My sister is dealing with extreme, destructive rage every day and I'm scared for her—where do I even
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Hello everyone.
I am struggling.
My nineteen-year-old sister has exhibited incredible outbursts of rage for the past four or five years—the kind where you simply stand there in disbelief that your own sibling is behaving this way—every single time our family attempts to communicate with her. If things do not go exactly her way, whether it involves a significant life decision like choosing a college major or a trivial matter such as oversleeping an alarm or asking someone to run to the store for cigarettes, she descends into a state reminiscent of the girl from Exorcist. It involves hysteria, slamming doors, screaming, and profanity so severe that it leaves me, as the older sibling, feeling utterly shaken.
Naturally, the blame is placed upon us, her family, because we are deemed insensitive for failing to cater to her every whim, which supposedly forces her to explode.
What I find most frightening is her assertion that she loves this rage, claiming it is an intrinsic part of her identity that she cannot, or will not, fight against. I have never encountered such a sentiment before and struggle to comprehend it. I do not understand how she perceives any positivity in such fury. For years, we have explained how much her behavior devalues and hurts us, noting that her actions tear at the very fabric of our family. Her response is simply to tell us to cope and adapt, to which I respond that I am already adapting to her constant insults.
The first issue is that while she has agreed to see a psychiatrist, she insists she will not actively work on managing her anger because she does not wish to lose it.
The second issue concerns what approach to take before she sees a professional. At home, we tend to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering her, which has resulted in her becoming extremely spoiled; she receives almost everything she asks for, even if her requests aren't unreasonable. For instance, if she asks nicely, we might drive her to a workout session when she doesn't feel like walking. I believe a sound method would be to implement a trial period where we cease all concessions—all the services and gestures we provide out of love. This would allow her to finally experience the reality of being refused by others. However, I fear this would trigger a reaction more violent than anything we have seen, and I worry about her safety during such an episode. Is there any alternative approach? We cannot hold a conversation with her; within five minutes, the rage begins to surface, and she simply walks away once she realizes we intend to discuss her temper.
The third issue is determining whom to turn to. What kind of specialist should we seek? This transcends simple anger management, as she is also battling depression that stems from the volatility of her own emotions.
Thank you for listening to me; my only desire is to help my sister.
Regards
I am struggling.
My nineteen-year-old sister has exhibited incredible outbursts of rage for the past four or five years—the kind where you simply stand there in disbelief that your own sibling is behaving this way—every single time our family attempts to communicate with her. If things do not go exactly her way, whether it involves a significant life decision like choosing a college major or a trivial matter such as oversleeping an alarm or asking someone to run to the store for cigarettes, she descends into a state reminiscent of the girl from Exorcist. It involves hysteria, slamming doors, screaming, and profanity so severe that it leaves me, as the older sibling, feeling utterly shaken.
Naturally, the blame is placed upon us, her family, because we are deemed insensitive for failing to cater to her every whim, which supposedly forces her to explode.
What I find most frightening is her assertion that she loves this rage, claiming it is an intrinsic part of her identity that she cannot, or will not, fight against. I have never encountered such a sentiment before and struggle to comprehend it. I do not understand how she perceives any positivity in such fury. For years, we have explained how much her behavior devalues and hurts us, noting that her actions tear at the very fabric of our family. Her response is simply to tell us to cope and adapt, to which I respond that I am already adapting to her constant insults.
The first issue is that while she has agreed to see a psychiatrist, she insists she will not actively work on managing her anger because she does not wish to lose it.
The second issue concerns what approach to take before she sees a professional. At home, we tend to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering her, which has resulted in her becoming extremely spoiled; she receives almost everything she asks for, even if her requests aren't unreasonable. For instance, if she asks nicely, we might drive her to a workout session when she doesn't feel like walking. I believe a sound method would be to implement a trial period where we cease all concessions—all the services and gestures we provide out of love. This would allow her to finally experience the reality of being refused by others. However, I fear this would trigger a reaction more violent than anything we have seen, and I worry about her safety during such an episode. Is there any alternative approach? We cannot hold a conversation with her; within five minutes, the rage begins to surface, and she simply walks away once she realizes we intend to discuss her temper.
The third issue is determining whom to turn to. What kind of specialist should we seek? This transcends simple anger management, as she is also battling depression that stems from the volatility of her own emotions.
Thank you for listening to me; my only desire is to help my sister.
Regards