exactly why it was so hard for me to sit down and write something like that.
I honestly have no idea how people like you manage to endure the pain, though I know firsthand just how much it hurts to be in that position. Because of that, I really didn't want to come across as cold or heartless.

At the end of the day, we’re all essentially trapped inside our own skin—navigating this life solo—but that doesn't mean we have to stay isolated. We can find support out there, and honestly, we deserve to have it.

I don't know if anyone actually deserves anything—life isn't exactly fair like that—but I get what you were trying to say. Honestly, thank you so much for everything you've shared. I also wanted to let you know that I think what you’ve done here is truly beautiful and incredibly kind. It's clear to me that your posts have helped a lot of people find a little bit of comfort when they needed it most.

Try logging into the Association's forum—plenty of patients post there. I’m convinced it might give you some extra motivation, and maybe point out a few nuances you haven't noticed yet (it seems to me you're a woman, 🙂).

Thanks, but I can't. I tried talking to people close to me, but it didn't work out for various reasons. That's why I ended up here, though it was honestly hard to make the decision to actually say something here, too. I don't intend to keep writing here, but I'm truly grateful you replied to me.
Maybe I'll change my mind one day.🙂

brisksurfer said:While my dad was sick, I was right there with him, going to every single hospital for tests and scans, and I can understand how just that alone can make a person lose their will to keep going. Of course, I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to be going through chemo and radiation, so I don't think anyone should be judged if they decide to stop treatment... but there's something else—after an awful surgery and radiation, Dad found out he had to do chemo. I remember it like it was yesterday, how he told us he'd had enough of everything and that he would only continue treatment because of us. I can't even imagine how I would have felt if he had told me then that he was giving up.
He fought until the very last second... after he passed, I was devastated and cried every single day—but what keeps playing over and over in my head is that he REALLY, REALLY wanted to live, that he didn't give up, and that since he had to leave, I shouldn't waste my own life...😢

Anyway, I hope that gives you at least a little motivation to keep going. I wish you so much luck.😘

I am so incredibly sorry that your father suffered and that you had to go through all that pain. I hope that motivation never leaves you.🙂

slyseal28 said:I started posting here because of my husband, and through that, I met Angela Wright and a few others, and we founded the "A New Day" Association for those fighting cancer, their families, and friends. We try to help others who find themselves in our shoes—trying to push for changes, trying to spread the kind of information patients and their families actually need, and things like that... and we just hope that some things will eventually change...

I think you've created something truly beautiful. I hope it never stops.🙂 It's clear you mean a lot to a great number of people.

Thank you all for the comforting words. I wanted to come by during the Christmas season to wish you all happy holidays, but I couldn't remember my password for the site. So instead, I just want to wish you all strength, comfort, and peace... to all of you and your loved ones.
I was feeling pretty lonely and pretty down when I finally bit the bullet and decided to write my first post. Thanks for getting back to me—to all of you who replied, and to everyone else just passing through—and I want to wish you all a happy Easter. I really hope things start looking up for all of you. 🙂