Posts by analogseal322

So, I basically set some ground rules with my inner circle early on—letting them know that sometimes I just need silence. I told them straight up: don't try to fix me or offer unsolicited advice, just please have some patience while I ride out these episodes. I never really expected them to "get it" or pull me out of the dark spots—I mostly just asked them to sit there with me while I worked through another crying spell, another panic attack, or those heavy, dark thoughts. From day one, I knew this was a solo mission—something I’d have to tackle myself, using my doctor's guidance and my meds. Though, honestly? My therapist was probably the biggest lifesaver of the bunch.
I’m just incredibly grateful they’re in my corner. They’re honest with me and they back me up, but I don't expect them to carry my darkness for me. When things were at their absolute worst, they were right there whenever I needed them—just breathing with me, listening, and telling me to hang in there for one more day. And then one more after that. Thankfully, nobody ever ran out of patience.
I'm so glad I'm doing better now—off the meds and finally finding my stride. I can breathe. Maybe not with full lungs just yet, but I'm getting there. One step at a time.

Great topic 🙂

Honestly—I mostly feel that "brokenness" when it comes to my social life, especially during big nights out or large gatherings. That’s when the anxiety kicks in and the fear starts—it's just really hard to unwind. If things get too overwhelming, I just head home. My friends accept it; they don't always totally get it, but they respect it. When it's just a few people—especially close ones—it's much easier to manage. They know what I'm dealing with. During the worst part of it, they really stepped up for me. That acute phase lasted about three months, and it took another six before I could actually laugh again. Luckily, I have people in my corner who understand. But sometimes communication is tough—I tend to retreat into myself and isolate. I'm not as open as I used to be, and making new connections isn't nearly as easy as it once was.

On the flip side, struggling with my mental health has forced me to become a bit more self-focused—in a good way. It pushed me to prioritize my own well-being. It taught me how to say "no," how to admit when I'm struggling, and how to actually voice my feelings. It made me realize that I'm not immune to emotional lows, but also that there's always a way out, no matter how dark things look. When those "dark" phases hit, I know I have to ride them out—and I know exactly what steps I need to take to pull myself through, even if it feels impossible at the moment. Plus, I discovered that painting relaxes me more than anything else—which is funny, because I never could draw a straight line in my life! 😁