Time for a change - NEED advice
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:Bottling up your feelings is straight-up bad news. You either end up exploding at people or you just implode internally and spiral into a massive depression. It sounds to me like that’s exactly what you’re doing. Just cry when you need to cry, be happy when you feel happy. Don't go hiding from the world.I grew up in a happy home, everything was wonderful, except for those occasional aggressive outbursts from my dad due to his drinking—which usually ended with me breaking down in tears or feeling terrified... That went on for a few years until I grew up and finally confronted him. He calmed down, quit drinking, and I could finally feel some peace. Despite all that, I’ve always been incredibly sensitive—both emotionally and physically, like catching every cold that goes around.
Look, we all have family drama, but the key is actually dealing with it. Physically, you can toughen up by eating right and hitting the gym regularly. Emotionally? Being sensitive isn't a flaw, but losing control over it is. Emotions matter. People who feel things deeply tend to be either the life of the party or they get crushed by it and withdraw completely. The good news is that anyone can learn how to process and let go of emotions. It’s a skill, plain and simple—kind of like learning to drive a car.Basically, high school started out great. I made friends easily, I was always smiling, the popular kid in the group. I had energy for everything, nothing felt too hard, and I played sports. Then things went south when I was 16. I should mention I was extremely naive and gullible back then. I fell for this guy who totally took advantage of me; he tricked me into meeting him for coffee under the guise of hanging out with a mutual friend, and then tried to force himself on me... I refused, which led to an argument and him pushing me, so I just left. The very next day, the whole school was gossiping about it. He spread lies and twisted the story about our relationship. I ended up being cast as the "bad person" with no morals, which meant I was shunned and mocked. Worst of all, I didn't know how to handle it. I isolated myself from everyone. I fell into a depression. I wasn't smiling or happy anymore; my self-esteem hit rock bottom. And so, I learned to live with that low mood and those negative thoughts about myself, having no clue that it would cost me so much later in life...
You didn't know how to deal with it then, but now is the perfect time to start learning. Read books about life, watch documentaries, talk to people—do it every single day. Before long, you'll start understanding life, yourself, and others a lot better. But you actually have to apply what you learn—otherwise, nothing changes.
It’s good that there’s still a chance to fix this. If you haven't already, stop stressing about what other people think. Most people only think about you for a few seconds while you're talking, and then they go right back to obsessing over their own problems and plans. How much time do you spend thinking about them? Exactly that much. So just be yourself and stop worrying about what people might say or think. At the end of the day, it’s your life, not theirs. Embracing that will help you relax and build up some real confidence.
Look, this is the core of the matter—really. You’ve basically conditioned yourself to live with a bad mood and a shitty self-image. It’s like a loop. It takes about a month of repeating certain thoughts, feelings, or actions before a habit actually starts to set in. Right now, you've just built up these negative habits, and it's high time you scrap them and start building some good ones instead.
So, how do you actually pull this off? First, you’ve got to figure out who you want to be, what you want to own, and what you want to do. Once that's clear, you have to practically force yourself through those initial steps. It's about making tiny, incremental moves toward those goals every single day. At the start, you’re going to have to stare your fears right in the face, but they’ll lose their grip on you over time—eventually, they just vanish. Just don't try to go from zero to sixty in one day; you'll burn out. Try to find some joy in the shift itself. Do things you love, and really try to lean into enjoying what you do. Stay consistent. Every day, just start ignoring those old, useless thoughts and emotions and swap them out for the new ones you're aiming for. Give it six months, and your whole life could look completely different. 🙂
Also, surround yourself with good vibes—positive people, great music, maybe some heavy-hitting motivational movies, stuff like that.Lately, I can't even focus on studying; the only thing that makes me happy is hanging out with my boyfriend... He's such a massive support for me, we love each other, our relationship is solid and heading where we want it to go... But I feel held back by fear. This huge fear that I'm just not capable of doing anything on my own . He's actually moving abroad for work in a few months... I'm terrified of being alone , and I'm scared I won't be strong enough to handle it all. Basically, I'm just constantly sad and anxious, even though there's no logical reason to feel this way.
The only way to beat fear is to go head-to-head with it. It isn't easy—not by a long shot—but you've gotta suck it up and do it. You actually have a perfect window right now with a few months left to work on yourself independently. This is a gift for you. 🙂 > your own limits and see what you're made of. Look, you're going to stumble, that's just life, but be grateful for the falls because they make you sharper and tougher. Failure only happens if you quit. Your potential is way higher than you can even wrap your head around right now.
In time, you'll get past this fear of being alone. Seriously, you should be with your boyfriend because of love, not because you're afraid of the silence. You have to find your own happiness and independence first.Back when I was in high school, I saw a psychiatrist, and his diagnosis was that I'm emotionally unstable. I'm asking for advice on how to pull myself out of this current state... I don't want my bad mood and pessimism to ruin my relationship, my future, or even my family one day. All I want is to be happy and relaxed, but I just can't find a way to snap out of it.
The most important thing is movement. Start acting and learning every single day.
Feel free to shoot me a DM. If I can help with any advice, I will. 🙂
Thanks for the support 🙂 I think you hit the nail on the head regarding how I feel. I know deep down I need to put in the work if I want to see any results... get rid of the negativity and, most importantly, learn to love myself. Thanks to everyone for sharing their thoughts. It’s up to me to actually start putting in the effort and doing the self-work; only after I've truly tried can I determine if I need professional help. Thanks again.