Posts by crimsonbadger25

Even if I actually started putting in the work, I have a feeling I'd just slip back into my old habits after a day or two...

Honestly, music is the only thing that makes me feel alive. I used to take singing lessons—really leaned into it—until my wife bluntly told me I had zero talent and should just stop wasting my time. That absolutely crushed me. I genuinely believed singing was my one true calling, my singular gift. Turns out, I don’t have any talents at all. I know, it sounds dramatic, but I’m sensitive—what might be a passing comment to someone else felt like a total demolition of my identity. And if I don't have that one thing, what am I supposed to do with my life? Nothing else interests me. I have no desire to grind away at some soul-crushing job that holds zero passion for me. It feels like my career prospects are dead on arrival. Even though I’m a solid student—pulling A's and B's without much trouble—it all feels pretty pointless right now. To be honest, I’ve been reading up online, and I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of personality disorder. I don't know... maybe I'm just beyond help? I'm even questioning if seeing a psychiatrist would actually change anything. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Even when I get a great grade on an exam, the high lasts for a second before everything sinks back into that same gray void. How am I supposed to focus on "positive thinking" or "personal growth" when absolutely nothing else in this world catches my interest? 😢

Oh, sure, I’m just completely talentless. There isn't a single thing in this world I can actually get right—which, honestly, is pretty depressing. When I see everyone else being so incredibly capable at things while I just flounder? Yeah, I'll admit it... I feel a massive wave of jealousy.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone would actually miss it—except maybe my parents, though even with them, I can't exactly say everything that's on my mind... I realized I forgot to mention that I’ve never actually been in a relationship, either. And if I'm being brutally honest with myself? I don't think I have any real friends. It feels more like I have "acquaintances" who just take advantage of me—something I'm painfully aware of at this point. I know it’s fine to daydream once in a while, but for me, it's become a bit too much. I find myself projecting onto these characters from movies—you know the type—and then I start wanting to *be* them. I want to look like them, act like them, live like them... it's a bit much, isn't it? :S

Hey. I'm 18. My issue is that I have absolutely no clue what to do with my life—honestly, there are moments where I regret even being alive. I know people say I'm young, but it feels like I've already seen everything there is to see; I'm just bored with existence. Nothing fulfills me. I’m stuck in a constant state of depression, and even when I stumble upon something that actually sparks my interest, it loses its charm within a day or two. My opinions shift constantly, and frankly, I feel completely lost. On top of that, I've been struggling with social interaction for a few years now—I can't even look someone in the eye or hold a conversation without this intense wave of anxiety hitting me. I've even had suicidal thoughts, mostly because I feel like nobody would even notice if I were gone—it's like I don't impact anyone, and no one truly sees me. I probably just look like a loser to everyone else. I used to be fine, but this state of mind has been my reality for three years now, and I am genuinely at a loss. I don't know if I need to see a psychiatrist or if I'm dealing with some kind of clinical disorder (?). Please, just whatever you do, don't tell me "it's just a phase" or give me the "you're young, you'll grow out of it" speech... because I know it isn't. I know exactly how I feel. I'm posting this here because I didn't know where else to turn, though maybe a psychiatric clinic really is my best bet. 😢
Thanks in advance for any advice or input you can offer.

Also, sometimes my fantasies serve as an escape from reality—movies or music act as a way to check out. I spend a lot of time daydreaming and living in my own head, wondering "what if," but maybe that isn't the real problem since it actually helps me relax...