Phobias/Fears
in Miscellaneous ·
I’ve been battling a needle phobia since I was a kid. It started with medical needles, then expanded to any kind of sharp object.
In my entire life, I’ve only had blood drawn three times, and every single time, I spiraled into a full-blown panic attack and blacked out. It isn't even about the pain—I know it doesn't hurt that much—it’s just the sheer concept of a needle piercing skin. Disgusting.
When I was sixteen, I saw a psychologist specifically to deal with this. We did therapy for a year, but even she couldn't pin down the root cause. She suggested it might be some subconscious fear of death, but since this started when I was three years old, that theory doesn't hold water; a toddler doesn't grasp mortality like that. So, we hit a wall. The talk therapy didn't help one bit.
As I got older, the phobia intensified. Eventually, just the mere thought of a needle would make me lose consciousness. 😢
Now, I’m taking matters into my own hands with some self-directed exposure therapy. Everyone always says the only way to conquer fear is to face it head-on. That sounded impossible to me at first, but I decided to try it—even if it killed me—just so I could finally be free of this.
I bought some acupuncture needles and started practicing. I've been poking myself for a few days now.
I made a firm decision that I had to do this for my own sake. On the first day, I lay on my bed and picked up a needle. I spent maybe twenty minutes just rolling it against my skin. Every time I attempted to actually pierce the surface, I panicked. But eventually, I managed to break the skin and push the needle about half an inch deep. The moment it happened, my vision went dark, my stomach turned, and the room started spinning. Still, I stayed conscious and tried to rationalize that it wasn't actually that bad. The second time, it only took two minutes to get through. With every prick, the terror diminishes. After five days, I no longer feel that paralyzing fear when it comes to needles in my arms, legs, stomach, or backside. I still feel nauseous at the thought of anything near my head, though. Gross. 😢 I won't be testing that; hopefully, I'll never need to.
I even let my mom try it once. That took a few minutes too, because the idea of someone else controlling the needle is terrifying. When she did it, the pain flared up again (purely psychological, obviously) and the room spun. I barely stayed upright.
The physical pain is gone. Or rather, it only hurts if I watch the needle go in. If I look away while I do it, I feel nothing at all.
The human psyche is a strange thing. 😁
I’m moving on to standard medical needles soon. I'll be picking some up tomorrow.
In my entire life, I’ve only had blood drawn three times, and every single time, I spiraled into a full-blown panic attack and blacked out. It isn't even about the pain—I know it doesn't hurt that much—it’s just the sheer concept of a needle piercing skin. Disgusting.
When I was sixteen, I saw a psychologist specifically to deal with this. We did therapy for a year, but even she couldn't pin down the root cause. She suggested it might be some subconscious fear of death, but since this started when I was three years old, that theory doesn't hold water; a toddler doesn't grasp mortality like that. So, we hit a wall. The talk therapy didn't help one bit.
As I got older, the phobia intensified. Eventually, just the mere thought of a needle would make me lose consciousness. 😢
Now, I’m taking matters into my own hands with some self-directed exposure therapy. Everyone always says the only way to conquer fear is to face it head-on. That sounded impossible to me at first, but I decided to try it—even if it killed me—just so I could finally be free of this.
I bought some acupuncture needles and started practicing. I've been poking myself for a few days now.
I made a firm decision that I had to do this for my own sake. On the first day, I lay on my bed and picked up a needle. I spent maybe twenty minutes just rolling it against my skin. Every time I attempted to actually pierce the surface, I panicked. But eventually, I managed to break the skin and push the needle about half an inch deep. The moment it happened, my vision went dark, my stomach turned, and the room started spinning. Still, I stayed conscious and tried to rationalize that it wasn't actually that bad. The second time, it only took two minutes to get through. With every prick, the terror diminishes. After five days, I no longer feel that paralyzing fear when it comes to needles in my arms, legs, stomach, or backside. I still feel nauseous at the thought of anything near my head, though. Gross. 😢 I won't be testing that; hopefully, I'll never need to.
I even let my mom try it once. That took a few minutes too, because the idea of someone else controlling the needle is terrifying. When she did it, the pain flared up again (purely psychological, obviously) and the room spun. I barely stayed upright.
The physical pain is gone. Or rather, it only hurts if I watch the needle go in. If I look away while I do it, I feel nothing at all.
The human psyche is a strange thing. 😁
I’m moving on to standard medical needles soon. I'll be picking some up tomorrow.