The topic is solid, so I’ve decided to join the conversation.
I’ve posted before about feeling constantly isolated, but seeing this thread makes me realize I’m far from alone; there are plenty of people here navigating the exact same struggles. Like most of you, I’ve lost significant years of my life to recurring bouts of depression and anxiety. A few people know what I'm dealing with—mostly family and one close friend—but whenever I've tried to open up to anyone else, I usually just hit a wall of misunderstanding. For instance, I met someone through a former college acquaintance. She seemed perfectly fine, so over coffee, I opened up. I explained that when colleagues claim I’m avoiding them, it isn't intentional; I was simply going through a depressive episode where I couldn't leave the house. After that coffee, she vanished. Charming, isn't it? I finally try to break down a barrier only to pick the wrong person. It happens, I suppose... though for me, it seems to happen in almost every area of life.
So, first, there's the social circle—acquaintances and friends. My relationship with my family is complicated, to say the least. I have a boyfriend, but I've told him several times he’d be better off finding someone else, because I honestly don't know if I'll ever stop crying. I feel terrible about it. I fight, but it always comes back. As for empathy, I often find myself overextending and helping others just out of a desperate need to be liked, which usually results in being taken advantage of. I end up alone again, often feeling like a fool. 🙂
Work—heaven help me, I can't imagine dealing with workplace toxicity ever again. That was my breaking point three years ago. I wasn't perfect before then, but since that incident, everything just fell apart.
I used to be active in sports, but I can't manage that now. My heart races, and I'm constantly haunted by the fear that something is going to happen to me. It likely won't, but fear is a difficult thing to shake.
There are silver linings, too. I've started cutting out toxic people whom I used to tolerate, likely out of a fear of rejection. I don't have that problem anymore. I've learned to appreciate the small things that most people overlook; I try to find beauty to offset my internal gloom—the morning sun, a sunset, birdsong, wildflowers, autumn colors, even a gray cloud. I capture all of it with my small camera. In this phase of my life, I'm discovering interests I didn't know I had. Even though it's difficult, I believe in a better tomorrow. I hope that one day, regardless of everything, I might find a circle of people I don't feel the need to run away from.
I’ve posted before about feeling constantly isolated, but seeing this thread makes me realize I’m far from alone; there are plenty of people here navigating the exact same struggles. Like most of you, I’ve lost significant years of my life to recurring bouts of depression and anxiety. A few people know what I'm dealing with—mostly family and one close friend—but whenever I've tried to open up to anyone else, I usually just hit a wall of misunderstanding. For instance, I met someone through a former college acquaintance. She seemed perfectly fine, so over coffee, I opened up. I explained that when colleagues claim I’m avoiding them, it isn't intentional; I was simply going through a depressive episode where I couldn't leave the house. After that coffee, she vanished. Charming, isn't it? I finally try to break down a barrier only to pick the wrong person. It happens, I suppose... though for me, it seems to happen in almost every area of life.
So, first, there's the social circle—acquaintances and friends. My relationship with my family is complicated, to say the least. I have a boyfriend, but I've told him several times he’d be better off finding someone else, because I honestly don't know if I'll ever stop crying. I feel terrible about it. I fight, but it always comes back. As for empathy, I often find myself overextending and helping others just out of a desperate need to be liked, which usually results in being taken advantage of. I end up alone again, often feeling like a fool. 🙂
Work—heaven help me, I can't imagine dealing with workplace toxicity ever again. That was my breaking point three years ago. I wasn't perfect before then, but since that incident, everything just fell apart.
I used to be active in sports, but I can't manage that now. My heart races, and I'm constantly haunted by the fear that something is going to happen to me. It likely won't, but fear is a difficult thing to shake.
There are silver linings, too. I've started cutting out toxic people whom I used to tolerate, likely out of a fear of rejection. I don't have that problem anymore. I've learned to appreciate the small things that most people overlook; I try to find beauty to offset my internal gloom—the morning sun, a sunset, birdsong, wildflowers, autumn colors, even a gray cloud. I capture all of it with my small camera. In this phase of my life, I'm discovering interests I didn't know I had. Even though it's difficult, I believe in a better tomorrow. I hope that one day, regardless of everything, I might find a circle of people I don't feel the need to run away from.