Posts by ambersailor85

brightbadger54 said:"Reason" is a pretty subjective term. The actual issue here is selfishness.

See? You’ve even managed to find a justification for your own selfishness so you don't have to help those who actually need it. It seems everyone is selfish, and some people go as far as creating excuses just to maintain that selfishness. Personally, I think it's perfectly normal to help someone in need. 🙂

So, what does "helping" actually look like to you? What's the criteria?
Like, handing some $0.67 change to a guy on the street, or something bigger?

Think about this: you're in a Target parking lot and some guy approaches you saying, "Hey, give me $6.75, and I'll watch your car while you shop."

If you don't hand over the cash, you know your car isn't exactly safe. Is that guy being "selfless" in that moment? Not really.🙂

And honestly, when you look at those massive foundations the ultra-wealthy set up—it’s rarely about pure altruism. It's usually just a way to boost their own brand and rake in even more money through all that "good guy" PR.

Drew Flores3 said:Indifference is a tricky word... what you're really looking for isn't being selfish, it's more about non-attachment.

Honestly, indifference is just selfishness in disguise—being indifferent about helping someone out or lending a hand is pretty much the same thing.🙂

feralranger said:ambersailor85, while I can't say I particularly care for your blatant selfishness, I will at least grant you this: you are honest about it.

It seems to me that most people are far too prone to living in a sort of bubble of delusion, constantly peddling this idea of "self-love" as if it were somehow distinct from pure narcissism...

This is precisely why we are bombarded by endless commercials that wrap up with those vacuous slogans like "Because you're worth it," or some other such nonsense. We are encouraged to suppress any awareness of our own egoism, a little psychological trick that serves the consumerist machine perfectly well...

Your take actually reminded me of that one episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Hal goes to one of those motivational seminars filled with totally insecure people.
When someone hits you twenty times with "you can do it" or "this is waiting for you," it's a total scam—just like those late-night calls for free dinners, insurance agents, psychics, or weight loss pills.

More and more ads address you directly as "you"—mostly because psychologists behind the campaigns realized how desperate people feel when they aren't the center of attention. It gives them this little ego boost when an ad tells them, "you deserve this," or "treat yourself and your family."

At the end of the day, anyone who claims to "love themselves" is being selfish—true self-love pretty much blows right past any idea of being selfless or altruistic.

I bet even spiritual leaders are just as selfish, too—they act like they're somehow above the rest of us. Honestly, pretty much any religion does the same thing.

feralranger said:I implore you, please, attempt to draw a clear line between practicing self-love and acting out of pure selfishness. Try to provide a definition that is actually universal and objectively grounded...

That’s a Sisyphus task right there. 🙂 There isn't some magic theory to debunk the idea that loving yourself automatically makes you selfish. It's like people think if you care about yourself, everyone else instantly drops to second—or even fiftieth—place. On the flip side, "unselfish" people often just don't love themselves; they end up being masochists or just passive, basically born to suffer. You see this a lot with super religious types who lose their sense of judgment because they're convinced that being selfless is the only way to reach something better.

Selfless people are always the ones making mistakes—they're always there for you, ready to drop everything, but then they hit an emotional breaking point when they're alone. 😁 A selfless person usually just doesn't know how to take charge of their own life. They'll pick up the phone every single time, even though in this day and age, 90% of calls are just people looking out for their own interests. 😁

Do you honestly think a materialist stumbles into wealth by pure accident? As far as I can tell, we're all just grinding to get what we want. Even heirs to massive fortunes have to grow up a bit selfishly just to protect what they own. It’s funny how the wealthy and famous suddenly find themselves surrounded by a ton of "friends" out of nowhere. 🙂

Sandra Parker3 said:but let's be real, that isn't called being selfless, 😁
it's just weakness.

Selfless people are basically trophies for every egoist out there! 🙂

It's hardly a trophy if you pick it up without breaking a sweat.

It'll mean whatever they happen to need at that exact second, whether it's cash or just a kind gesture.
I assume you haven't watched this?

They didn't say "materialist," they said "wealthy."

The only way to get through to them is if you:

🙄

That's what true selflessness looks like—when you actually step back and say yes to someone else's request or idea.

Finding a selfless person in life is a huge win because, let's face it, most people are pretty selfish.
A wealthy person is a materialist. They’ve basically built their whole life around acquiring things. They live by that Ford philosophy of "having." To them, having is being.

Then there's the poor person—for them, "being" is just a hollow consolation prize they use as a lifelong philosophy. Since they can't have anything, they lean into it; instead of venting about wanting to be rich, they'd rather play the part of the idealist or the altruist.

But honestly, that person carries the same frustrations as the selfless one. Usually, being broke and being selfless go hand in hand.

Richard Wells said:I wasn't even thinking about wealthy people while I was typing, but let's just pretend I was so I can throw a similar question back at you... If you hand a rich guy more cash, it won't mean a thing to him in that moment. But if you give him a hug or do something genuinely kind from the heart—something he doesn't have to pay for—will that actually matter to him? Will he actually feel it?

To a true materialist, a hug doesn't mean much—let's face it, most people who climb to the top aren't doing it by being warm and fuzzy with everyone they meet. But the real headache? It's the broke materialists. 🤣 They're just fueled by frustration, envy, and pure bitterness.

Think about the pool cleaners, gardeners, or house staff working for those big-money families.
They're always there, but they're never really "part of the family." And still, people try to tip them extra, acting like, "Oh, he's just a poor Mexican or Cuban guy who wouldn't have anything back home, so my extra $100 will really help him out."

In my book, the only thing that would actually touch a wealthy person is if you saved them from a massive financial blunder—like warning them about a risky investment right before they go bust. That's the only time they'd feel truly lucky. Everything else—hugs, gifts, cleaning the pool, baking muffins, mowing the lawn, driving the kids to school—it all just feels trivial to them.

But if you actually pull them back from the edge of bankruptcy? Now we're talking. That's when a wealthy person might actually feel genuine joy and gratitude, and honestly, that's one of the few selfless acts that matters to them. Though, hey, a massive reward might follow that, too. 😉

Since you can buy basically anyone these days, wealthy people find very little interesting and almost nothing catches their eye.

The only way to really get through to them is if you:

- Save or grow their wealth with solid advice
- Save their life as a doctor or pharmacist
- Pull them from a wreck or a drowning accident
- Save their kids or parents—since they probably don't value them that much anyway
- Or maybe save their dog.

Richard Wells said:Man, I read way too much stuff on here sometimes 😁
Like this whole idea of equating self-love with being selfish 😳 Or even the notion that selfishness is what drives us while altruism just holds us back 🙄 It’s such a blatant flip of common sense in today’s world, but let me try to address it without sounding like I'm lecturing everyone... What if someone's "self-love" is actually over the top and constantly stepping on other people's toes? That's just straight-up selfishness. Real self-love stays within your own lane and doesn't mess with anyone else's space. And what if a person genuinely loves themselves and finds pure joy in giving to others without expecting a thing in return? Are they stupid? Naive? Fine... people will take advantage of them, but whose fault is that really? Who's actually losing out here? I guess the solution is to either stop giving or start calculating every single move just to stay "protected." We've just reached a point where we can't feel a single emotion without using a calculator 🙄

Welcome 😁

If someone claims they love themselves but starts messing with other people's lives, it usually just looks like jealousy or having too much empty time on their hands to watch everyone else. The whole point is that Selfishness is basically narcissism—just ignoring everyone else. Once you actually care about how people feel or find yourself doing what people ask or demand, you aren't being Selfish anymore.

Those "philanthropists" you're talking about—probably those ultra-wealthy types who set up big foundations just to donate later—I call that cleaning your conscience. You probably had to step on a few people to get that rich in the first place. Because when you look at it, the most valuable thing anyone can give you is something material; it's what actually takes care of your life.

If you give a hug to a guy outside a Walmart, it won't change his life much, but if you drop $250,000 on him so he can get an apartment and eat well, I'm thinking he'll be a lot happier. 🙂

Sandra Parker3 said:+

So, do you think selfless people should see a therapist? It seems to me 🤣
btw, I don't think anyone actually fits perfectly into a box; nobody is entirely selfish or entirely selfless all the time, it’s just that our actions lean one way or the other more than others.

I think it's healthier to be selfish, because nothing beats loving yourself.

Drew Flores3 already pointed this out, but it's worth repeating... selfishness and self-love aren't the same thing, so you can't just use them interchangeably.

Selfless people really ought to try therapy—specifically that movie trope where they smash a vase and yell "enough is enough!" 😁 Being selfless usually goes hand-in-hand with being a pushover. You get these people who are always running errands for everyone else; if someone calls or asks for a favor, they just can't say no because they "don't want to hurt feelings." It's those types who genuinely don't know how to receive anything, even if they haven't realized it yet, but they're constantly giving.

The way I see it, a selfless person can never say no when someone asks, begs, or even demands something. The second you push back, you're suddenly looking out for yourself—which is actually fine.

A selfless person ends up carrying a lot of internal frustration, because it eats at them that they can't just say "no" and finally grab something for themselves in this world. They turn bitter, even if they stay selfless, and it just gnaws at them until they develop an inferiority complex and start second-guessing every decision they make.

To me, a selfless person is like that kid in elementary school who lets a bully take his snack or lunch money; he gives it away, but it kills him inside because he's left hungry and broke, while some teacher or parent fails to teach him how to stand up for himself. That's when they finally realize that being Selfish is actually a healthy trait.

I've always found the statement "Oh, he's such an egoist, he only thinks about himself" hilarious. I honestly don't see what's so bad about it—at least you're living straight, standing for something, fighting for what you want, and not harboring resentment because someone took advantage of you.

Selfless people are basically trophies for every egoist out there! 🙂

Quick test for you guys: how much of a pushover are you? 🙂
Can someone please translate this into English for me? And not through some cheap online translator. Whoever actually does it can truly claim to be selfless, because I might need this translation for a specific purpose and I need someone to translate this whole post from start to finish. 🙂 I need it by 6 PM tomorrow. 🙂 Since I'm being Selfish and looking out for myself, I'm making various requests and presenting them so you all can do them as efficiently, quickly, and high-quality as possible. 🙂

Drew Flores3 said:It doesn't include anything. Honestly, it's built entirely on leaving people out! 👍

see u soon

So how do you handle that exclusion phase? Like, does it just mean being indifferent? 🙂

Drew Flores3 said:I mean, it's kind of his own fault if he doesn't want to go out... "total couch potato."

p.s. I absolutely adore cats. I've had three come my way over the years, and last summer, three of them decided to move into my pantry! So right now, I've got one energetic guy (about 3 years old), plus a brother and sister duo who are only a year old. They are definitely going to take over the whole neighborhood soon. 👍

Cats are pretty cool too—I had a kitten once but he disappeared 😢 He had this cough and stuff, so I'm not sure what happened, probably didn't make it since he hated being out on the street. 😢 He was such a trip, though. Used to set little ambushes and pounce on me all the time when he was tiny. 🙂

Drew Flores3 said:based on how you see things
there’s really nothing wrong with it, provided you learn something from it

.....my bad, I thought we were talking about spiritual stuff, and this materialistic angle totally flies over my head, sorry

What's even the alternative to that typical American worldview? And what does that actually look like?

Drew Flores3 said:...just a few more thoughts on being selfish...

Owners are always looking out for themselves—they just want their own entertainment. They don't give a damn about a poor kitty who’s gonna be spending the night all alone. 😢

Drew Flores3 said:selfishness and self-love aren't even remotely the same thing

you sound pretty Americanized (in a bad way)

Pashko 👍

p.s. it shows you're the youngest sibling, but that's not a bad thing, you just didn't learn the lesson yet 😉

What makes you think I'm "Americanized"? And honestly, what's so bad about being the youngest in my family?

I'd say there's actually a huge connection between selfishness and self-love—especially when you look at it through that materialistic lens.

Peter Phillips32 said:Are you seriously trying to sell me this "wisdom" or just making stuff up as you go?

But I guess then you'd be stripping away the dignity of a man who eats off the ground.

Honestly, since I clean my floors pretty often, I end up eating most of the stuff that falls down anyway. And frankly, I couldn't care less what you think about my "dignity."

Any kind of dropping or wasting food carries a mark of rudeness, regardless of which faith you follow.

That has absolutely nothing to do with being part of some organized group or whatever "religious affiliation" you're clinging to, so since you're such an expert, why don't you go ahead and name one single religion where they explicitly state that "dropping food" is a specific mark of rudeness?

unrefined eating is somehow a universal flaw.

You clearly don't grasp what you're saying if you think culture is this universal thing, so either you actually believe "unrefined eating is a universal flaw," or you're just such a massive egoist that you've decided every messy eater in existence is a universal failure?

Watch out you don't pass gas near yourself, especially while you're eating...

It turns out the only way to preserve your dignity is by feeding someone else, and having them feed you.

That doesn't "turn out" to be true; it's just a nonsense theory you cook up when your logic is failing and you have to start inventing fluff to fill the gaps.

If you drop things from a height, you'll surely make a mess and the food lands on unclean ground.

I don't mind getting messy, and neither does the "absolute being." In fact, he actually appreciates my resourcefulness. It’s only you—and just you—who gets bothered by getting messy while eating or having food land on "non-sterile" ground.

What about sandwiches or fast food products? We don't eat those with a spoon. 🤣

Who is "we"? Speak for yourself.

So, does opening up a new McDonald's or a Burger King actually kill off traditional beliefs or something? 😉

Good grief, here we go again with another one who thinks just playing the system is some kind of substitute for actually using their brain... 🤦

A lot of religions talk about wastefulness—you eat properly at the table, with family, without making a circus out of your meal. Religions always teach that there are people out there who aren't lucky enough to have a meal at all.

Rude eating is definitely bad manners, just like anything else you do while eating—like burping or smacking your lips.

Roger Nelson5 said:Selfishness has basically become a lifestyle brand these days.
When people start preaching that being selfish is actually a virtue, it’s honestly like they’re saying Big Brother is the ultimate life coach.

If you want to understand how we got to this level of narcissism in the 20th century, there isn't a better breakdown than this:
The Century of the Self

Seriously, go watch it along with the rest of Adam Curtis's documentaries. You won't regret spending the time.

It's a long one—I think it's listed at about 240 minutes—but hey, the whole thing is sitting right there on YouTube for free.

Nowadays, people pretty much equate being selfish with having ambition or "positive" stubbornness. 🙂

Peter Phillips32 said:Christians usually know this silly little parable by heart.

Like, is being selfless the *only* thing that makes someone capable or willing to feed another person from two meters away?

Just because I'm selfish doesn't mean I lose my ability to handle those two-meter rods (and let's call them rods, not chopsticks, they're way too big for that). If I take one end, I could just let the food drop into my mouth from a height of plus two meters (maybe something just flies right in; is there a breeze or what?) and I wouldn't even need to hold the other end. Being selfish doesn't automatically make you stupid; I could find a much more efficient way to eat.

For all I know, why couldn't I just threaten to beat someone over the head with my rods if they didn't feed me?
Man, these simple little stories... reminds me of some nonsense my elementary school teacher used to tell us about faith. "When you cross the street, you lead with faith that you'll make it." Yeah, really! I thought you checked left and right first, which is leading with actual knowledge.

"Souls in Hell"? And "What do you think about people who only care about themselves?" — please. If people like that actually existed, the world wouldn't be such a black-and-white way of thinking.

Technically, you could just put the food on the ground; you won't poison yourself, even if you're stuck in eternal chambers. 😁 But I guess that would ruin the dignity of a person eating off the floor. Any kind of dropping or landing stuff carries a stigma of being rude, regardless of what religion you follow—eating like an animal is pretty much a universal flaw.
It makes it seem like the only way to keep your dignity is to feed each other. If you're dropping stuff from a height, you're definitely going to get messy, and the food ends up hitting dirty ground.

What about sandwiches or fast food? We don't eat those with spoons. 🤣
Does that mean opening a McDonald's or a Burger King somehow invalidates religious beliefs? 😉

hiddenhawk3 said:I think being selfish is actually healthier, I guess.🤷

You can't really love someone else if you haven't learned how to love yourself and set boundaries first.🤷

A person can't just keep giving, otherwise they'll probably burn out way too fast.🤷

I feel like being selfish is actually the healthier route, because nothing beats that self-love feeling. Everything else should be based on what people earn.😁 If you don't have some Schengen-level security in your own life, you just end up getting walked all over.

Selfishness might get a bad rap, but 😁 it's what drives us—it gives you that edge, that competitive spark, and actual strength. Being naive just keeps you stuck exactly where you started.

I suspect someone who is purely selfless had to go through some rough stuff to become that way. You've got bad people who act selfless just to quiet their conscience, but I think those types are usually just indifferent or depressed—it’s like trying to hold onto sand as it slips through your fingers.

It's just human nature, really—once we see an opportunity to gain something, we want to squeeze every bit of potential out of it.

Take me, for example—growing up with older siblings meant there was always this constant competition to get my fair share, even when I was just a kid. I always made sure to look out for my own interests. They were all competing against each other, too.

The real issue is when everything comes too easy... you lose that drive to fight, whether it's for survival, status, or social standing. It makes things way too effortless.

Michelle Rodriguez said:Be selfish when no one is watching, but act selfless when the spotlight is on. We have to consider social perception because that's exactly what defines "what is better for the individual." Every person is also a unique entity capable of finding satisfaction in how society views them.

I assume we're talking about general altruism rather than how we treat our inner circle. If that's the case, in today's world, it feels like selfless equals naive plus foolish. It’s unfortunate. There are far too many people who won't appreciate your kindness and will gladly stab you in the back the moment they need something from you.

Spot on. 😁 It really depends on the crowd you hang out with in your neck of the woods, but individually, we're all just chasing our own wins, satisfaction, and progress.

There used to be this saying that the crazy and the kind are brothers. I feel the same way about selflessness—honestly, anyone with a decent sense of self-worth is probably more valuable than someone who's just being selfless to mask deep insecurities.

Why does this happen? There are plenty of reasons—how parents raised us, feeling like an outcast during school years, or just getting burned by dating.😁

Money plays such a massive role in everything, too. Once money enters a circle of friends, those friendships usually vanish—though, let's be real, they probably weren't even real to begin with. 🤣 Money just gave them a reason to stop pretending.

And then there's that whole "survival of the fittest" vibe that runs through society.

hiddenhawk3 said:I guess I have a soft spot for the selfless types😍

They're pretty rare, and honestly, they usually seem to be the smarter ones too🙂

So, what works out better for you personally: being selfish or being selfless? Assuming nobody else is watching or judging.
In my book, being selfless doesn't automatically make someone a "good" person—it can actually make them pretty naive, to be honest.

Sandra Parker3 said:Look, I'm just saying that being selfish doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid; in fact, quite often it's the exact opposite, as people can be incredibly clever when they're plotting ways to look out for themselves at everyone else's expense—which, if I had to guess, is basically the textbook definition of selfishness.
So, they’re basically assuming there’s going to be some level of interaction or cooperation—maybe even giving a little something up just to score big in the end. Bingo.

Sandra Parker3 said:

Look, when someone is just fundamentally selfish and greedy, the second they realize you aren't useful to them anymore, they’re going to stop showing you any kind of loyalty. 🙂

I mean, it can't be right, but honestly, I have no clue how that even fits into the whole story.

Sandra Parker3

If Person A is holding a spoon full of food and Person B has nothing, you can bet your life Person A isn't thinking, "Hey, I'll share this with them, and then they'll return the favor later." Maybe. I’d rather just eat with my own spoon later.

If he calculates that he’s going to need it, he’ll provide it—he'll just make sure there's a solid "gentleman's agreement" in place to ensure he gets it back. But honestly, he'll pay it back, interest and all, without any of that "maybe" nonsense.

Sandra Parker3

It just comes down to this deep-seated mistrust, greed, and constant suspicion.

It’s all great on paper, but let’s be real: those three will always work together to push their own "greater good" agendas. Criminals are usually the first ones to team up, and you can bet there's plenty of self-interest driving the whole thing.

Selfish people are usually pretty dim—they show their hand way too fast and become obvious almost immediately. 🤣 Being resourceful is different, though; that doesn't have to be selfish. A truly savvy person might actually use their talents to help everyone else out. 😉

Here's the definition of selfishness:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfishness

Selfishness or Narcissus behavior (from the French *égoïsme*; from Greek/Latin *ego* = I) refers to "self-centered conduct." A Narcissus claims more freedom for themselves than they allow for anyone else. The core of selfishness is using double standards and having zero regard for the Golden Rule.
Selfishness is usually used negatively as a synonym for rude or inconsiderate behavior. The term describes chasing personal interests while ignoring what others need and not caring if your actions hurt people. In this context, selfishness is criticized as the direct opposite of altruism and solidarity.
On the flip side, some argue that true altruism can only happen once you've secured your own well-being—kind of like how the first rule of CPR is to make sure you don't get hurt yourself, or like that famous verse: "Love your neighbor as yourself" (e.g., Leo 19:18,34; Mt 22:39).