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Epilogue. I finally got my results back. It turns out I had an ischemic stroke—so, looks like I'll be joining the ranks of people navigating anxiety disorders now. My husband is taking this incredibly hard; he told me he honestly doesn't know how he’s going to live with this, or rather, he just can't wrap his head around the fact that this happened to me. Naturally, I'm struggling with depression right now. On top of that, I'm headed into more testing to figure out what actually triggered the stroke. All in all, we're going through a really rough patch, but I'm hoping we can pull through this together.
He doesn't offer any specific advice, but he clearly gets what I'm going through. That said, I think he’s built up this defense mechanism where he just turns everything into a joke. I also notice he seems traumatized by his own sense of helplessness—like he'd do just about anything if it meant my situation would change. But at the end of the day, we're only human; we aren't omnipotent.
Hannah White2 said:My computer is acting up right now, so I can't get back into my previous post to finish what I was saying.
Look, being a guy, I have this habit of trying to rationalize everything—it's just how I'm wired—but I’ve realized that actually voicing stuff like anger kind of takes the edge off, you know? It softens those sharp, prickly feelings.
Trying to fight against negative emotions is a losing game, honestly. Most of the time, being sick just leaves you feeling restless and unsettled deep down. It’s hard for us to wrap our heads around the fact that our bodies are basically just finite machines that eventually wear out and age. In my book, if you're struggling, don't focus on the feeling itself. Focus on how you act.🤷
They're absolutely right. Honestly, I don't even recognize myself sometimes. It feels like someone else has completely taken over my body.
Hannah White2 said:What medications are you on (maybe for blood pressure)? Have you considered that your anxiety might actually be a side effect from meds or frequent headaches?
I’m not on any medication right now—just taking some B-complex vitamins. Honestly, I think my anxiety stems from pure fear—that raw, primal survival instinct—and because of all this, my husband has become the target of my negative emotions. It's ruining a beautiful relationship that we spent years building.
Austin Nelson2 said:Everyone processes their emotions through a different lens, don't they?
If you feel like you’re losing control—and subsequently being unfair to him—then perhaps the best move is to create some distance. Or, simply ask him, quite gently, for a bit more breathing room. You aren't being selfish by stepping back to avoid hurting him; in fact, it's often the most considerate thing to do. For instance, I find myself feeling wounded when someone else feels overwhelmed by my own emotional outbursts. 🤷
Regarding your health situation—whatever the diagnosis may be—I truly hope for the best possible outcome. Do your research and seek out reliable information.
Having a solid understanding of what you're facing can make the entire burden much easier to carry.
Thank you, Emillia, for such a lovely response. Honestly, I’ve read a lot about it, but I think all that research has actually made things worse—or rather, it's made me act even harder on him. He really is wonderful, though he certainly isn't going to hand me any silver platters. He's constantly trying to get my attention, basically nudging me to try and distract myself with something else.
Hannah White2 said:I feel like we could actually make some headway here if you just spilled a bit more info about the illness. I mean, you're posting anonymously anyway, so what's the harm?
Thanks.
Like I mentioned, I'm still just in the research phase. My main issue is with my head—specifically. I won't actually know what we're dealing with until tomorrow. The absolute worst-case scenario? An aneurysm. I have a genetic predisposition for it.
I’m dealing with some health issues right now—still in the middle of testing, actually. It’s been an incredibly rough stretch just waiting for results. To be honest, I’ve gone from being this calm, collected woman to a total hysterical mess, and naturally, I’m taking it all out on my husband. I’ve been awful to him, even though he’s been nothing but supportive in every way possible. He treats me like royalty and just puts up with my constant mood swings—he’s basically acting as my punching bag at this point. My big question is: how do I get a grip on myself and reign in all this anger, sadness, and negativity? If I keep this up, he’s inevitably going to snap, and then there won't be anyone left to support me because I simply can't do it myself right now. Beyond that, I can't help but wonder—am I being selfish?