Posts by briskpuma18

I recently moved back to the States from abroad, mostly to help out my grandmother. Since I’m currently between jobs, I’ve made myself available 24/7 to step in. Before I left, my parents and I had a clear agreement: I’d live with Grandma and take care of her, while my mom would drop by to visit whenever she felt the need. But honestly? That arrangement went right out the window the moment I landed back home. I’m in my early 30s—I have a close relationship with my grandmother, she actually listens to me, and I have more than enough patience to handle her care. But my parents? They still treat me like I’m five years old. My mom’s need for control and her constant anxiety make it impossible for her to let go, even though it’s clearly burning her out. She doesn't think I'm capable of handling things alone, yet she refuses to hire a professional caregiver because she just doesn't trust anyone—not even me. Whenever I try to point out how her behavior is affecting everything, she just makes excuses for her outbursts. She claims she isn't being aggressive, saying she was just "tapping" Grandma during a diaper change, even when I know that isn't the truth... the real issue is that the whole family is just gaslighting the entire situation. It might even convince me that there's no way out if I hadn't lived in a place where simply raising your voice is considered aggression. Coming back to this nonchalant attitude from my family is such a shock, even if I do realize how hard this is for them. I could move back overseas, but it's not like I can just pack Grandma up and take her with me—she wouldn't want a new environment, and it wouldn't solve anything for her or my mom. I feel like I’m stuck trying to "re-educate" my entire family, but they won't take me seriously because, apparently, I’m the one who’s "difficult" just because I grew up in a culture where tolerance for violence is incredibly low and people aren't ashamed to see a therapist when things get messy. So, according to them, I'm the "main cause of all the problems."

Hi everyone.
I’m hoping someone here might have some actual, practical advice for a situation I’m stuck in—honestly, I just don't know how to handle this anymore. My mom is physically and emotionally abusing my grandmother. It’s gotten to the point where she has these uncontrollable outbursts of rage; she claims she’s just "stressed," but it’s gone far beyond being stressed when she’s screaming at an elderly, vulnerable woman every single day—and often hitting her, too—just because Grandma "isn't listening" or because Mom feels overwhelmed by the burden of caregiving. Mom refuses to see anyone for help. Meanwhile, my dad thinks a psychiatrist is unnecessary—he basically says it's all just a "money grab" and makes excuses, arguing that it’s understandable why she’s losing it since it’s her own mother and she's struggling with seeing her decline. But Grandma is showing me bruises. She’s just... heartbroken and listless, and it kills me to see her like this. I’ve tried reaching out to local domestic violence advocacy groups for guidance, and I’ve offered to take over the caregiving myself so Mom can move back home—anything to make the environment safe for Grandma—but Mom refuses to leave her side, which only makes her more destructive toward Grandma, toward me, and toward herself. How do you help someone who flat-out rejects professional intervention? And how do you deal with a family that seems determined to just sweep everything under the rug? We’ve had every serious conversation imaginable, but nothing changes. I just feel completely helpless and depressed.